Seeking Asylum
by jeansnbling
Summary: The Cullen Retreat was recruiting for a new psychiatrist, and Bella found herself accepting the job. The benefactors were quite a mystery, and the most intriguing was the youngest, most irritable son, Edward. AH/ANgst/Mystery/Lemons!
1. Java and Jitters

_**Bella Swan never thought she would return to Forks after leaving in 9th grade when her parents divorced. She remained in Arizona for college, medical school and residency, pushing herself towards an unknown goal. When she heard that Jacob had died in a motorcycle accident, Bella returned to Forks and to a world of old ties and new opportunities. The Cullen Retreat was recruiting for a new psychiatrist and Bella found herself accepting the job. Perhaps returning to her roots would be just the asylum Bella needed to find herself. But the founders of this mental health respite were quite a mystery to Bella and the people of Forks. The most intriguing part of the job was not the opportunity itself, but the benefactor's youngest son Edward. He seemed to ensnare Bella's thoughts and decisions from the moment she arrived... **_

_**A/N: This is my first FanFic! The first chapter starts out slow, I hope you will hang in there through at least chapter 4! If you're still not interested by then, thanks for giving me a chance!**_

_**This is now a complete work! But I hope you will give me feedback as you enjoy!**_

Java and Jitters

Glancing in the visor mirror as I sipped my java, I rapidly sped down the damp highway. I'd never really been a morning person, so I don't know why I thought that today would be any different. 

_I can't believe I didn't remember to put on make-up! _

_Yes you can, Bella, you're lucky you washed your hair last night._

Conversing with myself was a common occurrence that started when I was just a child. It was the very personality trait that had kept everyone away from me, except for my first, and only, true friend.

_Jacob_.

I still couldn't believe that he was gone.

When my dad, Charlie, called and said there had been an accident, I had felt time stop. Standing outside of my apartment for hours, I let the tears trail down my face. The world looked darker than before, despite the stars in the Arizona sky. I was unable to fathom that Jake was no longer gazing at those same stars on the reservation outside of Forks.

As the stale, dry air entered my lungs, I dealt with the reality that he no longer breathed. Jake had always said I would never be alone. He promised he would carry his love through the moonlight to my heart, no matter how far away. Those promises were gone now.

It was hours later, and breaking dawn, before I booked my flight back home.

_Home? _

_Well its close enough, Bella_.

I suppose Forks, WA was the closest thing I had to home, considering my time in Arizona had been consumed by the hours of studying and hospital duties. I was always pushing myself to the next goal while my peers told me to slow down and enjoy the moment. "I can enjoy it when I'm done" was my mantra, but those who knew me realized I would always have another goal before the current one was reached. Even my one, and only, adult relationship had been on scheduled terms.

Fitting time into our checklists for the week was a convenient arrangement for us, especially since Sean was just as obsessive in Cardiology residency as I was in Psychiatry.

The return to Forks for the funeral service was the longest break I had taken since medical school started eight years ago. Jake had promised to come to Phoenix for a visit this summer, after I finished my residency. I would have had time to show him around the area before the start of my new job at the Arizona state hospital.

_You should have taken the time sooner. _

_Yeah, I know. _

"Crap!"

I grimaced as I hit a bump in the road and watched hot coffee spill down the front of my blazer in slow motion. It barely missed my favorite pair of black pants. Another commonality, linked to my internal diatribe, was my clumsiness.

_Ugh! Not today!_

I leaned over into the passenger side floor board of the rental car, searching through my 'no man's land', called a briefcase. There _had _to be a napkin or something with which to salvage my power suit.

My hand was grasping onto a tissue when the sound of a blaring car horn and squealing tires surrounded me all at once.

_AAhhhhhh!_

Snatching the steering wheel back, I immediately slammed on the brakes. Once my own screaming subsided, I confirmed that I was now back on my side of the highway. However, a large cypress stood taunting me only a few feet away from the rental. In stunned silence, I watched as a silver streak whipped around me and disappeared into the next curve.

_Stupid, shiny, Volvo owner. _

_Jerk! _

_Well you WERE swerving all over the road, Bella. _

_Shut it. _

I finally recovered from the near death encounter, and from losing half of my coffee. In comparison, the java loss was far more disappointing than staining my jacket or running off of the road. The rental car grumbled in argument as I made my way up the long gravel drive to the new mental health respite facility.

The Retreat had been open for only six months. Dr. Carlisle Cullen was the neurologist, founder and benefactor of this holistic approach to mental well being. His name was well known to me through medical conferences and journals, and his respect on the national arena was incomparable. On the evening of Jakes internment, I had found myself gawking at Rosalie Hale while she pleaded with me to visit the facility. She had excitedly recalled the recent events of Dr. Cullen's arrival to the area, as well as his establishing the Retreat.

_Rose_.

I chuckled to myself_. _

_Some things never change. _

_Yeah, like you giving into others again, Bella_.

Rose lived across the street from me during my entire childhood. She had provided daily exposure to a world of perfection—perfect looks, perfect family, perfect confidence. Although I transferred from Forks with a perfect GPA and continued to excel in my medical career, I often thought back to Rose. I envied the self assurance she had projected all those years.

Even now, her presence and esteem were just as intoxicating as ever. This was demonstrated by her convincing me to entertain the idea of employment at the Retreat. Rose had been working there as the vocational rehabilitation counselor since the opening. She was successful and driven in her career. Her blatant irreverence and determination to push people beyond their comfort zone, as well as her mechanical and technical abilities, quickly contradicted the common prejudice that blonde bombshells were purely for window dressing.

Rose was like a pit bull on the attack on the night of our somber reunion. She would not stop talking until I acquiesced to her pleas for me to interview with Dr. Cullen. When she called me the day after Jake's funeral, I knew she was going to win.

Her words echoed in my mind. "Bella, it's like nothing I can describe. You're gonna wet yourself over the building alone!"

_Good thing I spilled half my coffee already, Rose._

Passing the large iron gates, I suddenly felt my jitters double. I made my way to the stone paved parking area to the right of the facility, slowly absorbing the meaning of her words as I saw the Retreat with my own eyes. The estate was nearly one hundred acres, but the Retreat earned its station as the central highlight.

_A building, Rose? _

_If you can call a castle in the middle of Washington State a building, you need my services._

Realizing I was already five minutes past my appointment time, I quickly bolted from the car. I decided to ditch my blazer with the coffee stain, which strangely resembled the face of Mickey Mouse from a certain angle. Brushing off my white wrap shirt, I hoped to God it wasn't too wrinkled. When I approached the entrance, I registered that a silver Volvo was parked in the lot. The same car I had almost totaled just moments ago was only three spaces down from me.

_This is the story of my life. I'm like a comedy of errors. _

_More like a tragedy. _

I bit my bottom lip out of nervous habit and let out a sigh. If the owner was as much of a prick in person as from behind the wheel, I prayed that I wouldn't cross his, or her, path.

Curved steps led me to the front of the indescribable structure before me. Even though the details of the estate had been described ad nauseum since my return home, seeing them in person was surreal. It transported me into another place in time.

The main building itself was built mirroring a gothic revival style, like something popular in the Edwardian period of the early twentieth century. Each dark grey stone contained the slightest veins of red and had been locally hewn from Andesite basalt. These were gathered from the multiple rock quarries throughout Clark County, Washington. The grand entrance was outlined by crenellations and merlons spanning the roof. Two large turrets projected vertically on each side, flanking the structure. As I approached the door, I suddenly felt as if I were storming a fortress.

_Where's a catapult when I need one? _

Before I could make a fool of myself by looking for a doorbell on the monstrosity, I was confronted by the sight of an amazingly beautiful man. He opened the door, grinning at me with childlike enthusiasm.

"You must be Dr. Isabella Swan!" he spoke.

I attempted to smile weakly as he shook my arm vigorously. "And you're Dr. Carlisle Cullen." This statement was a fact from my memorizing his pictures. But none of the photos I had found on google compared to his presence. He stood at least a foot taller than me, with golden blonde hair framing his distinct Roman face. His eyes were a steely gray and seemed to penetrate the frailty of my self assurance.

"Please, call me Carlisle. What do you prefer to be called?"

"Bella. I prefer Bella."

As we entered the Retreat, I was immediately stunned at the disparity. The exterior could have been fitting for any historical Scottish estate, but the interior was a modern, contemporary masterpiece. I could feel myself gaping at the surroundings while Carlisle pulled me along the grand foyer and down the right wing.

"My wife, Esme, loves design and architecture. She has very differing moods, though." He laughed as he read my expression of confusion and disbelief. "Our retreat is fully modernized, Bella. It's state of the art. We even have wireless technology and interface throughout the main building and all of the cottages."

I listened as he described the planning of the retreat, from the contemporary amenities to the historical design of the exterior. He was meticulously detailed in every description of his holistic approach to this "place of asylum and refuge". The Retreat even included riding stables, herbal gardens, gourmet chefs and constant activities.

_And you don't think he noticed you were ten minutes late? _

_Yeah…keep dreaming. _

We finally arrived at his office, where he invited me to sit with him to discuss my career aspirations. Time passed by quickly as he described his disenfranchisement with the current practice of medicine. This explained why his name had suddenly disappeared from the medical realm over the past several years.

When his father had died, Dr. Cullen was left with an enormous trust. Only a meager portion was used to fund the Retreat. His entire family had embarked on this endeavor together, with the ideals of creating a true sanctuary for those suffering from mental anguish.

"Why Forks, Dr. Cu..., I mean, Carlisle? And why mental health? You could have chosen a seizure clinic or stroke clinic with your background in Neurology." It was a question I had asked myself repeatedly since returning home.

I almost thought he wasn't going to answer at first, and I witnessed the smallest flicker of regret pass over his face. He recovered quickly.

"Forks is beautiful and away from everyday life, Bella, but I know what you're asking. Although psychiatry and mental health carry such stigma in the public, I wanted a chance to advocate for those patients who have no voice. Too many times, I watched as no one was there to stand up for them, or to provide them care that is as deserved as for any other medical disease. I want the opportunity to treat not just the biological aspects of their illnesses, but the psychological, social and cultural as well. I want them to have the chance to be whole again. Everyone needs that chance, right? I don't even like the name 'patient' here, but we use 'resident' instead. I want them to imagine themselves getting better, not remaining ill."

_Can I get an Amen! _

I sat awestruck like a follower at an evangelistic tent meeting while he weaved his story of social injustice and his vision for the Retreat. I was mesmerized, smitten even.

My insight into my own choice in psychiatry was the result of devastation from the divorce between my parents. My mom, Renee, was always in need of my help. I had served as her caretaker from the moment we had arrived in Arizona. Cleaning up her shards of broken esteem was a habit, I practiced it each time her relationships, proclaimed as 'The One', failed.

_Amateur baseball players are not Christopher Lambert. _

But in all my years of training, I had never been so inspired in my field as I was in that moment with Carlisle. I didn't even realize we had been talking for most of the morning, until he mentioned lunch.

When I stood up to stretch, I felt my right leg tingle. It had long since fallen asleep. I attempted to follow Carlisle, trailing behind him towards the dining room. My social anxiety and newfound limp made me feel like Hopalong Cassidy in an Old West flick.

_Did Hopalong actually hop? Didn't he get shot? _

_Focus, Bella, or you're gonna fall on your face. _

Carlisle was kind enough to ignore my instability, and what I would assume looked like a constipated grimace. He finally stopped at the door of the dining hall for the patients and staff.

"We share the dining space with our residents here, although the staff usually eats together for a chance to socialize face to face," Carlisle explained. He led me to the back of the dining area to a long sleek table made of what appeared to be teak. It was already occupied with several people gathering to eat. "Many of our communications are through the intranet, list serves and instant messaging here, so it's rare that we have this time together otherwise."

I nodded and followed him to the head of the table. My limp was slowly receding but my blush was ever increasing. I hated introductions like a root canal.

"This is Dr. Isabella Swan, everyone. She is a psychiatrist who just finished her training in Arizona. She's also a local girl returning home, as I believe Rosalie may have mentioned to you all. Please make her feel welcomed on her interview here today."

As Carlisle finished his introduction, I swallowed the bile rising in my throat. I braved the moment of making eye contact with my apparent lunch companions for the day, and possible colleagues.

"It's Bella. Please, call me Bella." I managed to get the words out in a surprisingly secure voice.

To my immediate left was a smirking Rosalie who smiled her pearly whites back in my direction with a knowing 'I told you so' look in her eyes.

Just to her left I acknowledged an exuberant set of brown eyes and pixie-like hair, framing an angelic face that was welcoming to say the least. "Hi! You know Rose already, and I'm Alice. It's great to meet you, Bella- I feel like I've known you forever!"

I nodded at them both as I continued my gaze around the table and encountered a burly beast of a man. He would surely rival the giant from Jack's beanstalk on any given day. His large frame was balanced by his grin and dimples. He started laughing contagiously. "Yeah, yeah. You know everyone, Alice. Hi, Bella! I'm Emmett, the firstborn and golden boy of Dr. Cullen there, as well as the head of all things 'active' around here."

Carlisle just rolled his eyes as he looked at me apologetically. "He's our activity therapist, Bella. And also has a healthy dose of narcissism, as I'm sure you can gather."

With that comment, Carlisle's gaze became more hesitant. He turned his body towards the right side of the table, and I leaned around him to acknowledge the final person who was seated.

_Holy mother of God, is he for real? _

_I'm going to have the vapors right here…all Gone with the Wind and never be hungry again crap._

_Did he just watch me limp in here like the Hunchback of Notre Dame?_

_For all that is sacred, just don't stutter, Bella! _

The man sitting before me was the epitome of sex on a stick. In fact, his picture should have been added to that definition in the Urban Dictionary.

**A/N: Wonder who the sex on a stick is? ;)**


	2. Blue Eyes and Buzz Cuts

**A/N: Nothing to add...lets meet him already!**

**P.S. If you're just now starting the story, it's never too late to review! Please let me hear your thoughts.**

**Chapter 2 – Blue Eyes and Buzz Cuts**

I stared at him, whoever _he _was. Sitting there at the end of the table was a man in a New York Yankees ball cap and grey tee, layered with a blue oxford shirt. He was staring back at me. A little more than a five o'clock shadow of scruff was running down and covered the most distinct and beautiful jaw line I had ever seen. There was the slightest dimple in his chin peeking through his early beard. His lips were pink and open as if he were about to speak, but he didn't. He just stared at me with his eyes, eyes which had my inner Bella stammering from idiocy to outright babble. Their blueness rivaled that of any Caribbean Sea, portraying soulfulness and a longing that left me stunned.

_You think you like his eyes Bella? God yes!_

I couldn't look away from his trance, even though the tension from the silence seemed to be palpable with every minute that passed.

Carlisle finally let out an audible sigh motioning. "And this is my youngest son, Edward."

I smiled my brightest smile of the day as I answered. "Nice to meet you, Edward."

I was drowning in the depth of his eyes when he finally answered in return. "Oh we've met, Isabella is it? But I suppose it was fucking hard to see me clearly since I was struggling to pull my car back on the road."

It was in that moment that I resurfaced with the chilling reality that fate loves to mock my existence.

_The silver Volvo! Well, I'll be damn. And you thought he was staring at you analyzing the color of YOUR eyes and lips? Hahahaha……still laughing!_

I stood there as if he had slapped me, willing myself to pull it together in front of Dr. Cullen and the others. I ignored his eyes as I felt them rake over me relentlessly.

Before I could apologize, Rosalie slid over and tapped on my arm."Enough with the niceties already. Sit down, Bella. I'm starving and we're waiting on you!"

I complied as Carlisle sat beside the _Blue Eyed Jerk, _realizing that no one had their food.

Just then, a group of chefs came from, what I assumed, the kitchen doors in the back of the dining hall. One was rolling a large cart towards our table.

"Bella, this is our head chef, Jasper. He is not only a gourmet specialist but lifetime friend of the family which is how I was able to lure him from his restaurant in Los Angeles and his multiple James Beard Rising Chef Awards." Carlisle noted with pride.

"Nice to meet you, Jasper," I said as these words brought great trepidation, given my last interchange.

Jasper responded in kind with a polite greeting before quickly turning his attention to the food. He was a handsome man himself with kind eyes and a boyish grin, although he seemed to be focused on the task at hand, preparing the dishes as he sat the various entrees onto the table for family style dining. He prepared one final dish in a sauté pan table side with pasta and fresh vegetables in light oil. He smiled sheepishly as he placed the dish in front of a beaming Alice.

"Thank you chef Jasper." Alice giggled and crooned like a school girl.

"It's my pleasure as always, my finicky vegetarian." He winked, turning to the remaining table guests as he spoke.

"I won't be joining you today since we are short two sous chefs and the resident census is at capacity. My sincere apologies, Carlisle, but you know I refuse to serve anything requiring the use of reheating or microwaves!" Jasper's passion for food was evident in his tone.

With that comment, everyone laughed and I chanced a quick glance at Edward Cullen.

He was still staring at me, or at least in my direction, and I began wondering if I had caused him to seriously scratch his car or had contributed to some other disaster that would incite such hostility.

_Or maybe there is a sudden tumor-like growth that's emerging from your neck as we speak and he can't take his eyes off you? Just forget about his eyes already!_

We began eating after Jasper returned to the kitchen and settled into a comfortable conversation of comparing high school memories from Rosalie and Emmet, both of whom seemed to manage being the most popular and the most outspoken in their class.

I relaxed enough to enjoy the delicious fresh green salad and chicken pancetta as I listened in amazement to the recollections of people who actually described their high school years fondly.

We had settled into a rhythm of polite exchanges when suddenly Alice decided to yell across the table, causing some of the residents in the dining hall to turn as well. "Edward!! You cut your hair?! I mean you buzz cut your hair?! What in the hell were you thinking? And you didn't even ask my opinion!"

I glanced, once again, at him as he ran his hand across a short buzz cut of brown hair that was accented by golden and red highlights as if kissed by the sun. He quickly placed his cap back on and, for the first time since our meeting, I was able to assess him as he stared into another's general direction. Well, glared is more like it.

"It's just hair Alice," Edward remarked bluntly.

"Oh, really? Is that so Locks of Love?"

With this statement, Alice began a soliloquy into the history of Edward's hair which seemed to be an ever-present issue of importance from childhood.

Alice had known the Cullen family since birth and spent much of her growing pains in the company of the Cullen boys and Jasper. I found it interesting that such a close knit group of people would all agree to work together since mixing business with friends and family was often a disaster.

Before I could continue that train of thought, Alice continued her rant of how Edward scored with every girl in high school, often due to his hair alone. In fact, it was his hair that had won him the nickname, 'Golden One' with the ladies. Sparingly, his mom, Esme, would force the issue of him trimming the 'locks' and Edward would comply but sulk accordingly.

As I watched the reactions and facial expressions of the others at the table, I was fully aware that Alice's response was not a histrionic reaction, but was in fact justified. Everyone sat in disbelief as Edward stared at an imaginary spot on the floor, listening to Alice's account of his past hair idiosyncrasies and the conquests he achieved related to them. It would seem that many women had fallen victim to his charm over the years, with Edward leaving a wake of them in his past.

I couldn't fathom that his looks would be any more intoxicating as I tried to picture his hair longer in my mind.

_Yeah this is healthy Bella; think about pulling the hair of a guy that's staring you down like you're an alien. And did she say charming personality? From the scowling menace across the table? You bring out the best in men that's for sure!_ My inner Bella was silenced as I registered the longest series of words I had heard him piece together since our meeting.

"I suppose I'm not surprised that you would read into this, Alice. You _are_ the psychologist, are you not? You would place hidden meaning into the way others exhale if given the opportunity." Edward's words dripped with sarcasm.

Alice smirked at the _Blue Eyed Scowl _as she turned towards me. "I am the staff psychologist here at the retreat, Bella. I'm not sure I mentioned that before. It seems that _some_ people find my observations rather annoying, especially when they hit on a nerve." I heard Edward move slightly across the table as she continued, "But since you are our guest psychiatrist and an 'outside expert', so to speak, perhaps you could give your opinion on this sudden change of behavior in a twenty eight year old that has been spontaneously predictable his entire life?"

I was about to politely bow out of any such participation when I heard a mumbled huff laced with sarcasm coming from his direction. As I met those piercing blue eyes with my own once again, I finally felt the competitor that had carried me through medical school and residency rise to the occasion.

_I've handled cardiothoracic surgeons and vengeful nurses, Blue Eyes, but you dare to scoff at my psychiatric abilities? _

"You have a problem with my opinion on such a personal topic?" I asked him as a brief look of stunned affect crossed his brow. It was quickly replaced by a gleam of….excitement?

"By all means, Dr. Swan, I find this the least bit personal, I assure you," Edward said.

I acknowledged his words as I pondered the man that sat before me, this openly hostile, beautiful, and challenging person who seemed to be taunting me with his response.

I've always prided myself in being able to read people, which has served me well in psychiatric training both with my patients and my colleagues. Yet, as I looked at Edward, I was more than intrigued by his presenting demeanor versus the adoration and attention he was given by those at the table.

_Don't do it. Yes. No. Oh hell, just do it, he hates you anyway._

I began, "First, I would have to disagree with you, Edward is it? I feel that when someone who has been resistant to a change in his hair for more than twenty years suddenly has his 'locks' removed, significantly, then there is most likely an association with other unseen issues in his life that are quite personal."

He watched me as I continued to speak, never blinking. "Now, seeing as how I've just met you, I would be arrogant to assume I had any idea what those personal issues might be. Common themes could include this haircut serving as a symbol of anger turned inward, removing a representation of your former self. Or perhaps a circumstance of feeling out of control in one's environment? That may often lead to such behaviors that are abrupt and decisive since they provide that feeling of control. Finally, I would offer that it could represent a fresh start or a decision of change…"

"Or it could be a damn haircut since this summer is going to be hot." he cut me off midsentence. "You do realize, Isabella, that sometimes a cigar is just a cigar, right? I know you shrinks like to pervert symbolism and sexuality into all life events, but honestly, don't you ever grow tired of your predictable interpretations? I'm honestly surprised you didn't tell me I was sexually frustrated."

As he affronted me and the field of psychiatry in general I felt my anger start to boil, but I also felt the strangest feeling of excitement and arousal.

_He mentions sex and you catch fire Bella, way to live up to his words._

I knew I should stop baiting him or taking his own bait if that's what he intended, but my competitive nature pushed me forward.

"And just what do you do here, Edward?" I asked, staring directly at him.

He paused for a moment before answering firmly. "I provide music therapy for our residents three to five times a week."

_So I'm being insulted by a music therapist?! _

"So my assessment of possibilities that could have instigated your recent haircut, which you welcomed by the way, was just ridiculed by one who plays Mozart daily while assisting in deep breathing?" As I was saying the words I realized I should stop. I had always had the tendency to push in arguments to the point that I would win or at least stale mate, but at a cost.

As I glared back at him with my cheeks flushed and my breathing labored, I heard Emmet cough. It was then that I managed to glance around the table and find unanimously pained faces looking back towards me and glancing at him.

Before I could register why the others would be so uncomfortable with this exchange, Edward abruptly stood up. "Perhaps you're right, Isabella. It was rude of me to be so irreverent. Now if you will excuse me, I hope the rest of your day is more amenable." With those words and desperation in his eyes, Edward Cullen turned and left the room.

Alice and Emmet also decided they should return to work soon after, leaving me with an ever-growing guilt that I had stepped on an unknown landmine, and it just exploded.

Carlisle continued to describe the creativity and nuances of the Retreat, but I could tell even he was bothered by Edward's exchange with me. He finally received a page and suggested I tag along with Rose for the remainder of the day in order to gain a sense of the facilities. I thanked him for his undivided attention and willingness to meet with me on such short notice while he thanked me for including the Cullen Retreat on my list of interviews.

_Yeah like you have a chance in hell now. _

As Rose led me from the dining hall, she stopped and asked me the only question that could make matters worse. "Bella, do you need to borrow one of my jackets or sweaters?"

At first, it didn't sink in as she stood there watching me, but then I saw her eyes linger on my breasts and her eyebrows rise. I was instantly aware that my nipples were hard and erect and clearly visible in my white blouse that should have been under my nonexistent blazer. Yes, the very one which was lying in the rental, horribly stained during my coffee misadventure.

"How long?" I asked, begging for the obvious not to be true as I searched Rose's face for redemption.

She smiled apologetically as she replied, "Since you sat down at the table in front of Edward Cullen, you little tease!" Rose laughed as she wrapped her arm around me and we entered the back hallway. "Come on, chica. I have an extra jacket in my office."

_Not only were you turned on by insulting the most beautiful man you've ever seen, you did it while your headlights were shining right in his face for the entire event!_

After I borrowed Rose's fleece jacket, we walked around the main grounds together and I witnessed the patients/residents participating in various activities from yoga and meditation to pottery, amazed at the beauty and serenity of the atmosphere.

I felt the need to explain my flustered reaction to Edward Cullen earlier, but I wasn't sure how to broach the subject with Rose. Even though I had known her for years, we weren't exactly best friends. "Can I ask you a question, Rose? Since you've been working here at the Retreat from the time it opened?"

She looked at me with an all knowing glance and answered before I could continue. "Don't stress over Edward, Bella. He's been aloof and disgruntled since I met him six months ago. I've asked Emmet about it, but the whole Cullen family seems to be very protective of that one."

I sighed and shrugged my shoulders, realizing that I was still just as easy to read as when I was in high school for Rose. She always seemed to know my insecurities and to be the polar opposite of me in confidence.

She continued, "But I will say that you kicked ass today in holding your own back there. Dr. Bella has finally grown up!"

We laughed together as she dropped me off outside Dr. Cullen's office once again. I thanked her for the tour and the support of reference regarding the interview, while quietly knocking on Carlisle's door to say goodbye.

"Bella, please come in! Would you like some coffee?" he asked.

I smiled, since only in Medicine did it seem perfectly normal to have an IV of java running through your veins 24/7.

"No, thank you. I'm about to leave for the airport actually. I have a late flight back to Phoenix tonight."

Carlisle motioned for me to sit down as he pulled up a chair and joined me. "Well, please tell me, Bella. Do you have any other questions about the Retreat or the position we are offering?"

_Other than why you're still pretending I have a chance?_

"No, Carlisle. Well, I take that back. You have been open now for approximately six months, correct?"

He nodded expectantly.

"Well, why is it that you haven't hired a psychiatrist before now? Or even had one in place from the opening?"

Carlisle looked away as if choosing his words carefully before he turned to me. "That is an excellent question Bella. Considering our primary goal is to promote mental well being and Alice alone cannot provide the comprehensive care…we have in fact used several locum tenens physicians since the opening. None of them have worked out full time."

I sat there quietly, reading from his expression that there was something more he wasn't telling me. Silence always seemed to bring out the goods so I just sat there, patiently. He let out a deep breath and started again. "We did in fact have a psychiatrist in mind to be chief medical officer for the Retreat, with several others as adjunct physicians, but at the last minute, things…fell through."

I could tell by the tone of his last words that I wasn't getting any more than that, which made me even more paranoid and intrigued.

_Do they make you sign in blood or something? Why wouldn't someone take a job here?_

Carlisle stood and led me outside to the parking area as we said our goodbyes, surprising me with questions about a follow-up interview if I was interested. Although I had planned on accepting the state hospital job in Arizona for months now, I found myself agreeing to check back in with him and we exchanged business cards.

"I'll look forward to talking again soon, Bella."

As Carlisle turned towards the building, his sincerity reminded me of the look I saw in his son just hours earlier that day.

_Are we back to his eyes again?! You need to get laid. _

I let out a moan and hit my shin as I went to get in the car, ruminating obsessively over every aspect of the day, thinking of _Blue Eyes_ more often than not.

As I boarded the plane, I reminded myself that I had always been fascinated by mysteries, but Edward Cullen was definitely one better left unsolved.

**A/N: Reviews will make our silver Volvo driver smile. **


	3. Chats and Challenges

**A/N: This is my first fanfic--like me being a virgin…Touch me for the very first time with a review, will ya?**

**SM owns twilight…I wish I owned Blue Eyes**

**Thanks to HK and DC for all the support!**

**THANKS again to my awesome beta DANI for the edits!!**

**  
Chapter 3 – Chats and Challenges**

I landed in Phoenix just before midnight, pulling out my phone even before the fasten seat belt sign was 'no longer illuminated'. I wasn't surprised to find that Sean had called and left several messages. He had finished his last rotation and was taking a month off before subspecialty training. His attempts to schedule time with me were predictable given that we had continued our standing routine over the past three years. I would have gladly arranged something myself before this week's events, but now the thought of meaningless sex made me cringe with remorse.

Life is short, but is it selfish to expect more? And if one should expect more, what does 'more' look like exactly? My latest reaction to Edward Cullen sure seemed like more.

_If you had MADE a booty call-- before Forks-- then you wouldn't have embarrassed your hormonal self over the Blue Eyed Cullen!_

After an eye-roll to my inner critic, I retrieved my carry-on and wearily headed to the parking deck where my own loyal clunker was waiting. I reached my apartment and opened the door, immediately dropping my bags and kicking my shoes off as I collapsed on the couch. My intention was to drift into sleep at once, exhausted and still wearing my clothes, but my plan was quickly changed by sloppy wet kisses from a fifty-five pound boxer named Rio. My neighbor, Jill, had been watching the big baby since I left, and he was definitely making up for lost time. He nudged me with his black muzzle, wiggling the boxer dance across the living room and making it impossible for me to ignore him.

"Of course you want a walk now, huh?" I sighed_. "_C'mon boy….make it fast."

Still only half awake, I grabbed the leash and led him outside. I realized as I stood there in the moonlight that the landscape seemed even more barren now compared to the vast greenness I had just left in Forks.

_Forks._

That entire trip seemed so surreal to me. From Jacob's death, to seeing Charlie again, to interviewing for a job I had no intention of wanting at The Cullen Retreat. I felt as if I had been pushed through this series of strange events by some unseen force. Even now with the return to my life here in Arizona, watching as Rio found the perfect set of rocks to saturate, I felt a growing sense of unease in the pit of my stomach. Rio looked at me expectedly with his big brown eyes, turning his head as if to remind me he was finished.

We walked back into the apartment and I realized that a shower was suddenly more necessary than going back to sleep at the moment. I peeled my clothes off and stepped into the hot steam, allowing the water to run down my shoulders, easing the tension from the plane ride and today's trials. Washing my long brown hair, I couldn't help but smile, remembering the cheesiness of Edward Cullen's past attachment to his 'glorious golden locks' as Alice called them. Did I really just sabotage a job interview by debating with a man over why he cut his hair?

_You didn't want the job._

_True._

But was that still true? Dr. Cullen's voice, as he described his vision of care and a holistic approach, echoed in my head. Plus, the environment of the Retreat itself was something most psychiatrists only dreamed of being a part of. The salary was definitely competitive, to say the least, and I would be closer to Charlie again--even though Dad seemed quite satisfied with his 'life without Bella' in Forks. On the other hand, the fact that no other doctors had jumped at the opportunity was definitely an enigma. Even the locum tenens' psychiatrists weren't staying very long, which made me concerned.

Carlisle had definitely skirted the issue when I questioned him and it was doubtful any of the other staff would be forthcoming. In fact, the predominance of the core medical staff that I met was either a Cullen or a family friend, except for Rosalie. Perhaps that arrangement alone was what kept people away. So, why was I still thinking about it at two o'clock in the morning?

_Because you love a mystery and you know it._

I had always been the stubborn type when it came to a mystery, that much was true.

So, I stood in front of the mirror looking at my pale features and dark circles forming under my eyes as I pleaded with myself to let this one go. My long dark hair framed my face, the amber highlights matching the specks in my eyes. My mom, Renee, had always said my eyes were an open book, begging to be read.

_How I wish someone like Edward would want to read me._

I acknowledged that my looks were fair, with ivory skin, large brown eyes, high cheekbones, and lips which were no Angelina, but well defined. I suppose my breasts were normal in size, although I never had the opposite sex comment on them, so their perceived quality remained a mystery to me.

_Edward got a good look—perhaps you could ask him?_

Ignoring myself, I continued the perusal of my body in the mirror, running my hands over my waist, turning to assess the physical aspects that most magazines and media stress are all important to men. My ass was toned, and I had always been proud of my legs, sculpted and smooth from the daily jogs I took with Rio. I knew I was no Rosalie, but the woman before me seemed to be physically average at least.

So, how was it that in my entire life the men I found attractive never returned the interest? I had struggled with that dilemma for years, wondering why I was always the one who watched from a distance as my friends got the guy, repeatedly. If a man did show interest he was usually the type that one would see on the cover of a nuclear physicist magazine, assuming the generalization about physicists. If not the stereotypical nerd, then they seemed to be the predator type, aka "creepo" as my girlfriends would dub them. I often felt like I was wearing an 'insecure and awkward' sign that lit up to those individuals, just another of my personal crosses to bear. The dating and eventual friends with benefits relationship with Sean was finally a means to an end. I had promised myself that I wouldn't turn thirty and still be a virgin, so when he asked me out in the hospital cafeteria and I didn't immediately have a visceral reaction, I knew I had found a solution.

I even realized that sex could be enjoyable after a while, once I deciphered the right amount of foreplay I needed to provide for myself before joining Sean in the bedroom. He never lasted more than a few minutes, so if I relied solely on him I was left unfulfilled and annoyed that I had cleared my schedule for the night. However, when I saw Edward Cullen today, and my body reacted, I was reminded once again that I was settling. People like him were never attainable, but I always found myself drawn to them.

_Never that strongly, Bella._

_Whatever._

It helped when he opened his mouth and I had realized he was a prick, of course. No one could look that beautiful and not have flaws, I suppose. The irony was that I was attracted to him despite his rudeness and audacity to challenge my psychological opinions. So much so that I was standing naked in front of my bathroom mirror, at this moment, wondering if he would find me attractive in the least.

Was I still thinking about this job because it intrigued me, or because the music therapist rocked me to the core of my being?

I finally shook my head, turning off the light and crawling into my bed. As I willed myself to close my eyes, I repeated, "Sleep it off, Bella. Sleep it off."

I woke up to my daily alarm clock blaring at its usual 5:30 am time for my morning ritual: eight ounces of water, running with Rio, shower, java, and work. The difference today was that I didn't have to go to work. In fact, I was on vacation for the next 4 weeks, at which time I was to start as a consult physician for the Arizona State Psychiatric Hospital in Phoenix. My contract with the three hundred bed facility was not yet signed, even though I had made a verbal commitment already. I informed Dr. Cullen of my pending contract and the likelihood of my staying in Arizona when I interviewed yesterday, but he seemed eager for me to come despite those facts.

I shook the cobwebs from my mind and shot daggers at Rio, daring him to get up. "We're sleeping in today, bud." I hit the clock and rolled over, staying in bed for the rest of the morning.

When I finally got up, it was closer to noon and I managed to feed myself and walk Rio without too much energy spent. I crashed back on the couch and booted up my laptop, planning to spend the next few hours on email and YouTube which was my most recent addiction.

My inbox was flashing with thirty unread messages, one in particular catching my eye immediately, which was sent from Dr. Cullen himself. He was thanking me again for the interview and asking for permission to follow-up with a phone call. I was flattered Carlisle would actually be interested in me joining his staff, especially after the lunch fiasco, but I hesitated instantly. I had to be honest with myself; four years of training in psychological formulations and insight oriented therapy were good for something, right?

My reaction to Edward Cullen was still bothering me. After just one hour with the man I found myself obsessing over him, and this wasn't me. As much as I wanted to politely decline Dr. Cullen's request for a second interview and sign my contract with the state hospital, I was hesitating. That hesitation had _Blue Eyed Wonder_ written all over it.

I watched as my fingers typed a message in reply, accepting the request for a follow-up phone call, which I gathered would include a more formal offer. From what I could gather of Dr. Carlisle Cullen, he was a hard man to say no to when he wanted something.

_But why does he want you?_

I began sifting through my other emails and washed some clothes when I heard my 'you've got mail' ding come from the laptop. I felt the giddy excitement as I saw it was indeed Dr. Cullen's response. What surprised me was that, as he confirmed the time for tomorrow morning's call, he questioned my ability to internet group chat. Apparently having the input from the medical and treatment staff was not just window dressing in his attempt to lure me in. He actually desired his staff to have a chance to ask me any further questions regarding my qualifications, background, interests, and vice versa. Of course, I immediately felt my heart pounding out of my chest.

_Will Blue Eyes be online for the chat? Deep breaths…._

I replied with an affirmative response to his question and began mentally arguing over why I was even continuing this course of action.

Sometime during the day, Sean called once again, but I found myself explaining to him that casual just didn't work for me anymore. He was stunned to say the least, but quickly adjusted his tone as if checking a box. He wished me luck with my new job he assumed was here in Phoenix. His last words to me were like a paper cut. "You know, the State Hospital is not the best place to meet people, Bella. When you get tired of work and your mutt, you let me know and I'll pencil you back in."

At first I replied with a sarcastic "I'll keep that in mind" and hung up the phone, not giving it much credence. But just as a finger becomes tender after a seemingly minor cut, his words began to gnaw at me, causing my emotions to teeter on edge the rest of the day. Who did he think he was saying that to me?

_The only guy you've ever screwed and he knows it._

I fixed myself some tuna salad and watched the history channel for a while, truly in a funk that would only be ended by more sleep. As I went to bed and set my clock to 6:00 am, I was on vacation after all, I thought about the follow-up with the Cullen Retreat tomorrow. Aside from the fact that I was already settled here, just what was keeping me in Arizona?

*****

I ran hard, pushing myself to burn all the nervous energy regarding Dr. Cullen's call. The more I considered the possibility, the more I realized that a move back to Washington may be just what I needed. Staying in Arizona, in this protective rut I had created, would likely guide me right back to where Sean predicted, penciled in on his calendar and 'settling' the rest of my life. Well I was tired of settling. I wanted a chance to find true happiness, to find myself.

_Is this just about a man Bella? _

_No!_

The Retreat could be the answer to my need for a new start, and Dr. Cullen's offer could provide me the opportunity of a lifetime if I were willing to accept the obvious concerns. The fact that no one else had wanted the job, or that Dr. Cullen had not approved of them, was important. The nepotism that seemed openly accepted in the place was different to say the least. And Edward _Blue Eyes _Cullen would be someone I would have to interact with.

_Without becoming wet every time you see him._

I showered and finished off a bagel with coffee as I contemplated how to handle that very issue when the phone rang. Dr. Cullen did not disappoint his reputation, to say the least. His offer was far more than I expected, including a clause for renegotiation after one year. When I discussed my hesitancy regarding the State Hospital here in Arizona, Carlisle assured me his close relationship with the director would smooth out any hurt feelings if I, in fact, chose the position at the Retreat. He had me nearly signing on the proverbial dotted line after just thirty minutes, and I was both stunned and thrilled that I was actually going through with this.

Finally Carlisle mentioned the group chat via my internet browser and a specialized list serve he had created. He walked me through the steps to set up my account and the chat, explaining that the others would log on individually and we would all be able to discuss my joining the staff in detail. Just as promised, I watched as each of the core medical and treatment staff signed on.

Alice logged on first after Carlisle, with a "Bella! I'm thrilled you're actually considering us!" I could picture her pixie hair bouncing with excitement through the screen. The others including Rosalie, Emmet, and another internist named Mike logged on with more subdued greetings. Of course, I held my breath in the last minutes, letting out a huge sigh as I saw 'E Cullen is online' flash across my screen.

_Well I'll be damn, even his name on a screen makes you excited._

As the question and answer period ensued, I watched his name icon as if it were about to do a magic trick. I wasn't surprised he didn't speak when he logged on, given our last exchange. I detailed the others in my training and background, as well as my desire to include the entire psychological elements into patient care, not just evidence based on biological treatments.

Dr. Mike Newton seemed to be quite friendly and helpful with all of my questions, as did Emmet when it came to adjunct personnel questions.

I was enjoying the discussion, and the interview was almost over, when a new pop up window appeared on the screen saying 'New message from E Cullen'. I sat there confused that this message was not on the running group chat box until I realized he had sent me a private message. I clicked on the box with nervousness, reading it three times before allowing it to register.

"Are you wasting our time, Isabella?" Edward's message read.

Did the man never hear of subtlety? After answering one of Mike's questions with the group, I replied to Edward succinctly, "Is working there a waste of mine?" I couldn't believe he was talking to me privately, but it seemed to feel right, given his angst and demeanor when I first met him.

He responded quickly, "You know it's the offer of a lifetime. Quit overanalyzing it, shrink."

My mouth dropped open. Who did he think he was being so forthright with me?!

_God that's hot._

I stewed on his words as I started saying goodbye to the others online, letting them all know I would respond to Dr. Cullen's offer by the end of the week.

I sent one last reply to _Blue Eyes _before logging off. "I'll mull it over and seek inspiration from Chopin, how's that suit the music counselor?"

I knew music therapy was a well studied and excellent form of adjunct treatment for some patients, but I had to jab at his position in response to the 'shrink' comment.

I quickly logged off before he could respond, feeling my pulse quicken and my blush deepen over the exchange. Yes, I would definitely need to have a plan of action regarding Edward Cullen when I started employment. _When_ being the key word, since I knew, even before signing off, that the Chief Psychiatrist position at The Retreat would be filled by none other than Dr. Isabella Swan.

_Oh, hell yeah._

**A/N: Who wouldn't want a private chat with BlueEyes?!**


	4. Farewell and Fantasies

**Authors Note: So, I decided Bella would admit to herself that she was falling already….even if only subconsciously through her dreams….and yes…women can have wet dreams…and we should NEVER be ashamed of them!!!**

**Continued Shout Outs to:**

**My inspiration – TEAM CLEAN**

**Awesome Beta – Dani**

**Chapter 4 – Farewell and Fantasies**

Last night was the first time I dreamed of Edward Cullen, or fantasized would be more accurate. He was standing beside my bed, staring at me with an intensity so strong that I didn't dare scream or speak. I was mesmerized in the quiet of my room as his eyes grew darker in color. He was no longer _Blue Eyes._ The intensity of his gaze was a darker grey, like the sky when thunderclouds rolled in; just before lightning strikes.

I sat up in bed as the sheets fell to my waist, causing my hair to cascade around my shoulders and exposed breasts. My nipples were taut from chills that covered my entire body in rippled effect. He seemed to be struggling with something as his breathing labored. The heat from his presence was noticeable and I could feel my body react. Instead of a fear response, I watched my hand in slow motion as it reached out to him in the moonlit shadow. He stepped forward as I found his arm. The electricity from his touch ignited my desire. My hand trailed up his bicep and I felt his muscles tense under my fingers. I kneeled on the bed while I continued to trace up his arm, eye to eye with him. Rounding over his broad shoulders, I placed both hands on his chest. The moment seemed perfect. There were no words needed. Edward finally reached out to me and rested his hands, gently, on my waist. His fingers began tracing circles under the lace of my ivory thong, tortuously pulling down the sides ever so slightly before retreating. I leaned forward to inhale his scent. My lips parted to seek out his taste, my hands traveled to explore his chest, and my flesh pleaded to be ravaged.

My body jumped as the alarm clock yanked me into the horrible reality that was morning. My hair was tousled, my panties soaked, my body aching, and my legs quivering.

_That's just typical. Even your wet dreams are cock-blocked. _

"Today is the first day of the rest of your life, chica," I groaned and rolled over in bed.

Rio was lying on his back beside me. The folds of skin over his jaw were falling back around his face with his four paws raised to the ceiling. He enjoyed the comfort many humans didn't have, let alone dogs. I mumbled something to that effect as I stumbled out of bed, stubbing my toe in the process, while cursing PG style. He turned his head and looked at me quizzically with his sleepy brown eyes. If he could talk, I imagined he would say, "Where's a dog? Do we own one of those?"

The past few weeks were a blur following my second interview with Carlisle. I met with the director of the state hospital in Phoenix, even though Dr. Cullen had offered to mediate if needed. If I was going to back out of a verbal commitment, I was certainly going to do it like a woman.

_A strong woman._

I knew I was making the right decision when I arrived for the appointment because it was one of those rare occasions that I felt perfectly calm. The lack of anxiety solidified my resolve as I informed Dr. Kaplan I was taking another position back home. Initially, there was irritation and bargaining, until he pushed for information on my new employment offer. He quieted at the mention of the Cullen Retreat.

"I didn't realize Carlisle was still searching for a psychiatrist, Bella. I don't know what to say. Of course we will miss you here. I've enjoyed watching you grow throughout your training." His back peddling was amazing.

"Why did you think they weren't looking for a psychiatrist?" I asked brusquely.

"Well, I assumed." He paused. "Let's just say that Dr. Cullen tends to hand pick his staff and have all things in order. But no matter, if the position has been offered, Dr. Swan--as your former mentor--I would advise you take it."

I was stunned that Dr. Kaplan would support me taking the job in Washington. He had recruited me since my intern year in psychiatry to join his staff. Now he pulled a one eighty and told me to take the job with Carlisle, without hesitation or discontent.

"I'm confused… I mean, thank you for your understanding, but why am I getting your blessing so easily?"

He smiled as he leaned back in the chair, his arms crossed behind his head and his chest jutted out in the usual male dominance seeking behavior. "It's the opportunity of a lifetime. That's a given. I _will_ say that I've seen you come into your own these past years. The timid young woman I first met can now stand her ground with the best of them. And that's exactly what you will need to do. Don't ever question your abilities, Dr. Swan. You're a natural. I want you to know you can call me anytime."

"Thanks, Dr. Kaplan," I answered.

"Bella, since I'm no longer your boss, please, call me Stephen." He grinned again as I stood to leave, shaking my hand while placing another on my shoulder in paternal fashion. "I can't wait to see what you become."

_That makes two of us!_

_Isn't it interesting that Carlisle gave you first name rights even AS your future boss?_

Accepting the job was my first decision that wasn't painstakingly planned since I had left Forks high school. It felt wonderful.

*****

I lifted my last bag off the floor. The tiny apartment, once housing my entire life's belongings, looked quite roomy as it sat before me empty. The moving company picked up most of the boxes and furniture yesterday, with all major arrangements complete. Charlie had offered me the spare room with what seemed like genuine excitement, but I couldn't fathom living in my old bedroom again.

_Too many bad memories, too many sleepless nights._

I was planning on a temporary apartment while I continued house hunting, until human resources called concerning my orientation schedule at the Retreat. After we reviewed the appointments for compliance training and paperwork, she dropped a bombshell and informed me that housing was available on the estate itself, if I was interested. "Duplex cottages" was the term used to be exact. I listened with my mouth agape as she reiterated the details of the housing, emphasizing three times that it was a part of the employment package.

_Because you asked her over and over! She thinks you're either deaf or impaired, for sure._

I walked to my car, wondering how my furniture would fit in the new place. I was more than excited to see my 'cottage', or apartment, or whatever it was.

_Who cares, it's free! Nothings free and you know it._

I shook the confusion and disbelief away once again, a habit I had grown accustomed to since beginning this journey. Rio waited in the passenger seat of my old clunker, excited for the road trip that was going to have him whining incessantly within thirty minutes. I decided to drive when I realized I'd have to drug and crate him inside the bottom of the plane. I couldn't do that, even though I was sure I'd want to knock him out before the trip was over. Boxers are not the type of dogs that do well with confinement.

"You get walk-breaks every three hours Rio. Don't even think about more!"

He panted eagerly with his docked nub wagging as I slid into the driver's seat. I thought about my iPod in the carry on and wished I had taken the time to download some tunes for the drive.

_Like?_

_Hahaha._

My lack of music knowledge was a running joke to my friends and myself. I loved music, but I never took the time to gain familiarity with the artists or fully appreciate it. Choosing a party playlist or picking a station during a weekend road trip always made me extremely nervous. I felt like the songs I chose divulged something about me and exposed my inner thoughts or feelings. Letting others know the real me would place my insecurities on display and that was not on my bucket list.

_I wonder if Blue Eyes could help you with your music anxiety? _

_Here we go again with the fantasies. Arrrgh!_

My thoughts about Edward had only increased. Every day something would trigger a memory of how he looked that first day during lunch. How his eyes stared at me the entire time we were together. Or the way he tried to run his fingers through his hair that was no longer there. I wondered if he realized how instantly attracted I had been to him, or if he had noticed my body reacting via traitorous nipples. It wasn't until last night that I had actually dreamed a fantasy so detailed. I supposed it was the excitement of moving, but I was still shaken over the feelings that my recent flight of the imagination had stirred in me. My sexual frustration was at its peak; given that there were no more friends with benefits for Bella.

"One thousand six hundred and thirty-seven miles, Rio. Driving straight through it should take us twenty-three hours and fifty minutes, according to MapQuest," I mumbled. Rio cocked his head and looked at me unbothered, accustomed to my obsessive ramblings after years of hearing them. I continued unashamed, "We'll shoot for twenty-one, how's that?"

I scanned the radio as I drove past the 'Leaving Phoenix' highway sign. On more than one occasion, country music would blare through the speakers to remind me that I was lonesome, suicidal, and should drink my sorrows away.

_I should have downloaded some frackin' iTunes._

Rest areas and truck stops helped along the way. I walked Rio, or let him walk me, every three hours as promised. Nearly twenty-two hours later, I passed the 'Welcome to Forks' sign, the letters were blurry from my lack of sleep. I was prone to pulling all nighters in my years of residency, but the road seemed to lull me into a kind of hypnotic state. I sighed with exhaustion as I pulled into Charlie's drive, having promised him I would stop there first. He must have been waiting since he came out to greet me immediately and helped me into the house and onto his couch.

"It's five AM, Bella! You drove straight through, huh?" I barely made out his figure as he shook his head, my lids fluttering closed. I felt Rio curl up by my feet on the couch when Charlie whispered, "Sleep for a few, we'll talk later."

When I woke up, I could smell coffee and burnt bacon. I knew immediately I had made it safely to Charlie's. I walked into the kitchen and observed the sweetest site ever as Dad was trying his best to cook breakfast.

"Dad, let me help you with that!"

"No Bells I got it. You sit right there---and I made you coffee."

I sipped on the strongest java I had tasted since the waffle house brew I had gotten hooked on in medical school. Watching Charlie butcher the eggs was entertaining. We sat in silence for a while since he obviously remembered that I was not a morning person. Enjoying silence was a quality we had in common, one that aided me in my medical career.

After managing to swallow at least half of the meal, he pushed back from the table, grinning. "Sure is great to have you home for good, Bells. Even if it does mean you working at that Insane Asylum."

Charlie was set on me becoming a Pediatrician when I entered medical school, a fact I was still reminded of by locals who thought I was training in Peds in Arizona all these years. My choosing psychiatry was a surprise to him and a struggle. Dealing with the erratic behavior and mood swings of my mom while married was hard for him. In addition, arresting and transporting people with substance abuse or mental illness were experiences Charlie participated in daily. He knew the good I could provide for patients as well as the danger I could face in my field of choice. He had encouraged me to specialize in child psychiatry on numerous occasions. But when the more chronic, mentally ill population gained my interest, Charlie was not happy.

"Asylum was once a kind word, Dad. A place of respite, of peace. The Cullen Retreat is amazing, something most people would only imagine."

"Huh." Charlie made a half-grimace before standing to place the dishes in the sink.

"Huh? What was that? Please elaborate." I knew he was holding back.

"There's been quite a bit of talk this past year, Bella. Dr. Cullen has been wonderful to our community, and I've had nothing but great interactions with his family…" he trailed off.

"I sense a _but_ here?" I asked patiently as I watched his face contort.

He chose his words carefully. "That's the thing, Bells… that family, especially the younger son, Edmund. There have been rumors about him, saying he's unstable, even dangerous. He was the last to arrive after the hospital was finished and he would usually travel back and forth from Canada. I hear he's staying there permanently and working there. The entire family seems to be protective of him. And _now _you've decided you're going to be living on the estate… It just doesn't feel right."

"His name is Edward, Dad." I tried to hide the irritation in my voice. Why did I care if Charlie had concerns over _Blue Eyes_? It's not like I haven't had the exact same thoughts in my head.

My words flowed in an anxious manner. "I've met him once. He seems average enough."

_Liar._

"Plus, the free housing is hard to pass up, considering I could walk to work. It's managed like a wildlife reserve. Please be happy for me Dad, I'm excited about this, a new start."

Charlie nodded but didn't speak. I knew I had his unconditional support, even though he was an eternal worrier.

_Um, just like you!_

As I headed towards the retreat I kept thinking about Charlie's words. Was Edward trouble? Did the Cullen family purposefully protect him from the public? I rolled the windows down and turned up the radio in an attempt to clear my mind. Rio was immediately ecstatic as he stuck his head out, enjoying the wind in his face. When I passed the last curve before the entrance was in view, I smiled. My near collision with a certain Volvo owner had been just months before.

_He's not a mystery for you to solve Bella. He's a coworker. Don't screw this up._

I turned left, after entering the drive, and circled around the main building and gardens, which continued towards the rear of the property.

When a large lake came into view, I gasped. It was surrounded on one side by small stone cottages, scattered along the narrow bank in no particular order. Each of them was facing the water. Across the lake was a larger house, modernly designed. It blended seamlessly into the landscape with glass windows overlooking the property on all sides.

"This is unbelievable!" I said out loud, struggling to take it all in.

My eyes narrowed as I drove by each of the numbered cottages, searching for the number 10B. There was great relief when I preemptively counted out each duplex, confirming that mine was on the very end beside the wooded landscape. I passed by cottage number 9 and slowed down. In a moment of recognition my heart stopped.

_Oh my God. He's my neighbor—my duplex mate? _

_Yes! No!! Yes!!_

A silver Volvo sat in front of my designated cottage in the space for the tenant of 10A. The sun bounced off its perfect finish and reflected the light directly into my eyes. Because of my temporary blindness, I failed to recognize that Edward Cullen himself was indeed standing beside his car. His arms were crossed and he was watching me pull in.

I cut off the engine and stepped out of my Nissan, stretching and enjoying the sun on my face. Truly sunny days in Forks were rare, one of the few aspects of Arizona I would miss. I walked around the car and opened the trunk, pulling out a carry-on bag and a leash for Rio.

"Wow. People actually still listen to FM radio?" His voice startled me.

_It's your imagination. He's not really there, taunting you about the music that was coming from your car._

I turned to look at him, knowing he would be there, sexy as ever. But it was worse. He was wearing just a t-shirt and jeans, but the shirt was faded and torn. It teased me with glimpses of skin across his chest and abs.

_Just rip it off._

"Hello, Edward."

"Isabella." He stood there frozen, as if waiting for me to continue or respond to his comment.

He obviously hadn't been informed of my comfort with silence. I watched his face with interest while holding my hand up to my eyes in order to shield the sun. His features were more beautiful than I remembered, and being face to face again was better than any of the fantasies I had imagined over the last four weeks. He frowned after a few seconds ticked by, but didn't move. I wondered who was going to break the silence for us this time, since we both seemed to be entrenched in staring the other down. My answer came with a bark!

Rio bounded out of the car window at breakneck speed. He pounced on_ Blue Eyes,_ sending him toppling to the ground. I heard muffled groans as I watched my baby lick Edward from head to toe, followed by the sound of, laughter? Rio was wagging his nub and shaking his floppy ears playfully.

I was so taken aback by the encounter that I didn't hear Alice run up behind me from cottage 9A, her door still ajar.

"Oh my goodness!!! Look at you! Such a good boy!" Alice squealed.

Rio jumped off of Edward immediately to share his Boxer love with Alice, who seemed to be yet another neighbor. One thing that had been constant with Rio, since I purchased him as a puppy, was his judge of people. Usually he was slow to warm up to strangers, but within an hour I could tell whether a person was genuine by Rio's response. It was the one argument Sean and I could never overcome, since Rio _never_ warmed up to Sean.

_Blue Eyes_ managed to return to his feet, brushing off the dirt and smiling. It was the first time that I had ever seen him smile. His grin was beyond words, causing me to stutter when I finally called out to Rio and commanded him to heel. He trotted over from Alice and I leashed him, thankful to have him controlled for the moment. Looking back towards Edward, I realized his smile was already gone. It made me question if I had imagined it to begin with.

Maybe Rio was just letting out his pent up energy from the past twenty-four hours. Maybe I had misread Edward's reaction and he was annoyed by the attack, not enamored by it. Maybe my Boxer was losing his intuition about people and had offered his affection to _Blue Eyes_ and Alice by mistake.

_Never bet against Rio._

**A/N: Hope you dream of your own BlueEyes tonight!!!**


	5. Neighbors and Noise

**A/N: Beginning of her new life this chapter! Will she have neighborly words for Blue Eyes…? I realize the pace is slow for lemons but BlueEyeward is a dark and sketchy guy at this point…the kind we all want to love but could never take home to Mom & Dad! **

**Lemony goodies will begin soon…at least the aroma of lemons-how's that?**

**SM owns twilight**

**Chapter 5 – Neighbors and Noise**

Rio finally settled down and allowed Alice center stage as she began her welcome and orientation to 'Cottage Place 101'. "Bella, I'm thrilled! Not only will we be working together, we'll have an awesome time as neighbors! I was worried another staff member would ask for the last condo- I mean cottage- whatever! It must be fate. Carlisle prefers the term cottage," she grinned, "part of the appeal."

I heard _Blue Eyes _groan and saw him provide a half-wave while he opened his car door. The gravel scattered when he sped hurriedly out of the drive towards the main gate. I watched him in disbelief.

The explanation of his abrupt exit eluded me, but Alice interjected. "Don't mind Edward." She sighed. Alice lifted a few of my bags and guided me towards 10B. "He's probably just annoyed he has a connecting neighbor now, but each cottage has separate drives so you'll have plenty of personal space. In fact, the center wall divides the kitchen and living areas. The bedrooms were designed on the outside of each duplex." She winked. "In case you want to have friends over, ya know?"

I stood there for a moment as it dawned on me. She was actually telling me I could have sex in the apartment without concern of someone hearing me, i.e., Edward? I felt the blush creep up my neck as I diverted my eyes. "Thanks for the info, Alice."

"I'm all about important things first." She giggled. "Now, speaking of sex…"

_Were we?_

"Do you have a special someone at the moment, Bella?"

_Wow. She's nosey, huh?_

"Not at the moment, no," I answered tersely.

"Well that's perfect! I'm desperately single myself. I'd share all my woes with you this instant, but I don't wanna scare you off!" Alice laughed light heartedly.

I felt surprisingly comfortable with her, despite the fact we were cut from different cloths in personality. Her company was welcome, but the discussion of my nonexistent sex life was not a topic I was ready to entertain.

_You need to interrupt NOW!_

"Alice, did you say the last suite was available for a while? Why do you think it wasn't taken?"

She recognized the change in conversation because her level of excitement dropped a notch. Nevertheless, she mercifully allowed it.

_I really like this girl._

"The cottages weren't complete until a few months after the Retreat opened. The first nine filled up quickly... and Edward moved into 10A about three months ago. It was the last duplex vacant. Only clinical staff receives the option as part of their benefits package. That left 10B just sitting there, until you!" She winked playfully.

I opened the door and was thrilled at the roominess and Zen-like design; everything in unity, every detail planned out accordingly. The colors of the living area were the same as the surrounding woods, warm browns, neutrals and yellows. I was surprised that my sofa and tables didn't ruin the feel of the place, but the splashes of green in my furniture blended nicely. The two bedrooms and bath were green and blue, my favorite colors. I dropped my bags on the bed which had been set up for me. It was inviting me already to some much needed sleep. I was content watching Rio investigate his new home. He seemed just as happy as I was about the place.

Of course, my nosiness got the best of me. "So, there was no other staff…interested, I mean?" I found that hard to believe, given the financial aspect alone.

I watched Alice pause, a significant fact given her hyper-verbal nature and the flow of our conversations.

"I suppose everyone else was settled in other places by the time it was available. Edward moved in immediately after it was completed, and there didn't seem to be any other takers." She shrugged. "Plus, I think people felt he would be a somewhat…difficult…duplex neighbor." She looked at me in feigned innocence before laughing out loud.

I rolled my eyes and began laughing, too, harder than I've laughed since being in college lectures with my girlfriends. It was the same feeling, not knowing exactly why we were giggling, but not being able to stop. This fact made it even more hysterical. After several minutes, I caught my breath and managed to speak again.

"Alice, I think you're right. It's like I've known you forever."

Alice beamed and nodded her head in agreement, her arms wrapped around herself from the laughter.

"I really appreciate how helpful you've been to me moving here, sending all the emails and even being here now. It means a lot," I admitted.

_Ask her! No! Tred lightly,chica. _

"_Y_ou've been friends with the Cullens your entire life, right?" I held my breath as she nodded.

Alice took a deep breath in response; almost as if she recognized that I was holding mine. She sat down on the couch beside me, smiling, with her legs crossed in a meditation pose. "You can ask me anything Bella."

With her consent, I blurted out the question so fast it surprised me. "Do I need to be worried? About Edward, I mean?" I asked without expecting a real answer, but hoping to read something from her reaction.

She looked at me directly without hesitation. "I'd trust Edward with my life, Bella. There's nothing to worry about."

_A little dramatic there?_

"With your life? That's a confident trust," I commented. "I know I'm clumsy, Alice, but I hope my life won't need saving, especially by my cranky neighbor!" we laughed again as she hugged me. I wondered what the hug was for, but it felt too nice to complain. Having a friend again would be wonderful, especially since I had just lost the closest one I'd ever had. Her words confirmed my own thoughts about _Blue Eyes _and my gut feeling that he wasn't a malignant person like other people feared.

"You know what's funny, Bella? I think you'll be good for him," Alice remarked.

I was still mulling over the prospect of understanding Edward when I registered to her words. "Wait, Who? You mean Edward? How, or why, would I possibly be good for Edward? My very presence seems to antagonize him!"

_Yet, why did it feel so good to just hear that? _

Alice gave me a knowing look, but the problem was, I didn't 'know' it. "At least he's reacting at all."

Of course, her answer spurred my interest even more. "What do you mean, reacting? Does he have a personality beyond angry and sarcastic?"

_Ouch Bella—she's his FRIEND!_

"I'm sorry, Alice, I guess that was harsh. I barely know him," I admitted.

"No, you're right. He _is_ angry, but he wasn't always that way. Now, the sarcasm is another story altogether!" Alice smiled, showing me she wasn't offended.

"So what's his problem then? Is it me?" My paranoia set in.

_Because everything has to be about you, Bella? Oh, shut up and listen, brat!_

"You?" She seemed confused. "No, Bella, you've done nothing wrong. Like I said, you've gotten more response from him than the rest of us have in months! But I need to stop blabbering now. Explaining Edward Cullen is not something to attempt when the listening party is sleep deprived." She giggled again, but I knew she had said more than she wanted to. Patting Rio on the head, Alice stood to leave.

"Well I _can_ be nosey, so I'm sorry if I pried," I lied.

_Not really._

"It's fine, Bella! Get some rest, ok? It's a shame you only have one more day off before starting your orientation Monday. You could have asked Carlisle for more time, you know?"

"I know, but I'd like to start. Too much down time doesn't work well for me. I'll try—to rest, I mean. Thanks again, Alice!"

I waved as she left and skipped across the lawn to her place. Closing the door, I looked at Rio and our new home again. "Wow. We're not in Phoenix anymore, Rio."

I couldn't believe I was really here, about to start a new job with one of the most renowned neurologists in medicine, at the most prestigious private mental health facility on the west coast, if not the entire United States. But instead of these amazing facts, my mind was on one thing. Repetitive and incessantly, it repeated, _Blue Eyes is my neighbor._

_******_

When I woke up, the room was dark and I was disoriented. It took several minutes for my eyes to adjust and for me to remember that I was in my new place at the Retreat. Stretching, I rolled out of bed, not sure of the time. I hadn't unpacked a thing from the boxes piled high in the kitchen, which included my alarm clock. I walked towards the meticulously labeled stacks and started unpacking, still groggy from sleep. I found my toothbrush and an old football jersey of Charlie's I loved to sleep in. A hot shower and a change into something comfortable would allow me to return to bed and crash. My body was stiff and I felt dehydrated from the hours of driving.

I grabbed a bottle of water that I had placed in the fridge earlier and walked to the French doors which overlooked the lake. Through the window panes, I could see the moon rising and its reflection shown in the water, smooth as glass. It was unbelievably bright, and so full that the surrounding woods could be seen as if it were still daylight. The wind was starting to pick up and I remembered that a cold front was coming through by morning. The thought of the winter weather, that I would have to once again endure. made me shiver. I started to turn around and head for the shower, when I noticed a movement from the corner of my eye.

Edward Cullen was sitting outside on his small patio, a mere twenty feet away. His back was half turned toward me with his profile clearly defined in the moonlight.

_He's beautiful. Can a guy be beautiful? Yes, yes he can._

He was drinking a beer, looking out across the lake with a pensive stare. I could still make out his amazing jaw line from inside the hoodie he was wearing. His legs were propped up on another chair, his arms relaxed by his side.

I realized I was hiding beside the doorway at this point, but continued peeking through the glass as I watched him. I was unable to turn away. The lights in my condo were off except for those under the cabinets in the kitchen, and I was fairly certain he hadn't seen me. I could feel myself blushing as I watched him drink his beer. His mouth was pressed firmly against the bottle as he tossed it back. I swallowed slowly as I watched him do the same. My body was warm and alive from watching him. I could hear my breathing quicken and feel my heartbeat pulsing as I became more and more aroused.

_Do you even remember where you packed your vibrator? Ya know, the one you bought as a joke but, yet, you enjoyed more than Sean? Cause you're gonna need it._

The intensity of my thoughts caused my grip on the water bottle to suddenly slip. I watched in slow motion as it fell to the ground. The water splashed everywhere, forming a puddle on the ceramic tile.

"Crap!" I said under my breath. Frantically picking up the bottle, I looked back outside where Edward had been sitting. He was still there, staring at me underneath his hoodie. His eyes were reflecting the water from the lake. I stood frozen, feeling as if my feet were in cement.

_Leave, turn around, now, go, go, go!_

I spun around quickly, nearly slipping on the water I had left on the floor. Practically running from the room, I vanished.

I jumped in the shower, panicking as I turned on the water and started undressing.

_Maybe he didn't see me. _

_He was staring right at you! _

_Does he know I was watching him? Could he tell I was turned on? Stop spazzing! Yeah, like that's possible!_

The hot water slowly relaxed my body and my mind followed suit. But I was still shaky and flustered by the shock of him catching me. Needless to say, my overactive libido had vanished. I finally tiptoed out of the bathroom and peeked outside to confirm he was gone. He was. Somewhat disappointed and still embarrassed, I climbed into bed with Rio snoring on the floor. The moving alone had been exhausting. Despite the adrenaline rush from seeing Edward again, I somehow managed to drift off to sleep. My last conscious thoughts remained on _Operation 'Busted by Blue Eyes'_.

*****

Morning came all too quickly. "I'm coming, I'm coming!" Rio pulled and tugged on the leash as I headed to the front door. The sun was nowhere to be found as I stepped outside into the cold, misty weather. Rio was ecstatic to explore, but I wasn't sure of the surroundings myself enough to let him roam alone. It was definitely a wet and miserable cold, just like I had remembered. We walked towards the edge of the woods as I noticed a trail leading off to the right. I decided to keep to the main lake area and started jogging at a brisk pace to stay warm. Running seemed to be the only thing I could do without being a klutz, and I enjoyed it. We stopped after thirty minutes and passed by the other cottages on the return trip. We were almost back to our doorstep when an unfamiliar voice startled me.

Someone was calling my name. "Bella? Bella Swan?"

I squinted through the misty fog to make out a man of average build, with spiky blonde hair and a Cheshire smile. He looked as if he had just finished jogging too, since he had beads of perspiration on his brow. He pulled the earphones from around his neck to swing them as he walked toward me. He looked friendly enough, _kinda cute actually-in a generic way. _He apparently knew me.

"Yes, I'm Bella. And you are?"

"Oh—I'm sorry, I'm Mike! We met online during the group 'chat'. I'm an internist here at the Retreat. I trained at Harvard, the Longwood campus, remember?"

"Oh, yeah! Sure, Mike, I remember. I just didn't have a face to put with the name until now."

_How could I forget? You mentioned Harvard like 5 times in as many minutes online._

"We are so excited you're joining us, Bella. Please let me know if you need anything as you settle in. When is your first day?"

"I'm starting tomorrow actually, well, at least the orientation and moving into my office. I guess my first patient care won't be until the end of the week."

Mike smiled and nodded, enthusiastically describing his experiences with some of the more difficult patients. He answered my questions about the nursing and laboratory support. His demeanor was much friendlier and less narcissistic than I had first perceived. Some of the patients he described sounded fascinating, with mixtures of co-morbid medical and psychiatric illnesses. Mike apparently completed all the medical histories and physical examinations for the patients which I would be seeing from a psychiatric standpoint. Although I preferred to do some of the basic medical screenings for my own patients, it would be wonderful to have such collaboration from various medical backgrounds. I found myself talking more than I meant to, which Rio reminded me of as he began pulling me away.

"Hey, Bella, one more thing, did the tech support come by and set up the Retreat's network to your laptop?" he asked quickly, stalling my goodbye. "It comes in handy for dictations and checking on labs whenever you leave the main building."

"Not yet." I shrugged. "They're coming by tomorrow morning and I should get my log in and codes during the orientation and compliance training." I was about to attempt goodbye again when I heard another voice.

"Hey, Mike, Isabella."

How does one voice you've never heard until mere weeks before send chills down your spine? I felt Edward's eyes on me as he approached, but I couldn't bear to look directly at him after last night. I stood stiffly with my back to him.

"Hey, Edward!" Mike answered for us both. "You're up early for a Sunday morning."

"I didn't sleep," Edward answered coldly as he stood there in the drive, kicking the gravel with his foot. His keys dangled in his left hand.

"Really? I always sleep like a log. What does that even mean, anyway? How does a log sleep?" Mike laughed and grinned at me.

_This guy is seriously sunshine on a stick, huh?_

Edward made a gesture as if to rub his hands through his hair but stopped himself short. A sigh of frustration escaped his lips. He wore a beanie cap, pulled down tightly over his ears. We finally made eye contact as he looked at me in annoyance.

"Standing water can irrevocably damage Florentine tiles," Edward informed me.

I stared at him bewildered, not fully comprehending his words. Before I could formulate an understanding, let alone a response, Mike piped up for clarification. "Do you have a water leak Bella? Should I come take a look?"

Edward smirked as he witnessed my internal light bulb moment.

_A water leak ,indeed_.

I guess my question of whether he saw me last night was answered. He even noticed I left the water on the floor when I ran from the room?

_Frackin prick! He's mocking me!_

"No, Mike, It's all taken care of. And thanks Edward, for that educational tidbit."

"No Problem, Isabella".

Mike looked utterly confused, but still happy just to be in the conversation. Since the dialogue didn't continue beyond that, he finally cleared his throat and made his goodbyes. "Later, Edward. Bella…maybe we can talk more tomorrow during breaks or something? I gotta run, but it really is great to have you here!" Mike jogged off towards the other end of the lake, disappearing from site.

"Thanks, Mike, sounds great!" I called after him, turning back to find Rio playfully sniffing Edward's hands. He was actually rubbing his ears in return.

_Traitor. _

"So," I managed.

"So," he spoke in return.

I stood there feeling, once again, like an awkward school girl, not knowing whether to giggle or to run. In the morning haze, the steam was rising off of the lake, and we were engulfed by both mist and silence. I wondered what he was thinking, and why our relationship had gotten off to such a strange start. He was standing there as if he wanted to speak. Maybe if I put forth more effort I could salvage some normalcy from the situation. But before I could try to start over, he broke the spell on his own.

"Well I hope you eventually got it off." With those words he walked away. Edward slid into his car once again and pulled out of the drive. Standing there watching him in frustration, I wished I could have immediately responded to his sarcasm. Once again he won the last word.

Complaining under my breath I made my way back to the condo. "Yes, Blue Eyes, I got the water off the floor. Ugh!"

_That's the only thing that got off last night._

**A/N: Blue Eyes will watch you write a review with his mouth caressing a drink……………..**


	6. Pricks and Pythons

**A/N: This chapter contains a quote from Kristen Stewart about cats, I give her the credit. **

**It also contains twilight Fanfic, I give SM credit—she owns it. **

**It also contains Blue Eyes and Pet Snakes….those belong to Team Clean (thanks HK!) **

**Forever thanks to Dani, my awesome beta, and Magan Bagan/Psymom for their work!**

**Chapter 6 – Pricks and Pythons**

The orientation and compliance training made for a hellish two days of completing paperwork while watching mandatory videos that were made in the 1970s. I used the brief lunches for moving into my office, which had an amazing view of the gardens on the east wing. Alice and Rose stopped by to help with arranging the furniture, of which Alice did most of the arranging. I nicknamed her 'Lil Firecracker' since she was obviously packed full of energy and capable of extravagant displays. Rose commented on her antics with cynicism, creating this unlikely and entertaining support group.

My evenings were just as busy as I finished unpacking. I visited Charlie's, surprising him with a home cooked meal. Despite my limited skills, he's always loved my homemade lasagna. I knew he could re-bake it over the next week as leftovers. We used dinner to catch up on his life as Chief of Police for Forks. He seemed happy for the most part, spending all of his free time consoling Billy who was still dealing with the loss of Jake.

My own thoughts returned to Jake often. I wondered how he would feel about me living here again, or the jokes he would make at my expense since I swore I would never return. His sense of humor and unconditional acceptance of me were what I missed the most. He was my closest confidant. And now he was gone. I wondered if I'd ever find that kind of connection with another person in my life, or if I was destined to continue each day in cluttered isolation.

I left Charlie's house late Tuesday and pulled into the drive around midnight. Glancing at the silver Volvo parked next to me, I mumbled under my breath incoherently. Edward had been MIA since Sunday. He was not at work, not around the cottages, and definitely not on the patio.

_You freaked him out, Peeping Shrink!_

Granted, I hadn't seen much of anyone except for the other personnel undergoing orientation. Carlisle met me outside his office and accompanied me to the patient/resident care area. He introduced me to nursing, staff, and other physicians who crossed our path. I saw Mike wave in passing, but for the most part, was greeted by an onslaught of introductions I would never be able to remember tomorrow.

I finally met the nurse manager, Jessica Stanley. She was this talkative ball of pent up anxiety and insecurity. Her superficial smile and placating words toward Carlisle had me cringing after five minutes.

Make that four and a half minutes, at which time she turned to me. "Please let me know if there's anything you need, Dr. Swan. I expect our nurses to provide comprehensive reports in check-out each morning, as well as for treatment team every three days. If there's a problem, or if you prefer I consult with you directly as the nurse manager, I will make sure that's arranged. We're just so thrilled to finally have a psychiatrist here full-time instead of the locum tenens docs who come and go. Not that I'm complaining, Carlisle—I mean Dr. Cullen! I know the quality of patient care is your top priority. I hope we can discuss the way you would like to run the treatment team on Friday as well as the milieu of the groups and activities we have planned over the next few days, Dr. Swan…."

I listened in awe as I counted the seconds for her to take a breath. Her blonde hair was bobbing as she spoke and she used her hands in this exaggerated manner which caused me to take a step back, seeking more personal space. She didn't seem to notice as she answered with one giant step in return, so I surrendered and nodded my head accordingly. She continued for another 10 minutes.

_Close talker alert!_

The heavens had mercy on me as Carlisle interrupted and I met the remainder of the treatment team who I'd be working directly with. That included a social worker named Angela, several other RNs, a few LPNs, and two nurse techs. Angela was the polar opposite of Jessica, a shy personality with an endearing smile. She had light brown skin and dark brown eyes, exuding this innate caring attitude which was evident in her description of the residents. Of course, my conversation with Angela was short lived as Jessica interrupted to introduce more staff.

Alice entered the room during Jessica's latest rant, grinning at me with that knowing smile. I had to look away quickly once I realized she was invoking my inappropriate laughter response. I was thrilled that I'd be working with Alice every day. She was the primary psychologist for the Retreat, and our duties would overlap for many of the residents. She would handle all of the psychological testing and I would prescribe the medication and biological treatments. Psychological therapies were something we would collaborate on. Alice was skilled in dialectical groups, cognitive behavioral and psychoeducational techniques. I preferred insight oriented and analytical therapy, making our pairing an excellent match.

The additional therapists and adjunct personnel such as Emmet and Rose provided mindfulness activities, vocational rehabilitation, and fitness training. They were unavailable during the day's introductions, since they were leading afternoon groups at the time. The music therapist specifically was also nowhere to be found.

_Imagine that._

"Have you met Edward, Dr. Swan?" Jessica asked, seemingly reading my mind. "He has a group in ten minutes, but I'm sure you've talked with him before since you guys are neighbors!" She blushed and turned to another staff member quickly.

_Well at least someone seems more interested in him than afraid of him. _

_I don't know- I think you should feel much better given her recognition of social cues thus far?_

"Yes, we've met. And Jessica? I'd prefer you call me Bella in personal conversation or in closed treatment team. If the resident is present, or if we are on rounds, than I do prefer Dr. Swan. It helps establish clear boundaries in my doctor-patient relationships," I tried my best to inform her professionally.

"Of course, Dr. Swan - I mean Bella! Making those boundaries clear is SO important in what we practice, and helps us to better treat the resident without getting enmeshed, which is so easy to do sometimes!"

_I bet._

Jessica began 'running the list', reviewing the residents who would be under my care starting tomorrow. She gave me a brief overview of each case, explaining how I could access their entire histories from the secure electronic medical record and intranet available throughout the Retreat. Other than the brief review of my patient list, I had heard most of the information redundantly during orientation. Nevertheless, I thanked her for her helpfulness as well as the remainder of the team.

I rose to follow Carlisle from the room but was stopped by several of the staff who wanted to make small talk on my way out. My goal of reaching the doorway was blocked when another male physician appeared, stopping by to say hello, I presumed.

He stood halfway in the entrance, holding the door open, making it somewhat uncomfortable for me to pass without brushing against him eye to eye.

_What's with these people and personal space?_

He was a tall man with sandy blonde hair and small eyes, his features coarse and hardened as if from too much sun exposure.

"Excuse me," I spoke as I passed.

"It's my pleasure, Dr. Swan. Or may I call you Bella, as well?"

His words, although polite, carried an undertone, which made me cringe. His beady eyes assessed me up and down, twice!

_Creepo ALERT! _

_You left your neon sign on again, huh? _

_Arrgh._

"Isabella Swan," I held out my hand, giving him my formal name as a shield from his attempt at inappropriate familiarity. "And you are?"

"I'm James - The locum tenens who has been keeping your patients well until your arrival." He winked.

_Winked! Ewwww._

"Carlisle asked that I continue on for a few months, since the resident census has been at capacity lately. I was unsure of splitting the cases with a new doc, but now that we've met, I'm sure it will be a pleasure working with you. You just finished training right?"

_Is he pulling the experience card right away? PRICK!_

"Yes. I finished my chief residency this summer." I didn't elaborate. Never show your cards when you don't have to. His stance and overall demeanor made me very uncomfortable, and I wondered how the patients felt about him.

"Bella, let's get going! I have one more idea for your new office!"

_Lil' firecracker to the rescue._

Alice led me away briskly, but I called back to James down the hall. "I look forward to working with you, too, James."

_Liar._

Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer. I wasn't certain, but I'd bet 'all in' that our locum tenens would NOT make the friend category.

*****

So here I was, at 1 a.m. on Wednesday morning, sitting at my desk in the spare room, turned home office, staring at the screen on my laptop. My first official day was in a few hours, and I was too excited to sleep. Sporadic insomnia was something I had dealt with often throughout medical school.

I logged onto the intranet and electronic record database, reviewing the medical histories for each of my patients. After meeting the locum tenens, James, I was hesitant to trust any assessment or diagnosis he had given the various residents. If he was that unaware of his own inept social skills, missing crucial interpersonal cues from patients was likely a given.

One resident, in particular, caught my eye. She was a 22 year old woman named Ms. Hiller, who was suffering from delusions of persecution, feeling punished by God. She presented with hyper-religiosity on admission, stating she was "a holy messenger who Satan would hunt down to silence". Her symptoms had grown worse over the past few weeks to the point of being on 1:1 suicide precaution and observation. James had given her the diagnosis of Paranoid Schizophrenia, but she had no family history and seemed to have very little in the way of other symptoms, except for this delusion. I read each clinical note on Ms. Hiller, scouring the records for clues and formulating a plan of action for later today. I wondered what message she was focused on sending out from God…..

_Speaking of messages!_

I'm not sure how long it was there, or why I didn't notice it before, but my eyes eventually froze on a pop up box that had been hidden among the patient records I was reviewing.

_**E Cullen is online.**_

The little green dot flashed repeatedly, beckoning my resolve to crumble. My mind raced.

_Should I? Shouldn't I? _

_No. _

_But I really want to!_

Freud would say that the decision was made by my 'id', as I typed a quick message to him via the chat program.

_**[B: You missed treatment team today.] **_

I waited in anticipation with tightness in my chest. How would he respond, if at all? Eternity passed in the span of 5 seconds.

_**[E: How nice of you to miss me.]**_

His response flashed across the screen.

_Bastard._

_**[B: I didn't say I missed you. Perhaps you should read more carefully. The devil is in the details.]**_

My inability to resist his antagonizing comments was infuriating!

_**[E: Can't admit your narcissistic injury-- that not everyone came to bow down to the reigning Queen today?]**_

_Prick! Why do I keep trying?_

_**[B: Can't admit your avoidance of someone who correctly identifies your insecurities- and a presumed hair fetish?] **_

I responded tersely, posting an addendum quickly out of guilt. I always regretted my negative barbs, but never enough to keep them in.

_**[B: You do realize you asked for my opinion on the hair topic that day, right? I meant no ill will.]**_

_**[E: Ill will? Do people still use that term?]**_

_OK. So I do talk like an 80 year old woman at times. Bite Me, Blue Eyes!_

_**[B: I don't speak for other people, Edward. How would I know? Is there anything about me that you don't want to complain about?]**_

_**[E: I like your dog.]**_

Well at least he has some taste. Who wouldn't love Rio?

_Sean didn't._

**[B: Rio? What's not to like. Are you a dog person, Edward? :)]**

I sat there wondering if the smiley face was too much. Just having him talking to me made me want to smile for some odd reason.

**[E: I don't know. I think they're loyal.]**

_Interesting choice of words, Blue Eyes._

Had he been hurt by someone? Is that why he has been so angry and sarcastic?

**[B: They're more than loyal! Especially Boxers like Rio. He can literally read my thoughts, his love is unconditional, and his day is complete with just time by my side. He expects nothing more than who I am.]**

_**[E: Interesting choice of words, Isabella. You feel unworthy of unconditional love?]**_

_**[B: What?! Are you serious? You want to start arguing again, Edward?]**_

_**[E: No.]**_

_**[B: Good.]**_

_**[E: So…would you choose a dog? If you could be any animal you wanted to be?]**_

_**[B: No. LOL. I'm much more of a cat, if I was choosing for myself. I'd definitely choose a kitten. With cats you're like "Come", and they're standing there like…screw you! Plus cats are predators. They can hunt and take care of their own needs.]**_

_**[E: Interesting.]**_

_**[B: And you, Edward? What animal would you choose if you had to be one?]**_

_**[E: I'd choose a python.]**_

_**[B: A what? You mean a snake? Snakes are cold blooded. I see no endearing qualities whatsoever!]**_

_**[E: Yes. A python. You obviously have never seen them eat.]**_

_**[B: No—I've missed that opportunity. Would it change my mind?]**_

[E: Well, they're predators, too. But they don't have to chase down their food and attack. A python mesmerizes its prey. Staring it down, flicking its tongue. All the while, wrapping around the awe struck victim…inch by inch. Squeezing until it loses its breath…then wrapping its mouth around it and swallowing…it whole.]

I sat there with my mouth wide open, speechless.

_Oh My God! Frack me._

There was no way he was just talking about snakes, right? Surely my mind was not the only one thinking about sex right now – right?

_**[B: Sounds painful---for the prey.]**_

_**[E: They never know what hits them until it's over. I think it's a merciful, climactic ending.]**_

He was definitely talking about sex. I was definitely turned on by this man. What was wrong with me?

[B: I can imagine. I'd still like to enjoy eating my prey after a good tussle—thank you very much.]

[E: I bet you would. Goodnight, Bella.]

[B: Goodnight, Edward.]

I was stunned over the conversation ending so quickly, but even more shocked that it occurred to begin with. I could feel my body aching over his words, imagining his tongue on my body as he squeezed the life out of me. His words unearthed feelings I would never had dared admit to anyone. I wanted to be devoured, to lose control, just like that.

I logged off the computer and stood up, stretching. My hands massaged my own neck while I let my hair down. I had, inadvertently, wrapped it up in a bun while talking to Edward, apparently from the nervous energy he created. I shook it out, trying to shake away the adrenaline and questions racking my mind. I had walked into the bedroom before it hit me.

_Bella._

He had called me, Bella! What does that mean? Are we friends now? Could he want more than a friendship? How did things get so complicated, so quickly? His words seemed to imply that he enjoyed bantering with me, at least, and the sexual undertones were not just my imagination from being a psychiatrist.

I pushed Rio out of my spot on the bed, and curled up on the duvet, staring at the ceiling. I wondered if he were in bed, too, just thirty feet away on the other side of the cottage. I imagined what he might be wearing to bed, or what he was thinking about me.

I knew Edward had secrets, and I'd been in the business too long to believe that they were pleasant ones. He was scarred, his eyes showed the pain. Something had him hurting, pushing everyone away.

_Except he's talking to you. _

_But it may be just the novelty of my arrival._

I could feel myself drawn to him, both physically and mentally. Fear and excitement warred within me. This could be the beginning of something new, a chance to have a relationship with someone I was truly attracted to. But if this was something different for him, I was setting myself up to be the fool.

I had two hours to sleep before starting my first day of real work. Rio sighed and placed his big head on my stomach, his silent plea for ear scratching. I stroked his back as I drifted to sleep, wondering if Edward Cullen was going to break my heart.

The alarm sounded with a bang, shooting pain through the back of my head. I crawled to the shower and downed twelve ounces of Java before opening my eyes. I let Rio out the back door for a quick bathroom break, giving him my stare which meant 'make it quick, buster'. He pouted with his big brown eyes, but complied, doing his business and trotting back inside in less than three minutes. Standing in my closet I grabbed the first pair of khaki slacks I could find, deciding on a light brown vest over a white top. I didn't want to wear a suit or my white coat with the residents today. I wanted to be professional, yet approachable, striving for an alliance with the patients I would be treating. I looked at my watch and shrieked. Crap!!!

Running out the front door ten minutes late, I tripped on a welcome mat that had been placed there since yesterday.

_Alice._

I caught myself on the handrail and started down the steps. Edward was standing on his front steps watching me, a smirk on his face.

_I have great timing, huh?_

The excitement from last night returned instantly, giving me goose bumps. I half waved and smiled before thinking. "Hey, Edward!"

His smirk turned into a half smile, but stopped, changing into a blank expression slowly. He looked at me perplexingly, confused and torn. Finally, he half waved back, more dismissively than in greeting. "Good morning, Isabella."

_Isabella? _

_Prick is back._

He walked down the drive, and I hurried to my car. I didn't have time to kick myself over the romantic and hormonal feelings from last night. Edward had obviously reverted back to his original view of me, but I couldn't allow his erratic moods to ruin my first day. I would analyze _Blue Eyes_ when I had time. Now, I needed to focus. I arrived on the unit fifteen minutes late, Jessica Stanley greeting me with a fake smile, while obviously glancing at the clock on the wall.

_I'm the doctor, chica. Don't think you're gonna reprimand my time when I'll be working long after your shift is over!_

"Morning, Jessica"

"Morning, Bella!"

The morning flew by as I met each patient briefly, reviewing recent labs and informing them I would be taking over their care. I scheduled in depth sessions with each resident for later, hoping to begin deciphering the jumbled mess that James had made of their medical records.

Lunch arrived, and Rose came by to drag me away to the dining hall. We sat down first at the table, but Alice, Emmett, and Jasper soon arrived. Jasper had made Alice a vegetarian sub sandwich, specifically. The rest of us enjoyed chicken Caesar salads. I could tell that Jasper liked Alice, but she seemed to flirt with him obliviously. Edward arrived late, sitting on the end of the table and barely speaking to any of us. We chatted about the change in weather for a while, until Alice maneuvered the conversation in a new direction.

"I'm thinking of getting a pet!"

Everyone looked at Alice and grinned, growing accustomed to her enthusiastic outbursts by now.

"What type of pet, Alice?" Jasper asked, beaming in adoration.

"I don't know, I love Rio—Bella's baby. But I'm not much of a dog person. Maybe a cat?"

_Man this girl is clairvoyant_!

I choked on my salad, eyes watering. I grabbed my glass of water and started gulping it down, looking over at Edward. He was smiling, apparently amused by my embarrassment.

_I see._

I caught my breath and went on the attack in return.

"How about a pet snake, Alice? I think you'd enjoy playing with one?" I spoke the words innocently and coy, watching Alice light up with the idea of an exotic pet.

Edward began choking at the other end of the table, grabbing his napkin and turning to catch his breath. Everyone looked at him and then back at me, questioning the recent outbreak of coughing fits between the two of us.

I shrugged in response, smiling with pride. I gazed back to Edward and found him smiling in return, a look of admiration on his face.

_I'm more than capable, Blue Eyes. Don't underestimate me._

I shook my head and grinned, biting another piece of chicken and chewing slowly, mesmerized by his face.

**A/N: Reviews will cause BlueEyes to shed his skin!!**


	7. Madness and Melodies

**A/N: Thanks to everyone for the reviews! Your comments on solving the mystery are all very exciting, but I won't be revealing whether you are correct this soon! I'm such a tease I know—just like Blue Eyes!! **

**Stephanie Meyer owns all things twilight.**

**Chopin's Nocturne and Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata are found easily on youtube!**

**Eternal Thanks to Dani, HK and DC!!**

**Chapter 7 – Madness and Melodies **

I sat across from Ms. Hiller in the interview room, watching as she fidgeted with her sleeves. Her hair was disheveled and her shoulders were slumped. We had been in session for 20 minutes, but she was barely speaking except for 'yes' or 'no' answers. I had avoided the topic of God or her delusions up until now, attempting to discuss her family and outside interests. Banging my head against the wall would have been equally effective.

_Good thing Carlisle gave you a one year contract!_

I placed my clipboard on the table and uncrossed my legs, leaning in to attempt eye contact.

"Ms. Hiller? Can I call you Landie? I'd like to hear your message now."

She made eye contact while nodding in affirmation. "My message?"

_Two words! That's the most I've obtained thus far!_

"Yes, your message. The one God wants you to spread?" I nodded in affirmation; earnestly pleading she would let me in.

She brightened immediately, giving me hope for the session. I was concerned that James had given her such high levels of antipsychotic and sedative-hypnotic medications since admission. For the past three weeks she had been rocking silently in her chair while staring off into space. Her progress notes consisted of one liners stating 'No change' or 'Increase dose'.

Speaking to Carlisle about James' incompetent behavior was at the top of my to-do list. Until then, my goals for Ms. Hiller included decreasing the am dosing of her meds. I had hoped that the change would allow her to communicate more fully in the afternoons.

"He demands to be heard," Landie continued.

"So tell _me_. I'd like to hear."

"His words, his commandments, his call to freedom, all need to be heard. Let everything that has breath praise the Lord!" She recited robotically.

"He wants me to praise him?" I asked intently, realizing she was assessing my response.

"He wants you to _listen_. It's your choice whether to obey."

"I see. And God has told you this directly? Like we are talking now?"

"Yes. And in my dreams," she added.

I was trying to decipher whether this was in fact a delusion, or if Ms. Hiller was displaying a culturally appropriate response given her spiritual and faith background. I had noticed in her record that her father was a minister for a conservative protestant church. Her entire childhood was based inside the church, including her role as the assistant organist.

Landie had recently moved to Seattle for graduate school, excelling in the first semester. It was then that her roommate noticed her not eating. The increasing paranoia and statements of God and Satan's attack caused the University to contact the Retreat. Her family had refused treatment within the University system in Seattle, but was in favor of the program Carlisle offered.

I wondered if the messages from God were merely her thoughts she described, or if she was truly hallucinating. "Landie, why does Satan want to stop you?"

She froze in place, crossing her arms over her chest. I leaned back in my chair, sighing but not asking anymore. One of the biggest obstacles in treating a patient with delusional disorder was the risk of becoming incorporated into the delusion.

I knew I had pushed her too far, as she was already paranoid. "You know what? Perhaps it's better we don't talk about that now. I'd like to think about your message more. Would you like to discuss it tomorrow?"

She smiled and uncrossed her arms.

_Yes!_

We ended the session and I walked her back into the day-area. It was then that I noticed James leaning across the counter of the nursing station. "Can I speak with you a moment James?"

"Of course, Bella," he murmured.

I turned and headed towards the consultation room.

_I bet he's staring at my ass—I can feel it! _

_Shoot. Me. Now._

He followed behind me in his white coat, sitting with one leg propped up on the desk. I remained standing.

"What's up Chief?" James smirked.

I ignored the disrespectful use of title and, as believably as possible, smiled.

_You can't kick him in the groin Bella._

"I wanted to discuss Ms. Hiller with you, James. Well, hearing your views on all the cases I inherited would be helpful, but specifically hers."

He smiled and nodded, but I felt as if he hadn't heard a single word coming out of my mouth.

Nevertheless I continued, determined to confront him. "I just finished a session with her today and I think significant progress was made. She even spoke in coherent sentences."

"You're welcome," He oozed.

"Welcome?"

"Yes. I figured the meds would kick in eventually, good timing for you, good planning for me, I suppose."

_Ignore him. _

_Punch him. _

"I'm glad that you mentioned the meds James. I'm very concerned about the high doses she was being prescribed. And have you not been attempting therapy with her since admission?"

He laughed in a patronizing manner. "No, Bella. She's grossly psychotic, with a first break of Schizophrenia; I'm not a glutton for wasting my time."

"I'm not convinced of that. And why was Alice not consulted? She could have attempted therapy or further testing to affirm your diagnosis?"

James ignored me and stretched out his hand, pulling a loose hair from my shoulder that was noticeable against my brown vest. He cocked his head and examined it between his fingers before dropping it to the ground. During this maneuver he continued to smile at me.

I watched in disbelief with my eyes shooting daggers through his teeth.

_I think I'm going to retch. _

_Violent emesis – all over his face._

"I don't know, Bella. But I suppose those are good ideas." He shrugged. "You know, I do agree that we should discuss the cases more thoroughly than the cursory check-out we had yesterday."

I nodded confidently.

_Ya think?_

"How about this afternoon?" James asked. "Oh, wait. I have a late session." He frowned. "We could meet in the staff conference room later tonight, I'll order some food?"

_No way in hell buddy._

"I can't. I have plans this evening." Rio would shake his nub with pride over his afternoon walk being my date.

"That's too bad. I keep my schedule tight these days. I could write you a transfer note for each of them? Might take me a while…"

I knew he was manipulating me, but my concern over the residents was more important than my repulsion to this prick. "How about lunch, James? A working lunch. You have to eat right?"

He grinned, making his beady eyes grow smaller. "Sounds great, Bella. Does tomorrow work for you? We'll go off campus to this Italian restaurant."

"Tomorrow works, but I prefer sushi. We can order in, and meet in my office. Easier to eat and work that way. I'll see you there around 1:00?" I walked out of the room before he could respond.

I faintly heard an "OK, Bella" as the door closed behind me. The information from him was crucial and I was determined to get it. My intentions were to gather more details of his care before speaking with Carlisle. The last thing I wanted to do was report a colleague unjustly or ill prepared. If there was justification, then I would report him. I could tell from my encounters with James that he was skilled in deception. Carlisle likely had no idea of the less than extraordinary care James was providing.

I finished patient sessions for the day and crashed in my office to start paperwork and emails. My mind was racing concerning Landie and her presentation. When Alice popped by to say goodnight, I stopped her.

"Hey, Alice? Can I run something by you?"

"Sure, Bella!" She came skipping into the room, plopping down on the winged arm chair in front of my desk.

I recalled the session with Landie as well as my concerns about James. Alice was irritated immediately, confirming that he almost never consulted her on cases unless the other physicians asked for testing, etc. We talked about how I should inform Carlisle, given the delicacy of the situation with me just starting here.

"Even more important, Alice, this girl has been sitting here for weeks. She's been over-medicated and I'm not even sure if this is a Delusional Disorder. I definitely don't think its Schizophrenia. I just need more time with her, and information."

"Bella—there are great resources in the library, at the back of the west wing, on the second floor. Plus they will order any journal articles not in print online."

"Great! I think I'll head there now. I owe you one already."

"Then I'll collect already!" Alice beamed. "Esme is having a dinner party this weekend, you have to come!"

I rolled my eyes reflexively. Social gatherings were not something I attended willingly.

"We'll see."

"Belllllaaaa, I need a wing-woman!!"

"Hmm, really now? And for whom, exactly, will I be giving you wing-woman support? Could it be a blonde haired, knife wielding, sweet talking chef?"

She grinned mischievously.

"I knew it!! What's going on between the two of you?" I prodded.

"Nothing!" Alice's hands went up in surrender. "I keep thinking he's gonna make a move, but then he doesn't." She looked genuinely disappointed.

"So why don't _you_ make it then?"

Alice laughed. "There's too much at stake. We've known each other too long, and his friendship means the world to me. If he isn't interested in taking things beyond that, then I'm not going to chance it."

"Well…" I paused, "He seemed interested in you getting a pet snake. Maybe he has one in mind?"

Alice giggled and threw a designer pillow over the desk towards my head. It was one she had insisted I buy. "You! You are _just_ what I needed around here! So you'll come?"

Ducking the pillow missile, I laughed in return, "Yeah Alice, I'll be there."

Alice bounced out of the chair and blew me a kiss goodbye.

I finished my paperwork and headed out, deciding to stop by the library before leaving. I meandered through the halls and upstairs, finding it at the end of the wing. Just as Alice promised, the library held an amazing collection of literature, texts and journals. Sifting through the available resources was overwhelming, and I lost track of time while I collected articles that might be useful. The large windows down the far wall began to cast shadows from the setting sun. This resulted in lamps being turned on successively throughout the room on dark mahogany tables meant for reading.

I finally remembered my promise to jog with Rio and decided to leave. Stopping by the front desk, I asked the clerk to hold many of the titles for me to return tomorrow. With the information I already had, I was more confident in my decision making process for Landie. Strategizing in my mind what the next steps should include was exciting.

I stood outside the library door, fumbling with my keys and ID. I wanted to make sure I had all my belongings since I am notorious for leaving things behind. I took a few steps before I heard faint music playing in the background.

Not just music, but the beautiful melancholic sound of Chopin's Nocturne echoed softly down the long corridor. It reverberated along the walls of wooden paneling and marble tiled floor, filling the hall and my mind with its sadness. I followed the sound, drawn as a moth to a flame, my heart stirring to the sorrow of the melody.

The last room across from the library's entrance was illuminated and the door slightly ajar. I walked to the entrance and froze, reading the bronze placard on the wall which was engraved with the words 'Music Therapy'. Through the opening I could see it was a relatively small recital hall, with a baby grand piano in the center of the room. I saw Edward sitting at the piano, his hands on the keys but not playing. He was instead listening to the music from the sound system. The look on his face was deep in thought, full of misery, and broken.

_You can't fix him! _

_How do you know that? _

_Maybe I can._

I remembered my comment the day of our group chat, when I had mentioned Chopin. I wondered if he was one of Edward's favorite composers, as he was mine. A part of me wanted to silently leave, but a greater part wanted nothing more than to hold him, to soothe him, to understand him. I pushed the door open while taking a deep breath and walked in.

"Hello, Edward."

He turned suddenly, realizing he was no longer alone. I knew instantly by his frown that he was uncomfortable being seen so vulnerable, so I did the only thing I could.

_Antagonize him._

"Should you be playing such depressing music to our residents? Isn't that like handing over a loaded gun? Maybe I _should_ insist on you coming to treatment team."

The anxiety on his face dissolved away and was replaced by indignation and irritation.

_Better. Much better._

"Hmm, Isabella. I was wondering how long it would take for you to find me at work, what with your voyeur tendencies. I suppose I've not given you ample opportunity on the patio?"

I could feel the blush rising up my neck as he rose from the piano bench, walking towards his desk which was littered with papers and sheet music.

He began to pack up his things. "Would you like me to walk you out? You could get a better look that way." His gaze was direct and unwavering, clearly challenging me.

"Sure, Edward, I'll walk you out. If it will stop you from playing any further despondent melodies that could spurn an eavesdropping resident to self harm."

"You like Chopin, remember?" Edward asked, walking right up beside me.

_He remembered too._

"Besides, if I wanted them suicidal I would be playing Moonlight Sonata by Beethoven. You know that one, Bella?"

He reached over slowly causing the electricity to surround us. My heart pounded and I could smell his scent in the air. The movement caused my body to react swiftly, as my legs shook and I felt the goose bumps ripple over my skin. I wasn't sure what was about to happen, but I held my breath. Even my inner Bella was silent with anticipation.

_Whoa_

Edward leaned in and flicked the light switch off behind my shoulder, lingering for the briefest of moments. He inhaled deeply beside my neck but then stepped away, holding the door for me to leave.

_Get a grip Girl! _

"Yes, I do, like Chopin. _If_ I'm in a contemplative mood. Please tell me you use other things with the residents, right?" I steadied myself and began counting my steps obsessively, hoping he wouldn't realize I had almost melted into a puddle.

"What would you suggest, Shri–, I mean, Doc? What music would you recommend?"

_Uhoh. How does he pinpoint every one of my issues?! _

"I'm, uh, not the best, uh, person to consult on musical selections."

"Really? You mean Dr. Swan is musically ignorant? Are you going to admit that someone such as me actually has superior knowledge on a subject?"

"I'm saying that my musical knowledge and perspective is still building," I retorted.

"Well let me know when it's close to climax, then. Being a music connoisseur I'd like to observe the achievement."

I kept my eyes on the ground, grabbing my keys as we reached the parking lot.

_Oh my God. Blue Eyes is flirting with me! _

_I may explode right here if he keeps looking at me like that._

"I'll do that, Edward. But it may take a while since I enjoy the anticipation of new climaxes in my life."

"Taking time for the buildup is a requirement. Nothing worth having comes quickly, Bella."

He froze beside his car door, his eyes undressing me as the wind tousled my hair. I realized both of us were weighing the situation and the undeniable pull we felt when around each other.

_Ask him!_

"True."

_True? _

_Dork! _

_Shut Up!_

"I think I'm gonna take Rio for a jog on the trails this afternoon. Would you like to join us?"

His face didn't respond initially, but then I could see the light in his eyes darken. "No Isabella, I don't think that's a good idea. But I'll see you around."

Edward pulled away, heading towards the front gate as I drove home in embarrassment.

_You know that someone like him is never going to like you, Bella. _

Maybe I was projecting my own feelings onto his words? How could I face him each day without feeling even more insecure?

*****

I met Rio at the door and dressed quickly. He was jumping two feet off the ground while whining his Boxer growl as I tied my shoes. We headed out for a long run on the trail beside our cottage. I left my iPod behind, since music was the last thing I wanted to hear. I kept re-living the conversation over and over in my mind, creating different responses and imagining different outcomes. After forty-five minutes and a very happy Rio I still felt depressed. I had made a fool of myself, again.

*****

My hair was wet from the shower but I couldn't wait any longer. I walked over to my laptop with a towel wrapped around me, logging on without sitting down. I paced back and forth and dried my hair, staring at the screen while it punished me with a 'systems check'. Would _Blue Eyes_ be online? If he was, did it matter? I knew he was home, since his car was there and I had noticed the light coming from his front windows.

_You really are a peeping Shrink, huh?_

_**[E Cullen is online.]**_

I dropped my towel and sat down, preparing myself for another possible interaction.

_Or nothing._

The minutes ticked by, but only the green dot remained. I felt a sinking feeling in my chest, with all of my insecurities weighing down on me. I played a game of solitaire, checked email and surfed YouTube for an hour. James had sent me an email saying he needed to cancel tomorrow, which was no big surprise. I responded with a request to meet as soon as possible, frustrated over his passive aggressive behavior. My hair was dry and my body was exhausted. The day's events had taken their toll. I could feel my eyelids closing against my will, and the words on the screen becoming blurry.

_**[E: Why are you still awake Bella?]**_

_Am I hallucinating?_

I shook my head and looked again. His message was still there, jolting me wide awake.

_**[B: I have trouble sleeping.]**_

_**[E: So do I.]**_

My excitement from his IM gave way to the reminder of his earlier rejection today.

_What the hell?_

Perhaps his fits of disclosure only occur after the bewitching hour has passed. I wanted to punish him for the control his attention held over me, but instead I was silent.

_**[E: Should I let you go? You're very quiet tonihgt.]**_

_**[B: Did you mean 'tonight'? No. I'd like to talk to you. But your mood swings are giving me a migraine.]**_

_**[E: What are you, the spelling monitor?]**_

_**[B: I'm a tad bit obsessive.]**_

_**[E: I noticed. And I'm sorry about earlier today.]**_

_**[B: It's ok. I understand.]**_

_**[E: You understand? I highly doubt that, Bella. What do you think you understand?]**_

_Sigh_.

_He's going to make me say this, isn't he? _

_Of course he is._

I felt incapable of withholding from him, leaving me vulnerable to his questions and hypotheses. Was _Blue Eyes _my personal Achilles' heel?

_**[B: I've only been in one relationship, Edward, and that was one of convenience. I understand how I'm seen by others. I'm smart, and I'm more determined than most, but that intimidates people.]**_

_**[E: You're also beautiful.]**_

_Gasp._

Was it possible that my heart just stopped, only to beat again for the first time? How could I respond to such a statement that I longed to be true, but questioned from the depths of my soul?

_**[E: No response? Amazing—Bella is at a loss for words.]**_

_**[B: Perhaps you haven't seen me clearly, given your cursory exits every time I'm around.]**_

_**[E: I have your picture from the welcome announcement. You're beautiful Bella.]**_

_**[B: You kept my picture?]**_

_**[E: Yes. It was mailed to me.]**_

_**[B: It was mailed to all the staff.]**_

_**[E: Are you going to analyze me now?]**_

_**[B: Why do people always assume I'm analyzing them? That's the most annoying thing about being a psychiatrist. Plus, if you're going to keep a picture of me it's only fair I get one of you.]**_

_**[E: I know you've been trying to figure me out since day one, Bella, so don't deny it. Here's a hint—I'm not worth the trouble. And No—you can't have a picture of me.]**_

_**[B: *pouts* I just wanted to see if the hype was true about your locks, all I've ever seen was your buzz cut. Very self deprecating are we? How negatively narcissistic of you!]**_

_**[E: You're not the only one who can assess people. You're too good for me. In fact, it would be best if we weren't friends. What can I do to make you see that?]**_

_**[B: Send me a picture and I'll consider it.]**_

_Silence. _

His comments about my beauty were staggering. I couldn't believe that someone like him would find me attractive. Yet he followed the compliment by pushing me away. Was he just being nice since I'm this nosey neighbor who's been antagonizing him since we met? Was he afraid that I'd become hostile if rejected, or leave the Retreat like the other psychiatrists?

_He's constantly rejecting you. _

_I know!_

I had no idea what to make of Edward Cullen. The lack of response was driving me slowly mad, but I was given a reprieve when his name appeared again.

_**[E: Consider it.]**_

_**[E Cullen is now offline.]**_

An attachment was sent with the final message. I clicked on the link and a picture slowly uploaded onto my laptop. Locks of beautiful golden brown hair with reddish highlights were seen first, progressing to the most beautiful eyes I had ever seen, and lips that I dreamt of having pressed against mine. A personal photo of _Blue Eyes, with hair,_ stared back at me. It caused my breath to catch. His words echoed in my mind and I felt myself fighting the truth that I knew would make me incapable of staying away from him.

_I'm in Love._

**A/N: Send a review will ya? BlueEyes will stare at your pic while I read it!**


	8. Recreation and Revelations

**A/N: Just a few important notes:**

**Kisses for the reviews!!! I love hearing your thoughts, questions or ideas. **

**xxxDanixxx, my beta, ROCKs!**

**Chapter 8 Recreation and Revelations**

The morning jog with Rio was fast and furious. My fingers were tingling from the cold as we came around the final curve, bringing the cottages in view. The adrenaline rush left my skin flushed and my hair sticking to the back of my neck with perspiration. Rio dashed ahead in the distance, leaving me lagging behind. I realized he had seen Edward, who was leaning on the stone column of his portico, drinking what looked like coffee. The steam rose from his cup and enveloped his face. He grinned as Rio bounded onto the porch, shaking furiously and dancing around his feet. I caught Edward reaching into his pocket while Rio sat immediately. Rio's head cocked to the left then right; classic begging strategy. He raised his right paw as _Blue Eyes_ bent down and patted his head, opening his hand to reveal some type of treat. Rio took it gingerly, lying down beside Edward's feet to enjoy his reward while I finally arrived at the steps.

"Giving out bribes this early in the morning?" I took in the view, scanning Edward from his shoes to the black beanie, which was covering his head. He stood on the top step, which placed his crotch at my eye level. It was a fascinating position to be in.

_Serendipity_?

I couldn't help but wonder his size. I had seen many different variations during medical school. But from the looks of Edward's jeans, he seemed more than average.

_Stop looking at it._

"Just being neighborly, Isabella. Want some coffee? You look like you could use something hot right now."

_Thank God I'm already red from the jog. _

_STOP looking at it!_

"Me? No, it's not that cold, really."

_Yes it is. _

Why did he want to flirt with me now, when I looked like yesterday's dish water that needed throwing out? I called Rio to heel, but he lay unmoving beside Edward. His face lied square on both paws, stubbornly comfortable.

"Are you sure? I could grab you a hot tea instead?" he asked.

"No, I'm not cold. I just finished running three miles. The fresh air feels great, actually. Anyway, I need to grab a quick shower and head to work. But thanks for the offer."

"Ok." He stood, quietly assessing me. This caused my anxiety to heighten, which made Edward grin mischievously.

"Hmm. Maybe you're not cold, but just happy to see me— like the first day we met. Didn't Freud say that when something happens twice, it's a pattern? Wonder what this means?" Edward shrugged his shoulders, taking a long sip of his coffee. "Well, have a good day, Bella." He walked back inside his condo without another word.

Suddenly, the light bulb went off.

_Traitorous nipples!_

I mentally slapped my forehead— again. I had stepped right into that one, well, jogged was more like it. The most frustrating part was that he was correct. My body, undeniably, reacted to seeing him. Thank goodness he couldn't hear my heart pounding.

"That wasn't Freud Maestro!" I yelled at his closed door, in vain.

I placed my hand on my hip and raised one eyebrow at Rio. He whined apologetically and trotted off Edward's door mat, coming to heel by my side. I forgave him immediately and patted his head in understanding. "I know baby. He bribed you with treats and tempted me with hot java. What else could you do?"

*****

Ms. Hiller paced in circles before me. She described the guilt she had from "not serving God" in detail. Her appearance sported the 'positive hair sign,' of too disheveled to be completely sane. Her nails were chewed into the quick, and there were dark circles under her eyes.

"I've failed him, Dr. Swan. I let my own idols replace him, and his message was not heard!"

"Ms. Hiller. Landie….Landie!"

She stopped pacing and looked at me, wild-eyed and fearful.

I lowered my voice and spoke barely above a whisper. "It's not too late. I want to help you."

"That other doctor said I'm 'psycho.' Is that what you think?" she asked.

"I think you're tired, too tired to be good for anything, or anyone. How can you focus on your message when you're this tired?"

She sat down on the couch, placing her head in her hands. Tears began to flow. "I know. I can't sleep."

"Why can't you sleep?"

Ms. Hiller looked up hesitantly, responding so faintly it was nearly inaudible. "Satan attacks me in my dreams."

"I see."

I paused while she took a few breaths. This was the first time she had mentioned Satan, and I strongly felt that the persecutory delusions were key to her symptoms.

"I can help you sleep better, if you'd like. You need energy to accomplish your mission, right?"

She bit her nails while thinking about my words, finally agreeing to take the sedative-hypnotic medication for sleep, which I ordered for bedtime. By decreasing her other medications to lower doses, and discontinuing a few, her trust in me was building.

*****

I was posting the orders before heading to lunch, when I saw Jessica and Angela in the hallway.

"Angela, can we discuss Ms. Hiller's case in treatment team tomorrow? I'd like to have more information from the school and her family."

Angela jotted a quick note in her palm pilot. "Sure, Bella."

"And Jessica, can we move Ms. Hiller to a room closer to the nurses' station? She's having nightmares and I'd like her to have immediate attention if she wakes during the night," I explained.

"Absolutely, Bella! I'll try to make the changes this afternoon," Jessica promised. By the way, are you going to the dinner party this weekend at Carlisle and Esme's? I'm dying to see the inside of their home!"

"I'll be there." I tried to hide my lack of excitement, but just barely.

I continued down the corridor, literally running into Rose. She barley stumbled from the impact.

"Rose! I'm so sorry!" I exclaimed.

"Haha. I see some things haven't changed since your teens, Bella. You're still just as clumsy as ever," Rose teased. She hugged me, bringing us fully upright again. For someone so beautiful, Rose was also tough as nails.

"You're in a great mood, Rose. If I didn't know any better I would say –wait – oh my!"

Rosalie beamed. "I worked out with Emmett last night. And by worked out I mean sex—damn good sex."

I laughed out loud. "Wow. TMI, TMI! Have you guys been 'working out' for long?"

"We've been dating about a month now. I didn't tell you guys because I wasn't sure if it was serious. We've had such a great time together. But after last night – wow – It's a whole new level. I didn't know a man could be that big _and_ that limber…"

"Oh my, just stop, stop now, please," I begged.

We laughed together this time, walking into the dining hall as Mike came up behind us.

"You ladies wanna share what's so funny?" Mike asked.

"I don't think Rose would like to share, where this is concerned Mike," I teased.

"Believe me, Mike, you don't wanna share _this_ with me," Rose chided.

"Ok. But you never know, I might surprise you both!" Mike playfully responded, not understanding why he set off another fit of laughter between me and Rose. Mike seemed like a genuinely nice guy, but his glances in my direction made me wary. I had no interest in 'Mr. Sunshine,' and the beams he kept sending me were dissipating my rain clouds.

_My cloud cover is quite comforting, thank you very much_.

Jasper brought out the food for our table and decided to join us. The lunch was spicy vegetable stir-fry. Jasper proclaimed that a great tasting vegetarian meal would be a healthy change for everyone, but he obviously awaited the approval of one. Alice took a bite and smiled, causing Jasper to look away immediately. His doting on her was so obvious; I found it unbelievable that Alice didn't recognize his requited affection. She ooh'd and aah'd so much that the entire table became uncomfortable.

Edward was already sitting at the far end of the table when we arrived. The daggers he sent my way unsettled me.

_What's his problem?_

Alice and Jasper continued their foreplay by discussing the shitake mushrooms. Rose was in a trance, watching the door for Emmett. I was nodding like a Stepford wife to Mike's comments, but secretly wondered what caused this most recent mood shift in _BlueEyes_. Didn't he just ask me to join him for something 'hot' only five hours before? His constant mood swings left me wondering if he was bipolar, but then I realized that the shifts were only with me. To everyone else, Edward was a constant prick.

"So, Bella, are you going to the dinner party this Saturday?" Mike asked with intent. I knew this because I could feel my nausea set in. I also knew I was going to be, uncomfortably, the center of attention in a few seconds.

"Um, yes, I was planning to attend." The entire table watched me squirm, anticipating the next line from Mike.

"Well, I could come by your place beforehand. We could go together, if you like?"

_Awkward!!_

"I'm not sure of my plans for earlier that day. Thanks for the offer, though."

"Sure—just call me if you change your mind, ok?"

I nodded quickly, thankful the suffering wasn't too long. Edward pushed his food around the plate, not looking up. His affect was rather hard to read, mixed with amusement and – pouting?

Just then, Emmett and James arrived. Emmet's smile was bigger than the state of Texas when he found Rose by my side. James also grinned, but in my general direction. He sat directly in front of me for lunch.

_Is this try and make Bella vomit day?_

"Hey guys! Guess what? Rose is dating this hot activities therapist, who rocks her world – that would be me!"Emmett bragged.

Alice squealed in delight as Rose punched Emmett in the arm. I had never seen Rosalie blush, but it made her look even more beautiful.

"That's just wonderful!" Alice's voice went an octave higher, if that were possible. "Are you going to tell Carlisle at the dinner party? I think that would be perfect!" Alice asked Rose.

Rose and Emmett just smiled into each other's eyes, ignoring Alice and the rest of us. It seemed that cupid was working overtime at the Retreat.

"Speaking of the party, and dates," James crooned.

_Oh my God. _

_Please, please no._

"Do you have plans to go, Bell?"

_Bell?_

Why is he shortening my name? I've never even told him to call me Bella.

"Yes, James, I'll be there," I replied.

"Excellent! Do you want to meet beforehand and go together? I know I had to cancel our lunch date, and I want to make it up to you." He winked.

I heard Edward clear his throat as he pushed his food away. He glared at me, expectantly. Is he waiting for my response?

"No, James, I'd rather talk about patients during work hours. My weekends are mine."

"Ok, Bel, but you can call me if you change your mind."

Edward's mask dropped for a moment, revealing pleasure with my answer. I planned on finding out what his problem was. Was he jealous? Or just annoyed with me, in general? His demeanor day to day, or even hour to hour, was grating my nerves. I thought of going to his office after lunch, so we could talk, but that plan was nixed by 'Creepo.'

"Edward—are you going to be using your office this afternoon? I'd like to mix a few songs with the dubbing equipment. Which reminds me, do you like music, Bell?" James winked again.

_Blue Eyes _interrupted before I had a chance to spew venom. "I'm heading to town now. You can use it. But if you break it, I'll break your hands."

_Whoa. _

_That's kinda violent—and hot. _

_Only you are turned on by alpha behavior, Bella._

"Geez, Edward. Thanks, I guess," James mumbled.

*****

The table soon cleared, leaving me and Alice alone.

"Looks like you were the popular dessert of the day, huh, Bella?" she teased.

"Hmm. I suppose, except for a blonde haired chef. He seemed to want something a little more spicy, for dessert?"

Alice sighed. "If you say so. But I think you should definitely take Mike over James, if you're considering your options." I knew she was baiting me to avoid my comment.

"I _do_ say so. And I'm _not_ going with either. Why is it that someone who can't take advice, always insists on giving it?"

"I can take advice!" Alice argued. "Well, maybe I have a small problem in that area, but I can, for real I can!" She rolled her eyes at her own protest.

"So take mine on this, Alice. Jasper likes you. It's worth the risk. The dinner party is the perfect chance to test the waters."

"Ok, Bella. _I'll_ take the leap if _you'll_ do the same with Edward. And don't tell me you don't know what I'm talking about, because I watched both of you today. I know there's something there."

"Fine. But let's plan Operation 'Catch a Chef' first. You want to meet tomorrow night for a game strategy?"

"Your place or mine?" Alice giggled, hugging me before we went back to work.

*****

I was more than relieved to get into my big t-shirt and thong, comforted by a pint of strawberry cheesecake ice cream. Today had been a rollercoaster of emotions without resolution. And Edward had been MIA the rest of the afternoon. I shook my head in defeat as I realized that my recent moods were dependent on my encounters with _Blue Eyes_. More than anything, I wanted a real conversation with him, face to face. I didn't want to feel ambushed or antagonized. My fingers tapped the keyboard rapidly as I sat down and waited for his name to appear.

_**[E Cullen is online] **_

_Of course he is._

_**[B: Edward, can we talk?]**_

**[E: Sure, Bella]**

**[B: I mean in person. Can I come over, or can you walk over here?]**

One minute, thirty seconds passed by. I counted every second.

_**[E: Wow]**_

What did that mean? It didn't feel good, that was certain.

_**[B: Wow? What does wow mean?]**_

_**[E: You just took me off guard.]**_

By asking to talk in person I took him off guard? Was I reading too much into our entire history of interactions?

_That's possible—you've got a history of wanting what you can't have._

_**[B: Is that a 'no'?]**_

_**[E: It's more of a 'not now.']**_

_**[B: Is now a bad time? Its 1 a.m.…OMG—are you not alone?]**_

I felt myself blush, even though I was in my own place, alone. Why would he answer me online if he had someone there? What kind of guy would do that?

_**[E: No, Bella, I'm alone.]**_

_**[B: I see.]**_

_**[E: I'm sure you do NOT see.]**_

_**[B: Then tell me.]**_

_**[E: I think it's better if we keep things indirect, that's all.]**_

_**[B: Indirect? So you never want to have direct contact with me?]**_

_**[E: I wouldn't say never. And I mean, specifically, when the topic of discussion involves us]**_

He may not have said never, but I could feel it. The same embarrassment I had felt many times before came back. I realized I had put myself out there, only to be dismissed.

_And you fell for him._

I re-read his posts, confused and frustrated.

'Never' would kill me.

_**[E: You're quiet.]**_

_Hah!_ _You think?_

_**[B: I'm trying to understand. It's ok;I just misread things, as usual.]**_

_**[E: Damn, Bella. Didn't I use the word 'us'? You didn't misread things.]**_

I pulled my hair and started biting my own nails. My fragile ego clung to those words.

_**[B: So you DO want to have a relationship?]**_

_**[E: Do you?]**_

_**[B: Yes.]**_

_I admitted it. Eek!_

_**[E: I want you, Bella. Just not now. *Sigh*. It's me. I'm working through this and I can't be with you until I have things right in my head.]**_

_**[B: Working through what?]**_

_**[E: Can't we drop it? I've admitted I want you. Isn't that enough for now? I've missed you today, and 'Creepo' said you promised him a date! Not to mention Mike!]**_

So he _was_ jealous. How did we get here so quickly?

_Where are you exactly?_

_Hell if I know._

Edward said he wanted me. I wanted him more than I had ever wanted anyone in my life. If he needed time, then that's what I'd give him.

_**[B: Creepo? Haha. That's hilarious. I call him the same thing!]**_

_**[E: Really? LMAO. Well, did you promise him a date?]**_

_**[B: No, Edward. I scheduled a lunch meeting to get a proper patient transfer report on each resident, but he's being passive aggressive.]**_

_**[E: Ugh. What a prick. I don't trust him. I tried to tell Dad he was antisocial and untrustworthy, but he's charming around him. Don't meet with him alone, Bella.]**_

_**[B: I have to. I need the information. He refuses to put it in the electronic record.]**_

_**[E: When are you meeting him?]**_

_**[B: I'm not sure.]**_

_**[E: Will you let me know?]**_

_**[B: Ok. But why?]**_

_**[E: I'd like to be around if you need me. And please, wear a parka when you do.]**_

_**[B: LOL. A parka?]**_

_**[E: You're beautiful, Bella. And smart. I know you have to see that.]**_

_He doesn't know me at all does he? _

_Maybe he does have a mental problem_.

_A brain tumor? _

_Hmm. Wonder if he'd let me order a CAT scan._

_**[B: So beautiful you don't want direct contact with me.]**_

_**[E: I told you, it's not about you.]**_

_**[B: It's not you, it's me, right? *eyeroll*]**_

_**[E: Do you want me to leave you alone?]**_

Did I? It would be easier to just enjoy this awesome job and my new friends.

_B__ut._

I was tired of settling. I settled with Sean and I settled to please everyone else in my life, until now. Now, I wanted to take risks, to listen to my own advice. I couldn't even fathom my life without him. I realized it was too early to have feelings like this, but was never more certain. Operation 'Bag Blue Eyes' was a go. I needed to wait him out, and pray that I could break his resolve.

_**[B: No. I'll take this, for now.]**_

_**[E: For now?]**_

_**[B: Yes, Blue Eyes. For now. But if you wait too long, be prepared to clean up the mess.]**_

_**[E: Blue Eyes, huh? *smile* And what mess would that be, sexy?]**_

_**[B: My spontaneous combustion.]**_

We talked for another hour, comparing our favorite things and pet peeves. He was a perfect match in many areas, but in others my exact opposite. Like magnets, we were unable to deny the pull towards each other. I longed for his embrace as I went to sleep, hanging on his words. They repeated in my head as a mantra, "I want you, Bella."

**A/N: Reviews win you a cup of hot steaming BlueEyes—with or without the Java!**


	9. Time and Titillations

**A/N: So how are things? Got it figured out? I hope not, or there's no mystery, right? One good thing about new fanfic writers is we're enthusiastic about our reviewers. Every word helps me to improve!**

**I have to shout out to my ever patient beta, Dani**

**And to TEAM CLEAN and the Camp –xoxo**

**SM owns all things twilight**

**Chapter 9 –Time and Titillations**

Friday was the scheduled day for treatment team, a discussion of care and changes felt to be most helpful for each resident. The psychiatrist usually chaired the meeting. This would be my first, since arrival, and Creepo was scheduled to be there for continuity of care. What a painful way to begin the weekend.

The conference table was still empty at six in the morning; the early time was understandable but painful nonetheless. I found my seat and took a few deep breaths. The meeting wasn't until 6:15, and I was amazed I had made it on time, and in one piece. Jessica arrived, plopping down on my right, bubbly and energetic. She was wearing a bright pink, green and yellow top which reminded me of something.

_Rainbow skittles._

Jessica commenced talking non-stop about the upcoming dinner party as I sipped on my large café mocha, nodding and praying for the others to arrive soon.

_This is why I'm always fashionably late._

The torture of small talk before an event was just one pet peeve. In the midst of the one way conversation, I noticed a large coffee at the other end of the table. I raised my eyebrows at Jessica, questioningly.

"Oh, that's Edwards. He ran to his office to get something, mumbling about timeliness, as usual – he's always early." Jessica inserted this comment seamlessly between her discussion of slacks versus a skirt and tights, depending on the weather tomorrow evening.

_Figures he'd be an early bird._

I was almost finished with my first cup of java, which meant I would have to respond more frequently to Jessica if more people didn't show. Stabbing myself with my pen seemed preferable. Alice waltzed in on cue, saving my flesh and my sanity.

_I swear she's clairvoyant._

She took the seat on my left, followed by Rosalie and Emmett who arrived together. Rose continued to beam with the joy of new-found love, or great sex, or both. Emmett looked like a loyal companion, hanging on her every word. He even pulled the chair out for her to sit down.

"Wow, whipped in less than 24 hours, huh? Nice." Edward mumbled. He walked in, retrieved his coffee and his seat, and continued to look irritated.

Emmett just shrugged, unbothered. "We haven't used whips yet, bro, but I'll let you know."

_Blue Eyes_ dropped the issue and, instead, looked in my direction. "Are we planning on starting this, or not? Its 6:16."

I knew he unexplainably dazzled me, but I was not going to tolerate his undermining my authority. It didn't help that I was upset with him. Even though I tried to understand, I was hurt and angry over his dismissal last night. If he felt as strongly as I did, how could he pretend that we hadn't confessed our feelings to each other? He sat there stoic, waiting for my response.

"Edward, I will gladly begin when _all_ key staff arrive, especially James, since he has been treating the residents up until two days ago. Your time is valuable, I'm sure, but I hope you can place the quality of our patient care above yourself for another few minutes."

He let out an exaggerated sigh, running his hands over his hair which was already a bit longer from when we first met. Still no golden bronze locks, like the ones in the picture he'd sent me, but longer than a buzz cut. I started daydreaming about his hair. I thought of crawling across the table to see if it was long enough to yank.

_Really, Bella? Hair fetish at six in the morning?_

"My apologies, Dr. Swan," oozed from his beautiful lips. He recognized the display of authority and placated me with a biting remark. I'm sure I would pay for this, indirectly, later tonight_. _

_Wonder if he's into spanking?_

_You're hopeless._

Angela and the other staff arrived within minutes, including James. He made a point to call out "Morning Edward. Morning, Bel, Jes."

I watched him push back his chair, balancing on the back two legs. I was aghast at his continued arrogance.

_So, you shorten the names of women, huh? _

_Interesting._

Alice stared back with the fire of Hades in her eyes, daring him to call her 'Al.' He just nodded and squirmed uncomfortably at her unspoken warning, leaning over to speak with the nurse tech to his right.

Let's get started, shall we?" I introduced myself formally for the minutes of the meeting, verbally noting each staff member present around the table. The resident cases were discussed at length, using progress reports from nurses, activities, and groups. James offered useless comments in an attempt to joke. Each time, they fell flat on everyone except a few, who probably felt it necessary to laugh, given his position.

We finally came to Ms. Hiller and her progress reports. This was a priority case for me because of the uncertainty of her diagnosis. She didn't seem to fit the DSM-IV criteria for any major psychiatric illness other than Psychosis Not Otherwise Specified at this point. I opened her file using the computer, projecting it onto the screen for discussion.

When her face sheet and picture were shown, James blurted out, "Oh yeah, the new onset schizophrenic."

I dropped my pen on the table abruptly. "I use patient names when discussing treatment, James, and they're _not_ their diagnosis." The room grew quiet from my outburst, but I didn't care. I'd be damned if he was going to dismiss this young girl due to his incompetence.

"I guess everyone has their own style," he replied, providing a smiling façade. "We were more casual during my training, I suppose. A relaxed atmosphere while working promotes better performance, compared to an uptight one, I'd say."

_Ass!_

"Well I prefer _my_ treatment teams to include brainstorming and excellent care. I don't think identifying the patient's as symbols of their illness promotes that very well." My irritation with him had been building since we met. Try as I may, I couldn't stop myself from replying. The banter was doing Landie no good, and I tried to move along the discussion by asking for reports on her room change and medications.

James refused to let the issue go, his injured ego unable to stand the public undressing. He spoke up before Jessica could begin her report. "Well you did just finish your residency, right? So I understand your need for going strictly by the book, Bel."

_Oh no he didn't. _

_Calm down. _

_Hell no!_

My temper won the battle once again. I challenged him with a bluff, hoping my instincts were still as good as they had been in the past. "Would you like to share with the group where you completed your training, James?"

_Please God, don't let it be Ivy League._

His eyes fidgeted as he responded. I knew I had him. "I finished my clinicals in California 6 years ago." He was hiding something and I knew it.

My innate predatory reflex switched on, pressing me to ask for more and go for in the kill. "Oh, which program did you matriculate from? I have friends at UCLA and UC San Diego."

"Well my basic science years were at Diabhal University in New Mexico, with clinical rotations in various affiliated California hospitals," he answered curtly.

"Isn't that the medical school which lost its accreditation a few years ago?" Edward chimed in from across the room.

_That was my line, Blue Eyes._

Edward had been eerily quiet the entire treatment meeting. I had even checked periodically to see if he was paying attention. He always was, seemingly engrossed in each case, just reserved. Yet, now he chose to speak. It was kind of endearing that he felt the need to help me.

James turned from me and looked at Edward with anger – and fear? "It's applying for re-instatement. There were unnecessary citations that the school is challenging. But its 7:00 a.m., and I'm sure you don't want to hear the entire story, do you? Aren't you the time czar, Edward?"

"Oh joy, a pissing contest!" Alice whispered to me under her breath.

I cleared my throat loudly. "Let's move on."

I discussed the differential diagnoses I was considering for Ms. Hiller. Everyone around the table seemed pleased for the confrontation to have stopped. Jessica reported that Landie was more coherent and cooperative this morning after the change in rooms yesterday. I asked Alice to schedule her for psychological testing next week, if Ms. Hiller could tolerate the time commitment.

I then turned my thoughts to our blue eyed music therapist. Ms Hiller had been an organist all her life, and music was something that her former self should relate to.

"Edward, how do you feel about her being in one of your groups? She may not participate fully, or even manage staying the entire time, but I'm hoping it would benefit her."

His eyes lit up from across the room and he stopped frowning at James. "I think that's an excellent idea, Dr. Swan. I'll plan her schedule starting next week, if she maintains this recent improvement over the next few days." I was excited over his willingness and comfort with taking such a seriously ill patient into one of his groups. The review of Ms. Hiller ended.

We arranged discharge for two residents while assigning care for the next two new arrivals who would cap the census again on Monday. James aggressively asked for Mr. Pulsifer, a 69 year old man from the Skokomish Tribal Nation located southeast of the retreat. His son was a friend of Carlisle's from Seattle, and was concerned about his dad who was living alone on the reservation. There seemed to be early signs of vascular dementia and he was asking for a full assessment. I cringed as James explained he was "part California Cherokee," and would like to oversee his care.

_Because all Native Americans are the same? _

_Idiot! _

My relationship with Jake and the Quilette tribe had exposed me to several neighboring tribal nations growing up. I knew Mr. Pulsifer would be a difficult case, and that the "People of the River" were very proud. If this was early dementia, then the loss of control and autonomy would be devastating to him. Knowing that James was going to perform the assessment made me ill. I took the other patient, avoiding any further arguments, but promised myself I would talk with Carlisle this weekend concerning Creepo. I adjourned the meeting and watched the staff scurry from the room as quickly and orderly as possible.

_Confrontations are like fire drills, they sure can clear a room._

I laughed out loud when only Lil' Firecracker and Rose remained. "That went well, huh?"

They laughed with me, pushing their chairs back to imitate James. "I'm 1/60th Quinalt! Does that count?" Rose mocked him with her best Creepo voice.

"I've got you beat 'Ro', I'm 1/40th Hoe Tribe myself!" Alice followed her lead, causing me to double over in amusement.

"Enough, enough!" I pleaded. "I can't take anymore! So, are you guys coming over tonight? I was going to make tacos."

"I'm there!" Alice beamed.

"Oh, I can't!" Rose frowned. "I promised Em I would come over to his place and help Esme with some of the preparations for tomorrow."

Emmett and Jasper lived on the third floor of Carlisle and Esme's home. They had preferred the amenities of Esme's nurturance, and the maid service, versus the independence of the cottages. Jasper had been treated as family for years. He was thrilled when Edward didn't want to live in the house. The full chef's kitchen and living arrangements were additional perks that helped lure Jasper to the Retreat with the Cullens.

"It's ok, Rose. We'll miss you, but I'm sure you'll be enjoying yourself with – Em, is it?" Alice teased.

We laughed again, parting ways to finish up our last duties for Friday. I was excited for the weekend to come.

*****

Alice knocked on my door at 8:30 p.m., carrying a bottle of tequila, margarita mix, and a bag of limes. She dropped it all on the floor when Rio came prancing up to her, twisting his body and dancing around in a circle.

"He's so sweet, Bella!" She played with him while I brought the chips and homemade salsa out. I placed a bowl of food down for Rio, tempting him to leave Alice's side.

"Thanks, Alice! Margaritas, huh?"

"You mentioned Mexican food and I had to provide the libations! I even brought the salt and lime, although I'm not drinking myself." She was beaming.

"What? I'm not gonna drink without you, Alice. How pathetic is that?"

"Bella, I've had very bad experiences with drinking, plus I live on a natural high! I'll stick to my Dr. Pepper, thanks. But I do make a mean ass margarita, and you're gonna try it!

Rio whined as I rolled my eyes. I knew there was no arguing with her. We munched and talked as she showed me her technique for the 'mighty margarita.' I took a sip, smiling. She was right- it was great. We sat on the floor in my living room and began discussing the dinner party. Operation 'Catch a Chef' commenced in full swing.

Alice continued to give me the standard 'I don't want to lose his friendship lines' when it came to Jasper. "It's too important to me. What if he doesn't want it, too? I can't bear to lose him in my life."

"Can you bear to watch him start a life with someone else? Because if you keep waiting, it could very well happen," I argued. "What if he feels the same way? What if he's not certain you want more than friendship with him?"

"I flirt all the time, Bella!"

"But you flirt with almost everyone, chica. He notices you, believe me. But I think he feels like it's just you being _you_. We need more of an extravagant display from our Lil' Firecracker…one he can't deny is for him." I started thinking.

"Like what?"she asked, intrigued.

"Like a Boom Boom Pow!" I turned my CD player on full blast. We laughed while dancing around the room to the Black Eyed Peas. The bass shook the pictures on the wall while we squealed like schoolgirls. Rio ran to the bedroom to hide from our giddiness.

The exact plan for Alice was laid out during my second margarita, and the alcohol made it seem foolproof for tomorrow night.

Operation 'Bag BlueEyes' was another issue. I only discussed it superficially because I couldn't bring myself to tell Alice about the late night chatting. That was something sacred to me, just between us. I wasn't willing to share it. I did admit my attraction to Edward, and my nickname for him.

Alice assured me that she saw a connection between us. "This is the most alive I've seen him since…well, in a while."

I sobered up quickly, setting down empty glass number two. "Whoa – wait a minute, firecracker. Since when? You paused."

_C'mon! I'm dying here! _

"Well, Edward was in a long-term relationship before coming here," she divulged.

_Damn._

"Her name was Tanya. Edward met her during his last year of college and she latched onto him immediately," she paused.

"I see. What was she like?"

"Well, she was pretty, I suppose, but definitely self centered in a bad way. She was controlling of Edward, which is what I hated most about her." Her words were like oxygen, I couldn't get enough.

I kept looking at Alice, not blinking.

"I know, I know. You want details, my obsessive freak? Let's see—blonde hair, athletic, small frame, a little shorter than you, blue eyes. Happy?"she asked.

I took a breath. I did feel better knowing the details. Alice knew me too well. "Thank you. So—did he love her? What happened?"

Alice frowned. "I hate to tell you this again, Bella, but some of those answers are not mine to give. He seemed to care for her, but she was so demanding of him. I only touched base occasionally with Edward after college; we were both so busy pursuing our careers. But what happened exactly? I don't know. "

"Ugh! I knew he was scarred by something, or someone. It has to be her." I bit my nails nervously.

"I don't think he loved her like that, Bella. He never looked at her the way he does you. But I do know things happened to Edward which made him shut down. He won't let any of us in, except Carlisle, on rare occasions, and you. There are personal things about Edward you still don't know, and I swore to him I would never tell his business. I would have promised him anything to have him back with us. He has to be the one to let you in, Bella." She seemed nervous even telling me that much.

"What do you mean have him back?" I was confused.

"He stayed in Canada for over a year without contact. He still takes off occasionally when he has time off. When he finally agreed to stay here at the Retreat, we were all hoping he had conquered whatever demons were bothering him. "She shrugged.

"Can I at least ask if it involved Tanya, the change in his personality?" I asked.

"You can. But I honestly don't know how much of a role Tanya played in all of this. I just know that I want Edward back. We have him physically, but it's not the same. I want the charming, witty, fun-loving guy we all grew up with! Your _Blue Eyes."_She giggled.

I laughed. "He's not _my_ _Blue Eyes. _Not yet anyway."

"That's my girl! But, Bella? Can I ask one question?"

"Shoot, Alice!"

She grinned mischievously. "Why is it just 'Bag Blue Eyes'? You just want to carry him around with you? "

I spit my margarita across the room. "You're right, chica. Who just wants to bag him? Bang him it is!"

'Operation _Bang_ Blue Eyes' wrapped up the night, and I was buzzing and giggly from the tequila. I had already shimmied out of my pants into my thong as Alice was shutting the door. The old country song, 'Tequila Makes My Clothes Fall Off,' was written for me. A trail of clothes was left behind me as I made my way directly to the computer. I sat down, naked and tipsy.

**_[E Cullen is online.]_**

**_[E: You're late, sexy.]_**

**_[B: What? Alice just left! And since when am I on a schedule with you? You think I'm sexy? *blush*]_**

**_[E: Oh I know-I heard her. Black Eyed Peas? Seriously?! I have to tutor you in music. Yes, you ARE sexy.]_**

**_[B: Mmmmm. I think you're hawt yourself, Blue Eyes. I wanted to spank you for your behavior in treatment team today.]_**

**_[E: LMAO. You did, huh? Well James is an incompetent ass. I'm talking to Carlisle about him tomorrow.]_**

**_[B: Me too! We should do it together. We should do lots of things together.]_**

**_[E: Bella, are you drunk? LOL]_**

**_[B: NO! Well, maybe a little. I don't usually drink much, and Alice made these margaritas. Now I'm all hot.]_**

**_[E: Haha. Well maybe you should change into your PJs or something.]_**

**_[B: I'm already naked.]_**

**_[E: You are not.]_**

**_[B: Come over and see.]_**

**_[E: You're killing me.]_**

**_[B: I bet. *eyeroll*]_**

**_[E: Why don't you walk out on the patio and I'll peep at you through my window. It works for some people.]_**

**_[B: Ah! I was just walking by that night!]_**

**_[E: Ooook. *eyeroll* LOL]_**

**_[B: WTV. That's my eyeroll! You stole it.]_**

**_[E: Yeah, I stole it-Haha. So...are you going to the dinner party with anyone tomorrow?]_**

**_[B: Are you trying to be funny?]_**

**_[E: Maybe. LOL. But seriously, are you going?]_**

**_[B: Yes, Edward, I'll be there. Should I prepare myself to be called Dr. Swan and be directly ignored?]_**

**_[E: Wow. I told you this is best for now, Bella.]_**

**_[B: So is that a yes?]_**

**_[E: No. I won't ignore you. I'll only be there to see YOU, Bella.]_**

**_[B: That just gave me goose bumps!]_**

**_[E: All over?]_**

**_[B: Uh-huh.]_**

**_[E: I bet my friends are at attention for me again, huh?]_**

_Traitorous nipples._

**_[B: Ugh. I can't believe you take advantage of an autonomic reaction.]_**

**_[E: What? LMAO. I can't help it if your body finds me 'titillating.']_**

**_[B: WTV!! Haha. I was cold.]_**

**_[E: You said you weren't cold.]_**

_How does he always corner me like this! _

**_[B: Fine! My nips were hard from excitement.]_**

**_[E: And the first day we met?]_**

**_[B: Then, too.]_**

**_[E: And now?]_**

**_[B: Definitely now.]_**

**_[E: Bella, you have no idea what you do to me. Just so you know]_**

**_[B: Then tell me!]_**

**_[E: I will. One day.]_**

**_[B: Tease!]_**

**_[E: Right now, I need a moment.]_**

**_[B: A moment for what?]_**

**_[E: Haha. You really don't have ANY idea.]_**

_Does he mean he's going to whack off? _

_No way! _

_Is he telling me that? _

_Why won't he give in if he wants me?_

**_[B: I could help you with that.]_**

**_[E: *groan* You do. Nightly. Goodnight, Sexy.]_**

**_[B: Goodnight, Blue Eyes.]_**

**_[E: Bella?]_**

**_[B: Yes?]_**

**_[E: Don't be late tomorrow.]_**

**_[B: Quit coming early! LOL]_**

**_[E: Hmm. That's impossible with you.]_**

**_[B: Night Edward!]_**

**_[E: Night.]_**

I planned on hunting down 'thumper' myself, needing a release from all his sexual taunting. But my mind kicked into overdrive as usual, blocking my intentions.

_Tanya. _

I wanted to ask him about Tanya, a woman I knew nothing about. Nevertheless, she caused insane jealousy to stir in my veins. She had to be involved with him pushing everyone away. I went to bed rehearsing how I would ask him tomorrow, if given the chance. The liquor took over as I drifted to sleep.

_Time. _

_Time is up Edward._

**A/N: Reviews titillate BlueEyes and ME!!!**


	10. Dinner and Ditchers

**A/N: Here's the party!! I'm warning you now, it's not all festive. Don't hate me. This too shall pass. **

**SM owns twilight.**

**Chapter 10 – Dinner and Ditchers**

Saturday morning was beautiful. The weather was warm and the sun was actually shining. I sipped my morning coffee on the patio, watching Rio chase ducks around the lakeside. He apparently thought the fowl were either blind or stupid, since his strategy included lying down on his belly in stealth mode. A nearly sixty pound Boxer attempting to creep undetected was a sight to see. The ducks stood paralyzed in fear until the last moment, and then flapped wildly across the lake to safety. I laughed as he bounded into the water after them, only to return disappointed. He trotted over to me, whimpering, wanting the game to continue.

"It sucks boy, I know." I consoled him.

I knew the disappointment of an exciting chase all too well. How had things turned complicated so quickly? Being with Edward was now my constant desire. But he didn't want me back, at least not in any real form. He _said _he wanted me, and emotionally my heart believed him. But intellectually, his demand for an 'indirect' relationship told me different. His words were outweighed by some unknown factor. That mystery was apparently more important than the feelings he had for me, however strong.

When I talked with him online, I felt complete happiness and utter disappointment, simultaneously. His presence answered a silent call by waking me from the monotony that was once my life. Emotions, which I had worked years to forget, resurfaced. They brought vibrancy and color to my feelings, which were before just shades of gray. Unfortunately, the limitations of his presence used those emotions against me.

I felt his words pierce me over and over.

_It's better if we keep this indirect._

And I bled.

The irony was that I didn't have to bleed. I could walk away. I could choose another path. Did I truly need a connection with someone which may never mature?

I had done that before. Sean had been there for me physically, but never emotionally. He never shared my heart. Although I had a companion, I was left incomplete and broken.

Edward offered me his emotions, yet refused anything physical. That option was a mirror image of the brokenness I had felt in Phoenix. The irony made me laugh, but I wasn't happy.

Was I condemned to only taste of love? I longed for the completeness of giving myself to someone. Was Edward my soul mate? What if he changed his mind? What if _I _changed his mind?

_He won't. He might! He won't._

I recalled Alice's comments from last night and the changes she noted in Edward since my arrival. Her words gave me the confidence to continue solving the puzzle. If it meant that I would bleed daily from the pain of his unwavering convention, then I would. But if Edward refused to change, I would force myself to move on. The thought of walking dead again, among the living, seemed like a nightmare.

_I always knew you were a masochist._

Tanya.

She held the key, at least in part. Was she the reason he was so bitter and withdrawn? I wondered how long it had been since they were together, or if he still kept in touch with her. I had too many questions and no answers. Only patience would provide them.

_And you're great at that. _

_Right._

"C'mon, Rio, we'll chase them again later. Never give up, boy." I stood and walked into the cottage.

Alice arrived around 5:00 p.m. hauling bags of hair products, clothes and shoes. At least I thought it was Alice, since I caught a glimpse of her spiked pixie hair from amongst the inventory of Neiman Marcus. She headed straight to my bedroom where we spent the next hour assessing the number of times I could blush within a two minute period.

"Bella you have to try on these, too. I want to see the entire ensemble!" She was relentless.

"Alice, don't think three and a half inch heels, and a black cocktail dress, are a bit much for tonight?" My anxiety was rising.

She rolled her eyes while throwing me the other heel. "It's a 'dinner party,' Bella! It's after 7:00 p.m., and being held at Carlisle's home—cocktail dresses are a must! Plus, I'm wearing four inch."

"I don't think Jessica or the others will be dressed quite so formally." I tried another avenue.

"And you want to conform to Jessica Stanley's taste? Please, Bella. This is just barely past business casual. You're going to wear this wrap with it. See?" She demonstrated the wrap with the dress. "You can even let it fall absent mindedly from your shoulders, on occasion."

"Uh-huh," I answered.

I turned around and looked in the mirror. The black dress was gorgeous. It had a vintage starlet inspired neckline, and draped across my chest onto a ruched bodice. The cap sleeves balanced on my shoulders, giving the perception they would fall down my arm any moment. A short pleated bubble hem revealed my legs in a classic way. Wearing my basic heels would have sufficed, but the strappy numbers took the dress, and my legs, to the next level. I sat down beside the vanity and bit my lip nervously. My thoughts turned to _Blue Eyes_ and his reaction.

"You'll still be at least two inches shorter than Edward, Bella. And he will _love_ it." Alice assured.

_How does she do that?_

The mind reader was already working on my hair as she chatted. She was more than excited over her plans to snare Jasper.

After a triumphant sigh, Alice placed both hands on her hips. "If all goes to hell in a hand basket tonight, and we end up alone, I'll definitely spoon ya." She kissed my cheek and spun me around to look into the mirror. I gasped in surprise. My long brown hair was loosely pinned up on each side, with slight curls trailing down rebelliously, from the top. The tendrils teased at my bare shoulders and made me giddy with excitement for the first time.

"I told you! _Go_ ahead. Say it. Say 'You were right, Alice'." She squealed.

We laughed and I kissed her cheek in return. "You were right, Alice. I love it." I felt beautiful, and sexy, and powerful.

_Powerful enough to weaken BlueEyes' resolve?_

_Maybe!_

She left me to finish my make-up, and I knew she'd be disappointed. I only applied powder and eye-liner—nothing else.

I picked her up for the drive over together. Alice was wearing a red Asian-inspired cocktail dress and four inch heels, as promised. Her dark hair against the red sateen was sexy enough, but across the front and side of her dress was the prize— a black embroidered dragon snake.

She tossed a tube of lip gloss over to me and hopped in. "I knew you wouldn't put anything on. And those lips have to be poppin', my 'Boom Boom Girl!'"

"Well I'm glad to see you brought your pet snake along," I replied.

We giggled while I applied the subtle copper lip gloss. As I admired my lips in the visor mirror, I imagined placing them on Blue Eyes.

The driveway was paved with cobblestones. Luminaries guided the way for parking and the path towards the rear lawn. The back of the house was composed of stone accents, encompassing huge walls of glass. Open verandas stretched across the first and second story, overlooking the lake.

Arriving fashionably late, I could tell that most of the guests were accounted for. When we walked onto the main courtyard, I glimpsed James hugging Carlisle in greeting.

_Manly Hugging? _

_Why don't you prostrate yourself Creepo? _

_What a fake._

I planned on talking with Carlisle tonight, if given the chance. I hoped it would be received well. We scurried inside, not wanting to be caught by James in a painful conversation about himself. Jessica and the other female staff were already enjoying the free flowing wine. They were wearing a variety of slacks and dress shirts, as well as a few cocktail dresses. Alice flashed me another 'told ya so' grin before I could hide my relief that we weren't overdressed. We started our greetings as I broke out in internal hives. Entering social events was what I hated the most. Although I hadn't seen Edward, I knew he was here from his Volvo.

_He probably arrived 20 minutes early. _

Mike came up beside me, beaming like summer sunshine. Alice winked and flitted away for drinks, which left me unattended and trapped.

"Hey, Bella. How's it going?" He asked.

"Fine, Mike, and you?" I wished for someone to save me.

"Great. It's going great! And you look stunning, by the way." His grin was childlike.

I smiled half-heartedly in return. I knew I had to do something about his eagerness for my attention, but what? He seemed to miss subtlety. My consternation was short-lived when I heard a cackle from across the room.

Jessica's head was bobbing excitedly over something someone had said to the group. She was wearing a bright colored sequin top with slacks. It reflected a rainbow of colors in our direction. Ms. Rainbow to match Mr. Sunshine!

"So, Mike, you still running every day?" I prompted.

He looked thrilled as I continued the conversation with him.

_Don't get too excited buddy._

"Yeah! Why, you want to join me one day?" He responded.

"Me? No—Rio likes our alone time together." Watching his face drop was painful in an 'Aww, that's sad' kind of way. "But this past week, Jessica was saying she wanted a running partner, and I've seen the two of you get along so well at work." I pointed across the room towards Jessica.

"Oh really?" Mike considered my words with mild disappointment, and curiosity.

I nodded eagerly, hoping he would follow my lead. "She's really sweet. She said she needed motivation. I thought you could help her out."

We didn't have to continue the conversation further because a booming voice resounded down the hall. Rose and Emmett appeared from upstairs together. Rose wore a winter white dress that clung to her curves. Their expressions told me volumes, given the fact he had been 'showing her his room'.

Emmett walked directly up to me, and Mike, slapping him on the back heartily. "Is the food ready? I'm starving!" He moaned, causing Rose to laugh.

"In a few minutes, Emmett." Esme approached our group with Alice by her side. "Bella, we are so glad to have you here, and in our home."

"Thank you Esme. Your home is beautiful." I felt awkward speaking to Edward's mom.

"Thank you. It's like a sanctuary for me. I love to sit and admire the lake at night. It's so peaceful." Her personality was instantly likeable.

"Mom, sorry to interrupt, but _when,_ exactly, can we eat?" Emmett begged.

Everyone laughed at the big oaf, but Emmett pouted in response.

"We're waiting on your brother and Jasper to join us. They are most likely terrorizing the caterers in the kitchen," Esme explained.

"We'll go round them up!" Alice chimed while pulling me away eagerly. She whispered in my ear as we rounded the corner and passed through two large mahogany doors. "Catch a Chef, Bang Blue Eyes."

I laughed out loud, entering the huge gourmet kitchen and galley. Jasper and Edward were chatting side by side and watching the food preparation. I gathered they were avoiding the pleasantries of outside as well.

Alice wasted no time in her maneuvers. "Hello, gentleman. What's so hot in here you can't join the party? Besides us, I mean, and we just arrived!"

Jasper almost dropped the carrot stick he had in his mouth. His eyes were glued on Alice and her sashay over to his side. Edward smiled while continuing to drink his beer. He made eye contact with me, but only for a brief moment.

"Hello, Edward, Jasper." I smiled.

Jasper spoke first. "Hey, Bella. You look beautiful tonight."

Edward nodded in greeting. "Hello, Bella." His words were so soft that I barely registered them. He was wearing a white oxford shirt and black blazer. His hair was just long enough to look unkempt, and his eyes were icy blue.

"You guys look great yourself." My social awkwardness was heightened by all the politeness. I yearned for someone to start an argument so I could feel more comfortable. Alice gave me a signal to occupy Edward as she began asking Jasper about the meal the chefs were preparing. He was a guest tonight, but of course instrumental in the menu planning. He walked her over to one of the islands to describe the various selections, which left me with Blue Eyes.

Edward turned to me, his eyes slowly raking over my body. I watched as he took in my face, my shoulders, and my legs. The silence accompanied by his perusal was killing me.

I had to speak. "Alice forced me to dress for the occasion; I know it's a little much."

He sipped on his beer slowly, once again watching the other activity in the kitchen with feigned interest. But he responded under his breath, without looking at me. "You're always too much for me, Bella, that's the problem."

My body flushed in arousal. I thought about reaching out to touch him, just a few feet away.

_No, you can't_.

One of the caterers who knew Edward interrupted and introduced himself. He began giving me his family history in the process. I glanced down to make sure my name tag wasn't there. People inevitably approached me in the strangest situations to divulge personal information I'd rather not know. Needless to say, Edward slipped out during the middle of this dialogue. His uncanny ability to leave me hot and bothered was something I was growing accustomed to.

_Turn me on and run, BlueEyes._

One advantage of being trapped with the sous chef was my ability to eavesdrop on Alice. I listened from the periphery while she wrangled with Jasper, her unknowing victim.

"What's this Jasper?" Alice leaned over the counter while her dress rode up her thighs. She pretended to reach for some cooking utensil just out of reach. I saw Jasper shift in position to avoid Alice's ass from rubbing against him. It was a futile effort since she leaned back from the counter and stumbled, purposefully, into his body.

"Oops!" She giggled, looking up into his eyes. "I think I need you around more often, Jas."

He grinned in response. His hands also lingered on her hips for a bit too long. "I'm always here for you Alice."

I could hear the love in his response. I almost squealed knowing she could fulfill her longed for desire if she braved the moment. The chance to push the issue was much easier than we had imagined. I held my breath while I eavesdropped, totally ignoring the story about Kansas farming in a hailstone from my new friend named Joe.

"Oh yeah?" Alice countered. "Even if I want you to be there for me, in bed?"

_Damn! _

I almost choked on the wine I was nursing. Leave it to Lil' Firecracker to give the big finale first. Heck with preliminary displays, huh Alice? Jasper was noticeably quiet, but didn't move away. Instead he leaned over and whispered something in her ear. It was just out of hearing. But the answer must have been positive, because Alice giggled in response.

With the heat in the kitchen rising, Esme walked in and demanded that we disperse. She no longer had patience for delaying the party.

A huge mahogany table, set for eighteen, was placed on the central veranda overlooking the rear lawn and lake. Space heaters and candles sporadically decorated the area, creating a romantic yet rustic ambiance. I claimed a seat next to Carlisle, followed by Alice and Jasper. I noted that their eyes hadn't left each other's since the kitchen. My assumption was that operation 'Catch a Chef' had been successful.

_If only I could Bang Blue Eyes._

Esme, Rose and Emmett sat across from me, with Edward on the far end of the table. He sat next to James, Jessica, Mike and other guests. I wondered if he had avoided proximity to me on purpose.

_Probably._

The dinner was amazing. The wine flowed without ceasing. This pleasure allowed James to become more arrogant as the night waned. I could hear him from our end of the table as he explained his life experiences with loud guffaws and overtures.

Leaning over to Carlisle, I spoke quietly, "Do you mind if I speak with you before leaving tonight? I hate to mix work with pleasure, but I'm not sure of your schedule next week."

He smiled in return. "Of course, Bella, we can talk in my office upstairs."

A sudden scream startled me, and the rest of the guests, which caused everyone to quiet. I saw Jessica standing in tears, with red wine covering her entire outfit. She glared at James, who seemed too drunk to care that he had knocked over the bottle of wine onto Jessica's lap. Edward offered her his napkin, but Mike stood up and led her from the table. Esme followed them into the house in search of club soda.

I watched Edward lean over to James and whisper something amid the chaos. Whatever he said, it caused Creepo to abruptly stand and walk over to Carlisle. He quickly bid goodnight and left the party before most people even recognized what had happened.

_I w__onder what he told him?_

"Looks like the party's _wine_ding down!" Emmett laughed.

"Funny, Emmett, very funny," Rose chastised.

Carlisle gave me directions to his office and promised to meet me there after checking on Jessica. His office was immediately at the top of the stairs. It was full of leather furniture and medical journals, organized succinctly on each shelf. His office had a private balcony as well. I opened the glass door to take in the moonlight and view of the lake while I waited. The wind was beginning to pick up, creating ripples across the water. It caused me to shiver in response. When I turned to walk back inside, I felt my heel catch in one of the cobblestone joints. I tried to pull it free to no avail.

_Great, now I'll have to undo all the straps to retrieve my foot! _

_Thanks Alice!_

I bent over to rescue my heel when a pair of cold hands grabbed my calf and ankle in assistance. When I jumped in response, I came face to face with Edward. His eyes were now the palest blue, with the moonlight reflecting specks of silver surrounding their depths. I could feel his breath against my face as he worked my heel free from the stone. His hands caressed my leg slowly while placing my foot back on the ground. I fought the urge to stroke his hair while he looked down, and held my breath in the moment. He finally stood next to me with his hands still resting on my hips, frozen.

Edward reached up to adjust my wrap which had fallen off of my shoulders in the process. His fingers softly grazed my arm, my shoulder, and my neck.

"You've broken your own rule," I whispered, counting the beats of my heart.

"What's that?" I asked.

"No direct contact." My cheeks flushed.

"You were in distress, it doesn't count," Edward responded quietly. His face was now inches from my own.

"Well I'm still in shock, so this doesn't count either." I leaned into his arms, placing my left hand on his face.

I traced his jaw line while pulling him towards me. Looking into his eyes for a sign of resistance, I saw none. My lips parted as I touched his, tasting a combination of alcohol and sweet nectar. I licked the outside of mine; relishing the taste I had only dreamed of. He opened his lips in returning the kiss, deepening the intensity as his tongue met mine. His hands tightened reflexively around my waist.

As my arms entwined around his neck, the tenderness of the moment changed. Fierceness overtook us both. Our kisses became ravenous, with each challenging the other to take in more. My head started to spin and I could feel myself falling. I pressed my body against his, bracing for the impact.

A sudden knock from inside the office ripped us apart. My body screamed from the loss of contact. Carlisle walked to the door with a pale, stricken look on his face. Was it fear, or anger? Had he seen the kiss?

"Edward, you have a phone call. It's urgent. You can use my office line" His words were terse.

Edward immediately went inside, grabbing the phone frantically. Carlisle joined me on the veranda and displayed an apologetic smile. We floundered through trivial questions about my first week, both of us preoccupied with what was occurring in the other room. Edward finally returned. He shook his head silently, responding with a 'no' to Carlisle's unspoken question.

"I need to leave tonight. Can you arrange for coverage?" He asked Carlisle robotically. His tone once again sounded distant and cold.

"Of course, take all the time you need." Carlisle walked quietly back inside, leaving me alone with Blue Eyes.

"I don't have time to explain, Bella. Not right now. I'm sorry I have to go. I shouldn't have let things get this far. Please forgive me." His words felt like I had been slapped.

Edward left me standing there, stunned. He didn't wait on a reply.

I dropped my wrap to the ground as I watched the man of my dreams disappoint me, ditch me, and disappear.

**A/N: I know! Sorry---I'll make it up to you…If you want BlueEyes back by the end of next chapter, let me know. If you want him to stay away and contact her indirectly, you also have a vote. The option with the most reviews wins! Yes, I'm bribing for reviews. Shameless! **


	11. Idleness and Insomnia

**A/N: Thanks for all the responses you gave! Sometimes I feel like writing this is just a way of rambling to myself…but when you comment, I remember that I'm not alone, or psychotic! **

**SM owns twilight**

**Chapter 11 – Idleness and Insomnia**

I unzipped my dress, watching it cascade onto the floor in a billowing heap. My body was numb, my soul silent. I had dared to believe that someone I loved would want me in return. I had dared to believe I was worthy of love. I had dared to reach out to him, and now he was gone.

Walking slowly into the room, I logged onto my laptop. I prayed my eyes would see salvation in the form of _E Cullen is online._ An empty welcome screen met me instead. It mocked me relentlessly.

J_ust make it through tonight, chica._

I showered and dried my hair, then cleansed my face twice. Anything to occupy myself was better than watching the clock tick by. Making my way to the bedroom, I stopped by the computer again. The screen was unchanged from before. I was powerless against the urges to recheck, even though I knew that only disappointment waited for me.

Rio went outside for his nightly routine and I stood on the patio staring at Edward's darkened windows. I saw only my reflection.

After folding the laundry and ironing my slacks for Monday, I lied down for bed. Realizing that sleep was out of the question, I began counting the ceiling imperfections.

Another hour passed and I went to the fridge for water, once again walking by my laptop. It was in sleep mode, which I quickly woke, just to torture myself once more.

_Nothing_.

Sitting alone in the dark, I could feel my erratic pulse. It was no doubt the manifestation of my broken heart trying to beat. Silent tears began flowing down my cheeks, hitting the back of my hands. I reached up to brush them away, but my fingers touched my lips. The sensation reminded me of Edward.

Kissing blue eyes was the most sensual feeling I had ever experienced. I could still taste him on my tongue. I could still smell him in the air. Where did he go? And what was so urgent that he couldn't give an explanation? I doubled over in pain, pushing down the gnawing emptiness inside.

Sunday blurred past me in a daze. I went to Charlie's for most of the day and cleaned around his permanent clutter. Fixing meals which could be frozen for future use was my favorite thing to do when worried. Rio hung out on Dad's lap while they watched football together. Being away from the Retreat helped my ruminations over Edward's disappearance. But I was still reminded of him constantly.

The timer going off on the stove struck a chord.

_Edward was never late_.

Dad mentioned getting his hair cut and my mind wandered.

_His locks were getting longer. _

Dusting the old piano in our den, which was never used, made me think of him playing his baby grand.

_Sigh. _

_Blue Eyes. _

_Stop moping! _

Idleness allowed the thoughts to filter through, each one worse than before. I pushed myself tirelessly throughout the day to stay busy. When I pulled into my drive that night, I was exhausted.

The alarm clock hit six a.m., and I hit the off button before it sounded. Another sleepless night was in the books.

Arriving early to work was indicative of a problem for me, but no one seemed to find it irregular. I checked on Ms. Hiller first and was thrilled she had slept better in the new room.

_At least one of us slept._

I wanted to mention the music therapy to Landie in our session, but I had no idea if, or when, Edward would return. Instead, I focused on supporting her in the psychological testing which Alice would perform. Her paranoia remained right under the surface. I noticed that she became quieter whenever I mentioned her friends in Seattle, or her family. My own energy was depleted from the lack of sleep, so I didn't focus on pushing the matter.

When I left Ms. Hiller's room, I saw Jessica standing at the nurses' station. Mike was by her side. She laughed flirtatiously while he responded in kind. I walked by hesitantly, hoping not to interfere in the moment.

"Hey Bella!" They both called out excitedly.

"Hey guys. How are you?" My attempts at going undetected failed.

"Great! Things are great Bella!" Mike beamed his usual grin.

"We jogged four miles this morning before work, and Mike thinks I'll be able to do the 8k run with him next month if we train!" Jessica bounced with enthusiasm.

If the mood became any happier I was going to need an emesis bag.

_Seriously? _

_On a Monday morning?_

I felt guilty begrudging their good time, but my lack of sleep and their constant smiling was making me nauseated by the minute. Some people seemed too pleasant for their own good. I was glad that Mike and Jessica had hit it off, but I couldn't celebrate with them, or anyone, in my present state.

I nodded a few times to their chatter before taking the nursing report over to one of the portable computer terminals in the sitting area. There were large windows overlooking the garden which was full of birds and squirrels in the morning. I decided to sit while reviewing the weekend notes. Being idle and alone in my office was not an option.

Still deep in thought, I heard a voice which made me kick myself for not using the office.

_Creepo._

James waltzed in, greeting all the female staff, shortening their names as usual. He walked up to me and smiled brightly. I groaned under my breath without eye contact.

"Hey Bel-, You got a sec?" he asked.

First of all, we both knew he would take more than a second of my time. And second, I was really beginning to dislike this guy.

_Hate even._

"Actually James, I'm kind of busy." I continued to look down.

_Like he didn't notice that already._

"Well I just wanted to say, you looked beautiful this weekend. I didn't get the chance to talk to you Friday night, and it bothered me all day yesterday." His presence was suffocating.

_This can't be happening._

The man I loved ran away from me, and the man I hated wouldn't leave me alone.

"Um, thanks James. But I really am busy, here." My head stayed down.

"Sure, Bel, sure. I'm just here to meet my new patient, the senile old geezer. His son is bringing him in this morning." His tone was disrespectful.

I rolled my eyes blatantly at his lack of empathy. He ignored me, and sat down onto the neighboring table top with one leg dangling off.

"And here they are now!" James stood abruptly.

_Thank you, Jesus._

Mr. Pulsifer's son was a general surgeon, and close friend of Carlisle. His dad was an elder with the Skokomish Tribal Nation. He was having trouble with losing things and wandering over the past six months on the reservation. Today he was being admitted for a full assessment and work up of dementia. I cringed, remembering James was assigned as his psychiatrist.

Carlisle walked in with the Pulsifers. He introduced them to James as well as me. I greeted them and returned to my work, but watched for the potential train wreck to ensue. Carlisle returned to his office and left them to complete the check-in process. Dr. Pulsifer began explaining to his dad, once again, the need for staying at the Retreat. He asked James to describe some of the work-up that would be needed.

But of course Creepo decided to make small talk first. "We'll be going over all the tests and plans together this afternoon. You know, I have family descended from the California Cherokees, Mr. Pulsifer. I wear this as a reminder of my ancestry."

_Oh brother._

James reached into his shirt and pulled out a gold chain with some type of charm attached. I couldn't make it out from across the room, but it looked cheap. Mr. Pulsifer looked warily at James, mumbling something in his native tongue before staring out the window. His son ignored the failed attempt of James to connect with his dad. Instead, he gave more information regarding the symptoms he had noticed. They talked for another ten minutes before James was paged. He excused himself while the nurses continued information gathering.

Dr. Pulsifer walked over to me while his dad was being placed in his room. "So, Isabella is it? You are the excellent new psychiatrist Carlisle is so proud of, correct?"

"I am the new psychiatrist, yes." I blushed.

"Humble, too! How refreshing for a doctor!" He laughed. His smile was genuine and friendly. "And you are from this area?"

"Yes. My dad still lives and works as the police chief in Forks. I trained in Arizona for medical school and residency, but just returned this month."

"Well I'm sorry my dad will not be working with you, since you come so highly praised. But I completely understand the process of assigning patients, and the census caps for each doctor. It was great to meet you, Bella. Let me know if there is anything you need if you're in the Seattle area. And please, call me Eric." He was polite and reserved.

"Thanks, Eric. Oh—just out of curiosity—can I ask you a question?" I couldn't help myself.

"Sure!"

"I overheard your dad speaking in his native tongue earlier, during the orientation when James was talking to him. I was curious, what did he say?" I asked.

Eric looked slightly embarrassed, and laughed under his breath. "Well, my dad can be blunt most days, Bella. He tends to do that when he's irritated."

I waited in anticipation, knowing this would be good.

"He said 'In my tribe, only the women wear gold.' That was his way of acting out I suppose, but it's true." Eric shrugged.

I looked at Eric for a moment while it sank in, then laughed heartily for the first time since Blue Eyes left.

_Creepo humiliated by a patient with dementia. Nice! _

"Well, looks like James has his work cut out for him!" I noted.

I walked directly to Carlisle's office, refusing to let my concerns over James be neglected any longer. Our discussion was postponed over the weekend because of Edward's phone call, but I couldn't continue to watch patients be given subpar care. Knocking on the door, I took a deep breath.

"Come in?" Carlisle spoke.

"Carlisle, I was hoping I could speak with you sometime today. I know we didn't get a chance to on Saturday." My palms were sweaty.

"Sure, Bella, please come in. What can I do for you?" He placed his book down on the table.

I sat down across from his warm smile, and noticed that he ran his hands through his hair nonchalantly.

_Just like BlueEyes._

"I can't believe I'm bringing this up to you, given I've only been here briefly, but I can't ignore it in good conscience," I explained.

"Bella, please feel free to come to me with anything. I value your feedback," he assured me.

"Well I appreciate that. I wanted to talk with you now, because I have serious concerns regarding James."

"James? How so?" he asked.

"Well, the transfer of patients required me to read over and examine his treatment plans and care. I disagree with many of his assessments. In addition, the discussions of cases in treatment team have me questioning his overall competency. But the most worrisome issue is his attitude and lack of empathy for our patients." I hoped he would understand my reasons were noble.

Carlisle leaned back in his chair, absorbing the information as I spoke.

"Wow. I had no idea, Bella. He's the third locum tenens we've had, and I was desperate to keep him on until we could get you here. Perhaps I ignored the signs on purpose," he blamed himself.

"Well, I also think he's good at showing a different side when in your company, Carlisle. I don't have specifics to give you just yet, but if you could review my current cases when you get a chance, and review the care he had been providing, I think you will see for yourself where my concerns arise."

"I will, Bella, this week. Edward had mentioned something to me about James on Saturday as well, but I thought he was referring to the wine fiasco during dinner. I had promised to speak also, but he had to leave." He stared at me, his eyes piercing my armor.

I grew increasingly nervous from the silence. I knew he was waiting on me to comment. He must have seen us when entering his office that night, but I was certainly not going to try and explain.

_Hell, I don't even know what happened._

It was a stand-off between who would speak first, and I won.

"Bella, I'm sorry I interrupted that night. I had no idea you two were…"

I stopped him. "We're not! I mean, there's no need to apologize, Carlisle. I was in _your_ office." I sighed. "I seriously don't know how that happened, but it was inappropriate, and **I** apologize. It won't happen again, or interfere with my work."

"It's fine, Bella. Your personal business is your own. As is Edwards. I know both of you enough not to be worried over that. I was surprised in a good way, to be honest. Edward hasn't been close to any of us since coming back here. His leaving is what bothers me most, even though I know he has to." Carlisle's face dropped. The worry lines were forming across his brow.

"Is he alright? Have you heard from Edward Carlisle?" I was now the one worried.

He snapped out of his pensive stare to smile gently. "I hope so, Bella, but I haven't heard from him since he left for the airport. He's dealing with a tenuous situation, which is unfortunate on so many levels."

"I see." But I didn't see. What in the world was happening to him? Carlisle nodded in silence

That made me revolt. "Actually, I don't see. I know that Edward is hurting, it's written all over his face. And everyone seems to tell me that he's different. But no one is telling me why. Shouldn't we be trying to help him? That phone call in your office Saturday turned him pale, instantly. What's going on? Can I offer my help?"

Carlisle looked at me in shock from the outburst. He let out a deep sigh. "It's complicated, Bella. Edward is trying to deal with a situation he feels responsible for, even though I disagree. He's placed his entire life on hold, consumed by this. I had to force him to come to the Retreat this year, hoping he would be able to distance himself from an irrevocable circumstance. He's here physically, but his mind continues to be stuck in the problem. Every time I think he's coming back to us, the past sucks him back in."

_That explains his self-deprecation._

"Is there anything I can do?" I pleaded.

"You already are. Your presence here has sparked life back into Edward. I'm thrilled you have connected with him. But, Bella, please be careful. For yourself, and for Edward. You're correct in your assessment of the situation. He's broken. Sadly, I'm not sure if, or when, he can be whole again. I don't want to see you hurt in this. There's already too much heartbreak." His phone rang suddenly, causing me to jump.

Carlisle answered, and spoke with his secretary about his schedule for the remainder of the day.

I realized I had taken up the last hour of his time and I stood to leave. "Thank you, Carlisle. I appreciate your candor. But I want to be there for him. It's important to me for some reason. And I refuse to believe he can't be helped. I hope he comes home soon. Thank you for listening."

"Any time, Bella. I want my son home too. And I _will_ get back with you on James. Please, let me know if there are other concerns." He promised.

The rest of the week dragged on, culminating on Friday. I had slept a total of ten hours over five days. I had lost five pounds from the longer than normal jogs with Rio and my lack of appetite. My work schedule wasn't busy enough, so I helped Alice with her paperwork and duties. I knew I was going to be hallucinating if I didn't rest, but my mind would race whenever I stopped.

At midnight I found myself on the computer again. I was half asleep, playing solitaire, and waiting for what seemed like a ghost. Every time I would play a hand, I would stop and check for him. Every time I found only disappointment. I had lost 3 hands in a row, so I frowned at the screen as I clicked off of the games for the night. That was when my eye caught something instantly.

_**[E Cullen is online.]**_

I fell off the chair onto the floor, literally onto my butt. Jumping back up, I pulled my hair and rubbed my eyes, making sure I was awake. I typed in a quick message.

_**[B: Edward?]**_

A few minutes ticked by and I began diagnosing myself as delusional. The words stayed on the screen with no response. Then finally, he answered.

_**[E: Hello, Bella.]**_

_Yes!_

_**[B: Edward! How are you? Are you ok?]**_

_**[E: I'm better, now . Why aren't you in bed?]**_

_**[B: I can't sleep.]**_

_**[E: Me either.]**_

_**[B: Where are you?]**_

_**[E: In my bed, behind your wall, remember?]**_

I jumped up and ran to the front window to see his silver Volvo sitting outside. Who knew that a car could make my heart sing? I ran back to the office quickly, out of breath from the excitement.

_**[E: Is that a herd of elephants over there, or are you running inside the house? LOL]**_

_**[B: I was checking to see if you were really here.]**_

_**[E: I am.]**_

_**[B: I see that. ]**_

_**[E: Are you happy I'm here?]**_

_**[B: Yes. I don't think my mind could have taken much more.]**_

_**[E: Bella, I told you before, it's better if we don't get too close.]**_

_**[B: Wow. So this week has been good for you, without me?]**_

_**[E: No.]**_

_**[B: So what are you saying, exactly?]**_

_**[E: I don't want you to be hurt.]**_

_**[B: Then don't hurt me. Stop shutting me out.]**_

_**[E: That's easier said than done.]**_

_**[B: Can you at least try?]**_

_**[E: I don't know. I know I can't stop thinking about you. And I can't keep myself from contacting you.]**_

_**[B: Me either. I've been worried about you.]**_

_**[E: I'm not worth it.]**_

_**[B: I disagree. Are you going to tell me what's going on?]**_

_**[E: Not tonight. I just needed to talk to you tonight.]**_

_**[B: OK. But soon, Edward. I want explanations.]**_

_**[E: So how much did you miss me?]**_

_**[B: Enough that I almost went out and bought a snake.]**_

_**[E: Haha. Oh really? Well there's no need.]**_

_**[B: Why is that?]**_

_**[E: I have one you can pet right here.]**_

_**[B: I'll be over in two minutes.]**_

**A/N: Reviews give you one free stroke of BlueEyes snake! (or Bella's hair—depending on your preference) LOL!**


	12. Tangles and Tips

**A/N: So this was a horror….I had half of the chapter written and lost my work, forcing me to re-write the entire thing. After my tantrum, I was able to finish, but I still mourn for my original words. I hope this replacement suffices!**

**Thanks to my peeps HK and DC! They are helping inspire and provide playlists for each chapter. You can go to my profile page and see the songs recommended for listening; I'll add more as we go.**

**Finally, LEMON alert! This chapter will contain lemons, or metaphorically a picture of a lemon, you've been warned. If you don't want to pucker, skip to the end of the IM chat ;)**

**SM owns twilight**

**Chapter 12 –Tangles and Tips **

_**[E: Wait.]**_

_**[B: What?]**_

_**[E: We can't.]**_

_**[B: I knew it! Then why say it? Are you playing me?]**_

_**[E: No.]**_

_**[B: *waiting*]**_

_**[E: I'll tell you, Bella, but I want it to be face to face.]**_

_**[B: Then, I'll come over.]**_

_**[E: LOL. No way! I'm not that strong.]**_

_**[B: *Eyeroll* Right.]**_

_**[E: How about tomorrow? Would you please go for a walk with me in the morning?]**_

_Finally!_

This was the first time Edward had instigated any form of time, or contact, with me. I wanted to scream and demand he talk to me now, but I knew it was futile.

_**[B: Sigh. Rio would love that.]**_

_**[E: Tomorrow then. It's a non-date.]**_

_**[B: Haha. Gotcha.]**_

_**[E: So, talk to me.]**_

_**[B: Oh, so now you want me to spill my guts?]**_

_**[E: I'm not very good at words. I'm better at listening.]**_

_**[B: Hmm. Well, how about we play a game to break the ice. You give me five words, and I'll say the first thing that comes to mind, like free-association? Then I'll give you five.]**_

_**[E: Like a modified verbal Rorschach? Interesting.]**_

_**[B: Yes, just like that (intellectual show-off). Or, we could talk about the weather.]**_

_**[E: Me first.]**_

_**[B: LOL. Why am I not surprised? Go ahead.]**_

_**[E: Cold.] **_

_**[B: Frozen.]**_

_**[E: Fire.] **_

_**[B: Hot.]**_

_**[E: Hot.]**_

_**[B: BlueEyes. ;)]**_

_**[E: LOL-Imagine that.] **_

_**[E: Pain.]**_

_**[B: Healing.]**_

_**[E: Last one. Pleasure.] **_

_**[B: Mushroom.]**_

_**[E: What? Haha. Why on earth would you say mushroom?]**_

_**[B: I'm not telling you.]**_

_**[E: Boo. You know you want to tell me, sexy.]**_

_**[B: It's Bella, *wink*, and it comes from a song I like by Sublime – Caress Me Down]**_

_**[E: Oh, I know the song.]**_

_**[B: Of course you do, maestro.]**_

_**[E: But it's "mushroom tip" to be exact. So, you want to caress me down, Bella?]**_

_**[B: Yes, very much.]**_

_**[E: And how would you do it?]**_

_Is he really asking me to describe giving him a blow job? _

_Does he think I won't tell him? _

_Hmm._

His words excited me more than any man ever had. I visualized caressing his body, wanting to share with him my deepest fantasies.

_Do it. Let him see what he's missing._

_**[B: First, where are you exactly? And what are you wearing?]**_

_**[E: I'm sitting at my desk. I have on a tee, sweat pants, and boxers.]**_

_**[B: Hmm. Let's see. I would walk over slowly, standing in front of you and placing my hands on both shoulders. I would bend down to your neck, tasting your skin in small, wet, kisses… licking a trail up to your ear. My hands would massage your shoulders, feeling your muscles loosen under my touch through your thin tee, slowly roaming across your chest and abs. Reaching down, I would push your legs apart, stepping in between them. I would continue caressing your body while I kneeled down in front of you, my hands moving to your waist, your legs, and back again. My hair would cascade over your lap as I lean forward, slipping a hand inside your boxers, finding your mushroom tip. You would watch me, stroking it in encouragement as I pull it out. I wonder—do you think it would resist? Would it be rigid even?]**_

_**[E: Like wood.]**_

_**[B: *smile*]**_

_**[E: Don't stop.]**_

_He's right next door with a hard on, and your IM-ing him._

_I know!_

_**[B: I'd hold your shaft in my hand, looking up as I lick the tip slowly, tasting you. My mouth surrounding you, I would suck in its entire length, my tongue caressing as I gauge how much I can taste in one pass, up and down its length. My hands would roam while I use only my mouth, developing a rhythm that causes you to moan. Mmmm. Do you think I could stroke your shaft with my hand while I taste its partners…each one deserving some attention of their own? Or would your tip be too lonely…craving my lips around it once again? Sucking and tasting, over and over, listening for that 'loving sound?']**_

_**[E: Damn.]**_

_Giggle. _

A few minutes passed and he didn't respond again.

_Too much? _

_He asked!_

My arousal had trumped any embarrassment in giving him a description of my fantasy. The truth was I had imagined doing all of those things with him, and much more. But did he want me? Was I making a fool of myself?

_Why is he so quiet?_

_**[B: You ok?]**_

_**[E: Yeah. I needed a minute.]**_

_What did he need—OMG._

_**[B: Blue Eyes?]**_

_**[E:Yes?]**_

_**[B: Did you?]**_

_**[E: Dr. Bella can't say cum?]**_

_**[B: Did you?]**_

_**[E: Yes. Are you bothered?]**_

_No, I'm turned on, you jerk!_

_**[B: No. I'm just curious. So... do you 'come' here often? LOL]**_

_**[E: Never 'here', but often since you arrived.]**_

_**[B: Wow.]**_

_**[E: I think you should, too.]**_

_**[B: I should what?]**_

_**[E: I want you to cum for me, Bella.]**_

_Whoa-I'm not ready for this. _

_Am I having internet sex? _

_Or is this TextSex? _

_Does it matter? ._

_**[B: You do?]**_

_**[E: Yes.]**_

_And just why does he think he deserves any requests?_

_**[B: When I get what I want, maybe you'll get what you want.]**_

_**[E: Harsh!]**_

_**[B: *Giggle*. The truth often is. Goodnight, Blue Eyes. I'll see you in the morning.]**_

_**[E: Goodnight, beautiful. Hey, Bella—wait!]**_

_**[B: Yes?]**_

_**[E: Can you hear my music playing?]**_

_What?_

_**[B: No, I don't hear anything.]**_

_**[E: Hold on.]**_

Rio jumped before I did, alerting me to the noise. Edward's music was blasting, reverberating through the walls from next door.

_**[B: OK—I hear it. Why?]**_

_**[E: Just wondering. I'm going to play a song for you in a minute. Goodnight.]**_

_**[B: Goodnight, Edward!]**_

I sat there, flushed, excited, and sexually frustrated. The music from next door suddenly stopped and I logged off the computer. I made my way to bed, but remained sitting in the dark. I was still in a daze when I heard the music start again. 'Caress Me Down' began playing from Edward's duplex.

_That tease!_

I imagined him grinning as he lay in bed, knowing the affect he had on me. With a loud groan I made my way to the vanity and grabbed thumper.

_There's no reason to deny myself now!_

Lying down, I imagined him with me. Thumper vibrated while Edward serenaded me through the walls. I reached climax before the song was even over. My legs were quivering and my breathing was labored.

_Payback will be fierce, Blue Eyes._

I woke up to Rio shaking his collar and pacing across the hardwood floor. A brush of air hit my face, accompanied by a large sigh. Opening one eye, I could see his pouting face with his jaws now on the bed. His eyebrows were raised and begging me to wake up.

"OK. Just five more minutes." I rolled over.

He whined annoyingly, resuming his pacing of the bedroom perimeter.

"Ugh, Rio! Why can't you sleep in on the weekends?"

My cell phone rang in the kitchen, causing me to mumble once again. Rio looked satisfied, knowing he was getting his wish for me to get out of bed sooner, rather than later. I stumbled to the counter, grabbing the cell and flipping it open.

"Yes?" I grumbled.

"Good morning to you, too, sunshine."

_Blue Eyes._

Not only was he obsessively early, he seemed to be a morning person.

_Shoot me now._

"Morning, Edward." I responded.

"Are you ready?" he asked.

_Ready? _

_Oh crap! The walk!_

"Not quite. Did we even mention a time last night?" I wiped my eyes.

"No, you seemed to be preoccupied with my comings and goings," he teased.

_Haha._

"Well you've definitely mastered coming early. And leaving before things are finished, for that matter," I challenged.

"There's the Bella we all know and love." His voice seemed to smile.

"Yeah, yeah. Can you give me fifteen minutes?" I begged.

"Sure."

I showered quickly, throwing on my workout gear, baseball cap, and Adidas. Grabbing Rio's leash, I stepped outside to meet Edward.

He stood, leaning on my porch railing with two Starbucks cups in his hands. "That was twenty minutes."

"And your point is?" I scoffed.

"I'm glad I went for coffee, I hate waiting." He wore his Yankees baseball cap with jeans and a light jacket.

Handing me the tall café mocha, I wondered how he knew my java preference. His smile widened at the recognition of my surprise. I feigned a "yeah you got it right" smirk in return.

As much as he antagonized me, his very presence made my day complete. "Thanks—for the coffee."

"No problem. Want to walk the trails? I have this great place I know you'd like." Edward jumped from the porch with energy.

"Sounds good." I nodded.

We walked down the narrow path past the lake with Rio pulling on the leash excitedly. The leaves were already turning, signaling the planned arrival of colder weather. Meandering through the woods with Edward in front of me, I memorized his profile. His movements and his mannerisms were wonderful.

_And his ass!_

He talked about the purchase of the property and the vision Carlisle had for the entire Retreat, clearly respecting his father's devotion to healing. After approximately a mile of walking, we veered to the right into the natural wooded area.

"I don't see a trail, Edward."

"It's not an official one, Isabella."

_Ugh. Does he know how clumsy I can be?_

I held my tongue secondary to the concentration I had to place on not falling. My paranoia made me wonder if he was playing a trick on me, purposely getting us lost. I was about to sit on the nearest tree stump and refuse to go any farther, when I noticed a break in the woods ahead. We stepped from the underbrush into a small clearing. There was a hidden meadow nestled among the Washington forest. The tranquil beauty took my breath away, and I turned to see Blue Eyes watching me. His eyes sparkled from the sunlight on his face. He held his hand out to help me over a fallen tree trunk, and I reached out in acceptance.

Just then, Rio spotted a group of native pheasant on the far end of the meadow. He barked loudly, pulling on the leash. His wild running led him around my body and Edward's. This tactic to break free caused my legs to become tangled with the leash. Tumbling forward into Edward, my momentum toppled both of us onto the grassy ground. His body was on top of mine, our faces inches apart.

We lay there, unmoving, as Rio ran off towards the fowl. Edward stared into my eyes with a look of curiosity and angst. He leaned into my hair and inhaled, smiling in response to some inner thought.

"Are you alright, Bella?" he asked.

"Yes. I tend to be a little clumsy."

"I've noticed." We both laughed.

"Seems we are a tangled mess, Blue Eyes."

"Hmm. In more ways than one." He paused in his response, contemplating another unknown thought. The closeness of his body next to mine did things to me which was illegal in some states, I was sure. If he didn't make a move, or get off me soon, I was going to attack him. He would be ravaged like a hungry mountain lion.

He sighed. "I guess it's time to talk now."

_No! _

_Yes! _

_No!_

He pushed himself up off the meadow floor, and pulled me onto the fallen log beside him. We watched Rio scamper through the grass, chasing bugs and his shadow equally. I waited for him to speak, mentally counting the number of trees in the distance to calm my nerves.

"Bella, I'm not who you think I am."

I looked at him now. His face was gazing into the meadow, tortured and pale. I wanted him to explain freely, so I bit my lip as it took all my power to remain quiet.

He continued, "Yet, I find myself caring about you. More than seems reasonable, given our brief interaction. You seem to feel something, too, and I know I'm confusing you. But what you don't understand, Bella, is that I _can't_ be with you, especially because I care about you. I carry too much baggage. And I'm not sure if it will ever be gone."

He was talking, which was an improvement, but I remained just as confused as ever. "Edward, you're right. My feelings for you are stronger than I've ever felt in my life. I can't fathom how, or why, we are drawn to each other. But the fact is I don't feel complete, unless you're with me. And your explanation of pushing me away is generic. I need details to understand. Please talk to me."

He laughed sardonically. "I don't know where to begin."

_Now is as good a time as ever._

"How about we start with Tanya," I suggested.

He was stunned for a brief moment, recovering with the skill of one who hid their feelings often. "Tanya. Okay."

His affect was flat as he prepared his words. He began relaying his story, telling me as if narrating a play. "She was my girlfriend in college. We both wanted to enter the health care field, and planned our post-graduate training together. Once we left our college surroundings, the responsibilities and expectations were very different. The first two years were hectic, and I pressured myself in studies and in supporting our finances. We shared an apartment, which we could barely afford, and I'm not one to rely on hand outs from family. Tanya changed. She started skipping her nursing classes, drinking constantly. She began accusing me of cheating on her, recalling my past behaviors in college as proof of my being a 'player.' I never cheated on her, Bella."

He looked at me directly, seeking a response.

"I believe you," I assured him.

"I started spotting her outside my classes, looking through my cell phone, staying up at night and screaming at me for 'ruining her life.' She became borderline psychotic, Bella. There was nothing I could do to convince her that I was there for her, or that I was faithful. She would manipulate things for me to come home early, taking sleeping pills, and even cutting on her arms for me to find her bleeding when I arrived. I begged her to seek help, but she said I was trying to abandon her. Over time, I did begin to work longer hours on purpose. I couldn't stay home with her behavior constantly pushing me; she would leave bridal magazines on my text books, advertisements for rings on our dresser. At dinner, she would mull over baby names. I couldn't take it. I started making plans to separate from her, but I was afraid. Then, one night, she cracked. A female classmate of mine was walking to her car after work, and Tanya attacked her. I mean _attacked_ her, Bella. She was hospitalized for weeks from the injuries. Tanya thought I was having an affair with her because she saw us having lunch together. The police took Tanya to the hospital and she was evaluated psychiatrically. The doctors felt that she was delusional at the time of the attack, and the judge agreed. Tanya was placed in a forensic psychiatric center in Canada for treatment, indefinitely, as determined by her physicians." He sat in silence.

"That's horrible, Edward."

"I'm horrible. I should have seen the warning signs. I should have forced her to seek help sooner," he argued.

"Edward, how would you have known what to look for? You can't blame yourself," I tried to reason.

He looked at me blankly, shaking his head in disagreement. "I continued to visit her over the years, attempting to work with her doctor's on her recovery. Everything I did seemed to make things worse."

"So, these were the trips you would make to Canada while the Retreat was being built?" I asked.

"Yes."

"I see. And how is she now?" my voice faltered.

"Before you arrived for your interview this summer, I had visited her. She seemed to be doing well, and I was leaving the day area when she grabbed me from behind. She cut my hair with a pair of scissors she had stolen from the nurses' station. She said, 'No one will want you without your locks.'"

"Your buzz cut?" I asked.

"That was how I fixed it, yes." He nodded.

"Edward, it's been years, correct? Since Tanya became unstable?"

"Six."

"And why are you still carrying this burden? You can't continue to put your life on hold. Her mental breakdown and inability to recover is not your fault. Is it your plan to punish yourself for the rest of your life? To push everyone away?" I was growing angry.

"It seems best." His guilt was palpable in his voice.

"Well, it's not! It's not best, Edward. Don't you see how you're hurting the ones you love by walling yourself off? You're not just torturing yourself. You're making it impossible for them to reach you." My voice was raised now.

"You reached me," he whispered.

"Did I?" I wondered.

"Yes."

"Then, let me help you. You _can_ try to live again, Edward. Be with me, if you want. I love you." I caught my breath. The reality of my own words hit me.

He froze. "Don't say that."

"Why? I do. I love you. I don't care if you continue to reject me. My feelings are certain." For once in my life, I wasn't confused.

"What a sick masochist you are." He chuckled.

"I suppose." There was no arguing that.

"Bella, I can't let myself love you. Especially not now." Edward shook his head.

"What does that mean, especially not now?"

Edward grabbed my hands, and I could feel him trembling as he whispered, "She's gone."

"What?" I was confused.

He held my hands tightly. "Tanya was in the infirmary for the flu, and she went missing. That's where I've been, looking for her around our old apartment area. Her parents called me and asked if I would help search for her. She's gone."

"Where do you think she is? What do you think happened?" I saw the concern on his face.

"I don't know. But what kind of person would I be if I didn't try and help them now? I promised I would come back next weekend to help again."

"And then what, Edward?"

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"If you find her, or if you don't, where does that leave you? From what you've told me, Tanya is likely going to be institutionalized for many years. Are you waiting on her? Are you still in love with her?" I hoped he would say no.

"What? No! I feel responsible, Bella. I want to help her. But it's not love. Love. I never thought I would feel love, given the history I've had with Tanya. But then…" he stalled.

"Then what?" I pushed him.

"Then I met you."

I grabbed his arm as I looked into his eyes, searching for the truth behind his emotions while fighting back the power of my own.

"I love you, Bella. I shouldn't. But I do."

"I love you, Edward. I'm not letting you go."

He moved his arm away from mine, standing to run his fingers through his hair. I could tell he was already running from our declaration.

"Well you have to, Bella."

**A/N: Blue Eyes is trembling! Hearing from you brings him comfort :)**


	13. Resolution and Restraint

**A/N: Haha. So I read the reviews, yes it may seem a little early for love declarations, but this is Edward and Bella remember? It's not going to be that easy ;)**

**I appreciate every word you guys write to me! **

**Chapter 13 – Resolution and Restraint**

He moved his arm away, standing up to pull his fingers through his hair. I could tell by his posture that BlueEyes was already shutting me out. The mutual declaration of our feelings appeared out of nowhere, no doubt scaring him.

"You have to Bella- you have to let me go."

"No."

"Don't you understand? It was MY self-centered, driven attitude which caused me to miss the warning signs, to not be there when Tanya needed me. I should have helped; I should have been able to save her."

"Oh yeah? How Edward? Should you have recognized the signs, when no one else did?!"

He looked at me exasperated, shaking his head in silence.

"You don't understand."

"Then explain it to me!"

"It's more complicated than you think."

"Then un-complicate it."

He laughed sarcastically, "Is everything always so black and white with you?"

I replied in turn, "Are you always so conflicted?"

"In fact I am. I have these mice in my head running on steroids; they spin in different directions." He looked at me seriously, slowly manifesting his amazing smile which dazzled me.

Shaking my head, I fought back the hypnotic agreement he sought. "Well stop one of them, before their hearts pop from all the juicing!"

We laughed together, easing the palpable tension. After a few minutes passed, I added somberly, "And hopefully it will be the one that says no all the time."

He sighed in exaggerated response, possibly realizing he had met his match in temper and tenacity.

"It means everything to me that you care Bella. But that's more than I deserve. I'm not at a place in my life to be with you. Feeling what I do in return, it would devastate me….. if I hurt you."

"You won't."

"You don't think so? Not being here, 100% in the moment, that wouldn't hurt Bella? Because I'm not. Part of me is still trying to fix the past. I continuously ruminate on what I could have done differently, or things I should be doing now, to help her."

"Edward, I can tell that you've likely never had a problem you couldn't solve, but you need to realize this- some problems aren't solvable. Life doesn't work that way. Is this truly about helping Tanya, or about you? Is it the fact that you weren't 'good' enough to help her that bothers you? Do you feel like people judge you for what happened?"

"Damn Bella, I just can't be with you! Not that way! Can you quit being a shrink for a minute and just understand?! Or is that not possible?"

My cheeks burned even though the slap wasn't physical. His lashing out made me angry more than anything else. How could he say he loved me, but let this internal conflict control him? Why wouldn't he let me help? His decision appeared resolute. _You can't fix everything either Bella. You pushed him too far. UGH!_

"You're right Edward. Let's head back, ok?" I stood to stretch and called Rio. Edward nodded in agreement, turning to walk back into the woods. We started weaving our way through the foliage towards the main trail when I tripped on a root. As expected, he reached out to steady me. My irritation with him was evident by my actions. I refused his hand and stumbled forward onto the ground, landing on all fours. He stood there with a scowl, looking down over me.

"Great. Be stubborn."

"Look who's talking."

"Bella, Please stop. You're not going to talk to me now? Can't we try to be together, but as friends?"

I brushed off the dirt and pine needles from my hands, "I don't know Edward. I suppose I can try. You see, I'M willing to try things, no matter how difficult."

_You just have to provoke him don't ya?_

"What would you like to talk about?"

He mumbled under his breath, finally reaching the designated trail back to the cottages. "Let's talk about Ms. Hiller. Do you still want me to work with her this week?"

_Work? Fine._ "Yes, I think that would be great. She's been much calmer the past few days, her sleeping's improved. Alice has been completing the psychological testing but she is taking it slow since Landie's ability to tolerate long sessions is poor. Are you going to be around work this week?"

"Yeah. I'll be around until Friday, and then I'm going back for the weekend."

"OK."

The awkwardness of the strained conversation was making me sick. I was thankful that the cottages were back in view, in addition to Alice who was standing on her front porch waving. Before we were within hearing distance, Edward turned to me one more time.

"Thanks for listening Bella. I'm sorry I can't give you what you want. I'll understand if you don't want to try, to keep this friendship I mean."

I didn't know how to respond at that moment. _You mean you WON'T give me what I want. It's not friendship. _I just looked at him, a mixture of love and anger projecting from my face.

"Hey guys! How was the walk? Riiiiiio!!!"

Unleashing Rio, he charged ahead to welcome Alice and enjoy her affections. She rubbed his belly as he rolled happily on the grass, jumping back and forth in front of her to gain more attention.

"Hey Alice."

"Hey Bella! Edward, when did you get back?!"

"Yesterday. Listen guys, I need to run meet with Carlisle. I'll catch you later. Goodbye Alice, Bella."

"Bye Edward."

When Alice turned and saw my face, she quickly stood and wrapped her arm around me.

"Let's get something to eat girlfriend. My place or yours?"

"Mine. I need a shower."

"You DO look a mess Bella. Were you on a walk, or crawling like a commando through the woods? Ooh! Are you going commando?"

Alice made me laugh out loud, breaking my funk, her natural hidden talent.

"Ha, ha. Hiking has never been my thing Firecracker. And today reminded me why."

I showered quickly, suppressing the thoughts running rampant in my brain. Alice was making sandwiches when I walked into the kitchen. I hugged her again and we sat down on the couch, the television blaring even though I knew we wouldn't be watching.

"Thanks for coming over Alice."

"Are you kidding? I've been meaning to talk to you all week; I just didn't know what to say. I know you're hurting Bella. I don't like seeing you this way. I take it his return hasn't helped?"

"It's ok Alice. I did it to myself. I fell for someone I can't have."

"You love him?"

"Yes. I do."

"Thought so. The two of you have caused sparks since the day you walked up to our table. Did you talk to him? Do you know what's going on?"

I recounted everything Edward had told me regarding Tanya. Figuring she knew most of it, I had to process the situation with someone I trusted.

"Wow. I didn't realize she was that sick. I figured something had happened between them, but he was always so harsh if people tried to question him. And Carlisle knows about all of this?"

"I think Edward is filling him in now on the latest, but Carlisle is the only person Edward has told about the details, until today."

"Edward has always held himself to these higher moral standards Bella, even when he was younger. But he also has this carefree devilish side that used to dominate- having fun, enjoying life. I guess now his guilt is eating away the rest of him, like a cancer."

"I guess Alice. Guilt…. or frustration that this problem can't be fixed. Either way, I've once again chosen to be attracted to someone who is unavailable."

"He's not unavailable! He just doesn't realize he's free. Edward needs to let go of his past. You can help him Bella."

"He doesn't want to be available to me Alice. He doesn't want…..me."

My core beliefs and fears of not being good enough were echoing silently across the room. Alice grabbed my shoulders and looked me straight in the eye.

"Dr. Isabella Swan. You pull your ass up out of that pity hole you've dug for yourself. He sure as hell does want you. I'm never wrong about these things, and I know the two of you were meant to be. I've never been more certain."

She glared at me with her dark eyes shining, her passion contagious.

"He told me he loved me."

"He what?! And you didn't think that detail was important to include?"

I shrugged nervously, hoping beyond hope that Alice was right. "Yeah. Right before he pushed me away and said we had to be friends."

"Well this changes everything!"

"It does?"

"Bella! Sheesh, we really are dense when it comes to analyzing our own relationships huh? Of course it does. Edward would NEVER say that, unless he meant it. There's no way he can deny his feelings forever. Operation Bang BlueEyes is still a go!"

"It is hard to take a step back when I'm so emotional. I hope you're right. Thanks Alice. But now I want more than a bang from BlueEyes."

"Oh really?"

"Yes. I want him forever. But we can start with a bang!" We chuckled again, the topic of our 'Operations' reminding me of my self-centered behavior the entire afternoon.

"Alice!"

"Yeah?"

"I haven't even asked you about Jasper! What happened that night? How have things been?! Spill it chica!"

Alice beamed at the mention of Jasper's name. "Where do I start?"

"Ooh! Tell me what he said that night in the kitchen, when you asked him into your bed…."

"Oh my God Bella. It was the hottest thing I've ever heard in my life. He leaned into my ear and whispered, 'I would love to Alice, but I can't offer you a vegetarian option there….'"

I choked on my Diet Dr. Pepper, my eyes watering. "No he didn't!"

"Yes. He did. I ruined my panties immediately!" She squealed in excitement. "The rest of the dinner was more of our usual flirtations. But last Wednesday during lunch I upped the ante. When he came out with the usual options and handed me an orange spinach salad, I told him 'Jasper, I think I'd like to add protein back into my diet. If I was going to start eating meat again, what would you suggest?'"

Shaking my head I congratulated the Lil' Firecracker with a high-five. She went after what she wanted with gusto.

"He literally dropped the salad on the table Bella. It was so adorable. On Friday I finally asked him if he would go out for dinner one night, and he said he would. This weekend didn't work with his schedule so were set for this coming Saturday!"

"That's awesome Alice. I'm so happy for you! You have to keep me updated, ok?"

"You bet Bella. Alright, I've kept you here all day! I'm gonna let you enjoy the rest of your Sunday."

"Are you kidding? You saved me from a major meltdown. I owe you chica- anytime."

"I just reminded you of your awesomeness," she winked. "I want you on your 'A' game this week Bella. Don't let him shut you out. Whether he knows it or not, he needs you."

When Alice left I realized the time was late. The afternoon was almost over and I knew I needed groceries for the week. I ventured into town for the essentials, stopping by Charlie's for a visit. Charlie asked me about the job briefly, wanting to recount his latest fishing adventure more than hearing my chatter. I only stayed briefly before heading back home. Rio rode along with his head hanging out the window, his big jaws pushed back by the wind. Every few minutes he would look back at me like 'this is great!' The enjoyment he got from the little things was enviable. _He's enjoying the ride. So should you._

Rio had it right. I needed to enjoy the moments. I knew I loved Edward, but I was letting this entire situation keep me from living. I promised myself I would find happiness with myself when I moved back to Forks. I told him I loved him. I was honest with my feelings and followed my heart. If he doesn't feel the same, or if he isn't willing to explore our feelings, then I need to let it go. _Easier said than done._

I knew Charlie still loved my mom, and in some respects he never moved on from his life before she left him. I couldn't let that be me. Would I ever feel as complete as I do when I'm with Edward? That didn't seem likely. But I had always told my patients and friends that external things, including other people, can't give you true happiness. That comes from within. Some of the most miserable people I've ever met are those that have been given every aspect of their hearts desire. _You're right! I know!_

Getting ready for bed I contemplated even checking my laptop. I knew I was fiending like an addict, but I also knew the roller coaster of emotions I had been on all day. _What do YOU want? I enjoy talking to him. But I'm drained tonight. Then there's your answer. You CAN control yourself Bella. _I cut off the lights and went to bed, proud of my restraint, but throwing a temper tantrum simultaneously. It took three hours before I fell asleep.

Monday morning hit like a freight train. I rushed into work, starting rounds immediately once I reached the floor. Ms. Hiller was in an excellent mood, not mentioning her delusions once during our session. I discussed the opportunity for music therapy with her and she brightened noticeably. She even opened up about her history as an organist. My elation with her agreeing to participate sent me hurrying upstairs to Edward's office when my rounds were over. _Like you aren't dying to see him anyway._ I knocked lightly on the door, seeing him engrossed deep in thought at his desk. He looked up and nodded blankly.

"Bella, come in."

"Thanks! I wanted to let you know that Ms. Hiller agreed to attend a therapy session with you! She looks great today Edward, so whenever you can fit her in…."

"I see."

_He sees? Hmm._

"Didn't you say you would fit her in this week?" I asked in confusion, walking closer to his desk. I watched him pull up his schedule on the desktop computer without speaking.

"Sure. Let me see what will work."

I leaned over nosily, watching him scan through the scheduled classes and groups he led. "That's great Edward. You had me worried, sounding hesitant when I first brought the news."

Looking over his shoulder I could smell him, a mixture of maleness with a hint of cologne. My body immediately reacted to the scent, sending my nerves into over-drive. _Wonder what cologne he wears? Great. Even my pheromone response likes to torture me. _

"No Bella, I'm just surprised you came to tell me in person. You could have sent me an email or IM via the intranet. But maybe your account is down? Or you've sworn off using it all together?"

_Is he irritated I came up? WAIT-- is this because I wasn't on last night? I think it IS!_

"Well, I guess I was excited. Sorry if I interrupted your day."

I turned to walk away when he grabbed my arm, electricity once again pulsing down my extremity and throughout my body.

"I'm glad you came. You should know I enjoy any excuse to see you." He held onto me while I stared at his hand, wondering how it would feel all over my body. I don't know how long I stood there daydreaming, but I eventually focused enough to think. _Restraint! Shoe some chica! He said he wanted distance, YOU get to choose how far._

"Oh. Ok Edward. Well, I'll see you at lunch then?"

This time he looked like the one who had been slapped. "I'll be there."

Walking down the hall I recalled Alice's support from yesterday and my own self-talk. If Edward's actions were any indication, he didn't know what he wanted. _Show him then._ I smiled feeling confident for the first time in a week. Ms. Hiller seemed to be improving, and BlueEyes was turned on by me, even if he didn't want to act on it. _His frackin loss. _I did have some control over this situation. Just how intimate I was with Edward also depended on me. That realization gave me a newfound energy.

My cocky attitude and hypomanic behavior continued until lunch. I saw Edward sitting at the table when I walked in. Pausing for a moment my own little wheels started turning. My sadistic persona reared its head when I reached the table, purposefully dropping my pen right beside him. Bending over to pick it up I made sure my ass was in clear viewing. _It's time you suffer with me BlueEyes._ I sat across from him to eat, chatting away with the others at the table. Alice smiled quizzically over her soup, probably wondering what medicine I was taking to cause my extroversion. Jasper eventually brought out the entrees which included a mushroom risotto. _Hahaha. How ironic._

"You're in a great mood today Bella." Emmett smile from the other end of the table.

"I feel great. I think one of my patients is making real progress."

Everyone congratulated me on the news, but I kept looking towards BlueEyes. I smiled brightly as we were all served our portions, meeting Edward's glance directly. He looked almost shaken, trying to decipher the change in my demeanor no doubt. I couldn't resist the opportunity that presented itself, and inner Bella started to giggle preemptively.

"Jasper, may I ask a personal request?"

"Sure Bella."

"Do you have any extra mushrooms from making the risotto? I simply love them."

"I'm sure I do, I can go check the kitchen and bring some back for you."

"That would be wonderful, thanks! The tips preferably, if you have them."

Edward stopped mid swallow, watching me take a big bite of the risotto as I winked.

"Mmmmmm."

**A/N: Reviews help tease BlueEyes, don't you think Bella needs assistance?**


	14. Strength and Seduction

**A/N: Hope everyone had a great Holiday season! Here is the latest installment. I appreciate the feedback and support, Bella needed to regain some determination in the last chapter. I hope you will enjoy a less despondent leading lady for the time being. And I hope you guys are enjoying t he playlist – I'll keep updating as we go. **

**Chapter 14: Strength and Seduction**

I held to my resolve on Monday night, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday. No chatting, no emails, no innuendos. Restraining my desire was more than difficult, but I knew Edward would never compromise his convictions if he wasn't forced to. As long as I enabled his request for only an indirect relationship, then that's what I would receive. Therefore I chose to limit our interactions.

_You cockblocked him. _

_Potato, PoTAto. _

If his feelings for me were comparable to those I felt for him, then he would reconsider his decision. Until that time, I was determined to be indirectly stingy.

Direct interactions were another matter entirely. Each day grew increasingly entertaining and frustrating, depending on my shifts in mood.

Tuesday was the work schedule as usual, except for my hankering to play with _BlueEyes_. I decided to wear a tight fitting brown sweater dress with matching leather boots. My white coat covered the ensemble for most of the day, but sitting down for lunch I shrugged out of the layers to eat comfortably. I tolerated Creepo's stares beside me. His eyes begged my legs to cross and uncross so that the dress would ride higher. The pain of James' attention was worth the gain of seeing Edward's face. I hadn't realized, until that moment, how his eyes were capable of turning green. Flecks of emerald and amber appeared from nowhere, causing me to stare in amazement. His affect was that of an angry grizzly bear robbed of its food. I imagined that he would growl from across the table at any moment. James continued to fawn over me, oblivious to the situation.

I looked at Edward, raising one eyebrow in feigned confusion. "How was your day, Edward?"

"Fine."

"Did you get a chance to schedule my patient?"

"Yes."

"Great. When are you going to see her?"

"Friday."

"And you think you will be able to follow her weekly?"

"Sure."

"Thanks."

"Yep," he answered through gritted teeth.

James, Alice, Rose and Emmett watched our interchange like tennis volleys. Their heads turned in unison from me, to Edward, and back. His one word answers may have seemed typical to the others, but I knew his irritation was mounting. We baited each other without speaking, and his face was even more beautiful when angry. The light filtering through the windows caused his green eyes to shine, reminding me of a meadow in spring.

_The Meadow. _

_He said he loved you. _

_Not now, don't go soft now._

I could feel my determination faltering in his stare. My strength was weakened by his glance.

Creepo took the uncomfortable silence as his cue to step knee deep into somewhere he didn't belong. "Is this a patient I transferred, Bella? Perhaps I can assist you with some information, or fill in the details for Edward."

"No!" sounded from both myself and Edward. Our stalemate was forgotten in the face of a common enemy. James nearly choked on his turkey sandwich, coughing and reaching for his water to abate the reaction.

"I think it's covered, James. But thanks for the offer." I nodded.

James recovered enough to respond, "Oh. Ok, Bell. But you still owe me a date, don't forget. If we don't need to discuss the patients, we can have more time to talk about ourselves!"

I could have sworn I heard snarling erupt from the vicinity of Edward.

_He does growl? _

_That's good to know. _

_That's hawt. _

_You're giving in? _

_Run Bella!_

"I think I've managed the patients thus far, James. If I need to review anything else with you, I know where to find you." I stood from the table, placing my coat over one arm. "I'll see you guys later, I want to catch up on paperwork before the afternoon gets rolling."

I briskly walked to my office, shutting the door after me and collapsing behind the desk. I laid my head down on crossed arms, thinking about Edward's growl.

_Whimper. _

I hid in my office the rest of the day.

Wednesday was a continuation of 'Operation Blue Balls for BlueEyes'. I met Edward at his car first thing that morning with a fresh cup of java in hand. Offering him something hot in return for his kindness the days before was the least I could do as a 'good neighbor'.

During lunch I decided to sit beside him, taking the advantage of leaning across for a napkin or to share Alice's veggies. His body always reacted to mine. He often shifted as I moved, avoiding contact. Our dialogue was painfully polite, an unusual quality given our personalities.

Wednesday night I surprised Charlie with another visit. Anything to keep me from home and away from the computer was necessary.

Thursday morning arrived with one of Rio's antics. Every once in a blue moon my Boxer would decide he knew best by ignoring my commands and the hundreds of dollars I spent on obedience school. The trainer had informed me "Boxers are known for obstinacy, Dr. Swan."

I remembered responding with annoyance while I paid the fee for a second training cycle, "I know—it's the very reason we relate so well."

Rio bounded outside the patio for his usual 5 minute routine of finding the perfect spot for his business. After more than eight minutes of standing in the cracked doorway awaiting his return, I grew impatient.

"Rio! I have to get ready! Hurry up!" I whined.

He stopped along the latest patch of reeds that weren't quite adequate for his liking. The look in his brown eyes told me what I feared. He was in one of those moods. He looked back down, sniffing the ground and trotting a few yards farther away. I started whistling and calling out in my best high pitched voice.

When these ploys weren't successful, my hand clapping and jumping up and down ensued. My body was shivering from the cold and I knew I was going to have to go outside and retrieve him.

_I need to change clothes! _

_And leave him out there? _

_You remember last time, Bella! _

In Phoenix, whenever he became this difficult, his tendency was to run. It took me half an hour and several miles one day, just to catch up with him. I knew if I didn't act fast my entire morning would be spent chasing after him.

_Ugh!_

I stepped onto the patio in my pink slippers, black boy shorts, and big Hello Kitty tee. The wind whipped through my hair, shocking me immediately. I squealed like a school girl who had just won homecoming queen. I crossed my arms, shivering as the chill rocked me to the core. Taking a few strides forward I tried to whistle between chattering teeth. Nothing came out except for air.

Its heat created an illusion of fog tunneling from my lips. "Riiiiiiiooo! Pppppleeeeaaasse cccccome!"

Rio finally heard me begging and turned to greet me. He wiggled his body, dancing across the yard in attempts to draw me away from the house. My hands and legs started to tingle from numbness.

Cursing and stomping my foot, I screamed in irritation. "Now, Rio!"

He stopped in his tracks, apparently registering the authority in my tone.

_Or not._

He bounded straight toward me and the cottage at break neck speed, his body rippling as he cleared the distance in a matter of seconds. I stood with my eyes closed and silently prayed he would stop before plowing me into the earth. I imagined the headlines.

_Dr. Swan trampled outside her home by her over-fed Boxer, wearing pink bedroom slippers and boy shorts in 30 degree weather. _

Hearing his paws approach, I opened my eyes bravely. It was just in time to watch him as he flew past me on a mission. I turned in slow motion, seeing _BlueEyes _bend down to welcome him with a treat.

Edward smiled wickedly at me. "Hello, kitty."

My body shivered in place, scantily clad. "That's original."

"You make the ordinary unique, Bella."

_Wow. He's good in the morning huh? _

_Sigh…yeah. _

_Wait! You're in control, chica. _

"Well this kitty is not a Siberian tiger, that's for sure. It's definitely nippy out here, huh?" I stood straighter.

Edward immediately dropped his gaze to my breasts.

_That was easy. _

I was certain that the 'nibblets' appeared even more pronounced than he'd seen in previous encounters.

_Freezing temps work wonders for seduction._

He dropped his head to continue petting Rio, not responding otherwise.

_Or maybe not._

"So how did you know we were out here?" I asked.

"Are you kidding?" Edward laughed loudly. His smile was carefree and playful. "It was hard _not_ to hear the shrieks and squeals. I thought someone had fallen in the lake."

"I was trying to get Rio's attention before he took off. He has a tendency to roam on occasion. But he kept ignoring me. I guess I was kind of loud," I explained.

"Hmm. Are you always so loud when you're having a tantrum?" he questioned.

"Probably. I like getting my way. My temper is just one of the things which leaves me worked up and mouthy."

_Did he just blush? _

_Yes!_

Edward walked back to his French doors, opening them as he spoke. "I'm sure I could guess the other cause. " He shook his head as if to argue with himself. "Well, I'm glad everyone is alright, Bella."

_Wait! _

As if he could hear me, Rio ran past _BlueEyes_ into his kitchen. I shrieked again, scurrying over to Edward's side while calling out.

Edward reached out and stopped me, his cold hand resting on the small of my back. "Where do you think you're going?"

Maybe I was developing low-grade frost bite, but the contact resulted in heat coursing throughout my body.

_You're losing it Bella._

"I need to get him! He's gonna be all over your furniture."

Edward smiled. "There's no way you're going in my place, looking like that."

"Wow. Ok." I looked down at myself, not knowing whether to be angry or flattered.

He sighed out loud, wiping over his face with both hands. "I'm not a monk, Bella. I can only handle so much."

_Flattered, definitely flattered. _

I shivered again, revealing my best pouty face underneath my brown locks. They haphazardly fell around my face. Edward reached out and brushed the long strands from my eyes, placing them gently behind my ear. He stroked the side of my chin while our breaths mingled in the morning air.

"Well what do you suggest then? You're certainly not a heathen, or you'd be letting me in." I smiled bashfully, continuing to hug myself from the piercing wind.

"Go back inside your place. I'll take care of it and bring him over." He seemed torn.

I looked questioningly into his eyes, but I knew his decision had been made. His choices were like setting concrete. If I couldn't induce change while he formed them, it was impossible to do so.

I ran back into my place, shaking all over as my body warmed. A few minutes passed and there was still no sign of Edward, or Rio.

_Oh well, he said he could handle it._

I laughed to myself as I hopped in the shower, wondering how Rio was enjoying Edward's couch.

Getting dressed for work, I chose a blue top with green trim around the neckline and sleeves. The colors reminded me of him and his reaction to James on Tuesday. I knew Edward was affected by me, but his resistance was strong. I was shimmying into a pair of tight black pants when a knock sounded on the back door. I opened it to find Rio sitting like a perfect gentleman. He was wearing a note on his collar that said 'I'm sorry'.

_Blue Eyes_ stood behind him, holding the leash, and dressed for work. "We had a long talk about not listening to you."

"Oh you did, did you?" I grinned.

"Yeah. Rio now understands that I'm the only one allowed to refuse you're demands."

I rolled my eyes. "How thoughtful of you. He'd be wise to listen to your advice, especially if he wants his back scratched in bed tonight."

"Lucky dog," he muttered.

_It could be you._

"Yes, he is," I added.

"Well, it looks like this will be my first day late to work since, well, ever." Edward frowned.

"Wow. I'm perpetually late. I am sorry, again. But if you had let me in, to grab Rio, you could have made it on time." I shrugged.

"If I had let you in, I probably wouldn't have made it at all." Edward was serious again.

I blushed immediately.

"Anyway, he enjoyed hanging in a man's environment. It's a guy thing." His demeanor changed like the wind.

"You think my place is too feminine for him?"

"I'm sure it is. That's why he was revolting this morning. A man can only take so much." He enjoyed taunting me.

"I assure you my décor is not causing Rio to be less 'manly'." I pouted.

"And who assisted you with this décor?" Edward teased.

"Alice. Oh please, Alice is not that bad." I was trying to argue.

"Uh-huh." This time Edward was the one to roll his eyes.

"Well, if he leaves the toilet seat up I'm sending him right back over to you." I threatened.

"Anytime." Edward nodded.

"Really? And does this open invitation also apply to me?"

_Worth a try._

"Are you always this relentless?" he spoke.

"I've been told so, yes."

"Well I agree." Edward waved goodbye, noticeably avoiding my question. He walked to his car with both hands in his pockets. His leather jacket and baseball cap were in tow.

I found Alice before lunch. She was chatting with Rose in her office about a possible 'double date'. Walking into their conversation made me feel immediately pressured. My excitement with the week's flirtations was fading fast. Insecurity was taking its place.

_I suck at seduction._

"Bella!" They both exclaimed simultaneously, pulling me from my internal flogging.

Alice began explaining to me her plans for a couple's night out within the next few weeks. I nodded and provided an um-hmm appropriately, hoping beyond hope she would leave me out of this. Rose knew of my interest in Edward, but not to the extent of the Lil' Firecracker.

"So anyway, Bella, you should come!" She finished.

_I knew it._

"I don't think that's a good idea." I shook my head.

"We could invite Edward, too. It might help…" Rose chimed in.

I slouched lazily onto Alice's chair, sighing deeply. "I don't think anything will help at this point."

"What? He likes you, Bella. He practically attacked James across the table yesterday!" Alice looked at Rose for validation, but she shrugged in a noncommittal gesture.

Rose was never one for the flirting game. She never had to guess a guy's intentions, or attempt to lure them in. "Listen, I don't know the entire details, but if you like him, then just tell him."

"I have, Rose, on numerous occasions." I sighed again.

"And?" she asked.

"And he said he liked me in return, but then he told me he wasn't ready for a relationship. Not one more than a friendship, and occasional flirtations, that is." My face fell.

"What a prick!" Rose never minced words.

"Rose!" Alice shot her daggers. "He's had a difficult time over the past few years, including a relationship that ended badly."

"Are you sure it's over?" Rose asked Alice, turning to question me when only silence followed.

"I believe it's over." I answered them both. "But I'm not sure that I'm woman enough to convince Edward of that fact."

"Well if you aren't, then he's an idiot, as well as an ass. We're going out tonight, girls only. He needs to realize you're not going to sit around and wait on him forever. We leave right after work." Rose insisted.

"So should I stop trying to flirt with him?" I questioned.

"Do you want to?" Rose asked.

"No." I admitted helplessly.

"Then hell no! That was easy. Give me a harder one next time." Rose winked as she sashayed from the office.

Alice clapped in agreement while she escorted me to lunch. I once again flirted shamelessly with Edward, hoping his frustration would be so painful that he would beg me to forgive his hesitation.

The ladies kept me out so late on Thursday that I collapsed onto the couch when we returned home.

Rio woke me Friday morning to a throbbing headache.

_How many long Island iced teas did I have?_

I stumbled my way through treatment team, thankful that the minutes of the meeting and patient summaries would be recorded for my review later when I was coherent. I could see Edward watching me from the end of the conference table, but I was too tired to flirt or even analyze his affect. My headache only worsened throughout the day, causing me to return home during lunch for a nap. After an hour of resting in a dark room, I was able to return and finish my rounds.

Taking Rio on a long walk to start the weekend finally let my body relax. I decided to settle down alone for a movie and dinner. I was proud of myself for surviving an entire week without _Blue Eyes _online.

_So I wonder if he even checks for me anymore? _

_Stop it. _

_What? I'm just wondering. _

_Sure you are. _

_Well if he's not checking, then maybe he's moved on. There's only one way to know. _

_No!_

_It's been a week. Surely you can allow yourself one freebie check._

After two hours of mental masturbation I sat down at my laptop. Logging on, my fingers were trembling.

_**[E Cullen is online]**_

_Eek! Log off! He's probably already seen! _

_**[E: Bella!]**_

_**[B: Hey]**_

_**[E: Hey!]**_

_Awkward_

_**[E: Listen. I know you may not want to talk to me, but I have to tell you about Ms. H!]**_

_Landie. I forgot! He had a session scheduled with her today._

_**[B: Oh yeah? How did it go?]**_

_**[E: There were some very interesting things. But I need longer to tell you.]**_

_**[B: You have to go?] **_

_**[E: Yeah. I'm catching a flight out tonight, remember?]**_

_Tanya. He's going to help look again._

_**[B: Oh yeah. They still haven't found her?]**_

_**[E: No.]**_

_**[B: I'm sorry.]**_

_**[E: Yeah. Me too. ]**_

_**[B: So how long will you be gone?]**_

_**[E: Just for the weekend. Can we talk when I get back?]**_

_**[B: Of course. Good luck.]**_

_Sigh._

_**[E: Bella?]**_

_**[B: Yes?]**_

_**[E: I've missed you like crazy.]**_

_**[B: I miss you too.]**_

_**[E: Then why haven't you been on?]**_

_Why indeed._

_**[B: I guess I was trying to build up endurance? Like strength training]**_

_**[E: Well I hate it.]**_

_**[B: Sigh.]**_

_**[E: Why, Bella? Why can't we talk at night?]**_

_**[B: Why can't we talk in person?]**_

_**[E: We can. I'll try, ok? Just don't expect everything, Bella. I can't give you everything you want.]**_

_Is he saying we can spend time together in real life? _

_It's a start._

_**[B: So if I agree to our late night chats, you'll agree to some direct interaction?]**_

_**[E: Define some.]**_

_**[B: Haha. Any. Any at this point will be a start.]**_

_**[E: Ok.]**_

_**[B: Ok you want to? Or ok you're tired of me badgering you?]**_

_**[E: Both.]**_

_**[B: At least you're honest. Ok then. It's a compromise. Imagine that.]**_

_**[E: Haha. So can I email you? While I'm gone?]**_

_Why? _

_He's compromising, give him a chance. _

Regardless of what he wanted, I wanted to hear from him. In the spirit of Rose's suggestion, I was following my own desires at the moment.

_**[B: I hope you do.]**_

_**[E: I will! **____**]**_

_**[B: LOL]**_

_**[E: Goodnight, Bella.]**_

_**[B: Goodnight, Blue Eyes.]**_

I logged off, shaking my head in a mixture of confusion and curiosity. My intentions for seduction had left me back where I started, or maybe not. Spinning a web to lure Edward as my prey had become complicated. I realized I was just as tangled in the trap myself. We were both ensnared together.

**A/N: Reviews are like Bella's dress riding up on her thigh, the more you give, the 'hawter' it is!**


	15. Pity Parties and Pissed Pants

**A/N: Sorry for the delay! Eclipse premiere limited my editing time! Hope you enjoy!**

Chapter 15 – Pity Parties and Pissed Pants

Edward walked lazily along the beach, passing by weathered rocks and driftwood which were scattered across the narrow shoreline. I could hear the ocean crashing rhythmically against the sand, its music powerful yet serene. His hair was tousled by the wind. I watched as he closed his eyes and smiled.

_Smiling. This must be a dream._

His smile mesmerized me. My face responded to him with a grin of my own. He reached out in an invitation, but when I held out my hand something changed. The wind picked up and the beach grew dreary. I realized it wasn't my hand that grasped his in return. A beautiful woman with blonde hair stepped in front of me. Leaning in for a kiss, she entwined herself around his arm. He looked over her shoulder in my direction, his eyes searching for my own. The apologetic look on his face pierced my soul and told me he had made his choice. I cried out helplessly against the roar of the waves and watched him turn away. Their silhouettes grew smaller as they disappeared from view.

_No!_

"No!" I screamed out loud.

Sitting up in bed, trembling, my pale form was drenched with perspiration.

_Tanya. _

I was alone in the dark while he was looking for her.

_Because she's ill, Bella. _

_Still._

Rio whined and rolled over against me, stretching and licking my hand in comfort. I ran my hand through his soft coat while my racing heart subtly slowed to a manageable pace.

What if he never found her? Or what if he did? Will she always be this albatross in his life, demanding his soul in return for exculpation of his guilt? I mentally kicked myself. How did I fall so deeply in love with someone who wasn't available?

Sliding out of bed, I grabbed a cup of coffee and stepped out onto the patio. I threatened Rio with his life if he took more than five minutes for his morning duties. When I finally sat down at my laptop my email inbox had two new messages. The excitement I felt from seeing a possible message from Edward was almost comical.

_You're pathetic!_

_Just open it already!_

There was a message from Dr. Kaplan, my former mentor, forwarding me a few articles I might find useful in clinical practice. 

_Umm…thanks?_

The second message was from Edward. The subject line read '2 a.m.'. An automatic grin spread across my face as I clicked on the message.

_Squeal!_

_**[Bella – I just arrived at the hotel in Vancouver. I can't sleep, of course, and I'm wishing we were still chatting. I was serious about this week—it drives me crazy when I can't talk to you. Please don't forget about me while I'm gone. I hope we find her soon so I can stay at the Retreat with you. Later sexy! E]**_

_Hmm._

Did he mean that he would leave the Retreat if Tanya wasn't found? And if it bothered him not to talk to me, then why didn't he give in?

_You're overanalyzing again. _

Edward's continued angst and refusal to allow himself an opportunity for happiness felt like a huge burden. The dream last night involving Tanya didn't help. Edward might always place her ahead of everyone else, which would make him incapable of moving on.

_He could be with her at this exact moment while you're here alone_.

The reality of that thought was a difficult pill to swallow. I chose a second cup of coffee and denial instead.

The bottom line was that I needed to control myself, to protect myself from my own emotions. Continuing restraint with him was a necessity. Agreeing to emails and chatting was placing my heart on the line for more injury. Whether he would hold his end of the bargain and attempt to have normal interactions with me in return was yet to be seen. Could we just be friends, was that even possible? His company and conversation were something I had become dependent on.

_And you love him. _

I did love him, more than seemingly possible. But continuing this emotional rollercoaster over Edward was jeopardizing my sanity. Perhaps he would prove willing to compromise and to pursue some semblance of a real relationship. Otherwise my only choice would be friendship.

_God help me._

I prayed I could keep my heart and hormones in check. When I looked at the clock, I realized I was once again wasting the weekend alone in my pajamas. "Let's go, Rio!"

I ran as fast as I could, heading to the middle of nowhere on the trails. Running from my frustrations, my fears, and my desires cleared my head. But this time it gave me little peace. I ran until Rio started pausing, bored with the activity. When I reached the cottages we were both spent. Rio looked at me in consternation while I placed his water bowl down in the kitchen.

"What? You love to run?" I asked in defense.

He plopped down on the ceramic tile, heaving a disgusted sigh and panting.

A shower and light lunch gave way to a long nap, which led to watching a tear-jerker of unrequited love on the Lifetime Movie Channel. I sat on the couch in a jumbled mess, promising myself not to be the epitome of the forlorn woman.

I had been avoiding a response to Edward all day, unsure of my resolve. Typing the email back to him, I felt a strange sense of calm.

_**[Edward- I'm glad you made it there safely. I hope you find her as well. Are you returning to work Monday ,then? I know you're going to be exhausted! Take care …B] **_

_Well, that was superficial. _

_It's all I can give right now._

I knew he would read it as superficial too. But recompense for his behavior was warranted. I needed to work on the present and get off my couch. Dialing Alice's number, I bit my nails. I hoped she would answer as I counted the rings.

"Hello?" her voice came on the line.

"Alice?"

"Hey, Bella!"

"Hey! Whatcha up to?" I hoped she was lonely too.

"You're kidding right?" she asked in a whisper.

_Jasper. Their date!_

"Oh crap! I forgot your date was tonight. Is he there?"

"Yeah...he just came to pick me up. I'm in my room adding the 'finishing touches'. "She giggled.

"So he's just walking around your living room unsupervised?" I teased in return.

"Well I hope he's getting all worked up! I've been waiting all week for this!" I could hear the excitement in her voice.

"What are you wearing? " I asked.

"My bright red hot pants and chili pepper tee!"

I laughed out loud. "Well I think he'll enjoy the visuals."

"I hope so! I have no idea where we're going but he said it was casual. I'll give you the details tomorrow! Hey—you ok?" She finally picked up on my loneliness.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I lied_._

"Liar." Alice never minced words.

"Ok. I was having another pity party, but it's over now. I want you guys to have fun," I admitted.

"You sure?"

"_Yes,_ I'm sure. We can catch up tomorrow." I made my voice as strong as possible.

"Ok. Wish me luck!" she whispered again.

"You don't need it, Lil' Firecracker. You guys have a great time." I smiled for her happiness.

"Bye, Bella."

"Bye, Chica."

Hanging up the phone, I thought of Alice and her date. That was how a normal relationship worked. But I had never been normal.

The walls of the condo were closing in on me; my mind and body stir crazy from the monotony. I changed my clothes and decided to go into the office. Working on the weekends had never been a popular habit of mine, but I had little options. Charlie was away fishing and Rose and Emmett were together, just like Jasper and Alice.

My office was in disarray from the past week, giving me a welcome hours worth of busy work. Alphabetizing the files and deleting old emails occupied me effectively in my attempts to pass the time. I placed aside a few medical journals I had taken from the conference room outside the nurses' station. Once I finished cleaning off the desk I grabbed the stack on my way out, deciding to return them before heading home.

The Retreat was quiet, even for a Saturday evening. My footsteps echoed off the floor while I carried on another one of my internal dialogues down the long corridor. Turning the corner I barged directly into a large form. The journals and papers went flying through the air.

"Carlisle! I'm _so_ sorry!" I apologized.

Carlisle knelt down to assist me in picking back up the scattered mess. "It's alright, Bella. How are you this evening? "

"Is it evening already? Wow. I suppose it is. I'm good. I was just catching up on some paperwork and filing. And you?" I rambled on.

"I was home and had just finished dinner with Esme when I realized I had left my briefcase in the office. I walked back over to pick it up, and to burn those calories from the dessert she made." He grinned mischievously.

His charm was intoxicating. It reminded me of Edward.

_Of course it does._

"Have you heard from Edward?" I asked abruptly, wondering if he would find me presumptuous.

"He checked in this morning. Still no luck. But I'm glad he filled you in, Bella. It may help him work through this." Carlisle nodded.

"I'm not sure about that." I shrugged off his words. "Edward seems to be excellent at keeping people out."

Carlisle looked at me strangely, choosing his words with some hesitancy. "Precisely, Bella. He is. And the fact that within a few months of meeting you he decided to share such personal information speaks volumes. I mean that. I haven't seen him trust anyone since Tanya's breakdown. She broke him, Bella. Her delusions and manipulations have left him just a shell of the man he used to be. As your friend and employer I should tell you to steer far away from Edward. But as his father, seeing how you've sparked something in him I thought was gone forever, I'm asking you to stay. I want my son back. I don't know if you're just friends, or if you're romantically involved, or if you even know at this point. But if you're willing to help him, please do."

I stood holding the journals in my clutched arms, wondering how I should respond to such a plea from his father. What could I say in return? Would I be able to help Edward, even if I wanted to?

"You think I've sparked something in him?" I asked.

_That's right, ask the self-centered question._

"I know you have. He was still talking about you this morning. The interest he has in your assessments and treatment planning reminds me of the old Edward. And he was very excited over your mutual patient, Ms. Hiller?" Carlisle smiled.

_Work-related sparks. Of course. _

I mentally kicked myself. "Oh, right. He mentioned something about the first therapy session going well. We haven't had the opportunity to discuss it."

"Well I'm sure he'll get with you once he returns. Are you heading out?" he asked.

I was still deep in thought but muttered, "Um, yes."

Carlisle stood there expectantly.

I managed a more proper reply. _"_Yes, I was just getting ready to leave. I need to drop off these journals I borrowed from the smaller conference room on the unit."

"I'll walk you out then," he offered.

We headed to the unit together, chatting about the weather and the nature trails which Rio and I had explored. The conference room was situated across from the nurses' station, a convenient location for the treatment teams and family meetings if necessary. The latest journals from the past few months' were left on the shelves before being transported upstairs to the library.

When we arrived at the nurses' station none of the staff were around. The patients were already in their rooms and I imagined that the nurses were giving some routine p.m. medications or checking in on a few of the more severe cases. Carlisle didn't seem to register the absence of staff at first, but then a nurse tech rounded the corner and stopped abruptly.

"Oh, Dr. Cullen. Dr. Swan. Hello!" he coughed.

"Hi, Frank." We both spoke in return, continuing our conversation from before.

Frank was a large nurse tech, a great help if ever there was a behavioral disturbance in the Retreat. He had always reminded me of a friendly giant, jovial and extroverted. But tonight he seemed quiet and troubled. He watched me warily as I headed for the conference room, clearing his throat again loudly.

I turned to glance back at him, confused, while my hand turned the knob.

The sight before me caused me to scream a blood curdling yell. "Oh my God!"

Spread eagle on the conference table was Ramona, one of the night RNs. Her skirt was pushed up to her waist with her legs wrapped around a large man, her white nurse shoes crossing over each other. I finally registered that the man who stood between her thighs was James. His pants were down, his bare ass shining directly in my face. He turned to see me mid thrust with a mixed look of shock and mild amusement on his face. Ramona scrambled to stop the festivities but Creepo just stood there looking at me, grinning. His hands remained on both sides of her, pinning her in the embarrassing position with her legs flailing.

"You're a little late, Bel….If you had called me we could have waited on you." His smirk grew bigger.

_He really is sick!_

"You're sick, James. You…You disgust me!" I screamed.

"Aww. C'mon Bel, you don't mean that," he crooned.

"Well I do." Carlisle pushed passed me in the doorway.

The enjoyment in James' eyes diminished instantly when he realized that Carlisle was with me, and that he had heard every word. James grabbed at his slacks while Ramona jumped off the table. Both of them were beet red in the face and perspiring.

"Dr. Cullen!" Ramona shrieked.

"Carlisle," James spoke simultaneously.

Creepo initiated a barrage of apologies and explanations as Carlisle stood there grimacing. James zipped up his pants hurriedly, but the faintest moisture could be seen on the front.

_Is that semen, or urine? _

_Haha. This is good. _

_This is beyond good. _

_Squeeeee!_

Carlisle spoke softly and bluntly, "I'd like to see you both in my office first thing Monday morning. Ramona, call in your back-up for the rest of the shift. James, leave the premises now….after you've both put yourself together."

With that he closed the door. He glanced at me for the briefest of moments before addressing Frank. "Did you know about this?"

"Dr. Cullen, I wasn't sure. I didn't know what they were doing, they said they were talking about the patients, I mean I couldn't just…" Frank babbled on.

"Ok, Frank, Ok. But I need to know, how often were they 'talking about the patients'?" Carlisle questioned.

Frank looked like a school boy who was torn over tattling on his peers. "For weeks now, at least. Whenever I'm working Dr. C, but I'm not sure of the other shifts."

"Thanks, Frank." Carlisle walked me to my car in silence, but stopped before I opened the door.

"Do you think you could handle the entire census on your own, Bella? If you had to? It may take a while to get another tenens on short notice." His concern was endearing.

_Yes!_

"Yes, Carlisle. I'd be glad to, if needed," I assured him.

"Thank you, Bella. I know you've had concerns over James, and I've done some digging myself this past week. It seems the behavior we witnessed tonight is a pattern for him. I should have evaluated his resume and references closer. I've just been so preoccupied."

I nodded in understanding, seeing how hard Carlisle was chastising himself. It was Creepo the sociopath that should be sorry. "We've all been fooled before. James has the type of personality to do just that. To fool people. I'm just glad you were here tonight."

"So am I, Bella. So am I." He nodded.

When the words left my mouth, I glanced back towards the front entrance. James was standing there, waiting for us to leave so he could reach his car in stealth.

_Wonder if he heard me? _

_Who cares!_

Carlisle watched me drive away. His figure stood in the parking lot with James as I disappeared.

Running to my laptop I logged on, sending another email to Edward. He was the first person I wanted to share the news with.

_**[Edward! OMG! Creepo was caught with his pants down tonight…LITERALLY! Carlisle was there -it was like a dream come true! LOL…..B]**_

I giggled playfully while drifting to sleep, talking to Rio about the night's events. "Creepo was caught mid-cum Ri…..it was classic!"

Sunday morning I slept in and woke groggy from the extra hours of shut-eye. After the morning routine with Rio I checked my email.

Reading Edward's response was sheer pleasure. _**[Bella- What? LMAO. That ass! Pun intended ;) What did Dad say? Is he getting canned? I wish I could have been there…. Damn I hope he's gone for good! I didn't know how much longer I could hold back from punching his face in, especially with the way he looked at you. I'm headed to the airport now…should be home soon! E]**_

_Yes!_

_He's coming home! _

_What does that mean? Did he find her or not? Is he going back again? _

Edward carried an amazing talent of always intriguing me but telling me nothing. Apparently the masochist inside me couldn't get enough.

My plan was to wait until the late afternoon to phone Alice. I wanted to avoid another interruption in case Jasper had stayed over. Alice of course had other plans as she knocked repeatedly on my door around three-o-clock.

"Bella! Bella!" I heard her on the other side.

Opening the door slowly I saw Lil' firecracker jump up and down excitedly, clapping her hands. "She's alive! Yeah!"

"I'm glad my opening the door could make your day, Alice." My sarcasm was needed.

She rushed past me and grabbed water from the fridge before lying across the sofa in a debutante pose.

"Um,ok." I laughed, "Make yourself comfy," I teased.

"Bella! I'm in _love_!" Alice shrieked.

"You don't say?" I sat beside her, the adrenaline intoxicating.

"I do! I do say! Jas is…he's swell!" She finally chose a word.

"Swell?" I giggled. "Did we just enter an old Gidget episode?"

"Haha. I'm serious. He took me bowling, Bella. I've never bowled in my life. He even brought along a new pair of bowling shoes, since he figured I would be appalled by the loaner system. I mean, did you know they do that? They share shoes? That should be against the law. The fungal potential alone is frightening…" She lost track.

"Alice! Alice!" I interrupted her ranting that could have lasted another ten minutes. "One step at a time, Chica! So you enjoyed the date?" I was proud of Jasper and his choice of first date for Alice. Too many guys in her past had treated her like a china doll, never letting her just relax and have fun.

She grinned brightly. "Yes I did."

"And, were there any sparks?" I prodded.

"Mmm, Bella, I wasn't very good at the bowling technique, I'll be honest. But when he placed his hands on my hips to assist in lining up the ball, I thought I was going to die right there!" She squealed again. "I told him if his aim was that good in everything, I was definitely intimidated! He's so cute when he blushes!"

"And what happened at the end of the night?" My curiosity blossomed.

"We kissed. Just a kiss, but it was the most amazing kiss I've ever had. He told me that he didn't want to rush things, and that he had wanted to date me ever since we met!" She beamed.

"Alice, I'm so happy for you!"

"Thanks, I am too. I hope he rushes things a little though. If his kiss was any indication, I can't wait for more!" She continued to recount every detail from the date, making me laugh and blush in the same sentences. I feared for poor Jasper on many levels, since Alice was definitely a handful for any companion. We made Reuben sandwiches for dinner and watched Rio do tricks for Alice's affection.

The time passed by so quickly I had forgotten to mention the Creepo incident. "Oh my God, Alice! I almost forgot!"

"What? What is it?" She asked.

Before I could spit out the words I heard the sound of a car on the gravel outside. Jumping up, I peeked through the window blinds. I recognized the silver Volvo parked outside.

_He's home!_

Trying to hide my excitement from Alice was needless, she knew me too well.

"You need me to go?" She asked coyly.

"What? No! You'll probably hear from him before I do!" I scoffed.

"Uh-huh. Sure, Bella."

I was starting to protest further when a knock sounded on my front door. Rio leapt from the couch and started scratching at the door with his paw. If I had four legs I would have beat him there.

Opening the door I saw the fiercest, most stunning blue eyes I had ever seen. They were smiling back at me.

_Smiling. At me!_

"Hey, Bella."

**A/N: Surprise me with my pants down, give me a review!**


	16. WOnder Woman and Whackos

**A/N: Hope everyone is enjoying the summer! I appreciate all the feedback and the ideas! Claralynn there are some special moments in here for you!**

**SM owns twilight**

**Chapter 16 – Wonder Woman and Whackos**

"Hey, Edward," I spoke excitedly.

_He's really back. He's at my door! _

"Whats up, Edward?" Alice chimed in from behind me.

Rio wagged his nub and pranced in circles, causing Edward to smile again.

"Evening, ladies. Hey, big guy, what's shaking, besides you?" he asked Rio.

Rio took it up a notch for more attention. He began his Boxer speak, which came out sounding like something between a bark and a howl. Edward reached over and handed him a treat from his coat pocket in return.

"Wow. Are you always prepared?" I asked.

"Usually. I'm a regular boy scout, Bella." He winked.

I shook my head, smiling in joyful disbelief.

"You just got back? How was your trip? You want something to eat?" Lil' firecracker asked in rapid succession.

_Slow down there Starsky._

Alice always ran on hypomania from what I could gather, but Edward didn't seem to mind the interrogation. In fact, he seemed almost chipper. "Yes. Boring. And I'm not sure. What's there to eat?"

_What? He's staying? _

"Reubens," I stammered, "We made Reubens. Would you like one?"

"Sure. I love those. That would be great." Edward smiled again, walking into the living room while looking around observantly.

_Is this invasion of the body snatchers? _

"Um…okay, make yourself comfortable." I certainly wasn't comfortable. This new BlueEyes had me confused and scrambling to comprehend what caused this latest change of behavior. Not that I wanted to complain!

Edward raised his eyebrows in a boyish grin as he took off his jacket, sitting in the armchair across from Alice. It seemed as if he was enjoying the shock on my face. Rio trotted over with one of his favorite toys and sat beside Edward's feet, chewing on it happily. The scene was very surreal, but he had never seemed so relaxed.

Standing at the kitchen counter I made BlueEyes a sandwich, watching him roll up his sleeves as he joked with Alice. I concentrated on not cutting myself with the knife, but I kept looking up to see him glancing in my direction.

_God he looks good in my house, in my chair!_

Alice avoided the topic of Tanya or even the premise of his trip to Canada, and I was thankful. I didn't want to ruin the change in mood or the scenery. Finishing the most painstaking Reuben sandwich of my life, I froze.

_What does he want to drink? _

_I know he likes bee, but I don't have any! Crap! _

"Edward, what would you like to drink?" I asked.

"What do you have?" his voice mesmerized me.

"Water, milk, juice and Dr. Pepper," I managed. His continuous smile was making me blush; I could feel the heat rising in my cheeks.

"A Dr. Pepper would be great," Edward answered.

Finding him a cold drink from the fridge, I walked over and handed Edward the plate. When our hands touched, a spark of electricity shocked us both. It tingled up my arm.

I grabbed my hand reflexively, rubbing it in response. "Ouch!"

"Gotta love static!" Alice giggled. "Well peeps, I think I'm going to head out now."

She stood up, obviously trying to assist me in Operation Bang Blue Eyes.

"What?" We both questioned at the same time. Edward grinned at me in some shy form of camaraderie. Although I was thrilled he was here, the newness of the situation made me apprehensive.

Edward didn't seem prepared for one on one time either. That much was apparent, and at least familiar.

"Or not?"Alice counter-offered, sitting back down.

"Already I mean? I just got here. But I guess Bella has probably filled you in on the fall of Creepo?" Edward taunted.

"What?" Alice shouted. "No! She didn't mention anything. Did something happen with James?"

"Well apparently he showed his ass, literally." Edward smirked as he took a bite of the Rueben. A small drop of mustard remained on his bottom lip as he chewed.

_C'mon, just stick your tongue out and lick it, please._

The bouncing of an excited Alice on the couch cushions interrupted my moment. It caused me to moan out loud.

"Bella? Was it bad? Are you ok?" She asked in concern.

Edward watched me as well. There was a puzzled look on his face. He didn't stop eating though, which made it even more difficult for me to regain my composure.

_Lip porn. _

"Bella?" Alice asked again.

"Oh, yeah. No, It was great actually, I was just…"

_Sigh. _

_Earth to Bella! _

I finally focused. "Let's see, oh yes! James. Well, after I talked with you yesterday I decided to go to the office and try to catch up on work. Carlisle was there, and we ran into each other, and started talking…"

Alice and Edward listened attentively while I described the events in detail, even down to James' huge nasty mole on his right buttock. When I finished, they sat in silence before abruptly bursting into fits of laughter.

"No way! Karma is a bitch!" Edward laughed.

"Ramona is the bitch!" Alice giggled in return. "To be honest, I can't believe it wasn't Megan, the other night nurse. Everyone knows she's willing to put out with any doctor who will give her the time of day. I bet he's doing them both!"

"Megan is kind of hot," Edward teased.

"Ugh!" Alice screamed. "Yeah, if you like plastic."

"And the brains of a banana slug." I added.

"I didn't say I'd be _talking_ to her." Edward shrugged, receiving more moans from the both of us.

"Anyway, what's going to happen now? Did Carlisle say?" Alice continued.

"No, he just asked me if I could handle the entire census for a while. He's going to meet with both of them first thing tomorrow morning."

"You can handle it," Edward affirmed. His tone was serious.

"Yeah, I suppose. It would be great to have another competent psychiatrist to work with though, not some idiot for brains. Carlisle said he would start recruiting again as soon as possible."

"Well, you'll just have to handle it all, wonder-woman! Plus you have your trusty side-kick, _me_!" Alice responded quickly, bear hugging me on the couch.

"Ooh! You're my Etta Candy? I suppose you want to borrow my invisible plane?"

"Just call me Candy Buns!" Alice giggled. "And I'd rather have the golden bracelets."

"No one touches my bracelets, chica. You'll have a pissed superhero on your hands." I laughed.

"Wow. I feel left out." Edward pouted.

"What? Wow, look at that pitiful face Bella! Such a sad Steve Trevor." Alice pointed at Edward.

"It looks like a face I used to make for more of my mom's spaghetti," I added.

"Spaghetti face! Yes! That's the one. Make it again, Edward, just like we're six years old again and Esme won't give you seconds!" Alice ramped up the joking.

"No way. Besides, it was lasagna. That's so much better than the spaghetti face. Plus, I don't want to be Steve! I deserve superhero status!" Edward argued.

"Like who? Superman, or Batman maybe? What will it be, Clark, or is it Bruce?" I asked.

"Cyclops! I'll be Scott Summers!"

"Whoa. You can't switch from the Justice League to X-men!" I explained.

"Yes I can. The Justice League is _lame_ compared to X-men!" he fought back.

"You _can't_ be serious." I was enjoying the banter.

"Um, yeah, everyone knows that, Bella." He rolled his eyes.

"If we're doing X-men, I wanna be Storm! I could at least have my hair perfect all the time by controlling the weather." Alice added, but she was not really invested in the argument.

"Fine!" I laughed. "I'll need all the help I can get over the next few weeks, especially if Creepo gets officially canned tomorrow. I guess second tier superheroes will have to do. "

Edward crossed his arms in defiance before Alice slapped him on the arm, starting a playful struggle of wrestling between the two of them. I cleaned up the kitchen listening to Edward and Alice share the stories of their many childhood schemes. It was the most fun I had enjoyed since arriving. Although the night was winding down, I never wanted it to end.

"Those weren't even the _best_ moments for Alice! If Jasper were here he could tell you _all_ about it. Those two were glued at the hip growing up." Edward explained.

I glanced over at Alice in a mischievous way, which caused Edward to pick up on it immediately.

"Whoa. What else have I missed? Something finally happen with you and Jas?" he asked.

"What? Nothing!" Alice exclaimed, hopping off the barstool. "Time to go now, goodnight, Bella. Let's go, Edward!" She pulled him by the arm towards the door.

"What? No way!" He laughed.

"Yes, Edward! It's late!" she insisted.

He looked back at me as I zipped my mouth with an imaginary zipper. That caused him to give me the pouty face while Alice pushed him outside.

She ran back in to kiss me on the cheek, whispering in my ear. "_That's_ the Edward I remember. Thanks for bringing him back!"

_Me? I'm not sure I did anything. But God he's even hotter when he's happy._

I took Rio outside and made a mad dash to the shower, brushing my teeth and changing into my big Kitty tee as quickly as possible. I logged on to my computer quickly, excited to see if Edward was waiting.

_**[E Cullen is online.]**_

_**[B: Hey!]**_

_**[E: Sup!]**_

_**[B: LOL, nothing much since you left 15 minutes ago.]**_

_**[E: Well it took you long enough.]**_

_**[B: Are you serious? I had to shower.]**_

_**[E: Lame.]**_

_**[B: I'm assuming you didn't.]**_

_**[E: Shower? No. I like to be a little dirty. ;)]**_

_**[B: Haha. That's the second time you've said I was lame tonight, by the way.]**_

_**[E: I didn't call YOU lame- I said taking a shower was, instead of talking to me.]**_

_**[B: And you called the Justice League lame.]**_

_**[E: Compared to XMen? Um…yeah.]**_

_**[B: Whatever! Wonder woman had awesome skills.]**_

_**[E: Like?]**_

_**[B: Well, her truth lasso for one! It could come in handy.]**_

_**[E: Lmao. The truth lasso- That has a length of like what, 20 feet?]**_

_**[B: Very funny.]**_

_**[E: You'd be like, stop! Come back! Wait 'til i get you with my truth lasso!]**_

_**[B: It stretches.]**_

_**[E: Oh, so it's a bungee lasso?]**_

_**[B: LOL, Blah! It was made by Aphrodite, especially for Wonder Woman!]**_

_**[E: I bet Aphrodite was using it as a Sex swing?]**_

_**[B: ROTFL…Um…I don't think so.]**_

_What's a sex swing? Don't ask him! Google it later!_

_**[E: The reason bad guys tell the truth so fast is they don't want the STDs it carries.]**_

_**[B: LMAO...Fine! I'll just ding you with my golden tiara.]**_

_**[E: Yeah that might give me a slight headache as I zap u with my solar optics, nice try.]**_

_**[B: Well, show off, who would you suggest for me then?]**_

_**[E: Jean Gray.]**_

_**[B: Xmen again, huh? She and Cyclops got it on right?]**_

_**[E: Yeah. Jean is hawt!]**_

_**[B: Wonder woman could talk to animals.]**_

_**[E: Jean can read minds, use telekinesis, and control matter.]**_

_**[B: Hmm. Reading minds could be helpful.]**_

_Like reading yours._

_**[E: See! And I imagine it's easier than a bungee lasso.]**_

_**[B: OMG. Haha. You win! You gonna let me read your mind?]**_

_**[E: What would do you want to know?]**_

_Ooh. Hard one. So many questions. Most of which he probably won't answer._

_**[B: For starters? Favorite color?]**_

_**[E: Green. Yours?]**_

_**[B: Same.]**_

_**[E: Hmm, copycat.]**_

_**[B: Favorite Ice cream?]**_

_**[E: Cherries Jubilee.]**_

_**[B: Mine's Coffee. What's your favorite music/song?]**_

_**[E: Wow. There are so many. You just jump right in on the hard questions, huh?]**_

_**[B: Haha. Ok. What caused you to show up at my door tonight?]**_

_**[E: I was wondering when you'd ask. I saw Alice was there through the window.]**_

_Huh? He was there to see Alice?_

_**[B: I see.]**_

_**[E: I'm sure you don't see, Jean Gray. Your powers aren't matured.]**_

_**[B: Enlighten me, then.]**_

_**[E: I wanted to talk to you right away. I planned to email, but when I saw Alice was visiting I felt more comfortable just stopping by.]**_

_**[B: Oh.]**_

_**[E: Sigh. And I was going to call you earlier, Bella, but my blackberry was stolen.]**_

_**[B: What? When did that happen?]**_

_**[E: I had it in my carry-on and left it at the bell-hop for just a moment, going across the street to grab a coffee and Danish. When I reclaimed my bag it was gone.]**_

_**[B: Did you report it to the management? That's awful!]**_

_**[E: Yeah, but the concierge states he didn't see anyone go near the desk. Maybe I was mistaken and left it in the room. Anyway…]**_

_**[B: That still sucks.]**_

_**[E: Bella.]**_

_**[B: Yes?]**_

_**[E: You were right.]**_

_**[B: I was? The concierge found it?]**_

_**[E: Haha. No, Bella. You were right about me.]**_

_**[B: Oh.]**_

_Which part? Ugh, I hate when he's cryptic. That's all the time. I know!_

_**[E: Some problems aren't solvable.]**_

_Ahh._

_**[B: I know.]**_

_**[E: I couldn't handle the fact that I didn't 'solve' Tanya's problems, or fix the devastation her illness caused everyone involved.]**_

_**[B: Did they find her?]**_

_**[E: No.]**_

_**[B: Oh. Well are you going to keep trying to help?]**_

_**[E: No, Bella. I told them I wasn't able to any longer. The doctors and her family were all very supportive. They thanked me for everything I had done through the years, which was basically nothing.]**_

_**[B: That's not true.]**_

_**[E: Well it didn't make things any better. But they actually understood my need to move on…]**_

_**[B: What do you think happened to her?]**_

_**[E: I'm not sure. She was so confused and paranoid the last time I saw her. There's a large homeless population in Vancouver, I imagine they will eventually find her at one of the shelters. ]**_

_**[B: I'm sorry, Edward.]**_

_**[E: Me too. But I'm tired of being trapped in the past. I don't want to be a negative narcissist.]**_

_**[B: LOL. That really bothered you when I said that, huh?]**_

_**[E: Yes. And I'm tired of hurting my family, my friends, and you.]**_

_**[B: You make me happy.]**_

_**[E: But I hurt you too. And I'm sorry. I want to give you more.]**_

_**[B: I want more.]**_

_**[E: I know. Believe me-LOL. But I won't risk hurting you by jumping right into something we're not ready for.]**_

_**[B: I'm ready.]**_

_**[E: Haha. I haven't had any relationship in years, Bella, with anyone. Let alone a romantic one.]**_

_**[B: So. I've never had a real relationship, Edward, except one, and it was for convenience.]**_

_**[E: Really?]**_

_**[B:Yes.]**_

_**[E: Was that Sean?]**_

_**[B: What? How do you know about him?]**_

_**[E: Alice. And I did my snooping when you went back to Arizona.]**_

_**[B: Wow.]**_

_**[E: I'm not a stalker.]**_

_**[B: Haha. No, I'm just stunned you cared enough to research my past ships.]**_

_**[E: I thought you said there was only one?]**_

_**[B: It was a figure of speech.]**_

_**[E: Sure.]**_

_**[B: So.]**_

_**[E: So.]**_

_**[B: What are you saying, exactly?]**_

_**[E: You need it all spelled out huh?]**_

_**[B: Yes.]**_

_**[E: I wanna be your boyfriend, Bella, but I'd like to be your friend, first?]**_

_Squeal!_

_**[B: Um...I'll think about it.]**_

_**[E: What!]**_

_**[B: Lmao. Well of course I'll be your friend, Edward. But you'll have to be nicer to be my boyfriend. You've tortured me for a while now.]**_

_**[E: I see. How much nicer?]**_

_**[B: I'll let you know…night, BlueEyes!]**_

_**[E: You're leaving?]**_

_**[B: Yes. I need to start early tomorrow if I'm picking up all the patient cases…]**_

_**[E: Oh yeah. Oh! I'm seeing Ms. Hiller again tomorrow. Can I stop by so we can review her progress?]**_

_**[B: Please. Stop by anytime, Edward.]**_

_**[E: Goodnight, Beautiful Bella.]**_

_**[B: Goodnight.]**_

I ran out of the cottage at 7:30 a.m., wishing I had set my alarm for an hour earlier. My hair was a tousled mess, and my scrunchie didn't work wonders in taming it. Making matters worse, the car door snagged my skirt on the ride into the Retreat, which I noticed only after arriving for work.

_Great Bella. Must you always look like you live in a gutter?_

Returning back home to change was out of the question, knowing I had double the work in store for today. I brushed out the wrinkles ineffectively, chastising myself once again for sleeping in.

_If you didn't stay up all night you would be rested._

Just as I walked up the front steps of the main building, Ramona came bursting out the entrance, nearly knocking me over. I stumbled against the wrought iron railing, surprised at myself for not falling to the ground.

"Oh, Dr. Swan! I'm sorry," she blurted.

"It's fine, Ramona."

"No. I'm truly sorry. I can't believe I was so foolish. I've never been more embarrassed in my life. We may never see each other again, but I hope you can forgive me for my selfish and irresponsible behavior."

"It's not for me to judge you, or forgive you, Ramona. So you're leaving?"

"Thanks. Yes, I turned in my resignation just now. Goodbye, Dr. Swan"

"Goodbye, Ramona."

She continued down the cobbled walkway with tears staining her cheeks. I truly felt bad for her, imagining that James' sociopathic behavior was what charmed her into such a stupid decision.

_Speak of the devil._

"Hello, Bella." Turning around, I came face to face with a smiling Creepo. One would have thought he had won the lottery. My mind raced, wondering if Carlisle had given him a reprieve or if he was indeed fired.

"James," I replied, begrudgingly.

"I'm sorry we didn't get to know each other better while working so closely." His smirk remained in place.

_Whew. He was canned. Thank God!_

"So, you're leaving?"

"Of course. Isn't that what you wanted?" he asked.

"What?" I was confused.

"I know you brought Carlisle by there to catch me, Bella. You may think I'm the one fooling people, but _you_ don't have _me_ fooled." He was smiling, but it felt more threatening the longer we stood there. I suddenly felt the hairs on the back of my neck raise, and the pit of my stomach form knots. These internal warning instincts always kept me out of harm's way during training when patients were aggressive.

_So he heard me tell Carlisle what I thought of him that night. _

_Does it matter? _

_Yes! Well, he's obviously unstable!_

I took a step back for more personal space. "I had no idea you would be there, James."

"Oh, right. You just happened to stop by there on a Saturday night? With the director of the hospital? You've been watching me, obviously. Is that why you wouldn't meet with me? Because you were jealous of the others?" he continued.

_So there was more than one._

"As usual, I have no idea what you're talking about," I explained.

James took a step to close the distance, whispering as he leaned in, "You know you do, Bel. And if you wanted me to yourself all you had to do was ask. Now it's going to be even harder to be together when I don't work here."

_Oh my God! Why do I attract these Whackos!_

"I don't _want_ to be with you, James." I gritted my teeth.

He finally frowned. "So you got me fired for nothing?"

The bizarreness and frustration of the conversation kept mounting, and the more I tried to maintain composure the more he attempted to push my buttons. His words were laced with anger, causing me more concern.

"I'm going in now, James. I had nothing to do with your behaviors, or their consequences."

I felt myself trembling as I walked into the building, a mixture of both fear and anger boiling in my blood.

"Fine for now, Bel," he yelled out after me as the doors started to close.

Before I was out of hearing, his last words registered in the air. "But you know we'll be together one day!"

**A/N: Reviews will leave BlueEyes on your doorstep, wrapped in a golden lasso, and nothing else!**


	17. Vexation and Vandalism

**A/N: You guys rock! I love all the conspiracy theories you've sent me. Haha. I do realize I promised no rape in this story…and there will not be any portrayal of rape in the present tense or involving Bella. Historical occurrences of such trauma which may be affecting the present day may be included... or not. Just giving a heads up to those who are uncomfortable with the topic…. **

**Also, I apologize if I didn't answer your reviews, I was on vacation and for some reason I missed some of them!**

**Chapter 17 – Vexes and Vandalism**

_Cringe._

"Bella?" I heard a voice behind me.

I was standing in the atrium with my arms crossed over my chest. My eyes were closed and I was nearly hyperventilating.

Angela walked over and placed her arm on my shoulder, giving me a moment to regain composure. "Are you alright? I heard James bothering you just now. He's been such a problem to _all_ the female staff."

"Yeah, I'm okay. And that doesn't surprise me; he's been a problem to me since I arrived," my voice cracked. Resisting the urge to run back outside and go home, I smiled as a façade. The entire encounter left me desiring another shower. Three to four showers maybe, enough to wash off the scum.

"Well good riddance!" Angela smiled in return.

"So everyone knows?" I asked.

"That he's been fired? Yeah. Well, we don't know the details. Maybe Dr. Cullen gave him the option to resign, but everyone knows that he no longer works here as of today. James just turned over his identification and keys, right before you came in." Angela heaved a sigh of relief.

"Wow." I couldn't believe it was over.

"I'm not surprised, Bella. He's been manipulating people and lying to Dr. Cullen since joining the staff! I never trusted him." She shook her head.

"Apparently some of the female staff did," I argued.

"I know," Angela whispered. "And Ramona isn't the only one who fell for his ridiculous lines. Megan certainly met with him on occasion, trying to climb the social ladder I suppose."

"So that's true, then?" How any woman could stomach his advances was beyond me.

"Goodness. Look at me, spreading rumors. I wasn't in the room with them, so I don't know exactly _what_ she climbed, if anything." Her comment and my imagination caused an outburst of giggling from the mental picture of James' mole once again.

"Thanks, Angela, I needed to laugh. This whole situation is just awful."

"Well, he needed to leave. James was incompetent. You picked up on that the first week, doc. Just watch yourself around Megan, because I'm not sure how close they were. She'll probably repeat to him anything you say in her presence, if he still gives her the time of day that is," she warned.

"Thanks for the heads up. I guess I should get started now; I have twice the patients to see today. See you later, Angela."

"Anytime, Bella."

***###***

My rounds lasted all morning, leaving more to see after lunch. Mr. Pulsifer was one of the first patients I met with. His wise eyes welcomed mine as I sat down in his room, though he only nodded in greeting.

"How are you today, Mr. Pulsifer?"

"Do I know you?" he asked.

"We met once, but only briefly. I'm Dr. Isabella Swan. I'll be one of your doctors here at the retreat."

"What happened to the pale face who knew it all, yet knew nothing?" His face was serene.

_Haha. That had to be Creepo_.

"He's no longer working here, Mr. Pulsifer."

"Ah. A wise decision... was it yours?" He had an uncanny knack of being right to have cognitive problems.

"No, sir, it wasn't mine."

"But it could have been. You seem wise," he added.

A smile and slight blush appeared on my face. "Thank you. But I would like to use my knowledge and wisdom in helping you, if you'd let me."

He watched with scrutiny as I continued asking him questions which he answered politely yet guarded. I could tell he was making his assessment of me from the moment I walked in the room. Once the initial interview was over, I completed a mini mental status examination. It didn't surprise me that James had yet to record one in his chart, let alone order the neuropsychological testing his son Eric had requested. The level of his incompetence continued to dumbfound me, even in his absence. Basically James had given him sleeping pills and an antidepressant, with barely a mention of a dementia work-up. His tendency to keep patient's length of stay as long as possible meant that his workload was lighter.

_He really was a lazy ass._

Mr. Pulsifer scored moderately impaired on the bedside mental status exam, but the results were more for monitoring purposes, not diagnostic. I explained the process of a more thorough testing which Alice would perform, in addition to laboratory profiles I wanted to order.

"And this is necessary for what reason?" he asked calmly.

_Sigh. This never gets easy._

"Mr. Pulsifer, if your memory is failing, then we need to talk about your ability to care for yourself. Where you may live, who will help when the time comes," I started to explain.

"I will not be a burden for my family, or my people," he interrupted.

"I understand. But let's see how things go first, okay?" I persuaded.

Arguing the decisions or results of the tests before they were even obtained was futile. I didn't desire to upset him any more than needed, and he accepted my offer with a smile. I left the room feeling relieved that James was no longer caring for him.

Calling his son to provide an update in the treatment plan was a pleasure. Eric Pulsifer was thrilled when I relayed the news. "Dr. Swan, I mean, Bella, I can't thank you enough. Carlisle called me this morning and informed me of the physician change. I'll be honest… I was very uncomfortable with James' recommendations."

"Please let me know if there are any concerns you have with my treatment plans, Eric. I think it's wonderful your dad has such a supportive son." I was pleased he was happy with the change.

Eric explained his growing concerns for his father. He also gave me more of the family history. "It has just been me and my brother since my mom passed. Tyler is coming to visit dad during his fall break, he's a fourth year medical student at the University of Washington this year. I hope you can meet with him when he's there, Bella. He's still undecided on his field of medicine."

"I'd be glad to. I'll try my best," I agreed.

***###***

Lunch was fast and furious with the help of Jasper. He had a turkey club with avocado ranch waiting for me when I sat down, knowing the workload was double because of James leaving. Alice had apparently filled him in on the details, but the entire Retreat was buzzing with the news.

_Just like Mayberry. _

Edward wasn't there when I arrived, a detail which was puzzling given his gumption for timeliness. In fact, the twenty minutes I was allowing myself for lunch today was almost over when he barreled into the dining hall. His blue eyes were waging war with the specks of emerald that could only mean one thing. He was angry.

Everyone surrounding the table froze when he approached, but he stood prominently at the end of the table, visibly trembling.

"Wow, Alice, you're right, he's so much more relaxed now." Rose commented under her breath, loud enough for all to hear.

"Shhh, Rose! Not a good time." Alice hid her face from me behind her Gatorade, knowing I would have questions for her later. I frowned in both of their directions before turning my attention back to Blue Eyes.

_Please let them be blue._

"Bella," he managed.

"Edward."

_Awkward. What in the world is wrong with him?_

"Are you ok?" he asked bluntly.

_Huh?_

"Yes. Why?" I was more than confused.

His shoulders heaved a heavy sigh before continuing, but his eyes began to sparkle once again in their bluest form.

"Why? Angela told me about James threatening you. As a matter of fact, _everyone_ in the front atrium heard him threaten you!" The green embers started showing again.

"Oh, that." My mind had suppressed the conversation with James in order to focus on work.

"Yes, Bella. _That_. Did you call security?" he asked.

"Bella! Is this true? Are you ok? Why didn't you tell me? Did you tell Carlisle what happened?" Lil' Firecracker once again rattled off twenty questions from across the table.

_I swear that's her favorite game._

The threats from James had been more than startling. But the tasks ahead of me for the day had outweighed any fears or concerns that might have caused me to freak and tell anyone.

"No, Edward. No, Alice. I'm fine. Yes, he made some remarks, but they were no more unusual than his routine narcissism. Seriously you guys, it's over. I'm just trying to tread water with all these new patients at the moment." I hoped they would drop it.

Edward finally sat down in front of me, running his fingers through his locks. They were noticeably long enough to have his fingers run through them. Refusing to eat, he watched me intently. My paranoia for leaving condiments on my face and the act of chewing alone quickly suppressed my appetite.

"I think I'll get back to work now." I faintly smiled while standing to leave.

"I'll walk you out." Edward stood in response.

_Suddenly I need a chaperone?_

His need to observe the accuracy of my statement "I'm ok" was progressively suffocating. "That's nice of you, Edward, but not necessary."

Ignoring my response he strode out of the dining hall beside me, following me to my office door. We walked inside for me to retrieve my white coat before returning to round on the floor.

"Are you sure you're alright?" he asked again.

"Yes, Edward. I'm sure. Are _you_ alright?" I teased.

Rolling his eyes, he fidgeted with his sleeves. "Don't be ridiculous. Why wouldn't I be? I'm not the one who was threatened by that jerk today."

"I've been in much more dangerous situations with my true patients, Edward. James was angry and blamed me for getting caught. I'm sure he'll move on to another job where he can fool everyone in no time." I hoped.

The concern etched on his beautiful face melted my annoyance. "But I do appreciate your worrying about me. Thank you."

His smile returned, brightening up the room and my heart. "I'm just glad he didn't lay his hands on you. That would be a costly mistake. And you're welcome, beautiful."

"Wow. Such compliments," I whispered.

"They're deserved," he continued with his grin.

Of course I blushed, still intoxicated by his mere presence. His effect on me caused me to brace myself with a hand on my desk.

_You're gonna be all Southern Belle and get the vapors now?_

"So can I meet you after work and walk you out?" His concern was not abated by my assurances.

"Seriously?" I questioned.

"Yes. I'd like to spend time with you, Bella. And I know today's been a long day."

_He always the right answer. Maybe he is a boy scout._

I knew his motives were more than just time with me, but I was willing to use those regardless. "Sure, Edward. We can walk out together. But I need to go see the rest of my patients now."

"Oh! Have you seen Ms. Hiller yet?"

"No….I'll be meeting with her this afternoon, why?" I was curious about his excitement.

"We had another session today."

"That's right. You were going to tell me about last week too. Do you have time now?"

Edward nodded and sat down on my black sofa, causing my mind to wander from the topic of conversation. Silently I began counting the window panes on the far end of the room, hoping he would begin talking about Landie to distract me from ogling. The bulge in his pants that outlined his apparent manhood was prominent from his languid posture, causing sinful thoughts to race through my mind repetitively.

"Bella?" he asked, grinning boyishly. "Do you need some water? You seem flushed."

"I'm fine. Well, maybe water would be good. It is warm in here, isn't it?" I fanned my face.

"Hmm. If you say so. You sure you don't need to lie down?" his tone changed.

I turned to assess the affect associated with such a baiting statement and found the piercing gaze I had dreamt about nightly assessing my rear end.

_I do say so. And you know it. _

_Ungh…Now is not the time._

"You were going to tell me about Ms. Hiller?" I cleared my throat, ignoring his banter.

"Yes. _Yes_, that's right." He fidgeted uncomfortably as I placed my mouth on the water bottle and took a few large gulps.

_Haha. Now look who's distracted._

"Bella, I'll just come straight to the point. I think Ms. Hiller has been abused, maybe even raped."

I coughed on my water. "Wow. I wasn't expecting that. Why would you say this?"

"I noticed things in our first session, which had other residents present, It was very informal. I began by allowing them the opportunity to play or experiment with the instruments," he explained.

"Things? Such as?" I hated to question him, but I was skeptical that he could be making such an assumption in only one session.

"Well, she brightened immediately when playing the piano. She even spoke about playing the organ to one of the other residents." He leaned forward.

"Yeah, she was an organist for many years in her church," I added.

"But whenever it was time to switch instruments, she navigated the male patients with a space of at least five feet. One time she even walked to the other side of the room to avoid close contact. And I just sensed her unease, in general. It was not at all like a patient with schizophrenia, but more like a patient with extreme anxiety." He was fidgeting with his hands now.

"I _never_ thought she had schizophrenia. James gave her that diagnosis without a proper assessment. And you met with her again today?" I was intrigued.

"Yes. And I'm even more certain. Today it was just her and two other female patients. I arranged it that way on purpose, after seeing her discomfort with the males. Her mood was excellent throughout the session, until I picked up sheet music which had fallen to the floor beside her. She nearly jumped out of her skin, Bella."

"Hyper-arousal?" I asked.

"Exactly. An extreme startle reflex. She had it every time I was near her. She even screamed out once, asking me to '_just stop_!'" Edward looked at me for confirmation.

_How could I have missed it? The psychosis and delusions could be from PTSD._

My look of consternation must have confused Edward, causing him to minimize his assessment. "I could be wrong, I mean, it has only been two sessions…"

"No. You could also be right. I just can't believe I missed that in my differential." I was always obsessive about a thorough differential.

"She was so sick when she arrived. It's been your care which enabled me to observe her in a relaxed setting to start with. She wouldn't even speak to the staff when I first heard her case presented." Edward was trying to reassure me.

"The nightmares, the almost catatonia with James, the abrupt onset, it all could fit," I noted.

"What did the psychological testing show?" Edward asked.

"Alice was finishing her summation today. She said she would flag me electronically when it's ready."

"Good. Well, then that will help too I assume." He nodded.

"Do you think the sessions are too traumatic for her?" I asked.

"I don't think so, especially now that I know her discomfort with me, and with men. I'll take extra precautions. Do we have much history of her life before? I was going to ask Angela for details but was sidetracked when she told me what happened to you this morning." He frowned again.

"Very little. She comes from a very conservative background, her father is a pastor. This was her first year at the University in Seattle." My mind was still racing.

"Hmm. More details on her first semester would be helpful," he spoke out loud.

"True. Hey, thanks, Edward, for the heads up. I'll definitely explore this in our individual therapy." I had forgotten to thank him.

"Anytime. I hope you don't mind my interpretations. "

"No. I'm quite impressed actually. You've got hidden talent," I joked.

"More than you know." He winked.

_Whimper._

I giggled flirtatiously. "Okay. I _really_ need to get going. I'll go and see her first."

"Sounds good. I'll meet you back here after work." It was a statement, not a question.

He stood outside the door, waiting for me to leave. Walking away I could feel him watching me. Knowing he cared enough to walk me home from work made my heart jump.

_To the parking lot, Ms. Histrionic. Same difference!_

The changes in him were unbelievable, but could I trust them? I was willing to. The opportunity of being with him was worth the risk, no matter how great.

***###***

"Hello, Landie."

"Hello, Dr. Swan"

"How are you feeling today"

"I'm ok," she spoke quietly.

She sat still in the chair, staring presumably at designs in the carpet. My questions remained open ended for the most part, giving me opportunity to assess her thought processes. She definitely seemed more linear with less paranoia. Approaching her regarding Edward's theory was nerve wracking, since I didn't want to alienate our alliance. I started with her primary delusion once again, knowing she was comfortable discussing it with me.

"How are things going, with your message…from God?"

Ms. Hiller looked ashamed and embarrassed, making eye contact for the briefest of moments. "He's disappointed in me, I know it."

"Disappointed?" I asked.

"Yeah. I placed myself before him. Even now, I'm being selfish."

"How do you think you're being selfish, Landie?"

"Being here. Talking to you. I should be serving him."

"What if he's not disappointed?" I challenged.

"What?" She looked stunned.

"What if God is not disappointed? What if he _wants_ you to be here, to get stronger. To be a better messenger, even?"

Her lips trembled as silent tears fell from her face. She shook her head 'no' in disbelief, but didn't verbalize her feelings.

"Do you think you'll ever be good enough? To be God's messenger?" I pushed her further.

More tears fell down her face, now splotchy from the crying. "No," she admitted.

"Why not?"

Ms. Hiller sat there in silence, unable to verbalize the explanations I pleaded for. Her core belief of being unworthy was clear, but was there more? Did she find herself unlovable?

_Or maybe damaged goods._

"Let's talk about something else. How was the music therapy?" I changed tactics.

Landie's affect changed immediately, with some semblance of a smile almost gracing her features. "It was nice."

"I'd like you to go three times a week, if you like."

"I would." She nodded.

"Is Mr. Cullen letting you play the piano?"

The mention of Edward's name caused her countenance to return to that of a masked being. "Yes," she said.

I quickly retreated from that line of questioning, leaving more questions unanswered for me.

_Don't push her too soon. She's making progress._

"Wonderful. Well perhaps I can hear you play sometime." I smiled.

"Maybe." She replied, but was still more guarded.

"Well our time is up for today. I'll see you tomorrow, Ms. Hiller."

Just to test Edward's theory further, I placed my hand on her shoulder as she turned to leave. Landie jumped slightly, but nothing too unusual.

"Bye, Dr. Swan."

***###***

I rounded the corner to find Edward leaning against my door. His jacket was thrown over his shoulder and he bore a scowl on his face reminiscent of James Dean.

_He just needs the tousled hair. _

It was if he hadn't moved since I left him there hours before. "Edward." I nodded.

"Bella. I was wondering if you left without me."

"Um…no. I was running late. Oh, I forgot!" I couldn't help but chuckle.

"Forgot what?"

"You're the time czar!" I laughed out loud.

He rolled his eyes as I gathered my things to leave, clearly thinking of a response. "Well, you're the spelling Nazi!"

We laughed together as we walked towards the car. "You should have known I wasn't gone,my car was still here," I explained.

"I know. I checked." He shrugged.

"Oh you did, huh? So you're pouting for what, pity?"

"No. Pouting is your job, Brown eyes."

_No fair! He always wins by flirting!_

I reached in my bag, hunting for my keys as he leaned into me beside the car. Despite our agreement to be friends first, the overwhelming urge to kiss him became stronger the more he inched towards me. Looking down I felt his eyes wander over my face and my body. I closed my eyes to inhale his scent.

"Bella, I, um, oh! Damnit!"

_Huh? Do I smell?_

Confused and bewildered, I opened my eyes to follow his. I looked at my hand, which was still holding my keys. There was nothing unusual there. However, beside the door lock, and etched along the entire side of the car and rear fender, was the word 'BITCH', keyed into the enamel.

"I'm going to kill him."


	18. Crime and Comfort

**A/N: Nothing to add….except SM owns twilight, lucky gal.**

**Chapter 18 – Crime and Comfort**

My jaw dropped. The shock allowed the word to register only after re-reading the damage numerous times. Edward remained by my side, a noticeable fact even in my state of awe. The colorful expletives rolling rampant from his tongue were hard to ignore.

Spent of options and combinations of curse words, he stopped. "Bella. Bella! Did you hear me? I'm going to kill him."

His hands gripped both sides of my face with his thumb stroking my chin in reassurance. I recognized his eyes directly in front of me, yet stared through him nonetheless. The gravity of the day's events finally weighed down on me, and my body sank into a dark comforting numbness.

_Am I in shock? _

_You are verifiably the #1 Creepo magnet. _

_You're going to be fine. Just breathe, Bella…_

"Just breathe, Bella." Edward's words caressed my soul, lifting me to the surface, to the air of reality. Someone had vandalized my car. It wasn't a great car by any measure, but the personal invasion of my property was more than unsettling.

I felt like an extension of me had been scarred. "I am."

"You are what?" Edward looked worried.

"I'm breathing," I clarified.

Edward laughed nervously. "Well thank God for that."

"Do you think he'll recognize your thanks since you just associated him with such foul utterances?" My words were just coming out without emotion.

"Who?" His confusion was evident.

"God," I countered.

"What?" Edward laughed more forcefully. "Bella, you must be in shock. You've been threatened, harassed, and had your car vandalized, but your concern is for my cursing proclivity?"

"Well I'm amazed myself. I never knew there were so many combinations before." I shrugged.

"It's an art," he said with a smile, "I'll teach you one day."

The tension eased as we both laughed at my naiveté.

"So, you think James actually did this?" I finally asked.

Edward's frowned returned with my question. He pulled his hair in the usual frustrated manner and began pacing in front of the car. "Of course he did. Who the hell else would do this?"

"I don't know... I just can't believe he would. He must really believe I had a part in his termination." My mind raced over every encounter with James.

"He's a sociopath!" Edward reached into his jacket. "Crap! I forgot that my phone is gone."

"Your phone?" Now I was the one confused.

"Yeah. I need to call my dad. And _yours_."

_Charlie. _

"Do we really need to call him? Can't we just use the Retreat's security?" I begged.

"He's the chief of police, _and_ your dad. Of course we're calling him. Do you want to walk back inside with me or can I use your phone?" The tenor of his voice assured me he wouldn't take no for an answer.

Reaching inside my bag, I found my phone and handed it over. Edward started making calls immediately. His penchant for cursing returned each time he relayed the details.

I stood beside my car; my hands tracing the letters on the side of the door.

_B…..I….. _

_I think I'm gonna be sick._

Carlisle arrived with security in tow, assessing the damage and gathering the details. They had only just begun investigating when Charlie's patrol car pulled in, lights flashing. Embarrassment was an understatement to the feeling I had when Charlie stepped out, frowning.

"Bella!" Charlie reached me before finishing the sentence. His concern was evident.

"Hey, Dad. I'm ok."

"Hmm." He sighed, looking over my shoulder. Charlie surveyed my car, then me. Squeezing my shoulders in a private exchange, he turned his attention towards Carlisle and the security detail. Our relationship had always been one of introverted comfort, and words were often accessory for us to communicate with each other.

_He's disappointed. _

_He didn't want you to take this job, and now you've been attacked. _

Steeling myself for the conversation with Charlie later, I remained at his side while he began his list of questions. "Dr. Cullen."

"Chief Swan. Please call me Carlisle, I'm sorry to see you under these circumstances."

"Yeah. Me too. So what do we know?" Charlie had his pad out taking notes.

"Unfortunately, Bella and I had the misfortune of witnessing two staff members' indiscretion, which led to their being terminated as of today. My guess is that one of them is blaming Bella," Carlisle explained.

"You know damn well which one!" Edward spoke up, ceasing his side conversation with a male security guard.

"And who are you?" My Dad's eyes were piercing.

_Oh God._

"Edward, Edward Cullen, Mr. Swan." Blue Eyes held his hand out in greeting, only to let it drop, untaken.

"Uh-huh,"Charlie noted, matter-of-factly. "And how are you involved?"

Charlie's bluntness and immediate questioning of Edward made me ill. I knew from prior conversations that he had heard the rumors of Edward's past behavior. In fact, his paramount concern for me taking this job had centered on those rumors.

The accusatory glances he sent Edward provoked my own quick response. "Edward was walking out with me, Dad, and called your office when it happened. He's the music therapist here. We both worked with the staff members who were fired today."

_And I love him._

My protective tone provided enough evidence to anyone listening that Edward was more than that.

Charlie raised an eyebrow in skepticism, but turned to face Edward toe to toe. "So, Edward. If you know damn well which one, I suggest you damn well tell me."

Carlisle interrupted, stepping forward to intervene in the liability of the situation. "Edward, you're not certain it was James. We can't make unjustified accusations."

"Fine. Let's go look at the security cameras then! What good is this state-of-the-art center if we don't utilize the technology you paid millions for?" Edward was running his fingers through his hair in irritation.

Dad and Carlisle paused, realizing they had overlooked this obvious solution until the moment it was mentioned.

"Of course. We can have security pull the footage immediately." Carlisle nodded.

"I want to see it." My voice cracked.

Everyone stared in disquiet, but I stood my ground. "I _want_ to see it! It was my property, and _my_ life that was intruded on."

"Okay," Carlisle acquiesced, leading the entire group back into the main hall. We waited in his office for security to retrieve the pertinent video footage which they would upload to Carlisle's computer.

I sat in the chair wringing my hands, my bottom lip wrought from the attack of my teeth. The palpable tension in the room was suffocating, but I knew vandalism was not the culprit. Edward paced methodically across the brocade carpet in front of Carlisle's desk, while Charlie stared unmoving in his direction, arms crossed, and frown in place.

_This is not going well._

Carlisle tried various topics of conversation for distraction, to no avail. His praise of my work at the Retreat since arrival was met with nods of assent and appropriate answers of 'yes' or 'no' from Charlie.

So it was Carlisle who finally decided to address the elephant in the room. "I'm glad Edward was with you today, Bella. It frightens me to think what might have happened if you had been alone, especially if the culprit had been there."

"Me too." I let out a huge sigh of anxiety. "I'm glad he waited, since I was running late, of course. Edward and I are working together on Ms. Hiller's case, and we've made some progress which could prove remarkable if our theory is correct."

"That's wonderful," Carlisle added.

Charlie looked between us both, then back at Edward. I could tell from the change in his posture that he was reconsidering the direction of his anger. He unclenched his arms with the intent to speak, but the ringing phone from the security office startled us.

Carlisle answered, nodded, and clicked on his desktop. It instantly brought up the file which had been sent to his email. "Here is the footage from this morning…."

We stood around his desk with collaborative interest. My heart was beating madly from anticipation. Carlisle used fast forward to advance the video, stopping when he saw my arrival to work on screen.

It was clear I had been in a hurried angst, talking to myself while assessing my rumpled skirt in contempt.

_Ugh. Edward's watching this. _

The encounter with Ramona was brief, followed by James. Even without audio, the body language alone demonstrated the disturbing nature of the exchange. James inching closer to me on screen while I tried to step away made me cringe again in response. Edward placed his hand on my shoulder in comfort, recognizing the effect.

Charlie recognized it as well, in addition to Edward's response. But his questions and concern would have to wait. Edward was there for me, and I needed him.

The video showed James screaming at the front doors at my retreating figure, then skulking away to his car. Ramona had remained in the parking area, a fact which I had not realized this morning. We watched them have a heated discussion before she opened the passenger door of his car and slid in. He slammed his fist repeatedly on the hood before joining her. Gravel was thrown in all directions as he sped away.

_Wait. So he left?_

The confusion in my eyes was mirrored by all across the room, but we continued to watch expectantly. Most of the day was insignificant video of squirrels or birds who enjoyed foraging for food crumbs left behind. It wasn't until late afternoon, when most of the staff had gone, that we saw him return.

James pulled slowly up the drive and into the screen's view, revealing Ramona who exited quickly once the car had stopped. Her hair was a disheveled mess but her noticeably torn shirt was what made me gasp out loud. Before she reached her car, James stepped out and threw her bag towards her on the ground.

_Did he attack her? _

She grabbed it without looking back, finding her car keys and scurrying to leave. James watched her drive off, before staring at the other vehicles which remained in the lot. The glare on his face alternated between my car and Edward's silver Volvo. Unbridled anger and jealousy was blatant, even observed from a computer monitor.

_I'm really gonna be sick._

"That's him?" Charlie asked without emotion.

"Yes," Edward and Carlisle answered together.

James spat on the ground, looking around the lot before walking over to my car. He leaned against the door as if waiting for me. And he did...wait. Nearly fifteen minutes passed while he stood there, lingering. He finally grabbed his head in frustration, kicking my front tire. I noticed him reaching into his jacket pocket, retrieving a set of keys. He began carving the letters into the enamel with shaking hands. Once finished, he unzipped his pants.

He started urinating on my car.

"Oh, God!" I ran into Carlisle's bathroom, quickly finding the sink. I splashed cold water on my face, attempting to prevent the dry heaves.

_He pissed on my car. _

I vomited profusely.

"Bella..." Edward's voice rang in my ears.

_No, No, No! Don't watch me puke, please no!_

"I've got her." Charlie's voice was like heaven.

_Yes._

"Bella? Here, baby." Charlie handed me a towel. He patted me on the back as I shook violently; reminding me of the times he would care for me if I was sick with the stomach flu. Oh how I wished I had the flu at this moment.

The reality of James' behavior in action was more painful than any viral illness, and more frightening. "That's unstable, Dad. I _barely_ knew the guy."

"Shh…It's gonna be ok. We have him on camera, we'll find him." Charlie led me back into the office with his arm around me.

I knew he would find Creepo, and wouldn't rest until he did. But my failure in assessing James' attachment to me was the most unsettling. Edward and Carlisle were still watching film footage when we returned.

"Did I miss anything else?" I asked tentatively.

Edward frowned at my question, clearly wanting to shield me from any further exposure. Carlisle also looked concern, but shook his head no in response.

"He left just after…" he paused, unable to complete the sentence.

I nodded in understanding, grateful that nothing more had occurred. Edward came over and grabbed my hands in his, bending down to meet me eye to eye. "You ok?"

"Not really." I answered honestly, unnerved by the entire situation.

"Edward," Charlie spoke as he stood beside me. His tone called for Edward's undivided attention.

Blue Eyes continued to look at me in apprehension, but eventually pulled his gaze to my dad. "Yes?"

"Thank you, for being there with Bella today." I looked at my dad and realized he was glancing back towards the computer screen as he spoke.

I could see Edward walking me to the car, our bodies silently dancing with each other in flirtation. The 'almost kiss' was an obvious observation before the recognition of James' actions occurred. How I could blush in spite of the other circumstances was perplexing, yet I did.

"You're welcome, Mr. Swan."

"You can call me Charlie."

"Ok. Charlie."

A few more minutes passed in discussion of James. His last known address and information were printed and Charlie called in the information immediately. Carlisle suggested I go home, and my sudden need of collapse made me agree.

"I'll take her, but I'd like to come back and speak with you further, Carlisle." Charlie was definitely in cop mode.

"I can take her," Edward interjected, his voice emanating with worry.

I nodded in agreement to Charlie, who approved in a much too accommodating manner. His conversation with Carlisle was obviously significant.

_I hope he's not going to try and maneuver me not working!_

"I'll be back at work tomorrow, Carlisle." I added to circumvent my fears.

Charlie's expression confirmed my assumption.

Unfortunately, Carlisle's response matched my dad's. "You need time, Bella."

"No! That's the last thing I need. Time will make me ruminate, and obsess over this. I need to stay busy. I need to work!" I exclaimed.

"Let's go, Bella," Edward spoke gently. "You shouldn't decide right now. See how you feel in the morning, okay?"

I sighed wearily, knowing he was right. "Ok."

We left the room with my arm linked around his, my head lying snug on his shoulder. The scent of his body and the leather jacket made me smile, even amidst the chaos. My frown quickly returned upon walking outside, the temperature having dropped significantly with the evening. I realized my car was gone.

I searched Edward's eyes for answers. "They towed it, Bella, but don't worry, I'm gonna take you home."

I didn't respond, only followed him silently to his car. Sitting back in the passenger's seat, I watched him close the door for me and walk around to get in.

_Guys still do that? Hmm. Chivalry isn't dead._

Edward smiled while turning the ignition, but worried lines still graced his eyes. "It should warm up quickly."

I realized I was still shivering, but it wasn't from the cold. Edward sensed that too, but fiddled with the heat nonetheless.

He picked up his IPod and waved it in my direction. "Well, do you have any music requests for the three minute drive?"

I giggled lightly. Only he could make me laugh after a day like today. "No, Blue Eyes. Surprise me."

He scrolled through his playlists, smiling and frowning in equal measure. After a good measure of thought, he nodded to himself and pressed play. The car eased from the drive while the words and sound of 'Don't Shoot Me Santa' began filling the car.

"What is that?" I laughed out loud.

"It's the Killers. You never heard them?" he asked.

"Um…no." I laughed again. "But that's an interesting song choice."

Edward grinned. "I thought we needed to lighten the mood."

"I see." I shook my head in amusement. "And the group name…is the Killers?"

"Yes. Here, we have time for another." He changed the song as we rounded the lake. "This is 'Romeo and Juliet', same group."

"Ah…the all time tragedy. 'For never was a story of more woe, than this of Juliet and her Romeo'," I quoted.

"I guess that wasn't a very light hearted pick huh? Sorry." He looked disappointed.

"What? No…it's great actually. Their love was epic." I thought of the story.

"It was depressing," he argued.

"Sure, but it was true love. Both weren't willing to live without the other," I thought about my words as I spoke them.

"Sometimes it's not worth living if your true love is gone." Edward reached across the console, holding my hand gently as he traced imaginary lines in my palm. "Bella, I can't imagine not having you in my life. Not when I've just started living again."

I couldn't believe how quickly the mood in the car changed. Suddenly I felt on fire from his touch. "I can't imagine mine without you either. Thanks for being there today. You helped me more than you know."

The car had stopped and was idling. Edward walked me to the door, placing his hand on mine as I unlocked the door. "I'd like to come inside, if you don't mind."

Relief swept over me, not from the excitement I would normally have, if given the opportunity, but from the comfort of knowing I wouldn't be alone.

Rio greeted us with unbridled enthusiasm, ecstatic that Edward was with me. But it only took a moment for him to run to my side, whining. His uncanny ability to sense my mood was amazing. I walked slowly into the living room, removing my jacket. Rio stationed himself directly at my feet as I sat on the couch and placed his head on my knee.

Without asking, Edward walked through the cottage on a mission. His scrutiny fell upon every room. The painstaking inspection included opening the linen and closet doors, checking the cabinets and every lock.

His behavior caused my anxiety to rise exponentially. "Edward?"

"Yeah?" He asked, continuing the maneuvers.

"Can you please stop, and sit down? You're freaking me out."

"I'm sorry, baby. I just needed to check."

"I know. But I don't think he could hide in the trash bin. Besides, I need to let Rio out."

"I'll do it," he said.

"I can take him. I need some air anyway." I shrugged.

"Okay. You want to use the backyard?" Edward followed behind me. I tried to ignore his hovering, knowing he meant only to help.

We watched Rio make quick rounds of his duties, returning obediently to my side. Edward walked back into the kitchen, grabbing a bottle of water. He brought it to me as we sat down and his fingers began brushing the hair from my face.

I leaned into his caress, the tension slowly easing. "He waited for me, Edward. If you hadn't been there..."

Edward stopped me, "I was there. And I'm here now. It's going to be ok."

_Ring._

"Ah!" I jumped, nearly throwing water all over Edward's lap.

"It's just the door, Bella."

My startle reflex was worse than Ms. Hiller's at the moment.

He answered the door for me, finding a solemn Chief Swan on the other side. "Edward."

"Charlie."

"Thanks for bringing her home. How ya doing, B?"

"I'm ok, dad, a little jumpy, but ok."

"Well I have a cruiser patrolling tonight, and Carlisle increased security and surveillance on the entire property. Bella, I'd like you to come and stay with me until we find him."

"No, Dad. I'm going to be fine. It was just a huge shock today. James is obviously angry and unbalanced. He took it out on my car. I don't think he'll be back."

_God I hope not._

"I figured you would be stubborn. Which is why I made other arrangements." Charlie frowned.

"Hey, Bella!" Alice popped her head around the front door frame, a fashionable overnight bag in tow. "You know how much I love girls' nights anyway!"

"Uh huh." I rolled my eyes at Charlie and then looked at Edward to see if he was a conspirator.

"I had nothing to do with this." Edward shrugged. "But it _is_ a good idea."

"Well, you're welcome anytime, chica." I smiled at Alice, grateful she was there.

Dad walked through the rooms, his meticulous detail mirroring Edwards just an hour before. Once he was satisfied, he hugged me tightly, whispering in my ear. "Call me at any hour, I'll be here."

"Okay, Dad."

He kissed my forehead, saying goodbye for the night. Blue Eyes lingered behind, but Charlie waited on him by the door.

Recognizing the gesture, Edward gave me a hesitant smile. He strode over and hugged me as well, also saying his goodbye. "I'll be right next door..."

"Thanks." I sighed.

Edward and Charlie walked out onto the front steps, closing the door behind them. Words weren't needed as Alice and I scrambled to the door, pressing our ears to the wood in order to eavesdrop.

"So, you live next door?" Charlie asked.

"Yes, sir." Edward's voice was low.

"Hmm." I could hear my Dad grunt. He was probably noting that I hadn't mentioned that to him.

"Your daughter is a very special woman, Chief Swan," Edward continued.

"I know. And I don't ever want to see her hurt, by anyone," Charlie's cop voice returned.

"Me either, sir."

"Glad to hear it. Are you going to explain your relationship with my daughter?" I could feel my heart in my throat as my Dad grilled Edward.

"Our relationship? I'm...not quite sure, yet," Edward rambled.

"Well that's something you need to be sure of, or leave her alone. Unless you didn't mean it...that you don't want her to be hurt."

"Go Charlie!" Alice whispered.

"Shh!" I held my hand over her mouth.

"I mean that. More than anything," Edward answered.

"You better." Charlie paused for a long moment. "And once you decide, I'd like to know."

Edward was quiet, but finally answered. "Okay."

"Good. Now, Bella and I have been invited to your dad's for thanksgiving. I expect to know a man's intentions for my daughter before I sit down to eat with him. You have until then."

_That's four weeks!_

**A/N: The lemons are ripening…I PROMISE….**


	19. Frustrations and Fear

**A/N: So sorry for the delay. Thanks for all the reviews and support! We're going to enter some creepy territory from this chapter on….but lemons as well…so it should help. *smile***

**Chapter 19 – Frustrations and Fear**

"Wow." Alice mouthed emphatically across the door. We listened to Charlie give Edward an ultimatum, their voices growing quiet before the rumbling of a car engine signaled his leaving.

Bewildered and speechless, I walked back to the sofa and sat down.

"Can you believe that? Your dad sure knows how to lay down the law, huh?" Lil Firecracker giggled from her own use of pun.

"Yeah, yeah." I grabbed a blanket and rolled my eyes, curling up beside her.

"Ok girly, you start talking… I'll massage." Alice listened intently as I recalled the day's events, rubbing my shoulders like a pro. Her pampering was cathartic, a comfort to me just as Edward's support had been earlier. Both of their friendships were vital, holding unbelievable importance given the fact I had known them for such little time.

"You know, you're like the sister I never had," I admitted.

"Aw. Ditto, Bella." She hugged me tight. "So, enough about work, and Creepo, let's talk turkey!"

I giggled in return. "Ok. Sounds like a plan."

"From what I figure, Carlisle must have invited your dad to Thanksgiving dinner sometime tonight, after you came home with Edward?"

"Yeah, I suppose, but why? Especially with everything else going on…"

She interrupted as usual. "Didn't you say Edward was stuck by your side the entire day? And you just heard Charlie questioning him..."

"Of course I heard, and I can't believe he's meddling in my personal live! I suppose he's never had the opportunity before, but still!" I was shocked at Charlie's behavior.

"Well, they must have talked about the two of you specifically. I'm sure your dad had questions about Edward, and maybe the Cullen's too? Carlisle probably recognized that and extended the invitation for Thanksgiving. It's less than a month away, and it will be the perfect opportunity to meet everyone. Especially the way that Carlisle and Esme always celebrate the holidays. "

Shaking my head, I tried to find the right words.

"Bella? Are you alright? Did you have other plans for Thanksgiving?"

"What? Yes…I mean no…we didn't have plans. I just can't wrap my mind around the past few days. First, Edward comes back totally different, saying he's ready to move on with his life. Next, James fracks Ramona and loses his job, blaming me and behaving like a sociopath. Then, Charlie shows up and sees me with Edward, becoming an overprotective dad-cop with a gun. And now I'm deciphering why we're having Thanksgiving dinner with the Cullens!"

Alice's dark brown eyes mirrored mine in calculation, but her increasing smile was the exact opposite of my frown. "You're right. But isn't this exciting? Besides, we can spend Turkey Day together!"

"Always the optimist," I agreed. "Let's just hope Edward hasn't decided he wants nothing to do with me by then."

"Like _that_ will happen. I'm surprised he hasn't come back over here! It was awesome he was there with you today Bella. Hey! Why _was_ he with you? Were you two going out after work?"

I smiled at her consistent prying. "No, we were discussing Ms. Hiller. Speaking of, did you finish the psychological testing?"

"As a matter of fact I did. I forwarded you the full report. I'm sure you'll see it once you log on." She nodded.

"Great. What did you think overall?"

"It was strange, actually. Her scores for psychotic disorder spectrums were not really high, as you had expected, but her anxiety ratings were through the roof. There was definitely some moderate depression symptomatology too." Alice was in work mode.

"Interesting," I agreed. "I know I didn't ask you this before, but did you happen to screen for PTSD symptoms?"

"Not specifically looking for that, no, but the elevated scores on the anxiety questions could be applicable. I'd need to do some different tests. You think she's been traumatized?"

"Maybe. Let me read over the report in detail to be sure," I noted.

"OK. Just let me know if you want me to perform more detailed tests for PTSD." She grinned.

"I will. Hey, do you mind if I go take a look now?"

"Tonight? It's almost midnight Bella. Don't you need to rest?"

"I can't sleep yet. I'm kind of a night owl."

"Well do you mind if I use your shower then? You can pull it up while I do that, and then we can watch a movie together until you fall asleep!"

"Sounds good," I agreed reluctantly.

The water from the shower started running in the bathroom just as Alice began singing her own rendition of Taylor Swifts' 'You Belong with Me'. I laughed to myself, pulling up Ms. Hillers file on the laptop. Looking over her testing report, the pieces of a complicated PTSD presentation seemed to fit. Having Alice perform a few scales specific to that disorder would be a priority this week.

Before she finished in the shower, my obsession once again got the best of me. I quickly logged on, hoping Edward was waiting.

_**[E Cullen is online]**_

_**[B: You there?]**_

_**[E: Yes! I missed you.]**_

_**[B: *smile* Thanks. But I can't stay.]**_

_**[E: I figured. Where is she?}**_

_**[B: She's serenading me in the shower.]**_

_**[E: LOL. What's she singing?]**_

_**[B: Do you like country music?]**_

_**[E: Um, no!]**_

_**[B: Haha. Well you don't want to know.]**_

_**[E: Gotcha. So...are you gonna be alright tonight?]**_

_**[B: Yes...I feel much better. Alice gave me a neck and shoulder massage.]**_

_**[E: Hmm. Girl on girl! Why didn't you bang on the wall?]**_

_**[B: Very funny. Hey, thank you again for being there today.]**_

_**[E: I'm glad I was. I hope I can always be there for you.]**_

_**[B: Me too.]**_

_**[E: So…your dad's nice.]**_

_**[B: LMAO. Um...liar!]**_

_**[E: Haha. I can't blame him for protecting you, even if it's from me.]**_

_**[B: I don't need protection from you.]**_

_**[E: I don't ever want to hurt you, Bella.]**_

_**[B: You won't.]**_

_**[E: I hope you're right.]**_

_**[B: What does that mean?]**_

_**[E: Well, I've been wasting life for a while now, but I'm trying to change that, for good reason.]**_

_**[B: Oh yeah?]**_

_**[E: Yeah. For you. You're the reason, the reason I want to try living again.]**_

_**[B: *smile* Well I like that.]**_

_**[E: Me too. So how do you suggest we begin?]**_

_**[B: Huh?]**_

_**[E: Friendship, Dating?]**_

_**[B: Good question. We did seem to start backwards, huh?]**_

_**[E: Yeah. Instant attraction, profession of love...everything else will be a letdown.]**_

_**[B: Not necessarily.]**_

_**[E: Naughty, Bella.]**_

_**[B: Hahaha. Ugh! Alice is getting out of the shower. I need to go, Edward.]**_

_**[E: Wait! So…will you go out with me? Like on a date?]**_

_**[B: Hmm. Maybe a double date, or triple even, for starters.]**_

_**[E: I'll take it.]**_

_**[B: OK. *sigh* Goodnight, Blue Eyes.]**_

_**[E: Sigh…Goodnight, Beautiful.]**_

"….._Why can't you see-e-ee…You belong with me-e-ee? _ Hey! Who were you talking to?" Alice bounced out of the shower, all five foot one inches of her. I wasn't about to share my private conversations with Edward with her. Those moments were still mine.

"Who were _you_ singing to?" I giggled and ran back into the living room for ice cream and a movie. She kept looking at me with a questioning smile, but amazingly didn't interrogate.

Feeling generous, I gave her something to stew over. "Actually, Chica, I have been thinking about the triple date with you and Jas, and Rose and Emmett."

"And?" She took a deep breath.

"I'm in, if Edward will agree."

_Hold your ears._

Alice's shriek made Rio hide his head under the pillows. She hugged me tightly and kept squealing, managing to speak only between fits. "You know he will, B!"

###***###

Numbness awaited me on Tuesday morning, prompting my reluctant agreement to stay home. This was much to the pleasure of my dad, Carlisle, and Edward. The three men in my life who weren't satisfied unless I agreed to 'taking it easy'.

_So much for chivalry. This sucks!_

Edward brought coffee and croissants over for breakfast, at which time Alice informed him of her plans to coordinate a group outing.

Her lack of subtlety made him smile, brightening my mood immediately. "Sounds like fun, If Bella feels up to it."

_Am I hearing this correct?_

_What does he mean if I feel up to it?_

My irritation was mounting. "Sure, once I'm free of this incapacitating illness I've apparently been infected with, although unbeknownst to me." I frowned, hopefully making my point. "I refuse to play the victim in this you guys."

"You're right, because you're not," Edward apologized. "So, when would you like to go, Bella?" Edward leaned on his elbows across the counter with his head down, looking under his lashes in a flirtatious gesture.

My heart fluttered from the proximity, causing me to stutter. "I…uh…I'll leave that up to the social events diva herself."

"Very funny," Alice chirped. "Soon! But let me ask Rose and Emmett, and I'll get back to ya."

"And what about Jas?" I asked.

"I'll work on him too." She winked.

"Oh I'm sure you will, Shorty." Edward grinned, finishing off his croissant. He took the last bite while giving me a 'I know you're turned on' look, just before walking out the door.

###***###

Carlisle called mid-morning, checking on my state of mind. He had increased security throughout the facilities and grounds, even having an officer attend the front gate entrance. I thanked him for his concern and sternly held my position that I would be returning to my duties the next day. Mike had agreed to check-in on my patients, as well as Alice, so one day without rounds wasn't too hard for me to endure. Even with that knowledge, I felt guilty. Carlisle had received a call back from James' residency program and had contacted his medical school. Initially they had seemed hesitant to talk, but when Dr. Cullen elaborated on the situation, the medical school finally divulged some pertinent information regarding his training. Apparently Creepo had been in some conflict with a female medical student during his pre-clinical years. She had threatened harassment and James was brought before the academic review committee and the ombudsmen. The good news was that he complied with their boundaries and instructions, finishing the clinical years without further problems.

_So at least he responded to authority in the past. _

_###***###_

Charlie pulled onto the drive, bringing a sub sandwich for lunch and dog biscuits for Rio. The look on his face revealed more concern, with dark circles surrounding his bloodshot eyes. This, combined with the snacks for Rio, signaled that his news wasn't good.

"Dad, you look awful."

"Thanks, baby."

"Just sayin'," I added.

"I'll be fine, Bella. How are you?"

"I'm ok. I feel much better today. So, what's the news?"

His frown made my anxiety spike again. "He wasn't at his apartment. In fact, most of his things were gone. His car was left at the complex, so we have no idea what he's driving," Charlie explained.

"Wow. I can't believe this is happening. Did Carlisle tell you about the girl from his medical school class?"

"Yeah, I spoke with him first thing. Listen, Forks and Port Angeles are not that big, if he's around here, we'll find him."

Nodding my head in confidence, I mustered a smile. "Thanks, Dad, for everything."

"It's my job, to take care of you. And to catch criminals. This time I plan to do both. I'll be honest, when I was worried over you taking this job it was because of the crazies. I never thought about co-workers being a problem. Well, not like that anyway."

His tone implied more than just James, and I knew he meant Blue Eyes.

"Me either, but most of my co-workers have been great. Some of them have been more than great."

"I bet." He frowned.

_Did he just raise one eyebrow at me? That's my move!_

"Are we going to talk about it?" I finally broke.

"About what?" Charlie was always better at the silent treatment, and I was usually great at it.

"Hmm, I don't know, maybe about us going to the Cullen's for Thanksgiving. Or about you talking to Edward last night, or about you pushing him to explain our relationship?"

"Hmm, no, I wasn't planning on talking about that."

It was my turn to raise an eyebrow, crossing my arms in the most stubborn Swan posture which had been passed down for generations.

"Fine. You explain it then, Bella."

"Explain what?"

"You're relationship with the Cullen boy."

"You mean Edward. I don't feel like there's anything to explain, yet. "

"That's what he said."

"Well it's true. We're just friends, and we're coworkers," I explained.

"But you care about him?"

I looked in my dad's eyes, seeing the love I've always been able to count on. How could I explain to him the feelings I instantly felt when I had met Edward? Emotions which even I didn't quite comprehend?

"I do, very much."

"What about the rumors, the fact that people are scared of him?" he asked.

"Since when do you listen to gossip, Dad?"

"Since it might affect my daughter." His tone was sharp.

"Edward does have a history. Don't we all? But it's something he's trying to put behind him. He's a good person, not someone for you to worry over."

Charlie grunted under his breath, noticeably frustrated. "Anyone who my daughter is in love with is someone to worry over."

I choked on a gulp of water, having a coughing spell. "What? What did you just say?"

"I saw the way you looked at him Bella. I've seen your eyes and watched your smile since the day you were born. I think I know love when it's written all over your face."

My blush deepened. "I don't know how to describe what I feel, but love works I suppose. I _am_ sorry I haven't told you about him. I just don't know what's going to happen, and I didn't want to jinx it."

"Well, if you care that much about him, he must have some good qualities."

I laughed nervously. Charlie walked over and wrapped his arm around me, whispering in my ear. "He's an idiot if he doesn't love you back, sweetheart. And if he hurts you, I have plans for that too."

Rolling my eyes, I hugged him. "Speaking of plans, what about Thanksgiving dinner?"

"Oh, that. Yeah, well, Carlisle felt like we needed to get to know each other, especially since his son is in love with my daughter."

Another fit of coughing and sputtering erupted.

"Bella, I hope you're able to handle your water better in front of Edmund."

My deadly stare caused Charlie to grin, just like the tease he was.

_At least he doesn't look scared anymore._

"Carlisle said that?" I probed.

"Not in exact words, but yes. Do you have a problem going there for the holidays? I know we usually do something together."

"No, It's good. I think it's a great idea. _If_ you can call Edward by his right _name_!"

"Ok, ok. Edward it is."

"Thanks, Dad."

"You're welcome, baby. Now, let's go over a few things. "

Charlie opened a bag full of self defense items, dumping them out onto the dining room table.

_Here we go._

"Great, this is just like me leaving for college all over again."

"Yeah, and where are all the things I gave you now?" he countered.

"Um…"

"Exactly. Now…this is a screecher alarm, you just push the button, and it can be heard a ¼ mile away. You'd have to keep it in your bag or the car. Here is pepper spray, which I know we've went over before, but this one looks like a pager, so you can wear it on you."

"Uh-huh."

"Bella, I'm serious. Until we know how crazy this James is, I want you to wear it."

"Fine, I'll wear it."

"Thank you. And keep your cell phone with you at all times. I'll check in with you when I have more news, baby. I also have the official police report for you to sign, but I'll bring that over later."

Charlie left, and I managed to take Rio for a walk along the lake without too much angst. The fresh air was invigorating, bringing back my determination to not let James ruin my life. I was going to press charges against him and move on. Hopefully he would do the same.

###***###

The rest of the week was busy with work and hovering from the three men in my life. Make that five, since Jasper and Emmett joined in the festivities during the day. Jasper insisted on walking me to my office after lunch, and Emmett would check in several times before leaving. Rose and Alice just smiled at the behavior, knowing the extra attention was slowly driving me batty.

Edward couldn't have been more doting, more understanding, or more thoughtful. I hated it. Despite my desire to move on with my life, and with him, fate had other plans. The events from the week had transfigured him into an excellent caretaker, but a horrible boyfriend. He never argued with me or provided sarcastic remarks. He even went out of his way to allow me every concession. Our nighttime chats followed suit, the most intriguing topics being that of Rio or what the weather would be like the next day. A few times I tried to initiate touching his arm or holding his hand, but even his reaction was more paternalistic than romantic.

By the middle of week two I had reached my limit. I stopped chatting with Edward at night, which seemed to bother him mildly from his reactions in the mornings. He still met me outside everyday with a hot cup of coffee. But instead of questioning me, he would bring up subjects to make me laugh, or talk about work. The more this continued, the more I felt like our relationship was nothing more than superficial. I no longer had the energy to sustain faux conversations, and my responses to him became robotic.

Eventually, by some miracle, BlueEyes finally snapped on Thursday night. I was sitting in my living room watching TV when my cell rang. I thought it was Charlie calling for his nightly check-in, but the screen flashed with a text from Edward.

'_**Why won't you IM with me?'**_

The anger and frustration from the past two weeks boiled over.

I typed back, '_**Why aren't you man enough to come over and ask me in person?'**_

_Don't hold your breath on that one._

Three light knocks sounded at the door.

_Oh my God._

Walking over with my cell phone, I opened it with the safety chain in place. An angry Edward glared back at me. Closing the door again, I quickly unfastened the latch and prompted him to enter.

"What the hell, Bella?"

_Unngh. He's hot when he's angry. I missed that._

"What are you talking about, Edward?"

He slammed the door, walking into the room with both hands in his pockets.

"What am I talking about? You have barely spoken to me all week, and you haven't been on the IM in five days. Are you mad at me? What did I do?"

"Nothing, Edward, you haven't done anything."

"That doesn't sound like it. You sound pissed. Haven't I been here for you? Is there something else you want me to do?"

"No! I don't want you to _do_ anything! I already have a dad, Edward, and tons of friends."

"Huh? What is that supposed to mean?"

"I thought you were going to move on with your life? I thought _we_ were going to try and move on, but you've been treating me like I'm some fragile child! I'm sick of it."

"You're sick of me?" He looked dejected and placating, just as he had looked for most of the week.

"Maybe. I'm sick of this! And you! Just go, get out!" I pushed him in the chest towards the door. I was angry at him, at the situation, and at myself.

"No." Edward stood his ground, his blue eyes now angry and sparkling with silver.

"Yes!" I pushed him again, but he grabbed my arms and spun me around in response. Pinning me against the door instead, he raised both of my wrists helplessly.

His body pressed into mine while I struggled against the grasp he held, our breathing was labored. I was staring at his neck, afraid to look up. My arousal for him caused me to hate myself more. I couldn't even be angry without wanting him.

"Bella," he whispered under his breath, the warm air hitting my ear and my neck. His lips touched my forehead, placing a light kiss in surrender.

I stopped struggling, feeling the heat radiate between our bodies. Finally looking up, the pent up desire in his eyes met my own. Raw, unbridled lust emanated from their depths. He released my hands as they fell slowly around his shoulders and neck. Pulling him to me, I tasted his lips between mine.

_Like honey._

Our mouths teased each other. The irritation, fear, and annoyance from the past two weeks melted away with each second. Edward bit my bottom lip, causing me to gasp in response. His tongue licked the damage, which I gladly offered. We deepened the kiss, my hands pulling his hair as his fingers made their way down my body. He grabbed my thigh and raised it against his hip, moaning into my mouth from the deeper contact it provided our bodies.

_**Buzz. Buzz.**_

_Ignore it._

Edward stopped to listen, and I took advantage by licking his neck, devouring the soft skin just behind his ear.

_**. **_

_Frack!_

"Is that your phone?" he asked.

"Huh?" I tried once more to ignore it.

"Your phone, Bella. It's on the floor."

_**. **_

_Fine! Ugh!_

"It's probably Charlie," I groaned.

Edward released me from the door, my body going cold in rebellion. I whined in agony as I bent down to pick it up, giggling when Edward reached around me from behind to hold me while I answered. His head rested against my shoulder, his hands brushing my hair to the side for more access.

_That's better._

"Hello?" I spoke lightly.

_No answer._

"Hello? Dad?" I asked again.

_Silence._

In the middle of all the enjoyment I had forgotten to check the screen for the ID. Turning it over, I read the words 'Unknown Caller'.

I was about to hang up when heavy breathing ensued on the other end. I froze as it grew louder and louder, turning to look at Edward in fear.

I mouthed the words slowly, handing him the phone with care. "I think it's _him_!"

**A/N: Review please? I'll have Edward throw you against the door and thank you personally!**


	20. Dates and Danger

**A/N: I'm SORRY! I know this has been entirely too long between updates, but I was seriously depressed for quite a few days. Let's just say my ego had to regain some semblance of strength from an honest rejection of my writing. Haha. Thanks to everyone for the support and kick in the butt! The only way to improve is to write more…so here goes….More it is!**

**p.s. AND the site was down and wouldn't let me upload! **

**By the way, for those who have been patiently waiting for lemons, 21 has always been a lucky number for me ;)**

**SM owns twilight**

**Chapter 20 – Dates and Danger**

Needless to say, my pleasure in the evening was over. By the time Edward reached for the phone the caller was gone but my fear most definitely remained. My gut reaction was to hyperventilate to the point of passing out. Thankfully I avoided that outcome by using my own mindfulness skills, struggling to remain in the moment. Once again Edward was there, handling the responsibility of calling Charlie.

_Maybe it was a wrong number. _

_And the caller was having an asthma attack? _

I couldn't believe this was happening.

"Tell me again, exactly, what happened." Charlie sat in the chair across from me and Edward, our legs and bodies touching on the couch.

We looked at each other in conspiracy, undoubtedly trying to decide where to begin in the story. I started. "Edward had been over to visit, and was just leaving..." Edward looked down, not making eye contact for my blatant lie of the evening's events.

Charlie stared me down, holding his notepad firmly in hand. "Uh-huh…"

"And we were in the middle of saying goodbye when the phone rang," Edward finished the short summary.

_You could say that again._

I quickly added the important information to assuage my blushing. "I didn't look at the caller ID until after I had answered, and I finally realized it wasn't you, Dad. The other end was silent at first, but then there was someone breathing heavily, over and over."

Edward snapped out of examining his hands to add, "When I saw the look on her face I knew something was wrong so I grabbed the phone. But they had already hung up."

"Ok." Charlie sat quietly thinking, and Edward sat quietly watching him. The two men I cared most about in life were more alike than they realized. Even their frowns matched.

"Well, let's not get too worked up over this," Charlie announced confidently in his police voice. Although he sounded firm and resolute, his eyes betrayed the true worry of a father. "It could just be a prank call, or a wrong number, Bella. Once I get the information from the phone company I'll let you know. Security has been alerted, and there haven't been any issues on the property." He explained the process of having the call traced, confident we would have an answer within a few days.

"So both of you try and get some rest tonight." Charlie stood.

"Okay," we answered accordingly.

Unlike the last time Charlie and Edward were together in my presence, my dad left alone. Giving me the privacy to say goodbye was evidence of Charlie's softening.

Edward hugged me tightly, whispering in my ear. "I'm sorry for how I've been acting."

"I know. And I'll be fine," I assured him.

_Liar._

"I know you will. You're a strong woman, Bella. I never meant to treat you any other way than that. But I'm sorry this is happening to you."

"Well, I'm sorry for over-reacting; I know you were only trying to help me this week."

"Are you going to try and out do me on apologies now? Besides, your over-reaction wasn't all that bad." He grinned wickedly. "There were parts of it I rather enjoyed."

I responded coyly, "That wasn't my full reaction."

He groaned under his breath. "I look forward to experiencing the full effect then, but when your mind can be focused on it. Not on a night like tonight. You need to rest."

_Ugh!_

"Fine." I pouted.

"I'll be just next door if you need me, unless you want me to stay on the couch?" Edward kissed me on the forehead, inhaling deeply while squeezing my arms.

"Not unless you're going to pick up where we left off," I countered.

"Goodnight, Beautiful Bella."

"Goodnight, Blue Eyes."

I showered and curled up beside Rio, listening to every sound in the room and every creak throughout the condo. My mind wandered to the kiss, and my lust of wanting to call Edward and feign panic just to get him back over almost took control of me. I next obsessed over the phone call, and why James was harassing me. I alternated between these two thoughts, struggling with my mind until dawn. Daylight found me asleep, somehow surrendering in the early morning hours.

The patients and treatment team filled my day with responsibilities, and Charlie filled my night with dinner and football. Watching ESPN Classic was his favorite way of passing time, a Friday night tradition over the years.

Mike and Jessica arrived Saturday morning, keeping me company on a long five mile run. Rio pouted as we started out, looking over toward Edward's Volvo in expectation.

_He's not coming with us today, boy. _

I'm not sure if it was their constant chatting, my adrenaline high, or the beautiful sunshine, but by the end of the run I felt optimistic again.

_Maybe it's your date tonight? _

_Smile._

Our triple date was going to be the first time Edward and I would actually attempt being a couple, in public. Alice had planned for dinner at a steak house just outside of Seattle. We would be riding with Jasper but Edward was going to come over and 'pick me up' first. I showered and read journal articles the rest of the day, counting the hours until he would arrive. Choosing what to wear was torturous. Rio sprawled on top of the duvet while I threw piles of shirts, pants, and skirts all around him. After forty five minutes had passed, he let out a huge sigh and jumped off the bed to retreat into the kitchen.

"Some help you are!" I called out after him.

Finally stepping out in a green silk tank with a black sweater and slacks, I glanced in the mirror. The choice was comfortable yet elegant casual.

_And Boring. _

_He said green was his favorite color. _

_Lose the slacks. No! Too obvious. _

_It looks boring. Ugh. It does, doesn't it? _

I assessed the pile of clothes on the bed, realizing barely anything was left in the closet. My hopes for the night led me to switch the pants for a black skirt and strappy heels.

_Better. _

I nodded to myself, confirming that the change was a better combination- sexy, but not desperate.

##***##

"You look beautiful." Edward smiled, standing in my open doorway with one white lily.

"Thank you." I blushed. "A white lily?" I took the flower delicately from his hands.

Edward raised his lips into a crooked half smile, caressing my cheek with his fingers. "Yes. The Greeks and Chinese believed that the white lily was a symbol of purity. The Romans associated it with Juno, the Queen of the Gods... although many say it was really the flower of Venus, the Goddess of Love."

"Oh yeah?" I smelled the flower, raising an eyebrow at his thorough explanation of meaning.

Edward finally looked sheepish. "Yes, and it is fitting, since it is heavenly to be with you, Bella."

My blush deepened. "Why don't we wait until you've spent more time with me before you make that assessment?"

"You find it hard to accept compliments," he stated matter of factly.

"I know. I'm sorry." I felt foolish.

"Well if it makes it any easier, in today's time, the white lily's meaning has changed substantially."

"Really? How so?" I was glad he changed the subject back from me.

"Ah….well you see..." Edward leaned in as if to smell the flower, but kissed my neck instead, inhaling deeply. "…today lilies are known to symbolize the essence of feminine sexuality." He kissed me again, his lips lingering on the soft flesh above my collar bone. "And you, Bella…" he kissed me again, "… are an extremely sexual woman."

_Forget dinner._

"You guys ready for dinner?" Alice popped in the doorway.

_Didn't I just say forget dinner?_

Edward chuckled, apparently hearing my breath hitch in frustration.

"Oops." Alice frowned in apology. "Jas is in the car..." she backed away slowly.

I giggled, taking Edward's hand as we started to leave. Of course Rio objected from his bed, barking loudly. Edward stopped and walked over to him, handing him a treat from his jacket.

"I promise I'll take care of her." He patted Rio's head. Rio rolled over in submission, satisfied.

My smile was hard to restrain because his behavior was so adorable and sexy.

"What?" he asked defensively, perhaps embarrassed from his soft side.

"Nothing." I grinned. "You're great with him. You like dogs?"

"I like _your_ dog." He winked, grabbing my hand once again and pulling me out the door.

Jasper and Alice kept us entertained the entire trip, quoting episodes of favorite sitcoms and movie quotes. My comments were limited, the butterflies in my stomach keeping me quiet. Edward smelled divine. A combination of cologne and freshly showered man heightened my senses.

"You guys hungry?" Jasper asked while looking in the rear-view mirror at us.

_You could say that._

He described the restaurant as one of the best places for steak near Seattle, a close friend of his being the head chef there. He apologized for the third time regarding the lack of vegetarian choices. Alice purred in Jasper's ear, "I told you I'm willing to eat meat on occasion."

Edward laughed out loud. "Get a room!"

Alice rolled her eyes in response. "Shh! You know I'd need a suite."

We all laughed, finally reaching our destination. Emmett and Rose were already there, waiting on our arrival.

"It's about time!" Emmett was stretched out with his arm around Rose, her body leaning against him in relaxed enjoyment. "Where have you guys been?"

"Em, we're fifteen minutes early. Chillax." Jasper strode in, an extra spring in his step from Alice's constant attention.

_Is he strutting? _

_Haha. Lil' firecracker has him sprung!_

The dinner was full of laughing, teasing, and flirtations. Our camaraderie and conversation pushed all the past few weeks of fears away from my mind. Edward's eyes held this twinkle which captured my attention throughout the evening; I was truly lost in his gaze. There was just one moment of tension between us which became this morbid form of foreplay.

"You're _not_ going to eat that," I said under my breath.

"You kidding? I'm gonna devour this," Edward announced in triumph.

"It's bleeding." My eyes couldn't quit staring at the bloody piece of steak in front of him.

"It's rare. Perfectly. Just like I ordered it."

"I can hear the moo-ing."

"Well I'm not the one ingesting all those carcinogens from burning the meat until its petrified, Dr. Swan." His use of my formal address was challenging but sexy.

"My steak is cooked thoroughly, as it should be. Since when does a music therapist worry about carcinogens?"

"You prefer that I suggest a playlist to honor the cow's life you wasted by defiling his sacrifice?" he continued.

"Why does it have to be a male cow?" I countered.

"Males are more…giving?"

"Uh-huh. And yours?" I asked, warily.

"Oh, mine is definitely female." Edward bit into the red meat with chagrin, and I closed my eyes in exaggerated repulsion.

Our stoic looks lasted mere seconds before we burst into laughter. I realized the rest of the table had been holding their breath, analyzing whether our banter was playful or angry. Once we revealed our enjoyment the others chimed in, finally turning on Alice who had ordered a spinach salad despite her insinuations of tasting 'meat' tonight. The fact that she had chosen this restaurant was proof enough that she loved Jasper dearly.

##***##

We were walking to the car, fully satiated, when I noticed the Seattle skyline. "It's beautiful."

"Yes, it is." Edward was watching me intently and not the city scape.

"I'd like to come back in the next few weeks," I added.

"Really? For any reason in particular?"

"Yes. I've been thinking more about your theory of Ms. Hiller. Alice's testing supports it and I'd like to talk to her room-mate, the school counselors, and maybe a few of her professors."

"Can't you just do that over the phone?" Edward seemed worried.

"I could, but I can gauge more about a person's reactions when I can see them. It will likely be easier to just make a day of it anyway."

"Hmm." He was even sexy when pensive. "OK. I'd like to accompany you."

" You would?" I knew he was being protective, but I was enjoying it more.

"Yes. I want to come with you, Bella. For your company."

He was worried over me traveling alone, but his genuineness left me willing to concede to just about anything.

"OK. How about Friday, next weekend? The week after is Thanksgiving, and I don't want to wait that long."

Edward smiled this mischievous grin which left me out of a private joke. "Sounds great."

##***##

The ride home was uncomfortably quiet despite the chattering of the lovebirds in the front seat. Edward was quiet. Things had seemed to be going so well, but the silence left my mind to wander. I began analyzing every word, every gesture since he picked me up. When we walked to the car from the restaurant Edward had opened my door once again, watching me slide into the seat. I was more than glad I had chosen the skirt_. _ I noticed him assessing my legs every time I crossed my ankles or moved, but the sideways glances were fleeting. My hand rested lightly in his on the center armrest. Periodically he would caress my palm with his thumb, reminding me that he was indeed sitting in the car beside me. Otherwise he was silent, and the mounting tension was more than I could bear.

"What music should we listen to, after an evening of good conversation and raw meat?" Alice giggled and grabbed Jasper's IPod to scan for tunes. She squealed as she chose the Ramones, 'I Wanna Be Your Boyfriend'. Jasper started serenading her and she joined in, their energy contagious.

I smiled at Edward and he was smiling back, the same twinkle in his eye. My fears lessened.

Jasper dropped us off near midnight and Edward walked me to the door. In the moonlight his pale skin looked god-like. His unruly locks tousled in the wind. Standing there I felt more than inadequate. Who would speak first under the silence seemed to be a recurring theme for us.

_Frack it._

"I had a wonderful time tonight." I spoke the words without looking into his eyes, still afraid of the response I may see.

Edward sighed, stepping into my personal space. He lifted my chin with one finger, his thumb caressing my face while his eyes searched mine. "I had a wonderful time as well."

"You've been so quiet." I shrugged.

He laughed quietly.

"What's so funny?" I asked, even more embarrassed.

"I've been quiet?" he repeated.

"Yes."

"I'm sorry. I was…negotiating with myself, so to speak."

_Huh?_

I waited silently for more explanation, my eyes revealing the confusion.

"I had a _more_ than a wonderful time tonight, Bella."

A smile returned to my rosy cheeks, the blush instantaneous.

"In fact," he leaned in, "I couldn't think straight on the drive home, for want of devouring your lips."

Edward kissed me softly, the taste of cabernet still on his lips. His touch caused my entire body to shiver and I gasped lightly. Opening my mouth I welcomed his kiss, our tongues meeting in desire. Wrapping my hands around his neck I could feel his warm flesh against the cool night air. My fingers curled in his hair, causing me to moan into his kiss. Blue Eyes responded with a slight growl of his own, deepening his reaction. I needed air, but would rather suffocate than stop kissing him. Finally, he broke the connection first.

Air rushed into my lungs, my face flushed and my lips tingling. "Do you want to come in?"

_Please._

"I don't think so," Edward responded with a pained expression.

"Why?" I didn't even attempt to hide my petulance.

"This was our first official date. If I walk into your place right now, I won't be leaving until morning."

_Please God. Please. _

"That's not a problem for me." I stepped closer against him.

Edward grabbed my shoulders, hugging me tightly as he kissed my neck again, chastely. A long sigh escaped his lips.

"I want to do this right, Bella. I'm not going to have my way with you on the first date. This relationship, and you, are more than important to me."

_Ugh!_

"Ok."

"Ok?" he asked.

"Ok. Goodnight, Edward."

"Goodnight, Bella."

I hurriedly walked inside, sliding my back down the door once it closed behind me. The sexual frustration alone was driving me insane. Rio trotted over, licking my hands and sniffing; looking for a doggy bag I'm certain. He finally realized I hadn't brought one, returning to his bed in disgust. I sat in the floor, visibly shaking, for another few minutes.

##***##

Sleep was impossible. My mind wouldn't allow the luxury with Edward's taste still lingering on my lips. His smell even remained in the air.

_Now you're an expert in olfactory hallucinations?_

Logging on I could feel my body tighten, already knowing he would be there.

_**[E Cullen is online.]**_

_**[B: Hey.]**_

_**[E: Hey, beautiful. Please…don't be mad.]**_

_**[B: Sigh.]**_

_**[E: Please.]**_

_**[B: When is 'right' Edward?]**_

_**[E: Hmm. I dunno.]**_

_**[B: Figures.]**_

_**[E: What do you think is reasonable then?]**_

_**[B:Now! Now is reasonable for me.]**_

I wondered if he even wanted me, given that I wouldn't hesitate if the situation was reversed.

_**[E: First date is not reasonable.]**_

_**[B: You're a prude!]**_

_**[E: LOL. Maybe I am. How about the third date?]**_

_Hmm. _

My mind raced, conniving on the possibilities.

_**[B: You know our walk on the trails was a date.]**_

_**[E: What? No way. That's a stretch.]**_

_**[B: Didn't you ask me? Didn't you bring me coffee? I consider that enough to qualify.]**_

_**[E: Okay.]**_

_Yes! _

_Wait…what did I win? _

_Oh yes, that makes two dates!_

_**[B: OK then, three dates it is. We've had two already. *smile*]**_

_**[E: Haha. Yes, we have.]**_

_**[B: So.]**_

_**[E: So.]**_

_**[B: Ugh! Goodnight, Edward.]**_

_**[E: Wait.]**_

_**[B: Yes?]**_

_**[E: We're going to Seattle together Friday, right?]**_

_**[B: Yes.]**_

_**[E: Then it's a date. *smile*]**_

_Oh my God. Yes!_

_**[B: Yes, it will be.]**_

_**[E: I look forward to Friday, Bella.]**_

_**[B: Me too.]**_

_**[E: Goodnight, Beautiful.]**_

_**[B: Goodnight, Blue Eyes.]**_

My heart raced and my pulse quickened. Edward Cullen was going with me to Seattle on Friday, and we we're going to have sex.

_Frack. _

_Make love. _

_Smeg! _

_Shag. _

_Who cares! _

_He's going to be mine._

**A/N: Yes, yes, yes. NEXT Chapter is SEATTLE. And our first official lemon. Pucker up!**

**A/N: This chapter contains lemons**

**Chapter 21 – Seattle and Smegs**


	21. Seattle and Smegs

**A/N: A Big HUGE thanks to Beloved Sunshine, Claralynn, and Enlightened One… and to ALL of you who have faithfully reviewed for me. You guys helped me through the last few weeks and gave me the guts for this lemon! Each chapter is like the first date, knowing you guys liked it helps me to do it again!**

**SM owns twilight**

**Chapter 21 – Seattle and Smegs**

Obsessing has always been my defense mechanism for life stressors, whether they be good or bad. But knowing that the weekend would bring my third date with Edward, and sex, took obsession to a new level. In fact, my level of fixation over the amount of time before our departure deserved its own definition in Webster's.

_4 days, No wait…94 hours._

_That's less than 4 days...5760 minutes._

The work-up for Mr. Pulsifer blurred in front of me whilst I mentally masturbated over math.

_Hopefully by this weekend you won't need masturbation. _

_You're such a freak! _

Laughing to myself, I started over, reading the results from his labs and the neurocognitive testing. Everything seemed within normal limits except for one result.

His TSH was abnormally high. An elevated thyroid stimulating hormone could indicate a case of hypothyroidism, meaning he wasn't producing enough thyroxin. If his levels were low, it would definitely affect mood, concentration, and memory. This spurred me to scan his other diagnostics quickly. His testing evaluations were impaired, but not severe. My excitement was mounting, considering the fact that I could have found a reversible form of dementia in his case. He might be able to maintain his independence if it were corrected.

Once I placed the orders in the computer for more specific thyroid levels, I headed straight to Carlisle's office. This would mean a great deal to him, since the Pulsifers were his close friends. The week was getting better and better, and my excitement had me almost skipping with glee.

Upon rounding the corner, my clumsiness reminded me that skipping should not be included in my modes of transportation. I began sliding and slipping on the wet floor, my arms circling the air in panic. Falling in slow motion only added to the fear.

_Why are the floors wet? _

_It's Seattle, Bella._

_You had to wear heeled boots huh?_

Emmett appeared in the hall just in time to see my flailing body. He reacted immediately in an attempt to brace my fall. "I've got you, Bella!"

He stood square in front of me with arms ready, reminding me of a quarterback waiting for the ball to be hiked. I plowed into him, holding on for dear life. Despite his stature, my momentum and the wet floor took him down with me. His big burly form cushioned my fall as we lay in a jumbled heap.

"You ok?" he asked.

"I think so," I managed, rubbing my arms. My tendency for falls had conditioned me to check my major limbs in order. I was thankful everything seemed to be moving.

Emmett started laughing, his entire body shaking in response. "I'm definitely choosing you for my team."

"What team?" I asked, confused. We sat up in the hall, his large arms lifting me to my feet with ease.

"My football squad. At thanksgiving… it's a tradition. You have to be on my team, Bella!"

"Um…I'm not sure you've noticed, but sports are not something I do well. Even running is a challenge, and that's just putting one foot in front of the other." I shrugged.

"No way. Taking a hit like that? You're a natural." His grin made me smile in return, but I rolled my eyes at the thought of playing football with the Cullens.

"Why don't you quit flirting with my girl?" Edward was leaning against the large glass window in the atrium, watching Emmett brush the wrinkles out of my clothes.

"Chillax, bro, she knocked me off my feet, literally." Emmett laughed.

"Yeah? Me too." Emmett was silenced by Edward's confession, but turned to wink at me before leaving us alone with a chuckle.

"You ok?" Edward walked over.

"Yeah. These stupid heels are a hazard to my body," I confessed.

"Hmm. Those sexy heels are a hazard for parts of my body as well."

My face flushed with excitement as his boyish grin met my eyes. "Are you working today, Mr. Cullen? Or just practicing voyeurism?"

"Sure I am. I just finished an appreciation of Bach with one group and Zepplin with another." He winked.

"That's quite an eclectic mix there, Maestro."

"Well, I have varying tastes, Doc."

It amazed me how mere words dripping from his lips could cause such a feral reaction in me.

_They are gorgeous lips._

I answered before I could filter my words. "I tend to have precise tastes myself, but my appetite is insatiable."

Edward's mouth opened in surprise, his eyes twinkling with desire. He leaned over while brushing the hair from my face, his lips against my ear. "What time can you leave Friday?"

_Who needs Friday?_

"Sooner the better," I whispered in return. "But let me have Angela check with the administration at Udub and I'll let you know."

"Ok." He inhaled deeply, stepping away with a knowing smile. "I can't wait."

I watched Edward walk down the hall, once again re-calculating the minutes in my head.

Each day moved by in agony, fraught with a mixture of anticipation, excitement and nervousness. Work was going amazingly well. Mr. Pulsifer was taking thyroid medicine and an antidepressant; I hoped to see improvement within a few weeks. My goal of gaining more trust with Ms. Hiller was also progressing. This weekend would afford me even more insight into how to help her. Each night with Edward had involved stimulating chat and building desire, more than I ever thought possible. Would I be able to live up to his expectations? Just looking at him lived up to mine. Even the thought of touching him risked spontaneous combustion.

Edward completed something in my life. A part of me that I had forgotten existed: the belief in true love, in true happiness, in true fulfillment. Finding that with him scared me more than anything, even more than harassing phone calls from Creepo.

_You should tell him. _

_No! He'll cancel the trip. _

_Maybe you should cancel it yourself. _

_No._

The anonymous calls had returned on Tuesday night. Each time was from an unknown ID, with silence or heavy breathing on the other line. Charlie had completed the trace last week, but unfortunately the calls were from a disposable phone. It seemed James was persistent, that's for sure. But I wasn't going to let his behavior gain the attention it deserved. If I told them the calls had started again, they would become even more over-bearing. Edward would worry, and I wanted our weekend together to be perfect. Last night when the phone rang I didn't answer. The less reinforcement the better. I prayed eventually James would lose interest.

_Tell Edward. _

_I will, after this weekend. _

Sitting in the kitchen drinking java, I convinced myself that waiting another 48 hours was reasonable. It was 5 a.m. and my excitement over being with Edward had me wide awake. We were going to stay in Seattle overnight and Edward had insisted on making the arrangements. It felt thrilling and awkward to not have every detail planned in my head. Rio walked into the kitchen, looking at me with questioning brown eyes.

"Today's the day, Rio! I'm gonna miss you. But Alice will be coming by to check on you, ok?" He yawned in annoyance while I was scratching his ears, finally returning to the bedroom to sleep.

I packed my bags and took a shower, deciding on a pair of brown slacks and an ivory cashmere sweater. My hair was in a soft pony-tail, my appearance business-like but with femininity. Edward knocked on the door promptly at 6 a.m. His appearance was sex on a stick.

Wearing a leather jacket and jeans, his bronze hair was newly washed and haphazardly tousled. I stood in awe of his beauty, my lips opened in pleasant shock.

_This man wants me? _

He lowered his shades, meeting my gaze with the brightest blue eyes I had ever seen. Their depths were sparkling with wonder, and excitement? "Morning, beautiful."

"Morning, Blue Eyes."

"You ready?" he asked.

"I've been ready."

"Really? Early bird gets the worm, huh?"

_Please, no penile metaphors yet, my heart won't last._

I shook my head in playful admiration, closing the door behind us. His Volvo was running and waiting in the drive.

"Did we decide that you were driving?" I changed the subject.

"That was a given." His countenance was set.

"Since when?"

"Since always. I'm driving, Miss Daisy. Now hop in."

I bit my tongue in response, climbing into the passenger seat. Edward fiddled with the IPod, adjusted his seat and the temperature, and pulled away. He kept glancing at me from the corner of his eye, grinning wickedly.

"What?" I asked.

"I know you want to say something saucy and sarcastic, Bella. I can see you holding it back."

_He knows me too well._

"Well, you're obviously a control freak, assuming you would drive without discussing it with me." I gave in with a response.

"Mm-Hmm. Takes one to know one, I guess."

"I can relinquish control, on my terms." I was already flustered.

"Of course, Dr. Swan."

His grin was delectable, and the playfulness in his tone made me want to lick his bottom lip. I needed to change the subject before suddenly attacking this man.

"Please tell me you know the directions. You're not the type of man who refuses to ask for help or use a map…are you?"

Edward laughed but didn't answer.

"Oh my God. You are, aren't you? Well lucky for you…I'm a natural GPS."

"Really now?" He questioned amused.

"Really. It's a born instinct. Maybe passed down through generations."

"Like nautical? All stars and shit?" Edward was grinning.

I laughed out loud. "Only you can make me giddy at 6:30 in the morning, Edward."

"Ditto, Bella." He glanced flirtatiously at me once again, his eyes raking over my body.

Edward arrived at the University of Washington fifteen minutes early. He didn't miss a turn, or bother to use directions.

_Show off. _

He held my hand as we walked down the quad towards the administration building together. The morning was clear and bright for Seattle, allowing Mt. Rainier to be seen in the distance.

"It's beautiful," I noted.

"Yeah." When I looked at Blue Eyes, I found him looking at me and not the mountain.

Talking with Ms. Hiller's advisor was more than helpful. He confirmed the history I had been given of Landie as a solid A/B student, with a sudden decline of grades mid semester. Absences from class and not completing assignments were new behaviors which eventually led to her dropping out. Not long after was her commitment to the Retreat. Various professors had turned in written summaries, and one stood out in particular.

Landie had been taking theology. The professor reported just before she left that Ms. Hiller had ran screaming from class one day. The discussion had centered on culpability and God's supreme judgment. He described Landie as "totally changed" from the beginning of the semester. She had become "despondent and disheveled" with "a look of panic on her face at all times." The other professors were just as surprised by the sudden change in her personality.

Edward accompanied me the entire day, listening attentively and reading every report. Focusing on our task was more than difficult with his body so in tune with mine. It was as if a unique electric current passed between us whenever we touched, and he used every opportunity to do so: opening doors for me, his hand on the small of my back, his fingers entwined in mine as we walked.

Landie's roommate Amy met us during her lunch break at University Place. She sat across from me as she toyed with a slice of pizza warily. I'm not sure if it was me being a psychiatrist or Edward being gorgeous, but I was doubtful she would speak after the first ten minutes of silence. Finally she gained composure and recalled the last year, but revealed nothing new. As she finished her summary I realized her eyes were holding something back.

Edward interjected before I could follow that thought. "Was there anything new with Landie? Outside of classes, or what you've shared? Maybe something you've only recently remembered?" His charming voice coaxed an eager look from Amy.

"I have been thinking about a date she had, with this guy she met on campus. I think his name was John, but I never met him."

"What happened?" Edward continued.

_Don't mind me, go right ahead Edward._

Amy continued her story. "She was so excited; it's the only date she'd been on since starting here as far as I know. But she came in that night and was very rude when I asked her about it. She refused to answer any questions and went straight to shower and then bed. I figured it had gone bad since they never went out again, and I never asked about it. In fact, she started acting different soon after."

"You don't know who he was?" he asked.

"No." She looked embarrassed. "I only know he was an upperclassman, and Amy was surprised and thrilled he had asked her to dinner."

Leaving campus I shivered. Edward's arm wrapped instinctively around me.

"You think something happened with him? You think he raped her?" I asked out loud.

"Could be. It would explain a lot. Looks like you have some work to do in session, Dr. Swan."

"Yeah. That's not something I'm looking forward to."

"Well, enough of those thoughts for now. How about something_ I've_ been looking forward to?"

I smiled at his beautiful face, the smell of him intoxicating. "Such as?"

"Well," Edward smirked as if reading my thoughts. "It's still early. You ever been to Gasworks?"

"Um…no."

"Good! We're going."

We took I-5 to the northern end of Lake Union and to the former site of the Seattle Gas Light Company. The 20 acre park looked out over the lake and provided breathtaking views of the Seattle skyline and Aurora Bridge. Edward and I walked to the top of the 'Great Mound' which gave us the best panoramic view, watching the sailboats in the lake. We used a blanket he had carried from the car, being a true boy scout. Sitting in between Edward's legs, I leaned against his chest and watched the world go by. His arms wrapped around me tightly, his breath in my hair. Being with him in the moment was the most alive I had ever felt.

"This feels right," I said.

"This is right, Bella."

"Glad you finally agree." I giggled as he kissed my cheek in return, tickling me. We talked and laughed, analyzing the people who walked by in the park. The time passed quickly and the afternoon ended while we enjoyed our first sun set together. I didn't want to leave.

"You hungry?" Edward whispered in my ear.

_If you only knew. _"A little."

"I have the perfect place. C'mon, beautiful."

We arrived at the Wild Ginger at Triple Door for dinner, but food seemed impossible with my stomach in knots.

_I'm in Seattle with Edward Cullen. Squeee!_

Every woman we passed paused to look in his direction. He never acknowledged them, focusing only on the two of us. We ordered from the bar, a microbrew and a glass of wine. I drank it quickly, hoping my nerves would relax. Of course his entrée was the Seven Flavored Beef, medium rare. This brought about another round of taunting and challenges regarding my taste in meat. The innuendos only caused my desire to mount further. I managed enough bites of the Mongolian Noodles for Edward not to notice my lack of appetite. All I could do was watch his mouth, his eyes, and his hands.

"They have music here, would you like to stay, or are you ready to go?" He asked politely.

"I think I'll take a rain check on the music."

"Ok." Edward 's eyes sparkled. "I have one more thing I'd like to do tonight, if you're up to it?"

_I'm up for something alright. _

"What's that?" I asked in my best attempt at sultry.

"Well, make that _two_ things." Edward chuckled. "Let's go before I lose my will."

_Lose it. Please lose it! _

Edward drove us back to the heart of the city, the lights of Seattle aglow. We pulled up to a valet at the base of the Space Needle, and Edward met my gaze as I stepped out in wonder.

"The Space Needle?"

"Yeah. You've been here before?" he asked.

"Years ago, as a kid. But never at night."

"Good. Another first then."

We walked to the elevator directly and I realized we were alone. "Wait. Aren't there usually lines, and 30 minute waits?" I was confused.

"Hmm. I suppose."

"Edward…where are all the people?"

He smiled shyly. "I reserved the observation deck for tonight, Bella." I saw the Private Event sign placed outside the information window and realized he had done just that, for me. My mouth dropped in amazement.

"You ok?" He questioned as we stepped inside the elevator and began climbing 520 feet. The glass allowed us to look out over the city as we traveled to the observation deck, alone.

"You did all this, for me?" I asked in disbelief.

"Yes." Edward stepped behind me and whispered in my ear. "I'd give you the world if I could."

Turning to look in his eyes, I reached up and ran my fingers along his jaw. "All I want is you."

The gravity of the past months, the excitement of the day, and the heat of the moment all came crashing together in our embrace. Edward bit my bottom lip as I moaned into his kiss, pulling his hair in response. We arrived at the observation deck all too quickly.

"Damn those are fast elevators." Edward chuckled, leading me out to the views of the city. We held each other close while admiring the lights of the city and Quest Field. The sparkling waters of Puget Sound were dark in the night, but Mt. Rainier and the Cascade Mountains still loomed in the distance. Edward identified the various landmarks as I nuzzled deeper into his neck, inhaling his scent, memorizing his jaw line. I'm not sure how much time went by before I realized he had grown quiet, his hands caressing my back, pulling me closer.

"You ready to leave?" he asked.

_He paid all this money! _

_No! Yes! Let's go! _

"Bella?"

"I'm sorry," I was torn between my lust and my reason.

"For what?"

"I know you went through a lot to plan tonight, and it's beautiful. But the only sight I can focus on right now, is you."

Edward's gaze became darker, more primal. He pulled me to the elevator quickly without another word.

_Is he angry?_

"Edward! We can stay…"

Before the doors had closed he had me in his arms again, devouring my neck and pressing me against the glass.

_Or not._

The drive to the hotel took only a few minutes, which was a good thing considering I was out of my seatbelt, kissing his neck fervently. Edward groaned pulling into the drive, jumping out and handing our bags to the bellhop. He led me to the elevators again, where it was his turn to drive me to the brink of insanity with his tongue on my neck.

Entering the room, our bags were already there and the bellhop was waiting. Edward provided the tip and closed the door with haste, turning to find me behind him. Our eyes met in the dim light and I saw his desire mirroring my own. I finally realized he wanted this too. He wanted me. All of my insecurities disappeared in the depths of his gaze.

"Bella."

My name coming from his lips took my breath away. I stepped into his arms, my lips finding his in urgency. Our tongues teased each others, challenging. I ran my hands up his back, pulling at his jacket. Edward obliged, peeling it off of his form before returning his hands to my hair. He pulled me closer, his teeth nipping my bottom lip once again. A moan escaped me, causing him to pull back, looking fiercely into my face.

"I've wanted you for so long," he confessed.

"I'm yours," I answered.

With that, no more words were needed. Edward lifted my sweater off, my hair cascading down around my shoulders. He traced his fingers under each strap of my ivory laced bra, his lips kissing down my neck, between each breast. I pulled on the locks of his hair, his tongue swirling over my skin. Pulling his shirt off in return, I hungered to feel his flesh against mine. Blue Eyes continued to caress my breasts, my nipples hardening from his touch. I shimmied out of my pants, standing in front of him in just a matching lace thong. His hands found the clasp, my bra dropping around our feet. Edward stared at me, his hands exploring my body, each stroke causing a new set of chills to cover my skin. I kissed his neck in return, mapping a trail down his chest. My fingers found the waist of his pants, dragging his jeans off as I went to my knees. He stepped out of his clothes and shoes, falling back onto the bed in just his boxers.

I crawled up his legs, kissing the muscles of his abs with my breasts pressed against his groin. Edward was propped up on his shoulders watching me. I grabbed his boxers in my teeth, peeling them down with the help of my hands. Seeing him naked in front of me was enough to bring me undone. His erection found my gaze, causing my mind to reel.

_He's big._

My lips kissed his tip, licking it playfully while looking at Edward. Another long lick brought a moan from his lips before he leaned back on the bed. Placing my mouth around his cock I took in the entire length, stroking the shaft with my hand as I sucked. Before I could continue, Edward grabbed me by the arms. I looked up, surprised, wondering if I had done something wrong.

He shook his head slowly through ragged breaths and threw me swiftly on my back. "Oh no you don't. I want to be inside you when I come the first time."

Edward kissed between my breasts, pulling each nipple with his teeth. I arched in response, the tightening in my core becoming unbearable.

_Maybe you should beg._

"Please," I whispered.

Edward peeled my thong off, never relenting on the torment of my breasts. I was so wet, and his fingers found my entrance with ease, sliding inside of me as I pleaded.

"You're so tight, Bella."

I kissed him deeply, tasting the lust on his tongue. I heard him open a condom while we kissed. My hands clawed at his back as he rolled between my legs, my hips arching to meet him. Edward grabbed my ass as he placed his tip inside me, thrusting in quickly.

"Oh, god," I groaned, moving my hips involuntarily from the fullness. It had been so long and it was tight.

Edward moved slowly a few times, hesitant. I needed more, and I encouraged him with my response. "More. I want all of you."

My words took his caution away, inciting Edward to enter me fully and without restraint. I wrapped my legs around his waist, pulling him deeper into me. His mouth caressed my neck, biting, teasing. I returned the gesture, pulling his ear in my mouth. He lifted me off of the bed with my ass in his hands; His face darkening with need. Our fervor caused my body to tighten, my climax building and approaching all too soon. He was filling me, hitting my core with every thrust. I tried to hold back my whimpers, to teeter on the ledge. My breathing grew louder in his ears, making him growl in return.

"Don't hold back. Your mine. Give it to me," he commanded.

_I'm his._

His words caused me to explode, falling over the edge into a heavenly abyss. My orgasm clamped down around him as I cried out his name.

Edward responded with a final thrust, "Oh damnnnnnnn." He came just as violently and collapsed as my body trembled in his arms.

_And you're mine._

**A/N: Lemons are like potato chips, right? You can't eat just one. ;)**

**Review please! I'm gonna think you hated it if you don't.**


	22. Licks and Lost

**A/N: Thanks you guys for the reviews on the lemon! The number 21 was rather lucky! *blush* I try to answer most of you via return messages, but the Blue Eyes response is on my Profile page for your question Tatiana! As far as an Edward POV, I don't think I could even fathom how Blue Eyes or ANY man thinks accurately, which is why they're so infuriating (LOL)! Special props go to DC for lessons in geography and all the insider info on navigating Seattle. I owe you one *cough***

**Another note-I have met this great beta named Dani who is helping me edit and get this story on another FF board as well. I will likely go back and re-post my edited old chapters, but it's only grammar changes, not plot (in case you notice the chapters look different). Thanks Dani!**

**BTW- only 9 chapters left!**

**SM owns twilight**

**Chapter 22 Licks and Lost**

Our naked bodies were tangled in enveloping warmth and the atmosphere was surreal. Edward rolled over onto his side, propping his head up on one elbow with casual poise. His eyes raked across my body while my face remained rosy and glowing from climax. Watching him look at me was like seeing myself for the first time. I felt…beautiful.

"You're beautiful," Edward whispered, somehow reading my mind. His fingers trailed lightly over my form, barely touching me in an exploration along my skin. Shivers followed his touch in succession.

"You're kinda sexy yourself, Blue Eyes." I turned my body to meet his gaze directly.

Edward responded by lying on his back, sighing in exasperation as his hands raked through his sex hair.

"What?" I asked, confused by the change.

"There's no comparison, Bella."

It was my turn to sigh, rolling over on top of him with my legs straddling on either side. "Oh really?" I raised one eyebrow in mocked challenge.

Edward nodded solemnly but watched my actions with wary intrigue.

"Well, I beg to differ." I traced along his jaw line, following down his neck, his chest and his abs. My fingers were mirroring the movement he had demonstrated mere seconds before. "In fact," I leaned over and kissed his lips softly, "There are certain parts of your anatomy I could observe intimately, for hours."

Glancing up I could see his lips smirk and a smile formed uncontrollably. "Such as?"

_He's enjoying this. _

"Let's see…" I sat up in riding posture, cocking my head to the side in detailed perusal. "…your chest is nice." My hands caressed his shoulders and my fingers dragged down his torso in one motion. "Your abdomen is very well defined." My body began to respond again of its own accord. "Your happy trail makes me…happy." A giggle escaped my throat. "And these...freckles? I'd love to count them, one by one, with my lips."

Edward's body began to respond again too. "You had to go there huh?"

"What?" I teased playfully, leaning over to lick a beauty mark placed by God right beside his left peck.

_By God Bella? Should you be thinking of him right now? Well it is heavenly!_

"Oooh, here's another one!" I meandered over his chest with my lips, counting each of Edward's freckles with admiration.

Blue Eyes grabbed my arms, chuckling to himself as he flipped me over and once again assumed the dominant position. "My dearest Bella, I do believe I am the one who needs to be observing you, intimately."

_Oh My._

"Especially since you chose to admire and enumerate my freckles. It's only fair I should receive the same luxury. Wouldn't you agree?" His eyes smoldered while he began licking my body. My neck and breasts became first priority in his exploration. His choice of location varied slowly down my body, eventually finding one of my own beauty marks beside my navel. The attention it acquired was quite thorough, causing me to giggle uncontrollably. "What? Did you say that you agreed, Bella? I'm not sure I heard you before." Edward started licking lower.

_Yes. YES! _

"Yes." I whimpered.

The months of angst and paranoia regarding Edward's true feelings for me dissipated in his kisses. In fact, his mouth revealed to me his true intentions, multiple times.

##$$##

I woke up Saturday morning in his arms; the morning light was filtering around the heavy drapes in the room. His breathing was soft and regular with my head against his chest and I attuned my ears to the sound of his heart. Its rhythm was beating strong and clear.

_I love this man._

Rising up to look into his face, I caused him to stir. His eyes fluttered open. "Morning, beautiful."

"Morning, Edward."

_I could repeat those words the rest of my life._

Room service brought us Eggs Benedict, waffles, fresh fruit, yogurt and granola. I stared in shock while Edward pushed the cart up to the bed.

"Who's going to eat all of this?" I gasped.

"I didn't know what your favorite was." He shrugged. "Plus, I figured you would have a big appetite." Even after last night, he still managed to make me blush.

"You were the one who kept talking about wanting more, if I recall correctly." My bold reply caused an eyebrow raise in return.

"Well you are glowing with an aura this morning, so I suppose giving more suits you well." Edward continued the teasing with his eyes as he popped a large grape in his mouth.

Finally he continued, "What would you like to do today, Dr. Bella?" His question was obviously loaded with intent which intrigued me.

"Since you _did_ accompany me willingly on this work excursion and you showed such excellent decision making last evening, I think I'll let you decide."

"Excellent choice," Edward mused, "I'd love to take a detour before heading back. Have you ever been to Snoqualamie Falls?"

"No," I admitted, somewhat embarrassed by my lack of experience in Seattle's scenic attractions. "When I would visit Charlie it was almost always confined to Forks or Port Angeles."

Edward pretended not to notice my discomfort. "Well there's the Salish Lodge and Spa, which has amazing views of the waterfall. It's only about thirty minutes east of here. We _could_ stay the night, and return to the Retreat Sunday." It was now Edward who seemed shy, unsure of my response.

"That sounds amazing. I would need to call Alice, since she is watching Rio." I leaned over to find my bag on the bedside table, sending a quick text to Lil' Firecracker from my phone. She would probably lecture me for ours if I didn't go with Edward, so her response was a foregone conclusion in my mind. We continued a mini-picnic in our bathrobes on the bed, enjoying the foreplay of feeding each other breakfast. When my cell phone rang, I inadvertently cringed in response.

"You gonna get that?" Edward questioned, taken aback by my behavior. "It's probably Alice returning your call."

"Oh, yeah." The fact that I hadn't told Edward about the prank calls entered my mind.

_You need to tell him. Not now!_

Thankfully Alice's name flashed on the screen, relieving my consternation for the moment. "Alice? Hey, can you hear me?" Her words seemed muffled, and I checked the bars on my phone for connection problems.

After a few seconds her voice was audible yet strained. "Bella? I'm _so_ sorry." Her response caused my stomach to lurch, the blood draining from my face.

"What's wrong?" I could barely ask, my mouth suddenly dry and parched.

"It's Rio," she answered.

_No!_

She launched into a litany of explanations. "I let him out for a walk this morning around the lake but he took off, Bella! I called him but he ignored me. He ran into the woods and hasn't come back, I'm so sorry. I called Jas and we've been looking for him and calling him but he hasn't come home. What should I do?" I could hear that she was crying, and tried to hold back my own worry for her sake. Rio had been known to have his moments, so I tried to assure myself he was just acting out for me leaving him. Nevertheless, worst case scenarios started filtering through my consciousness.

"How long has he been gone?" My voice cracked.

"Over two hours." Alice grew quiet, the silence unbearable.

"I'm coming. I'll be there as soon as I can."

"Ok, Bella. I'm _so _sorry."

"Shh. It's going to be alright. See you soon." When I hung up the phone my unsuccessful attempts to remain calm crumbled. My lips started to tremble as I realized that Rio had been missing most of the morning. I managed to relay the conversation to Edward through muffled sobs, and his reaction was calm and attentive.

He held me against him, brushing my hair with his hands. "Bella, it's going to be alright, just like you told Alice. Let's go."

We packed in hurried silence while I prayed that the silver Volvo could cut our drive in half. Once Edward pulled onto the WA-104 W he increased his speed markedly. His wary glances in my direction only made me want to cry more.

Blue Eyes' patience only lasted twenty minutes into our drive. "Bella, didn't you say Rio has run off before? I'm sure he'll be waiting on you by the time we get back."

A new series of waterworks ensued. "Yes, but he doesn't know his new territory well. And dogs can't read road signs, or property markers Edward. What if he goes into Olympic National Park? It borders the Retreat, and he may never find his way back! Or what if someone took him? What if he's hurt?"

"Wait, wait, wait. Stop spazzing. He's probably just not answering Alice. She likely tried to paint his toenails or something. Besides, why would you think someone took him? From around the Retreat you mean? He has his collar and tags on. Who would do that?" He asked in confusion, processing my rant.

_You never told him about the calls._

I was quiet so Edward spoke again. "Bella? What's going on in your head? I feel like you're keeping something from me."

"I'm sorry," I managed.

"Sorry for what?" Edward asked, his frustration mounting.

"I _have _kept something from you. But _only _because I wanted to be with you this weekend, and I knew you would try and talk me out of it, if I told you. And it's probably nothing, or it's more of the same. Either way I'm sure it's unrelated to Rio. But what if it's not? Oh Edward, I'm gonna be sick." I bent over from a wave of nausea.

"Not in the Volvo you're not!" He rolled the windows down, letting in a gush of cool air. "Deep breaths, Bella. I'm not stopping because we need to get back as soon as possible. But you need to calm down and tell me what happened, like _now_."

"The calls. I started getting the prank calls again this week." I cringed in anticipated response.

"What? The hell Bella? You didn't tell me? When?"

"Wednesday and Thursday night," my voice cracked again.

Edward was silent for what seemed like hours. His jaw was tense and I watched the muscles flex underneath his skin. "Ok," he answered.

"Ok?" I questioned confused.

_He's pissed._

"Are you angry?"

"Yes, Bella, I'm angry."

"Can we talk about it?" I prodded, my anxiety mounting.

"I'd rather not right now. You're upset, I'm upset. Let's just drop it."

_Like that solves things. _

"Ok." My response echoed his with a morbid undertone. I knew that thie conversation would end in a fight later. I stared out the window for the remainder of the drive. The sights blurring by as the clock seemed to stall. An hour and forty-five minutes later we we're pulling into the Retreat. My heart was in my throat as we drove up to the cottage. Holding my breath I scanned the area for Rio. Alice and Jasper were standing on the porch, his arms wrapped around her. I could see her tear-stained cheeks before I opened the car door.

"Bella!" She met me in the yard before I had taken two steps.

"He's not back?" I asked helplessly.

"No. I jogged a mile into the trails calling him and came back while Alice stayed here. No sign of him." Jasper rubbed Alice's shoulder protectively, distraught over the situation. "Does he have a chip, Bella?"

"What?" I was stunned from the situation. "Oh, yeah, Rio has a chip. But it's not GPS, it's only for identification at shelters or vets if he's found."

Edward stood beside me and placed his hand on my shoulder. It was the first sign of affection since our non-fight on the way back. "Let's start looking. We should try the jogging trail you've been using the most with him."

I nodded and went into the condo to change my clothes and sneakers quickly. Rio's toys were scattered on the floor, his bed empty. Silent tears flowed down my face but I wiped them away and hurried outside.

_We're going to find him. We're going to find him._

Edward was waiting on the steps and grabbed my hand as we walked into the woods. I started calling Rio, my voice battling against the suddenly raucous sounds of nature. "Rio! Rio!" We walked a hundred yards more and I tried again. "Rio! Rio!" An hour later and 3 miles of walking resulted in nothing except for a mounting panic attack. My voice was raspy and hoarse from screaming.

"Bella, let's head back. Jasper called all the other Cottages, the Retreat security, and your dad. We'll find him." Edward's words had lost their conviction.

"Did he tell him about the calls?" I asked hesitantly.

"No. I didn't tell Jas about that. You need to tell your dad yourself."

_Great._

My fear and anxiety turned to anger as I walked with Edward back to the cottages. I should have placed Rio in a kennel, but I never liked leaving him there, the atmosphere was too generic. If I had let him get to know Alice more before leaving him with her, maybe he would have responded to her commands.

_You know Rio is hard headed. _

When we reached home Alice walked over with an arm full of bright pink flyers. "I had to keep busy," she apologetically explained.

Charlie arrived that afternoon with dark circles under his eyes. It seemed like my return to the Forks area had caused him nothing but sleepless nights. "Hey, Bells."

"Dad," I broke down again, "You know he's my baby. I don't know what else to do."

"I know. He's a smart dog, Bella, give him a chance. You wouldn't believe the miles dogs can cover in a day." Charlie's no nonsense demeanor calmed my nerves once again. Edward left to go shower while I walked inside with Charlie, giving me the opportunity to confess my withholding of information.

Needless to say, Charlie was not very pleased with my declaration. "Have you ignored everything I taught you? No detail is unimportant Bella. And this James character is still missing by the way, which makes me more concerned. What kind of doctor quits his job under duress and then disappears after pissing on a co-workers car?"

"A deranged one," I muttered.

"Exactly. I'm not saying this has anything to do with Rio, but the fact that you kept this from me is unacceptable. How can I protect you when you keep things from me?"

"You think I still need protection?" I asked in surrender.

"Yes, I'm concerned that you do." Charlie admitted with worry. "And that's why I need you to tell me anything that happens, or that seems unusual, until we find this creep. You understand?"

"Yes sir."

"Good." He kissed my cheek. "Now as for Rio, his ID and tags are up to date and he's chipped, so if someone picks him up they should notify you. We'll walk the trails again tomorrow morning, ok?"

"Sounds good, dad."

My thoughts started racing the moment I was alone.

_He may be hurt. He's all alone in the woods. What if James was around and took him? Stop thinking the worst!_

_##$$##_

Edward, Alice, Jasper, Rose and Emmett all came over that evening. They brought Chinese take-out and told cheesy jokes, obviously trying to keep my mind off of Rio. But every time I glanced at his empty bed on the floor I thought about him. Around ten o' clock they said their goodbyes, promising to help in the search the next day. Edward lingered behind, his body stretched out on the sofa. He patted the cushion between his legs and I obliged, nestling my body against his. We were quiet for a while, both of us immersed in our own thoughts.

"You still mad at me?" I pondered out loud.

"It's more of a slow boil," he answered, his tone lighter than on the drive back.

"Can we turn the heat off?"

He chuckled. "Sure, Bella, I'll try and forget you lied to me just to get me in bed."

"I didn't lie to you!" I elbowed him in retaliation. "I withheld some recent events to spend time with you. I wasn't certain I would sleep with you."

_Liar._

"Pity. I was warming to the lie of omission _only because _it was to get me to sleep with you." His tenor was now playful and forgiving, a welcome change from his earlier tone.

"I'm sorry. I should have told you, and Charlie. It won't happen again."

"Is Dr. Swan apologizing? A shrink admitting she's wrong and that she didn't think things through?" He teased further, his hands now rubbing my shoulders and neck.

"Don't push your luck there, Maestro." I shrugged out of his grasp only to lean back into his hands immediately.

An old movie with William Holden was on TV, and we argued over whether his acting was better in Stalag 17 or Sabrina. Our debate ended in a stalemate, which I sensed would be a pattern, given our stubborn personalities. Sometime before the movie ended we drifted to sleep on the couch.

I dreamed of Rio, of buying him as a puppy, and all the antics he pulled back in Arizona. The first pair of Steve Madden heels he ruined, and the rolls of paper towels he ripped apart all over my apartment flashed through my mind. His tendency to beg, especially for chocolate, made me smile in my sleep. In fact, his whining seemed so real it caused me to stir.

Edward was already awake, shaking me quietly while he whispered. "Shhh. Bella, listen!"

A faint scraping sound started coming from the area of the front door, followed by a whimper. I stumbled out of Edward's embrace, looking at the clock as I ran to open it. It was two a.m.

Rio was sitting on the welcome mat, his body shivering, his muzzle slightly bleeding as if he had been in a fight. I squealed in delight, falling to my knees in the doorway. Rio bounded into my lap, licking me repeatedly. Edward was by our side, patting Rio and chuckling from the responsive licks on his account. We finally made it back in the cottage and shut the door.

"Maybe we should give him a shower? It will be easier to check him out," Edward suggested.

"Yeah, good idea." He seemed no worse for wear except for some scratches on his face, but I wanted to be sure. I walked him into the bathroom while Edward went into the kitchen to grab a bowl of water.

"Edward, did you take his collar?" I called into the other room.

"What?" He asked, walking into the bathroom.

"Did you take Rio's collar off?"

"No." He looked puzzled.

"I didn't either." I looked into Rio's big brown eyes, realizing he had returned without his ID and had obviously been in a scuffle. "What happened, boy?" He cocked his head in response, excitedly drinking the water Edward had sat down in front of him. How did he get his collar off? It was always kept tight around his neck because of my paranoia over him losing it. Whatever happened, he was home, and I was more than relieved.

"Will you stay over tonight?" I asked Blue Eyes, his body leaning against the door jamb as I washed Rio with suds up to my elbows. His hair was tousled even more and a nice scruff was on his face. I was tempted to drag him into the shower next.

_Gutterville. _

"It's already three a.m., beautiful. But I'll be more than happy to stay this morning." His response was sardonic and sexy, baiting me as usual.

"Good to hear it, Smart-aleck. I would hate to have you unhappy." My inability to ignore the bait was pathetic.

_Or maybe banter is what turns you on most._

"Mmmm. There's only one thing I can think of at the moment that would make me unhappy." Edward smirked.

"Oh yeah? And what's that?" I remained on my knees as I started drying Rio with a big towel.

"If you refuse to stand up and give me a private showing in that wet t-shirt."

_Blush_

**A/N: Reviews are like counting freckles….hours of enjoyment!**


	23. Holidays and Honey

**A/N: I'm so thrilled each and every time someone says they're enjoying the story. Thanks so much for the support!**

**SM owns twilight.**

**Chapter 23 – Holidays and Honey**

Rio seemed no worse for wear, other than the trauma of being lost all day. He jumped from my arms and shook his body from head to toe. Although I had used a large towel to dry him, this habitual act flung wet dog moisture in all directions, including on Edward. The look on his face was priceless.

"Edward!" I shrieked before giggling uncontrollably.

Edward smirked in return and stepped slowly towards me. "You think that's funny, Brown Eyes?"

My pulse quickened at his stealthy approach. He reached underneath his shirt and gradually peeled away the wet layer from his skin. My vantage point from the floor was prime seating. Edward leaned over, revealing a head of thoroughly mussed hair.

He spoke firmly while looking in my eyes, "I do believe you should recompense for your dog's behavior, don't you?"

_Gulp._

"He has a mind of his own." I shrugged. "But I _will_ be glad to wash your shirt…"

"Oh? You'll do more than that…" He reached down and pulled me to my feet. In true caveman form, Edward tossed me over his shoulders while stepping into the shower. The hot water cascaded down my dangling form, fully clothed.

My only disappointment was my shirt which clung to me, hindering his hands from sliding across my body. Evidently, this was a nuisance to Edward as well. He eased me down as his gaze darkened. The water trickling over his face reminded me of how beautiful he was.

I lifted my arms in surrender, welcoming the process of him removing my clothes. Edward tossed my wet shirt on the floor next to his own, creating a pile of unnecessary belongings. His skillful fingers were adept in unclasping my bra. Pushing my breasts against his chest, I sought his mouth with a new found aggression. The intensity of our kiss caused me to moan uncontrollably.

_The hell with being coy. _

Blue Eyes pressed me firmly against the shower wall. The cool tiles were a brief distraction from the hot steam surrounding us. I shifted my hips against him; his throbbing erection returned the favor. Edward began a torturous pattern of licking the water which fell in droplets from each taut nipple. I watched him with abandon, gasping in response.

"I want you," I whispered.

"Yeah?" he teased and continued his ministrations. "Still think I'm something to laugh at?"

His body pushed against my wet jeans. Unfortunately, his statement caused my mind to snap out of lust mode and into 'sarcasm on autopilot'. The entire situation did indeed remain adorable in my mind. The thought of his grimace from Rio's fur flinging episode made me smile knowingly once again. This caused a scowling reaction from Edward.

We found ourselves in a standoff in the shower, both half naked. I was futilely attempting not to laugh out loud from his pouting, and he was growing more impatient by the minute. My decision was made.

_Kindergarten 101._

"Girls rule and Boys drool!" I shouted while splashing water on Edward's face. I jumped from the shower and ran into the bedroom, hearing his footsteps close fast behind me. In two strides he had captured me.

"What?" he growled, throwing me onto the bed. "We'll see who rules, Dr. Swan. Fight if you must, but I _know_ you want to be spanked."

_Oh God yes._

He flipped me onto my stomach in one swift motion, causing me to squeal in delight. My cries drove Rio to run from the room in a scurry, having had too much excitement for one day. Edward's hands clawed lightly down my back. "These…" he swatted my rear over the top of my soaked blue jeans, "have to go." Edward yanked the wet denim off in one forceful gesture. My body was wet more from the anticipation than from the shower.

"You want to spank me, Edward?" I asked in flirtation.

_Swat!_

"Ouch!"I shrieked in surprise.

"Does that answer your question, Dr. Swan?" Edward purred against my ear with his body lying directly on top of mine. He had removed his own jeans and I could feel his desire against me. "Why is it that shrinks want to talk through everything, making snarky comments at others' expense?"

_Swat!_

This slap was lighter, more of a love tap, or lust tap to be exact. I didn't answer his question for fear of sounding like a whimpering idiot.

_That question was rhetorical, right?_

He continued, "I've always felt that there's way too much talk when it comes to shrinks." He licked the back of my neck and lifted my body off the bed onto all fours. "I'm more of an Elvis follower myself…"

_Elvis? _

_As in hunk of burning love?_

His hands slid down my torso and grasped my thighs, spreading them apart. "…a little less conversation, and a little more action." Edward thrust into me from behind while he groaned in pleasure.

I answered him with a guttural moan, a feral need met by our joining. His cock pushed deeper into me, reaching a part of my core that intensified the bliss. The scruff from his beard was rough on my skin as he nipped along the flesh of my neck and back. I propped myself up on my hands and pushed my hips to meet his thrusts. My body tightened around him in this position as his strong fingers pulled back on my hips. Edward reached around to find my entrance while guiding our rhythm. He began a sweet torture of direct stimulation, and the combination of his fingers and manhood was more than I could bear.

"Ahh!" I cried out and arched my back. The building of my climax caused my mind to reach an idyllic state of intoxication. I lost myself in the moment of our uniting bodies, unable to maintain any semblance of composure as Edward whispered my name.

"Bella…"

_Oh…my…right…there…_

"Edward!" His name was like an explosion on my lips. I came undone in his grip, which tightened as my orgasm claimed him in return. My body pulsed rapidly, finally surrendering. Edward collapsed against my back as he emptied himself, riding out the wave of ecstasy we had found together.

We rolled over onto our sides, speechless. I realized I was drifting to sleep and I tried to jump up to no avail. Edward's arms held me captive, as did his words. "Where do you think you're going, sexy?"

"I need to call Charlie," I murmured, but snuggled back into our spooning position willingly. "To tell him that Rio came home."

"Stay here. I'll call him for you first thing in the morning. Besides, I need to answer a question for him." Edward nuzzled his chin in my hair, half asleep.

"What question?" I felt suddenly awake.

"Thursday is Thanksgiving, Bella. He wanted to know my 'intentions' regarding you. That was his deadline."

I waited silently before pressing him to answer. "And?"

"And? You want to know my intentions? Other than repeating this as often as we can?" He caressed my body, cupping his hand over one breast.

I giggled in return and nodded in affirmation.

"I'm going to tell him I love you, Bella. Because I do. Now snuggle your ass up to me and go to sleep. Or I may need to review for you how talk is over-rated."

"Mmm," I whispered, embracing the comfort of his words.

_Round two?_

_It is tempting._

My last thoughts of the night were of Rocky Balboa.

_Just how many rounds did he go in that movie? Surely we could top that._

#***#

The week was a blur of excitement. Edward called Charlie on Sunday morning and met him for coffee and doughnuts. "It's a win-win for a man-to-cop discussion", Edward had stated determinedly. The fact that he hadn't tasted a doughnut since he was a child seemed lost on Blue Eyes.

_He ate junk food for me?_

_It must be love._

Charlie's response to his initiative was better than expected. I was amazed when they returned with a blueberry muffin for me, and smiles. Both of them refused to budge on the details of their conversation, but the end result made the two most important men in my life happy. That fact was what mattered most.

#***#

Ms. Hiller met me with a polite smile in our session Monday morning. I talked with her about the weekend and she reviewed the piano pieces she was most interested in playing during music therapy. After the first ten minutes, I broached the subject of my visit to campus.

"Landie, I wanted you to know that I visited with Amy this weekend."

"Amy?" Her voiced wandered, a glazed look crossing her face.

"Yes, your roommate, Landie. She said to tell you hello."

Her silence spoke volumes.

I continued, "Did you know Amy before you started at Udub?"

"No," she responded minimally.

"How did you two get along?"

"Amy was very nice, very popular."

_Hmm._

"Were you popular?" I pressed, holding my breath for where we were headed.

"No," she answered again.

"What makes people popular? Do they have lots of friends?"

"Yeah, I guess so." Landie twisted her fingers in her lap, not making eye contact.

"So Amy had lots of friends...and was popular…Did she have many boyfriends?"

The movement in her hands ceased abruptly. She didn't look up, but nodded hesitantly.

I waited. "How about you, Landie? Have you ever had a boyfriend?" My heart was thudding loudly from the adrenaline as I spoke. Her anxiety was palpable in the room.

Landie didn't answer. She didn't look up. The clock on the coffee table clicked loudly, reminding me of the silence. I started mentally reciting the A, B, Cs, willing myself not to speak from my own discomfort of the situation.

A whisper finally echoed from her lips across the room. It was so quiet I wondered if I had imagined it. "I had a boyfriend, once."

_Yes! _

"I see. Well maybe you can tell me about him another time." A part of me wanted to push her now, but I needed Landie to feel in control of the process, and not cornered. Giving her the opportunity to leave without any further revelation would hopefully strengthen our alliance. She looked up again, her face immediately lifted at the recognition that the topic of conversation was over. I finished the session by asking another question regarding her favorite composer, Chopin.

_##***##_

Edward was a surprise daily. His charm and constant sarcasm made me laugh out loud unwittingly. Lunches with Alice and Jasper were a display of competitive foreplay, with Rose and Emmett more affectionate than ever. I wondered how an outsider would view the pairings around the table. My own insecurities would creep into my mind often throughout the day. Did I fit with Edward the way Alice and Jasper meshed? Had Tanya been a better match for him? Will he get bored with me and leave? Would I be able to be happy if he wasn't in my life?

_Will you take some medication or cease the self-analysis?_

Thankfully, the fears of abandonment and attachment dissipated with every glance into his eyes. When I swam in their blue depths, I felt like I was the only woman in the world. My mind told itself to rest, and the years of poor modeling from my mother no longer mattered in the least. In his eyes I could see the reflection of who I was, of who I wanted to be.

#*****#

Thanksgiving Day began with a crisp, chilly morning. I pushed Rio out the door for solo duties. He looked back in frustration but eventually trotted over to the lakeside. In a matter of three minutes he was back at the door, scratching incessantly.

"Gimme a minute!" I screamed. "This weather isn't like Arizona, huh?" I teased him while he ran past. Rio didn't seem amused as he rolled his eyes and went back to bed for more sleep. I knew the day would be hectic as I accompanied Charlie to our first Cullen gathering as the Swan family.

Logging on to the computer, I sent a quick email to mom. She had left a message earlier that she was flying to the Caribbean with Phil on a whim.

_Big surprise there._

My issues with the reversal of our parental-child roles concerning her took a few years of my own therapy. Now I just rolled my eyes in understanding. I continued deleting emails and responding to urgent ones when I noticed Edward's icon.

_E Cullen is online._

_**[B: Morning, Blue Eyes!]**_

_**[E: Morning, Beautiful.]**_

_**[B: Whatcha doin' up at 7:30 a.m. on your day off?]**_

_**[E: Hmm. I could ask you the same thing.]**_

_**[B: Rio needed to go out. Couldn't go back to sleep.]**_

_**[E: I heard him scratching on the door... and you yelling. LOL. So I got up and took a shower.]**_

_Unngh. Shower memories._

_**[B: I'm sorry.]**_

_**[E: Why? I love getting up to the sounds of you yelling. ;) ]**_

_**[B: Haha. I enjoy that as well. What time are you going to your parents?]**_

_**[E: Around noon. You want to go together?]**_

_**[B: Charlie is coming here first. I'll just meet you there, baby.]**_

_**[E: Ok, beautiful. Wanna cook me breakfast?]**_

_**[B: LOL. Waffles?]**_

_**[E: I'm there!]**_

_My, my. Dr. Swan the domestic goddess. _

_Shut it! You know you like cooking for him._

I whipped up the batter for the waffles and set out maple syrup, honey and fresh fruit for breakfast. Edward knocked on the back door within fifteen minutes.

Sex on a stick would have described him accurately. "Where's the peanut butter?" Edward looked confused.

"What peanut butter?" I answered, more confused.

"You don't eat peanut butter on your waffles?" he countered.

"Um, no!" I laughed. "What are you, from Texas or something? I had a girlfriend in med school that did that. She said it was the norm there."

"Well, it should be a given. Elementary even. Plus, it has protein, which will give you energy throughout the day." He chuckled as he ranted on.

I fished a jar of peanut butter from the cabinet and placed it beside Edward. "There, Sherlock. Satisfied?"

"Very." Edward winked.

I rolled my eyes as I sat down. "Well I'm going with honey." I winked, mocking his recent gesture. His boyish grin widened and melted my heart. We chatted about the week and enjoyed our free floating conversation, embracing the serenity of each other's company. Halfway through the waffles I dripped honey down my chin and pink pajama camisole. This innocent action led to an exploration of 'Honey Art', all over our bodies. My creations were more anatomical in nature, but Edward's were more titillating. By the end of breakfast we ended up in my shower together, once again.

#***#

As he kissed me goodbye, Edward pinched my backside. "I think you changed my mind on the honey, Honey."

I laughed out loud at his cheesiness, smitten like a school girl.

#***#

Charlie and I drove up in front of Carlisle's in the cruiser. His quiet demeanor reminded me of my own personality, assessing the environment and every detail. The truth was that we would both rather be in front of the TV at home, but we were committed. The weather had warmed significantly, which was a positive.

Esme met us at the door and her warm embrace caused me to smile. "Bella! Charlie! Happy Thanksgiving. I'm so glad you were able to join us." Esme led us inside where Carlisle was waiting as well. He captured Charlie's attention immediately with a collection of Native American artifacts along the wall. A large group was already mingling in the open family room, but Alice skipped over to me immediately. Jasper, Edward and Emmett were debating heatedly over an unknown subject in the corner.

"Men!" Alice noted while Rose walked over and joined our estrogen party. "Did you promise Emmett you would play football, Bella?"

"What?" I coughed uncontrollably. "I thought he was joking!"

"No." Rose laughed. "Apparently this Cullen tradition is no joke. And you better not cause my man to lose, Bella."

_How can I get out of this!_

"How's Rio?" Alice asked, squeezing my arm. Her attempt to distract me from the football frenzy was admirable.

"He's doing better," I said, "He's been very clingy though, underneath my feet all the time. I had to force him outside this morning for his bathroom break."

"Awww," Alice purred. "I really am sorry."

"It's fine, chica. He's done the same thing to me before."

"You know, Bella," Rose interjected, not invested in my Rio update, "Edward is not even the same person." She nodded in the direction of our men, respectively. They stood across the room, fine male specimens on display. Edward was grinning and playing in his hair, stealing glances in my direction on every occasion. She continued, "In fact, if I didn't know any better, I'd say you have fucked that man right out of his mind!"

My jaw dropped as Alice squealed in enjoyment. "Oh yeah she has! Look at that face!"

Fate provided a reprieve from the firing squad through the salvation of the doorbell. Carlisle walked to open the door, meeting Eric Pulsifer face to face.

"Eric! You made it! Wonderful, come on in." Carlisle motioned him inside, accompanied by a younger gentleman with dark brown hair and almost black eyes. His high cheekbones and olive skin reminded me instantly of Jake.

"This is my brother Tyler," Eric made the introductions to everyone as they walked into the family room. "He's finishing his last year of medical school at the University of Washington."

"I knew you were coming in to see your dad, but I wasn't sure if you'd make it in time for dinner. I'm glad you did." Carlisle smiled. He and Eric were long standing friends. They began talking with my dad and Esme, leaving Tyler alone in the room.

I grabbed my opportunity to run from Alice and Rose by walking over and offering my hand. "Hi. I'm Bella Swan."

"Dr. Swan? Wow, it's great to meet you! Eric has told me all about you, and how much Dad has improved since you arrived. Thank you for everything." His compliments were endearing and sincere. I blushed uncontrollably, never being able to accept compliments well.

"Your brother mentioned you, too. He said you hadn't chosen a specialty yet?" I maneuvered away from the topic of myself.

"Yeah. I couldn't decide, so I chose a prelim year. I'm going to stay in Udub for that, then hopefully decide on my future. It would be great to get your opinions on Psychiatry. It's still in my top three, " he noted.

"I'd be glad to." I liked his warm personality and could tell that he would be good with patients.

"Especially since you don't seem like the typical psychiatrist, old, white, balding males." Tyler grinned flirtatiously.

_Oh My God. _

_Is this stud flirting with me? _

_I'm old enough to be his… SISTER! _

_Wait…is that considered a Cougar?_

I laughed nervously. "Well, they are a dying breed I hear." I felt a hand on my shoulder and turned to find the eyes of blue steel looking past me in the direction of poor Tyler Pulsifer. "Edward! This is Tyler."

"So I've heard." Edward extended his hand in greeting, but it was not a welcome signal. "I'm Edward."

"You do the music class, right?"

_Ouch._

Edward's mouth twisted as he processed what I knew would be a biting remark. My inner conscience braced for the impact.

"Dinner's ready!" Esme called out.

_Thank you God._

**A/N: Had a hard week? Go grab a bottle of honey and work out your frustrations…AFTER you hit that button…you know the one…**


	24. Family and Football

**A/N: Thanks for the constant support….I can't name you all…but you know who you are! I'm behind on responding to reviews, but I figured you would rather me get the next chapter up! Please know that I read EVERY ONE of them, usually multiple times (smile).**

**Chapter 24 – Family and Football**

I grabbed Charlie by the arm as we entered the dining room for Thanksgiving. I was sure that my nails were leaving an indention into his skin. Social gatherings were not my forte. Peeking over my shoulder, I offered a pleading look to Edward. He was lingering behind with Tyler, who continued to chat with him in a clueless manner.

_Please don't antagonize the stud._

Edward caught my glance and inclined a smile in Tyler's direction. However, the grin didn't reach his eyes. Those piercing blues remained solely on me.

Everyone gathered around the large dining table which caused further conversation to stall. The table was laden with fresh cranberries and fall flowers scattered along a center runner. Two large vine-like candelabras, made of wrought iron, balanced a large cornucopia in the center of the décor. Esme had included seating cards in front of each formal place setting of fine china and led crystal. Carlisle was seated at the head of the table, with Esme, Charlie, me and Edward to his right. Jasper, Alice, Eric and Tyler were seated respectively on Carlisle's left. Having Edward and Tyler sit face to face after the introduction debacle would not have been my first choice. Rosalie and Emmett flanked the end of the table with one remaining chair empty.

"I do regret that Dad didn't feel up to joining us," Eric broke the silence. "But he has never been much for formal gatherings."

"I understand," assured Esme. "And I insist we have the kitchen prepare a dinner to take back."

"That would be great," Tyler spoke up in appreciation. "I'd like to spend the rest of the day with him, and I know he'd love the home cooked meal."

Tyler's comments made Edward squirm. I placed my hand on his knee under the table, squeezing it. Blue Eyes rested his hand on top of mine in return. The firm grasp should have been a calming gesture, but I didn't feel reassured. One thing I knew about Edward was that he matched me in tenacity. I knew his mind was brewing over the 'music class' comment, and it was only a matter of time.

"So how long _are_ you here for, Tyler?" Edward asked politely.

_So it begins._

"Just for the next few days. My rotation starts again Monday," Tyler answered eagerly, obviously happy for the Thanksgiving break.

"And you only have one semester left?"

_Volley._

"Just one." Tyler sipped on the wine that was now pouring freely.

Edward continued, "And you mentioned that you still haven't decided on a specialty yet?"

_Set._

"No, I'm going to apply for a transitional year for my internship. I think I've narrowed it down to Psychiatry, Neurology, or Internal Medicine."

"I see." Edward went in for the kill. "I don't know that I would consider three choices 'narrowed down'. Always been so indecisive?"

_Spike._

Tyler ignored the jab and laughed good-heartedly. "Yeah, I guess I have. I'm kind of a free spirit." His mannerisms reminded me so much of Jake I had to smile. "But I was hoping I could shadow Dr. Swan tomorrow. She seems like someone who could point me in the right direction."

_Foul! _

_This stud is feisty, huh?_

Edward remained unflustered, swirling the wine in his glass as he registered Tyler's words. "Yeah? Well, Bella is definitely goal-directed. She'd be a good person for a young student like you to learn from, if you're still interested by in the morning. You never know, the wind may change and blow you're free spirit right back to Seattle."

_Is it halftime yet? _

I felt inclined to interject. "I'd be happy for you to tag along on rounds, Tyler. Deciding on a specialty is not something to take lightly," I spoke. Edward's mouth was set in a hard line and I knew he wasn't pleased by my response.

"Thanks, Dr. Swan. I would really appreciate it." Tyler's grin was infectious.

"No problem." I smiled politely and turned to engage Dad in a conversation about his last fishing expedition. Thankfully Emmett and Rose occupied Tyler's attention throughout the rest of the meal. Edward, on the other hand, remained painfully silent for the most part. My mind began to fall into paranoia by the time the sweet potato pie was served.

_Is he mad? _

_Is he jealous? _

_No, surely not. _

_Whatever, 'Clueless'._

His hand continued to stroke mine under the table occasionally, which was the only reason I could bare the discomfort. Everyone's appetite was satiated from the wonderful meal. We pushed back from the table and began discussions of long walks versus long naps.

"What? No naps or walks are allowed. We have to play football! It's tradition!" Emmett proclaimed boisterously. "Plus, Bella, you promised to be on _my _team."

_Why me, Lord?_

"Emmett, I'm really not sure you want me on the team," I pleaded.

"Oh yeah I do. In fact, you're my secret weapon. Team Edward is going down. Team Emmett for the win!" Emmett grinned.

"All talk and no action as usual," Edward piped up. "Emmett knows I've owned him over the years. He wants you to distract me."

_He lives!_

"I see." I giggled, happy that Blue Eyes seemed to be back. "Well I don't want to do that."

"You won't, beautiful. You will make me focus more." Edward winked in my direction.

"I'm on Blue Eyes' team!" Alice chided. "I'm an awesome wide receiver 'cause I'm so _fast_."

Jasper beamed while kissing Alice on the cheek. "I'll do my best to chase you down."

"Wait," Rose spoke, "Who's Blue Eyes?"

_I'm gonna kill Alice._

"That would be me," Edward answered proudly.

"Aw, baby, you know I have brown eyes right?" Emmett pouted as he leaned over to gaze in Rose's face.

"Of course I do. I just didn't know we were using our pet names, Thor." Rosalie winked at Emmett.

"Thor?" Edward chuckled uncontrollably. "As in the god of Thunder?"

"Whatever, _Blue Eyes_," Emmett mocked, "At lease Thor has a big hammer."

"Doesn't he live off of golden apples?" Jasper joined in the taunting and raised his eyebrows at Rose.

We all laughed out loud, enjoying the playfulness of the group's banter.

Tyler sat, laughing at the display, but saying nothing. He truly did seem like a nice kid.

"Do you play football?" Emmett asked Tyler.

"Me? Yeah. I was a quarterback in high school," Tyler admitted.

"Of course you were," Edward mumbled under his breath as I nudged him in the ribs.

"Well you can be on _my _team too!" 'Thor' was excited over another new recruit.

"Sounds great. I'd love to work off all that turkey we just ate," Tyler announced.

"Let's quit talking and play already!" Alice jumped to her feet and posed in the Heisman formation.

"You're such a dork," I teased her lovingly.

Charlie, Eric, Carlisle and Esme were talking animatedly in the adjoining room, but noticed the entourage as we made our way out onto the back patio.

"Where are you guys headed?" Carlisle asked knowingly.

"Flag Football!" Emmett roared while everyone shouted in agreement. Several of the chefs joined us on the back lawn, giving us enough players for six member teams. Emmett's team, the 'Thunder Bolts', included Emmett, Tyler, Rose, Me, Jasper and the head chef. Edward's team, the 'Blue Devils', included Edward, Alice, Carlisle, Eric and two sous chefs.

Charlie walked up to me as I stood watching the groups separate. "You sure you want to play, Bella? In all the hours we've watched football together, I don't recall you expressing the interest." He smirked.

I couldn't help but roll my eyes in response. "You _know_ I don't want to play, Dad. I agreed to this under duress."

He laughed and patted me on the shoulder. "You can handle it. I'll just be over here, watching intently."

"Gee, thanks."

Edward looked across the lawn and smiled, waving flirtatiously. I gave him another eye roll in return.

"So, Bella," Emmett interrupted my thoughts, "we're going to have you play center."

"That's in the center right?" I asked sarcastically.

Tyler chuckled in response, and the others joined in.

"Yeah, Bells, in the middle. All you have to do is follow the count and snap the ball to Tyler or to me. We're going to take turns at quarterback." Emmett gave Tyler a high-five while Rose did a few squats to stretch.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"I'm warming up. I want my ass to look good when I'm bending over." Rose never ceased to make me smile. She was forthright and comfortable with her sexuality.

""Let's just get this over with," I pleaded.

Esme and dad were the supposed officials. "Game on!" Esme cheered.

We huddled up to discuss game plan since we were on offense first. Tyler was going to start at quarterback and whispered to me to snap on his 'three count'. Watching football with Charlie all my life at least gave me some advantage to the game. I was a definite klutz but I knew the rules. Coming up to the line of scrimmage I came face to face with heaven, I mean Edward. As I bent over to grab the football he smiled seductively, his face just a few feet away from me. However, the look in Edwards' eyes froze when Tyler hunched over behind me. The new studs' hands were suddenly suspended between my legs.

_This is just awkward._

"Hut, hut, hut!" Tyler barked out.

I hiked the ball into his hands on cue. Suddenly a flash flew by me before I could even stand upright. Turning to look, I saw Tyler lying on the ground with Edward standing over him. The football was still in his grasps, but dirt was all over Tyler's clothes.

"Sack!" Alice squealed.

"I thought this was flag football?" Tyler laughed. "Or is that only for the women?"

"You can't handle it?" Edward taunted.

"I can handle it." Tyler answered with a new found competitiveness.

The remaining three downs went in succession, and we didn't score. I watched as Edward grabbed Emmett on the shoulder during a time out. Emmett's body posture told me that whatever Edward had said wasn't pleasant. My guess was that it involved me. Nevertheless, the game moved on.

For the rest of the plays on offense, Emmett was our quarterback. For some unknown reason he felt that Tyler should play wide receiver. No one argued, of course. Most of group took pity on me, allowing me to stand without much participation other than snaps or blocks. The final score was 21-14, to the Blue Devils.

I'm not sure if Emmett's pouting over our loss was genuine, or because Rose was massaging his shoulders in comfort. "I can't believe he won again, " Emmett complained.

"It's gonna be alright, big guy. You're a winner in my book." Rose kissed him lovingly. The response caused Emmett to grin; her ability to improve his mood was astounding.

"Good game." Tyler patted me on the shoulder.

"Well I survived, so I suppose it _was_ good. You too, Tyler." I smiled.

"Can I meet you tomorrow morning, then? I'm going to go spend some time with dad this afternoon." He smiled boyishly and waited for my response.

"You bet. I'll see you then."

"Thanks, Dr. Swan!"

After Tyler left, Edward's behavior returned to normal.

_Glad that pissing contest is over._

We stayed and chatted with Esme and Carlisle a little longer, finally saying our goodbyes to the Cullens after a long afternoon. I kissed Edward on the cheek, promising to talk with him later. Charlie and I left in the cruiser and drove back to the cottages together.

"It was great to see you relaxed and having fun today, Bella."

"Yeah, it was nice." The realization finally hit me that dad had also seemed at ease today. This was a tremendous improvement from the constant worry and cop mode he had been portraying since James.

"I'm sorry, again, Dad. I should have told you about the other calls."

"I know. And it could have been a big deal, Bella. It was selfish."

"I know." The truth of the matter was I _did_ understand, and I agreed that it was definitely one of my more idiotic decisions. Edward's reaction alone had made me see that I should have taken it more seriously.

"Please promise me you'll tell me from now on," Charlie spoke.

"I promise."

"You were right, you know, about it being untraceable again. I suppose whoever it is, they're using another disposable phone." Charlie grimaced, not enjoying the thoughts in his mind.

"Well, let's not think about it today, ok?" I pleaded. The day had been wonderful, and I didn't want to fight once again over keeping the prank calls a secret.

"Agreed." Charlie nodded.

We watched football on TV for a few hours, much more enjoyable than playing it, in my opinion. Charlie finally decided to head home, and I hugged him tightly before he drove away. Walking back into the cottage, Rio tackled me.

"I'm sorry, boy. I know you've been cooped up all day." I grabbed his leash and walked him outside. We explored around the lake front for an hour, letting Rio chase the bugs and his own shadow. By the time we returned, Edward was home. The lights in his front window shone through the blinds as a welcome. My mind told me to knock on his door, but I realized I was in dire need of a shower.

_Sweaty shrink is so last season._

Once I hopped from the shower, I checked my phone. There were no calls.

_Hmm._

I itched to ring him immediately, but didn't want to reveal how desperate I was to be with him every waking moment. The fact of that revelation scared even me. If this didn't work out, could I return to my life of solitude? Instead of spazzing, I opted to check my email. My instincts of course led me straight to the Retreat intranet.

_**E Cullen is online.**_

_Yes!_

_**[B: Hey!]**_

_**[E: You're home?]**_

_**[B: Yeah, I went for a walk. Miss me?]**_

_Silence._

_Why isn't he responding?_

My mind raced as I stared at the blank screen. Was he still bothered by Tyler today?

Rio jumped up and began barking loudly as knocks sounded on the back French doors. I nearly tripped over my own bare feet in a rush to answer. I swung open the door with a goofy grin. One would think I hadn't just seen him hours before.

"Edward!"

"Hey, Beautiful."

We kissed in the doorway, my body melting into his. In some amazing way, we fit together perfectly.

"I started to worry when you didn't respond," I admitted.

"Why would I stay online with you when I could have you in person?" Edward nuzzled my neck again, causing me to lose all train of thought.

"You said you preferred indirect, remember?" I teased.

"Ah, I did. But that was before I had you directly," he countered. "And direct seems to be much more satisfying…" His tongue trailed along my neck, and he breathed slowly into my ear.

"Good point," I conceded and turned my head to kiss his mouth fully.

After I caught my breath, I finally verbalized my insecurity. "Edward, are you ok, baby? You were very quiet today."

_Shut up. More kissing._

_I'm obsessive._

"You mean apart from nearly pummeling your new boy toy?" Edward whispered while kissing my nose.

"What?" I asked, realizing he _was_ irritated about Tyler. I stood back to look in his eyes directly.

"You just had to encourage him, huh?" Edward frowned.

"Edward, he's just a young student."

"Yeah, with the 'hots' for you, Dr. Swan."

"Um, ok. I can't believe you're jealous."

"Why? You don't think younger guys would want you?"

"I've never thought about it, honestly. But men in general usually do _not_ want me. Not the ones I want in return, that is, until _you_."

"Well you're crazy. I can assure you that they do. You're sexy, and smart, and funny as hell, Bella. So please don't flirt with other men, even if they're younger."

"I wasn't flirting."

"You kept smiling at all his lame jokes!"

"I did?" I wondered.

"Yes, you did."

"I'm sorry. I guess he just reminded me of Jake so much. It was hard not to smile."

"I see." Edward sat down on my couch and stared pensively. "So are you going to tell me about him? Jake?"

"Do you want to know?" I worried over his response.

"Of course." He patted the seat cushion beside him.

Joining him on the couch, I managed to relay my entire childhood with Jake without tears. The stories of our adventures and secrets, the pain of leaving him after my parents' divorce, and the comfort he gave me even miles apart. I explained that Jake was never a romantic interest, but was the only true friend I had ever had. The memories flooded back as I talked. Edward listened attentively, laughing at my stories and caressing my shoulders while I told him about the funeral. When I recalled the emptiness I had felt after losing him, I finally cried.

"I'm so sorry, Bella. I wish I could have known him."

"Yeah, me too. I was truly empty when I came to the Retreat, Edward. I had just lost the closest friend I had ever known. To top that off, my one romantic relationship, which was a farce, had also crashed and burned back in Arizona. My entire life has been pushing myself over every hurdle. But when Jake died I realized that running the race alone is pointless. I wanted something more. That's why I came back here, to try and find myself. To find what makes me happy."

"And have you?" Edward looked torn.

"Yes. I found you."

"You don't know what that does to me, when you say that," he admitted.

"I hope it makes you happy," I offered.

"It makes me alive." Edward placed his hands on my face, kissing over each eyelid, then my nose, then my lips. "I was lost too, you know."

"Thank you for listening. It's the first time I've really talked about Jake to anyone since his death. I can't believe I didn't fall totally apart."

"I always want to know what you're thinking," Edward assured. "And just so you know what I'm thinking…"

"Yeah?" I asked in curiosity.

"If Tyler had placed his hands up under your ass one more time today, he would have drawn back a nub."

The words registered slowly, leaving me shocked and turned on. We laughed together, kissing each other intensely once again.

_Jealous Blue Eyes is hella sexy._

"So you told Emmett to quarterback huh?" I finally questioned.

Edward only smirked in return, dragging me to my feet. "C'mon, Beautiful. Let me review for you how to properly line up for the snap."

"Oh, you think you deserve that, do you?" I teased.

"To the Victor goes the spoils, baby."

We walked to the bedroom, undressing each other as we went. Our clothes littered a path to the bed, displaying our urgent need for less layers and more flesh. But when my phone rang abruptly, I wanted to scream.

_Not again!_

"I'll handle it," Edward said, laughing at the look of utter frustration on my face. He grabbed the phone and suddenly looked surprised. Slowly he glanced down at his watch, before checking the phone again.

"Who is it?" I asked.

"It's your dad." He shrugged. Edward handed me the phone and sat beside me on the bed to answer.

"Dad? Everything ok?"

"Hey, Bells. Yeah, great news actually."

"Yeah?"

"We've found James."

**A/N: As always, reviews will earn you awards, like being center on Edward's team.**


	25. Appetites and Alcohol

**A/N: There are some of you who review and I can't PM back due to your account status…I just want you to know that I appreciate each and every review from you guys, too! Writing is so much fun, it's like sex with Edward... when you hear from readers who are enjoying it too...it makes it even better!**

**Thanks to Dani my Beta, who is reminding me of all the grammar lessons I once knew but forgot.**

**Kisses to Team Clean and Prop, as always my inspiration**

**SM OWNS TWILIGHT! **

**Chapter 25 – Appetites and Alcohol **

I held my breath while Edward stared at me. Concern was etched on his face.

"You found him?" I repeated in disbelief.

"Yeah, Bells, we found him," Charlie's voice resonated with relief.

"Where? How?" I rattled off questions in haste, almost stuttering.

"James supposedly turned himself in. I don't have all the details yet – the officer was brief with it being thanksgiving. I don't think he was too happy about being at work," Charlie muttered in irritation. "I'm going to try and get more information in the morning, and see if transport police will bring him here for questioning. If not, I'll be going there on Monday."

"Wow. So will I need the whole day off, then?" I asked.

"Bella…"

I interrupted him, "Dad, I know you don't think it's a good idea. But I'm going. I need to confront him. He's held me hostage psychologically for weeks now. I _need _to have closure."

"I'll see what I can do," Charlie answered hesitantly.

"Thank you."

I dropped my white coat and satchel down on my desk, hurrying into the office fifteen minutes later than scheduled. Rio's morning routine had once again become an issue. He was so clingy since my trip to Seattle; I had to force him outside every day. The smallest sound or creak throughout the house would send him scampering into the kitchen, barking wildly.

_That's not why you're late._

Shaking my head, I hurriedly arranged my files for the morning.

_It was so worth it though, right?_

_Blue Eyes is always worth it._

When Edward had brought over the morning coffee I appreciated the chivalry as charming and romantic. The activity that followed was different. It bordered on feral and insatiable.

Edward had knocked lightly on the back door after Rio's second barking fit of the morning. He found me rushing around the bedroom, just having finished my shower.

I found myself recalling our morning with vivid detail…

**##**

"Morning, Sunshine." Edward beamed.

"Morning, Blue Eyes." Once I pecked him on the cheek, I quickly buttoned my white oxford blouse with French cuffs and tucked it into my khaki pencil skirt. "I hope Rio's noise didn't wake you up early."

"No, I needed to get up. What are you doing?" Edward's voice was sardonic.

"Is that rhetorical?" I countered, throwing pillows and clothes around as I looked for my matching pair of heels. "You know I'm always running late, baby, and I was attempting to be on time today."

"Well you better go change, because you're not wearing that to work." His voice was smooth and calculating.

"Huh?" I dashed past him into the kitchen, grabbing the cup of coffee he still held in his hand. I only half listened to him as I was in search of the pop tarts. Pop tarts were a necessity given my busy schedule. Frosted and toasted was preferable but not required. "Man, I'm hungry!"

Edward followed me into the room, placing his hands on my hips as I rummaged the cabinets. I continued to ignore his gesture for the moment, my brain still groggy from the early morning hour. He turned me abruptly around, pressing himself against me and pinning me to the counter.

"I said, you… need… to… change," he repeated again. Edward nuzzled my neck which was easily accessible given my loose pony tail.

"I _just_ got dressed, Edward. You are a strange bird."

"Bird is the word, Bella." He chuckled at some private joke I didn't get. "But seriously, you look too damn sexy to wear that to work. I can't allow it." Another lingering kiss followed his statement.

_I'm awake! I'm awake!_

"Edward, don't be…" My words were cut off by his lips which crushed mine in return. His hands pulled on my hair until it fell around my shoulders, entangled deftly in his fingers. I responded in kind, pulling him to me with force. His tongue tasted of white chocolate mocha and he smelled divine. Like fresh linen, and soap, mixed with Edward.

_He must have just showered too._

_Mmm. Shower memories._

Our moans echoed across the Florentine tile, my hands pulling at his shirt and freeing it from his jeans. He started to unbutton my blouse, which had only been on for three minutes, tops. In haste, he ended up popping the last two buttons.

_Gasp!_

It had been my favorite blouse, but the irony was I didn't care. I wanted this man more than I had ever wanted anyone or anything. After being with him each time, the need only seemed to heighten. My appetite for Blue Eyes was insatiable. Edward freed my breasts and tasted each nipple before trailing kisses between them relentlessly. He traveled back up my neck, once again nibbling my ear as he whispered.

"I need you for breakfast, Bella."

No more words were needed. I hiked my leg around his hip in invitation, and he grabbed my other leg in kind. With one move, Edward hoisted me onto the counter, pushing my skirt up into a pile around my waist. When he saw my pink thong he smiled devilishly.

_Good choice._

_Thank you very kindly._

Pushing the silk fabric to the side, Edward licked up my thigh and tasted me slowly. The action caused me to brace myself on the counter, knocking the coffee over into the sink.

_The hell with it._

He tormented me with his tongue, teasing my clitoris to the brink before stopping. I held him in place with my fingers in his hair, which was finally long enough to hold onto. My head was thrown back against the upper cabinet as I groaned from the sweet torture. He suddenly ceased and immediately my body ached. Before I could protest, Edward pulled me to the edge of the counter and entered me fully. He was harder than I had remembered, and the angle caused him to hit right against me, now swollen, with every thrust. Over and over he drove deeper into me, claiming my body as his own. I held onto his shoulders, my fingernails digging into his skin. Biting his neck between gasps, I rode him as he held my ass firmly in his hands. My breasts bounced in his face where he apparently enjoyed being buried. We consumed each other for what seemed like hours. Every movement propagated the desire for more.

Edward finally looked up into my eyes as he continued to pin me against the counter. His carnal need was mirrored in my own. I knew he was close to climax from the vision of cool blue steel that mesmerized me. My body tightened and began to pulse around him, squeezing him. I felt his flesh within me, every inch of it seemed to ignite an all consuming fire. He gave a final thrust, pulling me up and impaling me onto him at the same time. "Bella…"

I exploded as I screamed out his name in return…

**##**

"Morning, Dr. Swan." A strange voice ended my daydream abruptly.

"Ah!" I yelled, throwing papers across the room. Turning to the door I found Tyler grinning ear to ear. "Tyler, you startled me!"

He chuckled light heartedly. "I see that. I'm sorry, but didn't you want me to be here by eight?"

"Yes, yes, Tyler. Sorry. My mind was elsewhere."

"Oh. Well are you alright? You look a little flushed."

"I'm fine. Just late as usual. You ready?" I quickly moved out of the room and into the hallway.

_Air. I need air._

"Sure thing! I'm so grateful for the chance to round with you, and for Dr. Cullen to allow me to be here."

_Cullen_

Edward had successfully made me late, and flustered. He knew that I would have company on rounds.

_Did he do that on purpose?_

_You know he did._

_Ugh. Of course he did._

Walking brusquely down the corridor, I oriented Tyler to the vast facility that was the Retreat. My heels clicked and echoed along the floor as we made our way to the Affective Disorders unit.

_My heels!_

_Payback will be hell, Mr. Cullen._

The wonderful distraction from Edward had left me begrudgingly changing my outfit at the last minute. I didn't feel that acrinkled skirt and daisy duke tied shirt would have been appropriate.

_I dunno, I think it would have been worth it to see Edward's face._

Regardless of the drive in me to tease Edward, I had opted to grab a pair of dark brown slacks and a pink cashmere turtleneck at the last minute. Needless to say, I forgot to change my _tan heels_.

"You sure it was ok for me to tag along today?" Tyler interrupted my thoughts once again.

"I'm sure, Tyler. Why do you ask?"

"Well, you seem to have a lot on your mind, and I know you're busy from being off yesterday, for Thanksgiving."

_That's not what's on my mind young Jedi – if you only knew._

"It's absolutely fine. I hope I can help you see what a day in the life of a psychiatrist could look like. We need more good doctors in the field. I'm sorry I've been distracted this morning. Let's see some patients!"

"Sounds great, Dr. Swan!"

"You can call me Bella, Tyler."

"Great, Bella!" Tyler's enthusiasm reminded me of my own in medical school. By attending to patient care and Tyler's questions, the rounds passed by quickly. We finished the morning as we stopped by his Dad's room. Mr. Pulsifer had signed a release of information for both of his sons to be involved in his care, which allowed me to discuss the case in depth, with Tyler.

"It looks as if your Dad has improved significantly, Tyler. His thyroid hormone is now within normal limits, and he seems to be brighter and more engaging. The staff reports that he is attending to all of his ADLs on his own."

"ADLs?" Tyler asked for clarification.

"Activities of Daily Living. It's a wonderful sign that he would be able to live alone on the reservation again, with some minimal assistance."

"Wow. That's amazing, Dr. Swan. So the depression and his thyroid problem could have been affecting his memory that significantly?"

"Yes, exactly. That's why some have even labeled it as 'pseudodementia', because it can look very similar. A good psychiatrist evaluates and treats the entire person, Tyler. Considering things like thyroid problems or other medical conditions can help in treating mental disorders too."

"It's about time you two showed your faces," Mr. Pulsifer called out from inside his room.

"I apologize, Mr. Pulsifer. I'm trying to convince your youngest here to choose psychiatry. It has taken me a little longer to make my rounds this morning."

"Sorry, Dad, Dr. Swan is too interesting to talk to, I keep slowing her down." Tyler offered his own excuse.

"Aren't you both a pair of knots on a log? You can't recognize a joke when you're a doctor?" Mr. Pulsifer teased.

I blushed at the older gentleman's chastisement. His improved mood and behavior truly made me ecstatic. Tyler left the room to give his Dad some privacy as I spoke with him regarding his progress. The plan was to begin a trial of weekend passes next week before we scheduled a full discharge.

"And will you continue to see me?" he asked.

"Once you are fully discharged I will arrange for another psychiatrist to follow you as an outpatient, Mr. Pulsifer. I only cover inpatients here at the Retreat, and don't follow private patients at this time. But I assure you I will find someone competent, someone that I trust."

"I trust _you_. And so I will do as you ask."

My blush returned. "Thank you."

"Thank you, Dr. Swan, for your care. And for helping my son to realize what he should look for, in a woman."

_Excuse me?_

I shook my head to disagree but Mr. Pulsifer held up his hand in opposition. "I know, Dr. Swan. But as an old man who was thought to be senile, I have the privilege to be inappropriate, no? Tyler is young and foolish, but even he can recognize true beauty. He was glowing today. And you are glowing too…"

_Whoa there, Chief!_

"…but not from my son's attention." He shook his head. "You are shining from the love of another, a soul mate perhaps. He is a very lucky man."

I stood in silence during the awkwardness of the moment.

_Good thing you like silence, huh?_

Mr. Pulsifer spoke up as he walked towards the door, "Thank you again, Dr. Swan."

Leaving the room, I noticed Tyler at the nurses' station with Angela. They were chatting animatedly about some restaurant in Seattle.

I shook my head from the recent mind trip Mr. Pulsifer had caused, and walked over to the happy couple. "You guys want to head to lunch?"

##***##

Lunch was like dinner and a matinee. It was full of flirtations, pissing contests, and sushi.

"I love sushi! This is great Jasper!" I mumbled between bites of ginger and wasabi.

"Hungry there, Bella?" Rose asked with a smirk.

"You must've worked up quite an appetite this morning?" Edward added with a grin.

_Bastard._

"Tyler definitely kept me on my toes with all of his questions," I responded with a wink and a kick to Edward's shin under the table.

"Why aren't you eating, Emmett?" Edward quickly frowned and diverted the conversation.

_That's right bucko, I give as good as I get._

"C'mon, Edward, you know I need more than these rice balls. Jasper has some General's Chicken on the way for me, right Jas?" Emmett pouted.

Jasper seemed to pensively consider the question, making Emmett turn pale. Finally he laughed out loud. "Of course, Emmett. It's on the way."

"I thought maybe you had still lost your appetite," Edward continued with Emmett.

"From what?" I asked densely before realization hit. "Oh, because of losing the game yesterday?"

The entire table erupted in a series of gasps and "Ooh's".

_Eek!_

"Sorry, Emmett," I muttered.

"No worries. You should be happy too, I suppose, given what would have happened if we had won." Emmett winked.

I was confused.

"Oh yeah!" Jasper chimed in. "Emmett likes to twirl his women and throw them into the lake when he wins."

"I'm not his woman!" I choked on my spicy tuna as Rose giggled.

"Aw, Bella, you _were_ on my team. That totally counts! I _will _twirl you one day." Emmett beamed.

"Uh-huh," I answered but turned my attention to Alice who had been strangely quiet. She had also been staring at me mischievously for the past ten minutes. "Can I help you, missy?"

"That pink sweater goes great with those slacks, Bella." Alice whispered while grinning.

_That's code for 'your shoes don't match and I know it'._

"Thanks, Alice." I half smiled with a knowing look, 'knowing' I would be harassed about my fashion faux pas later. Her clairvoyance for anything sexual was quite frightening.

_Poor Jasper._

"That _is_ a great color on you," Tyler spoke in agreement.

I thought Edward was going to lunge across the table any minute. A distraction was in order, and fast. "Thanks, guys. I was in a pink mood today." I blushed as I looked at Edward and thought of my thongs left on the kitchen counter at home.

"So did you enjoy seeing the patients?" I asked Tyler.

"I did! The improvements that can be seen with the various medications are amazing. I'd still like to learn more about how the therapy and other supportive care interact to improve symptoms." Tyler reviewed the various types of mental health training he had been exposed to in clinical rotations.

"Well, I have another patient to see this afternoon, and I'm providing intensive daily therapy for her, but I don't think it would be appropriate for you to sit in on this specific case." Ms. Hiller was too fragile for an audience at this point in time. "Perhaps Alice has a few patients she could allow you to tag along for?"

Alice frowned in disappointment. "I don't have anyone scheduled this afternoon."

"Hmm, well Edward has a group later." I looked toward Blue Eyes in a pleading manner.

"How does that help, exactly? Just listening to music?" Tyler asked innocently, but even his voice seemed to irritate Edward at this point.

"Have you not learned about the biological pathways for pleasure and euphoria, or how that relates to mood symptoms?" Edward responded tersely. "What are they teaching you guys these days?"

Tyler's smile faded as he stared at Edward. "Are you referring to the Monoamine Hypothesis for Depression?" He challenged with an angry tone.

"That's rather vague. It includes Serotonin, Norepinephrine, Dopamine and other Amines, does it not? I was speaking specifically of Dopamine, the primary neurotransmitter linked to the reward pathway. You know, the one which increases when you hear a beautiful rendition of Mozart, or drink a delectable cup of white chocolate mocha." Edward was turning red at this point.

"Or have sex!" Alice and Jasper piped up in unison. The entire table erupted in laughter at the two love birds, thankful for the break in the mounting tension.

"Well, we can see who's been riding their natural dopamine highs lately," Rose added.

Edward and Tyler smiled but continued to stare each other down.

Finally Angela spoke up. "I have a family session this afternoon, Tyler. I'd be glad for you to sit in; if you think the social work aspect of care would be interesting..."

"That would be a wonderful experience for you, Tyler," I chimed in. "Social work is so crucial to the foundation of care outside of the hospital. Angela will be able to teach you a great deal."

"I'd love to," Tyler answered Angela and blushed.

##***##

Sitting in my office across from Landie, I smiled. Our session was half-way through. The staff reported that her talks of God and her hyper-religiosity were less with every passing day. The progress was slow but rewarding. I knew I needed to address my pending absence on Monday, and to talk about John at some point, but the time always passed so quickly.

A lull in the conversation presented itself.

"Landie, I'm not going to be here on Monday."

Charlie had called after lunch and informed me that he would be traveling to meet with James and his lawyer on Monday. Despite his continued angst, he had agreed for me to tag along.

"Where are you going?" she asked, obviously concerned.

My years of training to be a 'blank slate' flashed before my eyes, as did all of my supervisors who preached 'no self disclosure'.

_Roll over Freud._

"I'm going to a deposition of sorts. My car was vandalized, and I was threatened. I want to confront the person." I knew this was crossing a boundary, but Landie's growing dependence and trust in me was more important. I also thought that the disclosure could be therapeutic.

"What? I'm so sorry!" she exclaimed.

"Thank you. But I'm ok, I survived. In fact, I think it may have been my fault."

_Let's hope she takes the bait._

"What? How could it be your fault?" She was shaking her head.

_Yes._

"I was nice to him. Maybe I was too nice, or maybe I misled him. Maybe I caused him to be confused regarding my intentions?" I was leading her slowly, hoping she would follow.

"It doesn't matter! He had no right to threaten you, or to damage your car! How dare him! How could he do that to you?" Landie was screaming at this point.

"Because some people are evil, I suppose."

"It's not fair!" she continued to yell.

"No, it's not. But I'm strong. And so are you, Landie."

"What?" She asked, angry and confused.

_Here goes a big 'if'. Hope our theory is correct, Edward._

"You survived too. And whatever John did to you, it wasn't your fault, either."

Landie froze in her chair, the anger slowly fading into silent tears, and then sobs.

After a few minutes, I continued, "Maybe John was evil, too."

"Yeah," she uttered through the tears. "He was, Dr. Swan, he was."

##***##

It was a lazy Saturday afternoon. Edward and I were sitting on the back patio with Rio. Charlie had called my cell again to confirm our Monday plans.

"Hey, Dad! Want me to come over and cook you dinner tomorrow?" I felt euphoric and free, riding my own wave of dopamine. Having unbelievable sex with the man I loved, huge breakthroughs with my patients, and a 'Creepo' behind bars. What could be better?

"Sounds great. I just wanted to let you in on something before tomorrow." Charlie answered.

"Oh yeah? What's that?" I giggled from distraction. Edward was running his fingers up my forearm, watching the ripples of chills follow his touch.

"Well," Charlie continued in oblivion. "I found out why it's been so hard to find James all this time."

"Really?" I suddenly sat up in my chair, my interest peaked.

"Yeah. He's been in Rehab, Bella."

**A/N: So? Any thoughts? Want a White Chocolate Mocha from Starbucks? I do, **_**and**_** a review! ;)**


	26. Reality and Rehab

**A/N: Wow, I received lots of comments over the Rehab issue – I love it! **

**Thanks to those of you who send me support via PMs, it means more than you know!**

**SM owns Twilight**

**Chapter 26 – Reality and Rehab**

"What is it?" Edward asked.

I hung up the phone and bit my lip, mulling over the words from Charlie. "It was about James, it seems he's been in rehab."

"Rehab, huh? So I guess he'll be sober enough to notice when his ass is rotting in jail, then." Edward swore.

"Yeah, I suppose."

"What do you mean, you suppose? You're not going to let him off, Bella."

"What? No, no. I'm just shocked - I didn't pick up on the substance use. But, it _was_ hard to see past the _Creepo_ factor."

"Well, you can't catch everything, Dr. Swan, even if you are one heck of a shrink." He grinned. "Didn't you tell me that once? Not to hold yourself to such high standards?"

I punched Edward playfully in the arm. "You think I'm a good shrink?" Compliments from him were something I never tired of. An inner part of me continued to struggle with believing them, but I longed for them anyway.

"I think you're more than good! _And_ you're sexy." He winked playfully.

My blush appeared on cue. "Thanks, baby. I can't wait to confront him."

"I know. And I want to come with you," Edward stated for the ninety ninth time.

"I know. But I want to confront him myself," I reiterated for the hundredth.

Seeing James would be difficult in itself. Observing the temper of Blue Eyes over someone as harmless as Tyler made me wary of him tagging along for the confrontation of a true jerk like James.

Edward sighed in disappointment, stroking my leg softly. "Can I at least be there? I don't have to go inside with you, when you meet with him for the _confrontation_."

His attention to my body was a sneaky tactic, and unfortunately I was completely vulnerable. "Ok, Edward, if it's fine with Dad, you can be there."

His face drooped in response to my acceptance. "Well, I don't want to be there if I'm not wanted."

_What?_

_You've met your match in this one._

"I want you to be there with me. I _do_ want to talk with James on my own, it's something I need to do, but I would love for you to go with me, for support."

Edward smiled in agreement. "Good, I've already taken the day off."

"Of course you have. You're my boy scout – always prepared."

He grinned with genuine enthusiasm. "I have something prepared for you now." His hand stroked higher up my thigh.

"You do?" I shifted in my chair to allow better access.

"Mmm Hmm." Edward continued his progress with meticulous attention to my body. I joined him in the foreplay as we started pulling each other closer, our lips finding their way.

_Bzzzzzzzz. Bzzzzzzzz._

The noise stopped any further enjoyment, causing Rio to jump from underneath our feet. He nearly knocked over the table in attempts to get inside the cottage.

"Rio!" I screamed, falling out of my chair. Edward steadied me from his seat and laughed.

"You ok there, grace?" he teased.

I rolled my eyes before turning to Rio. "What's wrong with you?" I continued to scold him for his antics, but he was determined. He remained at the patio door and barked wildly.

"I think someone's at the front door, beautiful," Edward mumbled while releasing me from his grasp.

"Oh _now_ it's beauty? It was grace just a second ago. You're such a player," I taunted back as a shimmied from his embrace to answer the door.

"I only want to play with you, Bella!" Blue Eyes called after me.

That remark made me grin. I could barely contain my giddiness from flirting with Edward. I opened the door, still beaming.

"Hey, Bella. Wow, you look like you're having fun. Enjoying your Saturday?" Tyler stood at the front door.

_Oh no._

My smile faded fast. "Oh, Tyler, hello. What's going on?" I glanced nervously around my shoulder, hoping that Edward wouldn't come inside from the patio.

"I just wanted to say thanks, again, and to say goodbye. I'm heading back to Seattle this afternoon."

"Who is it, baby?" Edward asked as he walked into the room with Rio by his side. Rio was raising the hair on his back, facing towards Tyler. He stood firmly in front of Edward.

_I guess we know who you prefer Rio, huh?_

"It's Tyler," I called out, turning to see Edward's grimace just in time. I tried my best to give him the 'be nice' look I used to receive from Charlie whenever my teenage mouth had been primed for a sarcastic remark. "He's heading back to school today and wanted to say goodbye," I added for clarification.

"I see," Edward responded. "Have a safe trip back."

"Thanks, Edward." Tyler nodded.

"Would you care for something to drink, Tyler? I only have lemonade, water, or beer," I interrupted the awkwardness that was forming.

_So much for comfort with silence._

"Lemonade would be great." Tyler walked past Edward to the patio.

Blue Eyes looked at me and rolled his eyes, following Tyler outside. I chuckled because I knew Edward was judging his choice of beverage. He was adorable when he was arrogant.

I poured the lemonade and grabbed Edward a beer. I could hear them talking outside. Of course, my curiosity got the best of me, and I started adding the ice as quietly as possible. Their words drifted inside from the French door which was left slightly ajar.

"So, Tyler, you think you've made any headway in your career decision?" Edward's voice was tense.

"Maybe. I'm going to do another month in Neurology next semester, and then I'll choose. I just don't want to make the wrong decision." Tyler remained as polite as ever.

"Good idea," Edward responded. His attempt at polite conversation was true to form.

_Less is more._

"I can't think of much worse than picking the wrong field of medicine and going to work unhappy every day," Tyler continued.

"I can," Edward responded dryly.

By this time I was at the door with the drinks. The confusion on Tyler's face mirrored the confusion in my mind.

_What is Edward talking about?_

"Great, thanks, Bella!" Tyler stood and grabbed his glass.

I sat beside Edward as the conversation moved on to lighter topics such as the upcoming baseball season. Tyler was a talkative guy, and 'sports' was such a universal theme, so I didn't have to add much to the discussion. Instead, my mind was working overtime. I knew Edward had told me there was more to his past when he first opened up to me. But the issues with James had taken over all of our attention. Plus, the intimacy between us was growing. I had felt no reason to push him before, or to elaborate, until now. Now I was intrigued. The look on his face when he had answered Tyler was one of true regret. He seemed to be remembering something a million miles away, or maybe just a few hours.

_Was he thinking about Tanya?_

_Did he regret his decision to move on?_

_Think logically, Bella. Maybe he realized he was unhappy in his job._

After thirty minutes, Tyler stood to leave. "I guess I'm going to head out, guys. Thanks again for being so wonderful to my Dad, Bella, and for helping me."

"Anytime. I'll be sure to follow-up with your Dad once he's discharged." I walked him to the door and returned to the patio.

Edward was leaning back on the two rear legs of his chair, nursing a beer. The scene reminded me of the night I had first watched him through the window. "Should I drop my water all over the floor again?" I joked, watching him from the doorway.

"Hmm. If you'd like. But this time I won't leave you to run away and hide." He patted the seat beside him. "Come, sit by me."

I joined him once again and sat in silence while we looked out over the lake. The sounds of nature surrounded us. Our comfort in being alone together, saying nothing, was natural. It felt as if we had known each other for years, even though we hadn't. That was the strange reality. There were still so many things I didn't know about him, and vice versa.

"Edward, you know I love you, right?"

He brought his chair back down onto all four legs, leaning toward me with his elbows on his knees. His chin rested on his hands while he seemed to give the question deep thought.

_Ugh!_

"Edward…" I pleaded.

Finally, he smirked, flashing me his wicked grin. "Yes, I do." With those words, he pulled me over onto his lap in one move. He tangled his hands in my hair before pressing my head against his chest. "And I love you, beautiful, forever."

The sound of his heart beat was hypnotic. His heart was mine.

_Was it?_

"Good." I sighed. "I heard you talking with Tyler earlier, when I was inside. Thank you for being civil."

"Yep, that's me, the winner for Mr. Congeniality."

I smiled and giggled against his neck. "You'd win more than that in a contest, Blue Eyes."

"Like?" His ego sounded interested.

"Your happy trail alone should clench the swim suit contest for ya." My index finger traced against his tee, following the path that covered the skin I loved so much.

"Mmm…" Edward squeezed me tighter.

"So, when you told Tyler that you _could _think of worse things than choosing the wrong specialty, what did you mean?" I asked the question tentatively, hoping he wouldn't be angry.

_Please open up to me._

"Ah, that," he answered, but didn't continue.

I propped myself up off of his chest in order to make eye contact. "Yes, that. Are you unhappy as a music therapist?"

A huge sigh came from Edward as he stared at me in return. He suddenly looked so vulnerable. "I love music, Bella. It's the one thing that I have always felt connected to, even during the ordeal with Tanya."

_I sense a 'but,' here._

I continued to watch him, hoping he would continue on his own. The fact that he didn't caused my impatience to surface. "But you didn't answer my question. You're not 'happy' as a music therapist, are you?"

He looked at me in surrender. "I guess you could say that."

"Well, I did say it. But I'm more interested in what _you_ would say," I countered.

"I wasn't happy, in general, until I met you." His resistance continued.

"You're such a hedger! That still doesn't answer the question." His lack of details drove me gradually insane.

"It's my past. You're my future. I'm happy now, so why discuss it?" he argued.

"I want to know you, Edward. And if things in your past made you unhappy, I'd like to know why. We can't move on together if we're not starting out together. Tell me, please."

"I should have told you before," he admitted.

"So tell me now."

Several minutes went by as I could see him debate within himself. When he lifted his face, his blue eyes were serene. There was a determination in them which I recognized. I knew he was going to tell me his secrets, and I hoped I could prove worthy of hearing them.

"I'm not a music therapist."

_Huh?_

"What?" I asked, confused. That was not what I expected to hear.

"I mean, I'm not _only_ a music therapist. I have a license for music therapy, but that's not what I originally trained to do."

"Okay." I waited. My stomach was tied in knots.

"I'm…" he stalled. His brow furrowed, and I wondered if he was going to back away from the confession.

"You're…" I pressed.

"I'm a doctor, Bella."

"You're a doctor?" I repeated. His words echoed off of my own tongue while I processed the information.

"Yes."

_Wow. _

His intellect and ability to discuss the patients had always seemed too advanced for his education level. Now things made more sense. However, this was not the horrible revelation I was waiting for, or was it?

"Ok. You're a doctor. That explains a lot, you're ego aside." I tried to lighten the mood. "So why are you not practicing? Did something happen, causing you to lose your license? Is that why you're doing music therapy instead? Is that what you meant when you said things could be worse?"

Edward laughed uncomfortably. "No, it was nothing like that. I chose not to practice."

"What? Why?"

"You know why."

_Tanya?_

"You've got to be kidding. Please don't tell me you stopped pursuing your career over her."

"I didn't stop. I'm just not using it. I completed medical school, and residency. Dad insisted that I finish, even though my view of medicine had grown cynical and resentful. He developed his vision for the Retreat because of me, Bella. He wanted to show me that individuals could be treated and healed without the bureaucracy or the pharmaceutical owned medical facilities."

"Wait." I stopped him as the pieces fell into place. "You're a… _psychiatrist_?"

"Yes," he admitted bashfully.

I started rambling out loud, my thoughts spilling over. "You're the _chief psychiatrist_ he planned on hiring to work here. The reason only locum tenens have been used. Carlisle has been waiting on _you_ to change your mind. That's why everyone cringes whenever you're credentials are questioned. This is the huge family secret?"

"Yes." His eyes searched mine. I recognized that this was the last burden he had been hiding. And he wanted me to know. Now he was waiting on my reaction.

"What about all the shrink jokes, Edward?" It was my next thought, unsure of what else to say.

That made him smile. "Well, I've always believed in the saying – 'It takes one to know one'."

I punched him playfully in the arm once again. "I see."

We both smiled hesitantly, waiting on the other to speak.

"But you never took the job." I was incapable of winning the silence game with this man.

"No. I visited often, and continued to explain to Dad that I needed to be available for Tanya. He continued to insist he would wait. We finally came to the music therapy compromise, but it wasn't until _you_ that he truly recruited for a full time psychiatrist. And I'm glad, because I can't be a psychiatrist, Bella."

"You _are_ a psychiatrist, Edward."

"I can't function as one."

"And why is that?" I knew the answer he was going to give me, but I wanted to hear him say it.

"I couldn't even save my own girlfriend. Or get her the help when she needed it, before things went downhill. I may be many things, but I'm not a hypocrite."

"So when you talked with me about Tanya's de-compensation, that had all occurred during your medical school and residency?"

"Yes."

"And yet, with over ninety hour work weeks being the norm, not including studying, testing, and sleep deprivation, you didn't notice your girlfriend was having mood changes?" My words dripped with sarcasm.

"It doesn't matter. I should have seen it." He wasn't budging. The stubbornness in this man rivaled any jackass I'd ever read about.

"Really? Are you sure you're not a surgeon? Because your 'God complex' is one to be admired. What happened to the 'not holding ourselves to higher standards', Edward?"

That comment managed to strike a nerve. Edward untangled himself from me and stood. He had his back turned, staring into the night. "I stopped the futility of looking for her, Bella. I let it go. What more do you want from me?"

"Me? I don't want anything _from_ you, Edward. I want something _for _you – happiness."

"I am happy."

"I saw your face today, when you told Tyler there were worse things than practicing in the wrong field. You meant your situation – not practicing at all. Your face was full of regret, Edward. If you're truly happy, then I wouldn't have seen that."

Edward turned to glare at me. He was irritated with the conversation now, but I couldn't stop.

"Furthermore, you have not 'let it go', because if you had, you wouldn't still be crucifying yourself over this woman! You _can_ be a psychiatrist if you want to. And if you don't, then that's fine. But don't dare tell me that the reason you're not one is because you couldn't save her. It's not our jobs to save everyone. You know that. I had more patients die during my intern year than I care to remember. I'm sure, in some instances, my ignorance even assisted in their demise. But I continue to do my best to provide excellent care, and to learn from my mistakes."

"I'm sorry, Edward. But your future needs to be about what you _want_. Not what you think you deserve. Your self-deprecation is worse than my own."

Edward walked over to me and leaned down. Ever so gently, he kissed my forehead. "Thank you."

"For what?" I asked, confused.

"For loving me," he answered.

"I'll always love you. No matter what you do. Your job is not who you are." We kissed softly, and I knew the conversation was over, for now. He had opened his heart to me, and I embraced it.

Walking into the building of City Hall, and the Kirkland Police Department, I could feel my pulse ringing in my ears. James had been in an adult inpatient recovery center in Kirkland since leaving the Retreat. During one of his therapy sessions, or maybe as one of his twelve steps, James had decided to come clean about his recent behavior. The series of events that followed had included him turning himself into the police officers of Kirkland.

Dad had explained this, which was all that he knew of the details, as we travelled. The two men I loved most in my life now flanked me on each side as we walked across the cool ceramic tiles.

Edward and Charlie had been amazingly supportive during the drive into the city. The thought of Edward's face when my Dad cut on the country music in the cruiser made me smile. Despite the fact that I'm sure his ears were bleeding internally, Blue Eyes never said a word. But now they were both very quiet, our footsteps echoing off the walls. My anxiety mounted.

After being processed and searched, the primary investigator asked me for a statement. We sat down in a small conference room, in front of an old desk with wooden veneer peeling off of the sides. Officer Todd was a balding, overweight gentleman with Coke-bottle glasses, but he was thorough. He took down every detail, including my conversations with James, the pictures, the video of the vandalism, and the phone call records. With each incident he noted the dates and times, never looking up from his notepad. Corroborations from Charlie or Edward were also taken when needed.

"Thank you, Ms. Swan," Officer Todd noted.

"It's _Dr. Swan_," Edward corrected him on my behalf.

_And you wonder why I won't let you come in with James?_

"I apologize, Dr. Swan, this has been most helpful." The officer was quite humble.

"No, thank you, Officer Todd. I'm so happy to be putting this behind me."

"Well, unfortunately, it won't be completely behind you, until after the hearing, and court dates. You are willing to testify, correct?"

"Of course she is," Edward and Charlie answered in unison. They stopped to look at each other before glancing in my direction. My glare must have been threatening, because they both diverted their eyes in response.

"Yes," I answered firmly, "I'm willing to testify. And I'm also willing to speak for myself."

The remainder of the report was uneventful. Officer Todd was hesitant to allow me to meet with James, but Charlie intervened. After twenty minutes outside the room, both of them returned. Charlie nodded without speaking, but I knew it meant he had won. We were left in the conference room alone for another few minutes.

"What's happening now?" Edward asked impatiently.

"They've agreed to let Bella talk with James, but only if James agrees to her visit," Dad answered matter-of-factly.

"He will," I responded in kind.

"How can you be sure?" Edward wondered. I could tell by his tone that a part of him didn't want me to meet with him.

"Because it's James."

Before I needed to explain further, Officer Todd returned to the door. "Dr. Swan?"

"Yes?"

"He's agreed to see you. His attorney advised against it, and insisted on being present."

"That's fine. Do we need to wait?" I didn't want to wait, but I would.

"No, um, he said that he preferred to meet with you alone – without representation." The officer was obviously uncomfortable with James' request.

"I see."

"We will of course have security and cameras running," he added for reassurance.

"Lead the way," I answered despondently. I wanted to get this over with. The mere thought of him waiting for me in anticipation sent chills down my spine.

Edward and Charlie hugged me before I left them behind, following Officer Todd down the corridor.

We entered the visitation room at the far end of the hall. There were three areas for visitors, with clear plastic windows between the inmates and the visitor's side. Each area had a conversation vent for talking. The first two chairs were empty when I glanced across the room. An officer stood in the corner, motioning towards the third chair which was designated for me. Across from the chair, smiling through the plastic barrier, I saw James.

I slowly walked over to the window and sat down.

"Hello, Bells."

**A/N: I hope you guys aren't too angry for the delay in Creepo's Confrontation. BlueEyes had to reveal his final secret, and it was a biggie! Reviews are like kisses - I'm puckered up and waiting!**


	27. Convicts and Calls

**A/N: Happy Easter to those who celebrate it! Here is the latest installment. Your feedback is more than supportive to me, and I can't thank you enough. I'm editing old chapters with the help of a wonderful beta named Dani, and re-uploading as we go. The main plot is not changed, but she's definitely helping me with grammar, etc. Hopefully we will catch up before I finish this story! I could wait to update until after we have beta'd all the other chapters, but I didn't think that would be fair to those who have been reading with me from the beginning. So keep in mind, these new chapters are not in their final edited form! OK, enough! LOL**

**SM owns twilight.**

**Chapter 27 – Convicts and Calls**

James' eyes raked across my body in typical fashion. An instant wave of nausea washed over me in return. I was wearing an all black sheath dress and long cardigan that tied in the front. Regardless of my 'Sister Mary' attire, I still felt exposed. Edward's words came back to me from this morning, when he had, once again, assessed my dress and proposed that I wear a parka.

_You should have listened._

"James," I responded coolly.

His beady stare never faltered, remaining fixed on me. The orange jumper he wore added to the creepiness factor, not to mention the circumstance of talking to him through the plastic barrier.

_If he calls you Clarise, you run like hell._

"I'm glad you came, Bells."

I continued to ignore his shortening my name. "I'm surprised you're still here, James. Why haven't you been released on bail?" Even considering the vandalism and battery charges, I was sure he could afford the fee for release. In addition, he had reported voluntarily, which made things more confusing. My internal cynic wondered if there were other charges that were outstanding.

"I guess I didn't think things through when I chose the Thanksgiving holiday for my repentance. No hearings were held during the weekend. I should be released today, though." James continued to watch me intently. His affect was constricted, and I was unable to surmise whether he was happy, afraid, manipulative, or genuine.

"I see," I answered, showing no emotion in return. "So, is that what this is, repentance?"

"Yes, Bells. It's all I've been thinking about since I sobered up. I'm abhorred by my behavior and especially by the way I've treated you."

"Are you?" I challenged, not buying his remorse.

"Yes. Will you give me that chance, to apologize?"

I sat there quietly, not responding. The fact that he was offering a mere apology for his actions stunned me, but I found myself curious nonetheless.

James finally gathered that I wasn't going to answer him directly. "I guess I'll just start. Many of my behaviors are just defense mechanisms, trying to hide my true problem. I'm sure you've heard that line before, right? " he half-smiled, attempting to charm me.

I sighed in aggravation, but James held up his hand to prevent me from speaking. "I'm sorry. Please, let me continue? My Dad died when I was in high school. When my mom began drinking to hide her pain, I joined her. Once I started, I never wanted to stop. And I didn't. I've been an alcoholic since college, but it was acceptable then. In medical school, I was nearly caught on several occasions. All-night binges were hard to hide. You would think I would have wised up, but instead I worked harder to hide it." He rubbed his hands across his face as if trying to wake up.

"Go on." There seemed no reason to stop him mid confession. I was far too nosey for that.

"Then I switched to vodka. It's much harder to detect since there's no smell. But even that wasn't enough, after a while, so I started abusing prescription benzos. Once I was employed as a locum tenens, I ran into the problem of the random drug screens. And that's when I found my drug of choice. The designer drug, GHB, was perfect. Urine toxicology misses it, unless it's screened separately."

"Right," I agreed. I listened to his words, wondering if they held any true remorse. My mind fought the growing urge to pity him or punch him.

"I continued using, moving place to place, whenever I thought people were beginning to notice my behaviors. I loved to party and to surround myself with women. It made me forget about the fact that I was alone. I've been alone since my life fell apart. My Mom killed herself, two years after my Dad. She couldn't live without him." James started to wipe his face.

_Was he crying?_

"So, James, what are you saying? You had a tragic life, and that led you to drink? Ok. And your substance use caused you to screw Ramona, vandalize my car, and threaten me?" I was furious. "There are hundreds of people with stories worse than yours, and they aren't criminals."

"It's not like that."

"Then tell me, what _is_ it like?"

"I was angry. If you hadn't walked in with Carlisle that night, everything would have been fine. I could have left the Retreat with a clean record. But when you caught me, I lashed out. I went home with Ramona and got drunk, and high. I wasn't thinking, Bella."

"Everything would have been fine, James? Just how do you figure that? What about the patients you've been caring for? Do you think you have been providing the best care for them?"

"I'm a good doctor." His words were clipped.

"No, a good doctor would have had the insight to know when they have a problem." My tone matched his in intensity.

"You're right."

"You think?" I was beyond irritated.

"Yes. Crap, Bella, I'm still screwed up. When I went to rehab I was in shock. I'm only beginning to make things right. I know I've been an ass, specifically to you."

"Yes, you have."

"I was threatened by you. Because I knew you saw through me," he admitted. His words reminded me of how I had missed his substance addiction. I had recognized his incompetence, but didn't identify the true issue. That fact continued to embarrass me.

"So you decided to terrorize me?"

"I told you I was high that day. I didn't mean the threats. And I'm sorry for the car. Hell, Bella, I never wanted to hurt you. I wanted to get to know you. I think we would have been great together."

"So that's why you continued to harass me, then?" I ignored the 'we'd be great together' comment. It was a constant battle not to vomit from the entire conversation, let alone acknowledge such a statement.

"What are you talking about?" James looked confused.

"After you left that day, you couldn't just leave me be?"

"I wanted to, Bella." Well at least he was being honest. "I was scared to death when I realized what I'd done, so I called an old friend to pick me up. He dropped me off at Rehab the next day. I could have left you alone, and tried to move on, but I wanted to set things straight. That's why I turned myself in. I'm trying to work the program, to achieve and maintain recovery."

Now I was the one confused. "That's not what I'm talking about."

"What?" he asked.

"I'm not talking about you turning yourself in. I'm talking about the phone calls, James."

"I tried to call you, yes."

_Of course you did, you freak._

"But I only had phone privileges at certain times, and you were never home. I didn't want to risk calling the Retreat and having someone else answer," he clarified.

_What?_

"And what about my cell phone?"

"Your cell phone? I guess I could have tried that. But I didn't have your number."

He didn't have my number. The words replayed in my head several times. This strange reality set in as James, once again, stared at me.

"You ok, Bells? You never gave me your number, remember? Even though I asked for it many times."

"Yeah," was all I could mutter.

"Did you want me to call your cell?" James asked with hope and flirtation.

"What? No!" His tone woke me from my trance like a bucket of ice water. "Listen, James, I'm glad you're in a rehabilitation program and are working on recovery. But that doesn't mean your actions are forgiven, or that you should avoid the consequences. I'm not dropping the charges. "

"Ok." He sat quietly like a child who was scolded. "But just to be clear, I wasn't asking you to. I know I need to pay for my crimes. I hope that after I prove myself, maybe we could be friends. I'd love to see you again, Bella."

_Is he seriously giving me a pick-up line from jail?_

'_Creepo Convict' – that's a new one for you._

"No, I don't think that's wise. Goodbye, James."

"It's Edward Cullen, isn't it? You're hot for the music teacher?" He baited me as I stood to leave.

"That's none of your business," I countered, whirling around to glare at him.

"You deserve better. You'll never be satisfied with someone who hates himself. And if you're looking for a broken man to fix, I'm available. Forget Edward." James raised his voice in irritation.

_Edward._

_Broken._

_Cell phone._

I turned and hastily left the room, not giving another glance towards James. I had confronted the jerk, and now I needed to find Edward. Rounding the corner, I saw Charlie and Blue Eyes waiting outside the conference room. They were pacing in alternating patterns.

"Hey," I spoke. Their heads shot up in unison as they stood helplessly, waiting for me to reach them.

"Are you ok?" Charlie asked, rubbing my shoulder.

"I'm fine. Can we get out of here?"

"Sure. Let's go." Dad led us out the doors of City Hall towards the cruiser. Edward silently held my hand, tracing small circles in my palm with his thumb.

Once we reached the car, he finally spoke. "That was the worst feeling ever, Bella. Not knowing what was happening to you, thinking about you in that room with him, alone."

"I'm fine. He was actually kind of tame, apologetic even. I think he's trying to work through his twelve steps."

"He's a sociopath. Of course he was apologetic; he wants to get out of this so he can wreak havoc somewhere else." Edward gritted his teeth as he started reminding me of James' personality traits.

"Well, he's getting out today," Charlie butted in. "I suppose we'll know if he was serious when the court date arrives. If he _is_ a coward, he may run again."

"I think he'll be there," I answered. "If anything, he gains pleasure from making me uncomfortable."

"Did he threaten you?" Edward grabbed my hand quickly. "Tell me the truth, Bella." The fury in his eyes was frightening.

"No, it's not that. It's just his character, that's how he is."

"And what about the phone calls? Did you tell him you would file separate charges if he continued?"

"Oh my God. I almost forgot. The phone calls! Edward, I need to tell you, they weren't from James." I blurted out the words as Charlie weaved through Seattle traffic.

"What do you mean?" Edward asked in disbelief. "I'm not surprised he would deny that, too. Of course he's been harassing you."

"He said he didn't have my number, and I believe him. He admitted to calling the cottage from Rehab, and that's all," I explained, shaking my head. My determination made Edward drop my hand and run his fingers through his hair. I could tell he was putting the pieces together.

Charlie was already on his phone, speaking with someone animatedly. "You're positive?" he asked. "Ok, thank you for your help."

"Who did you call, Dad?"

"That was the director of the Kirkland Recovery Center. He confirmed that the residents aren't allowed personal phones, and that all such items are kept in secure lockers. The time for phone privileges is always mid-day and late afternoon, never in the evening." Charlie was obviously analyzing the situation as he spoke, trying to decipher what this meant.

"There's no way James made those calls," I confirmed.

"You think it was just coincidence, or someone from Arizona?" Charlie asked.

"No," Edward said. He looked at me blankly and I nodded in agreement. "I know who it is."

"Tanya," I whispered.

"Who's Tanya?" Charlie pulled the car into the nearest gas station. He turned in his seat to face me directly. "What are you two not telling me? Someone better start talking."

I watched as Edward explained his history with Tanya. His face was pale and his mood was somber. The details of Tanya's breakdown and assaults were still painful for him to discuss. I thought back to the day in the meadow, when he had finally told me about his past. The same brokenness remained. He informed Charlie of her disappearance and of his frequent trips to Vancouver to assist the family. Edward finally described his last visit, and his realization that he could no longer be weighed down by the guilt of Tanya's illness, or the fact that she was missing.

"And why do you think this is her? How would she even know about Bella, or how to reach her?"

"His phone," I answered for Edward. "I think she was following him and took his phone."

"It did have your number in it. And some of your IMs I had saved." If it were possible for Edward to look paler, he did.

_Wonder which IMs he kept?_

"Great." I imagined that my pallor mirrored Edward's at this point.

"When did you lose it?" Charlie asked again.

Edward gave Charlie the information and he jotted it down. Edward had actually waited seventy two hours before cancelling the SIM card. His return to the Retreat had been the night before James was fired. Because of the events that followed, he had forgotten.

"That's good though. It works to our advantage," Charlie added in excitement. "We can have the GPS history pulled. If she took your phone, we should be able to see where she went, at least for those three days."

Blue Eyes nodded and I held his hand tighter. The remainder of the ride home was quiet. I wondered if Tanya had been the one calling me, or if this was really just some strange coincidence. I hadn't had a call since Thanksgiving, which was odd, given that James had turned himself in during that time. Perhaps he was deviant enough to have a disposable phone hidden while in Rehab. I knew he could be conniving, but I also believed he would have admitted to the calls. Or maybe Edward was right, maybe James was a liar above all else. Obtaining the history from Edward's phone would be crucial.

Rio bounded onto the foot of the bed and walked in a circle three times before pawing at the duvet and lying down.

"Why does he do that?" Edward teased. "Does he have some form of obsessive compulsive disorder? Maybe he has to count the circles and scratch three times?"

"He's a creature of habit. But speaking of OCD," I laughed, "Please tell me those IMs you saved were innocent, and not…descriptive."

"Why, Bella, are you ashamed of your words to me?"

"Are you going to tell me?" I pinched his arm.

"No." Edward laughed. "I mean, yes, I will tell you. No I did not save anything saucy on my phone."

"Thank you." I let out a huge sigh.

"Now on my home computer," he teased, "I have an entire folder for reptilian discussions. In fact, pythons are worthy of more research in my opinion."

I giggled uncontrollably. "Only you can make me laugh after a day like today."

Blue Eyes kissed me on the back of my neck and cuddled closer. We had been spooning on top of the bedding, debating the pros and cons of socks versus no socks in bed. "You're beautiful when you laugh," he responded with a smile. "Besides, today you confronted Creepo, and I told your Dad about Tanya. Those are big steps."

"I'm sorry you had to do that."

"What? No, baby, I'm glad I did. It was hard, but it was easier than telling you. And if Tanya is in some way involved, in harassing you, I'm sure your Dad will find out." His sincerity and admiration for Charlie made me turn to kiss him again.

His lips were smooth against his growing stubble. I traced his jaw line with my fingers, feeling the scruff as it led down his neck. The contrast of texture made me whimper as he deepened the kiss in return.

"Mmm, It seems like fate doesn't want our path to be easy."

I could feel Edward smile as he answered against my skin. "Well, it's definitely not the traditional relationship, is it?"

"No, it's not."

He stopped, leaving my flesh wanton. "Do you regret it? Us, I mean?" I could see the anxiety in his eyes, even in the dark.

"No. You're just deserving of so much more. I worry that I've caused you more headaches. What if things don't work out? What if you tire of me? Or what if Tanya were to return, and be cured?"

"Bella." He propped himself up on one elbow, pulling my face to look at him directly. "You _are _more. I can't imagine my life without you in it. Tanya is irrelevant."

"Not if she comes back, she's not."

"Yes, she is. When it comes to my love for you, she is irrelevant. In fact, everything else is. But if _you _tire of me, and wish to walk away, I understand."

_Has he lost his mind?_

"I will never tire of you. I can't _not_ love you."

"Is that proper English, Dr. Swan?"

"Shut it, Dr. Cullen. Just the thought of you, not existing in my life, makes me stop breathing. No matter what, Blue Eyes, you own my heart."

"Well I'm keeping it, then. Fate can suck it!"

We both laughed again, causing Rio to jump up and repeat his nighttime ritual on a different spot in the bed. This led to Edward cocking his eyebrow in an 'I told you show' fashion, which resulted in another fit of laughter.

_This man completes me._

We drifted to sleep in each others' arms. It took at least thirty minutes for my mind to relax, but my last thoughts were of Tanya as I closed my eyes.

_I wonder what she looks like._

In the quiet of the cottage, around three-o-clock in the morning, I heard my cell phone ringing. I woke up and listened, hearing it go to voicemail. Edward was sound asleep beside me with Rio curled up around our feet. Sliding out of bed, I did my best not to wake him.

The tile was cool against my bare feet when I walked, half asleep, into the kitchen. Glancing across the counter, I found my phone beside my car keys and unopened mail. I knew the answer even before looking, but I couldn't resist the lure it held. My hands trembled as I flipped open the phone and scrolled down to see the 'one missed call'. It was no surprise when I read the display.

_Unknown Caller._

**A/N: Whew! Glad that's over. Many of you have been saying James wasn't making the calls. And you were right! Or….were you? *giggle* Review and I'll tell you.**


	28. Truths and Tanya

**A/N: It's bittersweet to see the end and know its coming. Won't be long now ;)**

**Chapter 28 – Truths and Tanya**

"I'm sorry I wasn't here yesterday, Landie," I apologized.

She looked much better since our last session. Her appearance was bright and kempt. Even her hair was combed modestly into a short ponytail. "Are you ok, Dr. Swan?" She fumbled with her hands as we took our seat.

"Yes, I'm fine." I could tell by the look on her face that she wanted to say something, but she was hesitating. "Is there something you wanted to ask me?"

Landie squirmed. "I was, just, worried about you."

"Oh, I see. What were you worried about? Will you share it with me?" Our alliance had definitely grown over the past weeks, and her attachment was endearing. I wanted her to verbalize her fears. It was my hope that it would aid her progress in therapy.

"I thought you might be hurt by him, the man you confronted. I thought you might not come back." She kept her eyes downcast and her lips began to tremble.

"He didn't hurt me. And I did come back," I answered calmly.

Landie nodded, but didn't say a word.

I continued, "You know, sometimes our fears can give us hints about our core thoughts or beliefs. I wonder if you're fears could help us, could help _you_, to improve?"

"I don't know." She seemed confused and reluctant.

I needed to bring her out of her shell. "Why don't we take a walk around the grounds? It's not too cold today, and it's not raining."

Landie grinned at the suggestion. Without further prompting, I led our way from the room. We stepped outside and walked among one of the side gardens. The various plants and shrubs were meticulously designed. A smile crossed my face as I thought of Esme, who likely planned the garden. She and Carlisle had been so appreciative of me joining the Retreat staff. They were even more supportive of me dating Edward.

I wondered what Blue Eyes was doing at that moment.

_Focus Bella._

"It's beautiful," Landie spoke.

"Yes, it is." I struggled to clear my mind of nothing but her.

We walked further along in silence before she spoke again. "I did as you asked, Dr. Swan. I wrote down what happened to me, with John."

I nodded in encouragement and she kept talking. "I've been on edge ever since. It's like putting it on paper gave it more power. I don't want to be hurt again. And you weren't here. I felt so alone."

"I'm sorry I wasn't here. I don't want you to be hurt again, either. Maybe that's why you were worried that I would be hurt? Or why you were so afraid I wouldn't be back? Because of how you've been feeling…" I watched as she nodded in agreement.

A secluded bench sat across the vast lawn, far away from the garden. There was a small wading pool with several ducks swimming. We made our way there to finish the session. Landie agreed to show me her diary, where she had written the details of her date with John. As she turned the pages, her hands started to shake. I didn't want to push her too far, so I offered to read the entry myself. She was grateful for me not asking her to do so. As the words began to fall from my lips, the tears began to stream down her face. Even before I finished reading, I knew in my heart what had happened.

_She was raped._

Apparently John had courted her for weeks, asking her out repeatedly. His intentions were not obvious to Landie, but to me they were premeditated. Her words described the dinner as 'wonderful' and 'exciting'. It was immediately following the dinner that she wrote of passing out. She had ordered a small glass of wine with her meal, which was not a probable cause of her black-out. When she woke, she was confused and disoriented. Her panties were torn around her ankles, and John was kneeling over her. When she tried to speak, he placed his hand over her mouth.

Landie had written his words in quotes. 'Don't even try to scream, you teasing bitch. I'm already done with you. I thought you'd have been more exciting, given the way you came on to me all night.'

His words, written by her hand, made me sick to my stomach. She had continued to lay there for an hour or more, her body torn and swollen. Once she managed to stand up and leave his dorm room, she was still disoriented. As she left the building, several other hall residents snickered behind her back. She described one as saying, 'Looks like someone had fun tonight.'

When she finally made it back to her room, she showered for hours. She told no one.

I sat there fuming while the words sank in. Landie remained quiet beside me.

"He drugged you."

"What?" she asked.

"He drugged you at dinner, Landie. That's why you don't remember leaving the restaurant, or going to his dorm."

"Oh." She didn't respond further, but looked despondent.

I tried to engage her again. "Haven't you ever heard of this happening? It's very common on college campuses, the use of the date-rape drugs." She sat there, not answering. "Landie, are you alright?"

"It's just…" she started.

"What?"

_Please don't shut me out now._

"I believed him." She began to cry again.

"How do you mean?"

"That I led him on. That I drank too much. That I ended up in the situation because of my actions."

I looked at her in disbelief.

She continued, "That I _deserved_ it."

"Landie."

She wouldn't look at me.

"Landie," I called louder.

"Yes?"

"Did I deserve that man harassing me, or vandalizing my car?"

Anger flashed across her face. "No!"

"Then why would _you_ deserve being manipulated, drugged, and raped?"

She absorbed my words while the sound of birds echoed around us. Slowly, she started to talk again, revealing the thoughts she had kept hidden for months. Landie described her childhood and the conservative background she left behind for college. She verbalized extreme guilt for not staying home. She had guilt for not continuing to play music in the church, and for not helping her Dad. Pursuing her career, and college, was the first time she had been selfish. Her Dad's response to her choice left Landie feeling rebellious and disobedient. She hadn't talked to her father much before the incident, or after. He had been calling the Retreat, but she always refused his calls.

The relationship with her Dad was the possible framework for her religious delusions. She wasn't a failed messenger of God who had fallen victim to Satan's temptations. She was a frightened daughter who was raped, ashamed, and guilt-ridden for leaving her family to go to school. It was too early to interpret these things, but we were getting there.

I let her talk about her childhood the remainder of the session, only giving support when needed. We strolled back to the main building together, her posture upright. It was as if an imaginary weight had been lifted from her shoulders.

When I reached the cottage there was a large note on my door. It read: 'Rio and Rare Meat… Next Door'. Beneath the writing was signed a large 'E', and a paw print. I turned and walked to Edward's door, finding it open.

"Hello?"

"We're in here," Blue Eyes called from the kitchen.

Rio trotted forward wearing a new blue collar with a silver dog tag. It was inscribed with 'Rio' on the front. Turning it over, I read 'Top Dog' on the back. "Looks like someone got a treat today, huh?" I teased him as he wagged his tail one hundred miles an hour.

_Hope I get one._

Edward was bent over, rummaging through the refrigerator. I walked up slowly behind him and admired the view. He lifted out a tray of marinated steaks and I could smell the charcoal grill outside.

"Hey baby!" He beamed.

"Nice collar."

"You like it? I noticed you hadn't replaced his old one." Edward's grin was mesmerizing.

"I do like it, but you're spoiling him."

"Hmm. I suppose, but I'm spoiling you, too." He grabbed me by the arms and twirled me around. A small chaste kiss followed. "I missed you today."

"I missed you, too." I leaned in for another kiss but he side stepped me.

"So we should be able to eat in ten minutes. It doesn't take long to warm the beef!" He continued to pull out the remaining necessities, which were salad and beer.

"No way! I'm _not _eating rare steak, Edward."

He chuckled and planted another kiss on my forehead. He carried the food out onto the patio without another word.

"I mean it!" I yelled from behind him.

When I walked outside, several torch lights illuminated the lawn. A vase of white Calla lilies was the center piece on the table. Edward had made a fresh salad and was placing corn on the grill, along with the steaks.

"Wow, Blue Eyes. Did we have a fight I forgot about?" I teased.

"Can't I just treat you to dinner?" Edward pouted.

"Of course. I'm just, not used to it."

"Well, that's a shame. You deserve to be surprised, in a nice way, on occasion." His words resonated with me. So often I found myself balancing crises or responding to emergencies. My life was full of unexpected events, most of which were unpleasant. Since the move back to Forks, these surprises had been constant. Edward was giving me spontaneity, pleasure and love. It was an unbelievable feeling.

"I may get spoiled." I smirked and surrendered. I sat down at the table and watched him work.

"Spoiled and sarcastic? My dream woman." He took his steak off the grill, leaving mine to cook.

"Wow." It was my turn to pout.

"What? Don't you want the truth?" Edward leaned down to rest his forehead on mine. "You _know _you're sarcastic. And you are perfect for me, Bella. I want to spoil you."

"I always want the truth. And I'm glad my imperfections suit you." We gazed into each other's eyes and began a slow, deep kiss. I heard Edward groan before pulling away.

"Let's eat. I'm hungry."

"Me too," I complained, raking over his body with lust.

"We'll eat food, first." He chuckled.

"My steak is not done."

"C'mon. If I leave it on much longer it will ruin the taste! Look at mine." Edward sliced a piece of steak and held it up. I could see the pink center and the blood pooling on the plate.

"If you don't stop poking that in my face, I'm going to ruin something – the table, the ambiance, and our night, colorfully."

"But it's _so_ good!" He bit into the steak, grinning. "Don't you want to lick my chin?"

"Ugh!" I hid my eyes. "No!"

"Just one little taste, Bella. I know you'd like it."

I crossed my arms and refused, my lips sealed.

"I will get you to try rare steak one day, Ms. 'Stubborn', 'Spoiled', and 'Sarcastic'."

"Does gaining more adjectives win me a prize?"

We both laughed as he begrudgingly removed my well done rib eye from the grill. As we ate, we settled in to a relaxing conversation about work. I filled him in on Landie's progress and we discussed the prognosis for her future. It would likely take years of therapy for her to achieve and maintain her former functioning, but she was definitely on the right track.

"You've done an amazing job with her, in such a short time," Edward praised.

"I only guided her along the right path. _And, you_ helped me find it." He shrugged it off. "You could help so many patients, Edward, with your innate abilities. Especially if you were able to provide individual therapy, and medication management," I prodded.

Blue Eyes leaned back with his arms crossed behind his back. "I think I'll add 'Sneaky' to the list now."

"What?" I giggled.

"I know what you're doing. And I'm not ready to think about that."

"Fine. Well, what are you ready for?"

The faint glow of the torch lights twinkled in his eyes. "Well, I _did _wipe my chin," he spoke softly.

"Hmm. So you did. But shouldn't we have dessert, first?"

"My dear Bella. I _am_ the dessert."

_Groan._

Edward walked over and pulled my chair out from the table. I stood up and wrapped my arms around his shoulders. Looking into his eyes, I knew my soul mate was embracing me. Our bodies fit perfectly. Edward was silent in the moonlight, watching me with stoic intent.

"What?" I asked, paranoid.

Edward tilted his head to the side in contemplation before upending me. He cradled my body in his arms while he walked us into the cottage. Carrying me straight into his bedroom, he tossed me across the bed.

_Caveman._

I shimmied out of my clothes, one piece at a time. His eyes were determined and focused on my every move. Pulling his shirt off, I saw the muscles ripple across his abdomen. My fingers reached out and trailed along his body, unable to stop. In mere seconds we were both naked. Edward lifted one of my calves and nestled his body between my legs. He caressed slowly up my flesh, resulting in a wave of chills up my spine. Methodically he massaged my skin, finally reaching my hip. He lifted me up against his erection and moaned into my neck.

"Did I mention I missed you today?" His words caused another shiver to course through me.

My only desire was to suddenly be consumed by him. "I missed you more." I pulled his face to mine, tasting his lips, his skin, and his tongue. My hands pulled through his hair, his scent surrounding me. "I can only breathe when I'm with you."

Edward raised himself up, kneeling between my legs as he stared into my eyes. "I love you, Bella." He entered me slowly, biting his lip in restraint. My body tightened around him while I lifted my hips to hasten the process. We both moaned as he succeeded. Feeling him inside me was overwhelming. My body responded to his thrusts, building the intensity with each movement. Our hands explored and intertwined above my head. His teeth nipped a trail between my breasts. It was as if we were racing against time, one not being able to get enough of the other. I gasped as he lifted me up to sit on his legs. The movement heightened my arousal and I clawed his back as I started to climax. I tried to stop, but couldn't control my release.

"Edward," I cried out against him before I collapsed on his shoulder. While I quivered around him, I felt him peak in return. "I love you, too."

##***##

We held each other in the dark, playing make-shift Pictionary on each other's body.

"What are we going to do about this cottage problem?" Edward interrupted the game.

"Are you trying to distract me from winning?"

"You aren't winning. You're cheating." He was right.

"Whatever. What problem is that, Blue Eyes?"

"We have two cottages, and two beds. But I find that it is impossible to sleep without you, Dr. Swan."

"Oh."

"Oh?" he repeated.

"I'm just surprised, again. But I find it difficult to be away from you, too."

"Copy cat." He chuckled.

"What would you suggest?" I tentatively asked.

"I suggest you spend the night tonight, and we figure it out in the morning. It's late." Edward rolled over and spooned against me, nuzzling into my hair.

"What? You can't just throw something out there like that and then expect me to sleep! Edward. Edward?" I turned around to see his eyes closed. He was fast asleep.

_Knock. Knock._

_Blue Eyes wants to live together._

_Knock. Knock._

_He wants to be with me._

_Knock! Knock!_

_Bark. Bark. Bark!_

I woke up to find Edward hopping into his jeans on one foot. Rio was running around the bed behind him in a panic.

"What's going on?" I was just oriented enough to see that the clock read six-thirty.

"I don't know, baby. Someone's at the door." I heard Edward go through the kitchen before returning back to the bedroom quickly. He whispered, "It's your Dad, Bella. Get up!"

"Why are you whispering?" I teased.

"Get up!" He growled, not in the mood. Cop Charlie was still intimidating I supposed.

I reached the door and opened it in full blush. Why I was ashamed to be caught in Edward's apartment was beyond me. I was a grown woman and a psychiatrist. I made a living off of analyzing sex, and life. But when Charlie raised his eyebrow at my rumpled appearance, I was suddenly seventeen, busted and scared.

"Morning, Dad."

"Bella. I tried your door but didn't get an answer. Then I heard Rio barking, over here." Charlie seemed just as uncomfortable.

Running my fingers through my hair, I yawned. "Yeah."

_That was smooth._

Edward stood behind me, but was able to find more words. He coughed loudly. "Come in, Charlie. I have coffee brewing."

Dad walked into the room and sat on one of the barstools in the kitchen. He started fumbling with his keys, which meant he was worried. I knew it must be serious, since finding his daughter post coital bliss was overlooked. "What's happened?" I asked.

"I got the information back from Edward's phone. It was waiting on the fax this morning when I went in." Charlie was always an early bird.

"And?" Edward prompted.

"It looks like whoever had your phone was originally in Vancouver. And the day it was cancelled, which was about forty eight hours later, the phone was in Seattle. The satellite tower pings seemed to indicate that the person travelled straight there, but it took them almost a full day to reach the city." Charlie looked at Edward in silence.

"What does that mean?" I was confused, and frustrated. It still didn't tell us much.

"Either they stopped often, or perhaps they were taking a bus," Charlie suggested.

"Or hitchhiking," Edward added. "Where was the last place the signal was identified, in Seattle?"

"Greenlake neighborhood." The mention of this area made Edward freeze.

"I need to go," Edward spoke adamantly.

"What? What are you talking about?" I blurted.

"I used to stay there, with Tanya, when she was in school. I bet she went back to the house. I need to go look around, to see if anyone has seen her."

"No, you don't, Edward. That was days ago. Let Dad send someone."

"I'll go with you," Charlie stated.

"Oh this is just great." I then felt like a petulant five year old. Regression was never my favorite defense mechanism.

"It won't take long. I still know some of the neighbors there. I want to talk with them." Edward tried to explain, but all I heard was one thing.

_He's going to look for her_.

"We should be back before the afternoon, Bella." Charlie attempted to help the situation.

"Yeah." I was stunned. It was more than creepy that Tanya could have stolen his phone, _and _made it back to Seattle. Apparently she hid insane very well. But now Edward was leaving again. He was being sucked back into the swirling vortex she had created in his life for years.

"Bella." Edward grabbed my chin, forcing me to meet his gaze.

"Yes?"

"I _will _be back."

**A/N: Dum da dum dum. Will he? Tsk. Tsk. Tsk. Talk to me peeps!**


	29. Insecurities and Intrusion

**A/N: You guys are great! Thanks for all the support. I know some of you questioned Edward's leaving Bella to look for Tanya, again. But he's not going to get over years of guilt in a few months. Some habits are hard to break. And here we go…**

**SM owns twilight**

**Chapter 29 – Insecurities and Intrusion**

I walked into the office an hour early. Sitting in the empty cottage with Rio was causing my anxiety to mount. Edward and Charlie had left only thirty minutes ago, but I already felt abandoned. Logically I knew that he could drive to Seattle and back, even before I finished work. But emotionally, I couldn't understand his determination to go.

_Will he ever truly be over her?_

I fought back my jealous insecurities and attempted to use techniques of deep breathing to calm down. His resolve to find her was based only on his need to achieve closure. It was nothing more.

_Deep breath in._

He promised he'd return, and that he loved me. Our relationship was growing stronger every day.

_Deep breath out._

I needed to remain calm, and busy. Acting like a clingy sophomoric girlfriend would only push him away.

_Deep breath in._

Edward had this compelling need to fix her, and to fix everything. It clouded his judgment and reason. Those needs would take time to change.

_Deep breath out._

The most difficult part was that I didn't know how _much _time it would take. First and foremost, Tanya needed to be found. Until then, Edward's compulsion would continue. And now it was contagious. Charlie had become just as overzealous to find her.

"Dr. Swan?" One of the administrative staff knocked lightly on my door.

"Yes, Dan?"

"I have several messages that were left for you since yesterday afternoon. I'm not sure why they weren't given to you." He walked over to my desk and handed me three slips of paper.

"Thanks," I mumbled, still deep in thought.

When I looked down at the name which was written on the pink and white messages, my breath hitched.

_James._

"Dan?" I called out abruptly, hoping he hadn't gone too far from the room.

"Yes, Dr. Swan?" He popped his head back into the doorway.

"Did you take these calls?"

"No, I wasn't here yesterday. I found them waiting when I arrived this morning. Camilla was in charge of the phones. She's down in the break room getting coffee. You want me to get her?" he offered.

"No, I'll go. Thanks." I left my office brusquely, holding the messages tight in my grip.

Why was he calling me? And why three times in a row? I reached the break room slightly out of breath. Camilla was sitting at the table and eating a bowl of yogurt with granola. "Good morning, Camilla."

"Good morning, Bella," she garbled, mid bite.

"Did you take these messages yesterday? From James ?" My harsh tone caused her pause.

Her eyes widened as she swallowed in a loud gulp. She apparently thought I was angry for not getting the messages. "I meant to give them to you before I left, but the answering system went haywire and I forgot. I'm sorry."

"No, Camilla, it's fine. I just wanted to ask you about what he said, when he called," I clarified.

"Oh." She smacked her lips and nodded.

_Must be good yogurt._

"Yeah, the first time he called, he just left a number. But the last two times he tried to turn on the charm. He wanted me to page you, overhead." She huffed and rolled her eyes. "I told him that his flirtations were wasted on me, as usual."

Her attitude made me grin. Camilla was always a direct woman, and strong in her values. I could imagine how the conversation with James had fell flat with her.

"Did he say what he wanted, exactly? Other than for me to call?" I needed more details.

"He said you had some of his medical books, and that he needed to follow-up with you from your last conversation. He sounded as full of it as ever," she concluded.

I laughed out loud. "Thanks, Camilla."

"Oh – he also said that the number was to his cell, since you didn't have it."

_Of course he did._

My mind raced. I may have borrowed two of his medical texts, but I could certainly have mailed those to a forwarding address. He was up to something, as usual. When I reached my desk again, my fingers had balled the messages into a crumpled mess. I looked up and saw a blurry figure of black whiz by. It was whistling and carrying a large Coach bag on one shoulder.

"Alice!" I called. The sound of her skidding to a stop echoed in the hall.

Her spiky brown hair popped back into the doorway. "Morning, Bella!" She sauntered in and dropped her bag on the couch, propping herself up on my desk. "What's up?"

After one large cup of java, and twenty minutes of Q&A, I had filled Alice in on the morning's events. From the 'Tanya Teaser', to the 'Creepo Calls', my morning had been one long series of unfortunate events.

"Well, as for Tanya, let's not get spastic, ok?" She raised one eyebrow.

_Moi? _

"Why would I get spastic?" I asked in mocked aggravation.

"Because I know you, Bella. And you need to take some deep breaths."

_Been there. Done that._

"Your Dad is with him, and he'll be back today. It's not like he's leaving you again," she continued.

I nodded in agreement, praying she was right.

"But James! Ugh! Are you going to call him?" she grumbled.

"That's why I brought you in here. I want to call him, but I also wanted a witness. I'm sure he has some scheme in mind, hoping I'll drop the charges." My fingers tapped the desk rapidly as I re-read his cell number. I plugged the digits into my cell and was about to press call.

"Wait! He'd have your number then!" She warned.

"You're right. Wow, how stupid of me." I felt like an idiot.

"You're stressed and tired, Bella! " She shut the door in excitement and shuffled over. "Just use the office line. Now, let's do it."

_Ring._

_Ring._

"Hello?" James' voice oozed through the speaker phone.

"Hello, James. It's Bella."

"Bella! Thanks so much for calling me back. I know I'm the last person you wanted to talk to, I'm sure." His words caused me to roll my eyes. Alice joined me and added a silent gagging sign with her finger down her throat.

"I can forward you the medical texts, James. What else did you need?" My tone was clipped.

"I just wanted to give you my number, Bella. And to let you know that I would like to do more than just pay for the damage I did to your car."

"Why don't we let the judge decide that, James." I responded. I knew he was attempting to get out of the charges.

"Sure, of course. But I mean beyond that. I'm truly sorry, Bells. If there's ever anything I can do, please feel free to call me. I'm still in the outpatient Recovering Professionals Program here in Kirkland, and I plan to stay here until all the legal things are handled."

_Does he think I'm going to ask him to mow my lawn?_

"Um, ok, James. I'll keep that in mind."

"I mean it, Bella. If there's anything you need. I owe it to you." His words were ingratiating.

"Ok. I'll send you the books. Goodbye, James."

"Bye, Bells."

_Click._

"What a weirdo!" Alice exclaimed.

"Is that your professional diagnosis?" I teased.

Alice laughed and nodded. "It most definitely is. Are we on for lunch?"

"Lunch? Sure," I answered weakly.

"Bella, you are not going to hide in your office all day. If I don't see you there at lunchtime, I will grab Rose and we'll hunt you down."

"I'll be there," I promised.

The day crept by. Landie's session was first, and I managed to maintain focus. She looked a little stronger every day. The remainder of rounds was not as successful. I checked the clock so often that my patients started to notice. My concentration was shot. After the third mistake and rewrite in a patient note, I stopped for the morning.

Lunchtime with Alice was a nice distraction, that was, until Jasper arrived. Once he served her the Panini pasta and vegetables, she couldn't keep her hands off of him. The fact that she was fondling him under the table wasn't subtle. It would have been comical on an ordinary day. But I missed Edward too much to enjoy it. I pushed the salad around on my plate for a reasonable amount of time, unable to eat for my lack of appetite.

Carlisle walked me back to my office after lunch. I told him about the news from Edward's phone trace and he listened intently. His composed demeanor helped calm my nerves. "Well, I'm glad Charlie went with him. Have you heard from him, yet?"

"No," I answered.

"Well, he'll call." Carlisle placed a hand on my shoulder. "This has been a long ordeal for Edward. And we can only hope it's over soon. But I'm glad he has you. You're more important to him than you realize, Bella."

"Thanks." At the moment I found that hard to believe.

"There's no need to thank me for the truth," he added. "He'll check in soon." As if he were prophetic, my cell phone buzzed.

"It's Edward!" I exclaimed and answered the call. "Edward?"

Carlisle smoothly stepped out of the office and closed my door, giving me privacy.

"Hey, Beautiful," Edward's voice rang out.

"Hey, Blue Eyes. Is everything ok?" I couldn't hide my anxiety.

"Yeah, baby. Everything is fine. We've talked to several neighbors but no one has seen her. Well, Mr. Richards said he thought he saw a young girl wandering around, but he's also known to speak to aliens and have mild cognitive impairment." Edward laughed.

I giggled in return. "Is he old?"

"Yep. An old geezer. But he still gets the ladies somehow. I hope I live to be his age. Gero –sex is where it's at."

"Gero-sex? That's an interest to you now?" I teased.

"Of course. But only if we can be together. We'll have to look for co-ed assisted living." His imagination was running wild, I could tell.

"Men are hot commodities in those places, since women live longer. I'll have to fight the other blue-hairs off with a stick!"

"Well, I bet you'd win. Plus I can only imagine your talent with a cane." Edward chuckled out loud.

"Stop it! You're making me spit my Dr. Pepper!" I grinned. "Do you realize that you always make me smile?"

"Good. You're beautiful when you smile. Hey – I miss you," he suddenly whispered. Charlie must have walked nearby.

"Yeah? Well I miss you more," I countered.

"Always so competitive, Dr. Swan." Edward sounded relaxed, which made my insecurities vanish.

"What can I say, I like to win. And speaking of prizes, when are you coming home?" I hoped he was on the way.

"We haven't eaten yet, so we're gonna grab a bite. Then we'll be heading back. I should be home before you get off of work, baby." His words were like the dessert I skipped at lunch.

"Good," I admitted. "You better be. It's my turn to make dinner. And enjoy your lunch." I couldn't wait for them to be home. "Oh – don't order a salad, Dad will think that's weak." Edward and Charlie sharing a meal together made me grin.

Edward gasped in mocked surprise. "Even if it's organic? Wow, any other pointers?"

"No." I smiled. "I know you've already won him over."

"We'll see about that." My Dad had the ability to crack even Edward's confidence.

"You have, baby. Now, hurry home! I love you, Edward."

"Ditto," he said quietly.

_Ditto?_

The call ended.

I knew my Dad was likely within earshot, but it hurt that Edward didn't say that he loved me in return. One slight detail made my insecurity rear its ugly head in an instant. I hung up the phone in full pout mode, wondering how I should punish him for not requiting my declaration.

The afternoon was much more bearable with me knowing that Edward would be back in three to four hours. I caught up on paperwork and replied to emails which had mounted throughout the day. My comfort level in being the main psychiatrist for the Retreat had grown since James' debacle. Carlisle offered to recruit another part time physician or locum tenens to help with the cases, but I asked him to wait. Even thought the workload was more, I was gaining the trust of the staff and instituting new protocols. I didn't want another doctor in the mix, until things were running smoothly. In addition, I couldn't get the fact that Edward was a psychiatrist out of my mind. He wasn't completely happy in his position as music therapist. I knew that from the comments he had made to Tyler the other night. If he was able to work through his issues with Tanya, maybe Edward would choose to practice his calling.

I was daydreaming of Edward, in full doctor attire, when my phone buzzed. It was a text from Blue Eyes.

_**[E: Are you still seeing patients? I'm home!]**_

_Yes!_

I looked at the clock and realized it was four thirty. His text made my adrenaline rise.

_**[B: Just finishing up paperwork. I should be there soon. *kiss*]**_

_**[E: Hurry up, damn it! Just kidding, I'll take Rio for a walk. See you soon.]**_

_**[B: Thanks, Blue Eyes.]**_

_**[E: Hey – I love you!]**_

_**[B: Ditto.]**_

_Payback is a bitch._

_**[E: Blah!]**_

_**[B: *Giggle* Bye!]**_

_**[E: Bye, beautiful.]**_

I performed a little happy dance in my chair and started to shuffle my papers into organized piles for the next day. Edward was home!

Before my excitement caused me to spontaneously combust, my desk phone rang. The caller ID displayed the Affective Disorders Unit. When I picked up the call, Jessica's voice immediately piped through. "Bella?"

"Yes, Jessica?"

"I'm so glad you haven't left yet. Can you come back to the unit? Landie is agitated and screaming. We can't get her to calm down." Jessica sounded distraught.

"I'll be right there." She had been doing great this morning. I started thinking back through our session, hoping I hadn't missed something due to my worries over Edward.

By the time I reached the unit, I could hear Landie screaming from her room. Jessica and three other technicians were standing over her, trying to place her arms into soft restraints. One of the nurses held a needle, which was filled with a sedative for acute agitation.

"Wait!" I ordered, not wanting her too sedated before I could try and assess her. "Landie? Landie, can you hear me?"

She was lying on the bed, her arms now restrained with soft straps to her sides. Jessica and another nurse tech. were holding her legs. Landie's eyes were wild as she screamed out, "Not again!"

"Landie!" I tried once more, finally reaching the bedside.

She stopped screaming, but her breathing was labored. Her lips trembled as she made eye contact. "Not again, Dr. Swan."

"Shh," I soothed, "It's going to be okay." I hoped that was true since I had no idea what had happened.

"I don't want to be crazy," she cried.

"You're not crazy, Landie."

"Then why did Satan send her? She found me!" She struggled against her restraints.

"Who, Landie? Who found you?" My mind raced on what this could mean. It had been weeks since she hallucinated, or admitted delusions. Something had caused an abrupt change.

"One of his demons. She found me. She said I was a whore that should be punished." Her voice shrieked in confusion. "I didn't want him to touch me! I didn't want that!" She started yelling again, the memories of the rape spilling out.

"I know, I know, Landie." I brushed her hair from her face and nodded for Jessica to give the injection. The conversation was only upsetting her more. "It's going to be alright. I want you to rest. We're giving you some medicine to rest."

Landie continued to tremble and cry, but within a few minutes she was calmer. I stayed by her side as the sedative took effect. "You're going to be okay, Landie. I'm here for you."

Landie's eyes met mine again, nodding. I held one of her hands with my own and squeezed it slightly. She was starting to slur her words from the medication, but she strained to stay awake.

"She said I was a whore, Dr. Swan. A flaming whore – just like _you_." Landie's eyes closed in sleep.

_Like me?_

Her words pounded in my head. I walked out of the room and found Jessica waiting. "What has Landie been doing this afternoon, Jessica?"

"She ate lunch, and went to activities as normal. Then she asked to visit the garden, where the two of you had walked before. There were a group of other residents out there. I thought it would be fine, but then one of the staff heard her scream out after about fifteen minutes. She was standing by the wading pool, off by herself. We don't know what happened." Jessica shook her head.

"Did she say anything else, anything you could make sense of?" I pried, my apprehension growing.

"She mentioned the messenger from Satan. And said it was a woman in black who had found her. It was total gibberish, talk of Satan, and a woman full of hate. She also said something about scars on her arms. But I don't know who she was talking about." Jessica's confusion was obvious.

_Tanya._

"Did any of the staff see anyone? Or notice anyone talking to her?" I started to panic.

"What? No. You mean you don't think this is part of her delusion, or psychosis?" She was shocked.

"Remove the restraints. She's sleeping now. I want her on one-to-one observation for the night. I need to find Carlisle," I rattled off the orders while I grabbed the phone.

"Is everything ok, Bella?" Jessica questioned me. "You look like you've seen a ghost."

"I'm not sure. I think someone may have been on the grounds. Keep the residents inside, ok?" I asked, while dialing Carlisle's number.

"You think its James, or Ramona?" Jessica continued to pry.

"Jessica! I need to think! Please, just help with Landie." I barked at her, unable to hide my anxiety.

Jessica nodded and went back to the room while I reached Carlisle. When I told him what had happened, he agreed that it could be Tanya. I told him Edward was home, and that I was heading there immediately.

Carlisle was going to alert security and to have the video of the grounds reviewed. "Stay with Edward, Bella. I'll call you both once we know something. I'll also call Charlie."

"Thanks, Carlisle." I hurried to my office and grabbed my coat.

Security escorted me to the car and checked it before I got in. I looked out across the vast lawn. Although it was empty, there was a gnawing feeling in the pit of my stomach. It was a survival reaction I had felt many times before with my patients. I always trusted that feeling.

Tanya had been on the grounds. I felt it. She had confronted Landie, somehow knowing she was my patient. How long had she been watching me? Why hadn't she been seen?

I pulled into the drive at the cottage and saw Edward's light on. I knew that this news was going to set him off. Would he want us to leave? Would he want me to leave? I didn't know how I would tell him.

I jumped from the car quickly and ran straight to his door.

_Knock._

There was no answer.

_Knock._

Still nothing.

I turned the knob slowly, realizing it was open. When I stepped inside, my breath stopped.

Edward was sitting in the armchair of his living room. His mouth was covered with duct tape, and a frail woman was standing like a statue by his side. She was holding a gun against his head, and her hands were shaking violently.

_Tanya._

**A/N: So who need's saving? Bella, or Edward? Let me know you're still with me!**


	30. Delusions and Death

**A/N: I can't believe I've written 30 chapters! Thanks to all of you who took the time to review along the way. You're feedback and encouragements are priceless.**

**But enough already…**

**SM owns twilight**

**Chapter 30 – Delusions and Death**

The look in Edward's eyes scared me the most. He appeared frantic, as if silently pleading for me to run. I wanted to run, or scream, but the gun held to his head kept me silent and immobile.

Suddenly, the door slammed behind me.

"Glad you could join us." Chills rippled over my body at the sound of James' voice. I felt a cold hand reach around my waist as he pulled me against him. "Hello, Doll."

"James?" I asked without thinking.

"You should have been nicer, Bella. After all the attention I gave you? But you're just too good for me, is that it?" He leaned over and licked my face, starting from my chin to my temple. "You taste like heaven."

Edward groaned and jerked in the chair across the room.

I shoved James off of me, repulsed. The action caused me to tumble, clumsily, onto the floor.

"I thought you said she _loved_ you?" Tanya's voice was unsteady. I looked over to see her trembling, the gun still pointed against Edward's temple. "I thought you said she'd be _happy_ to have you back?"

James turned quickly and pointed his finger in Edward's direction. "She's just trying not to upset your boyfriend there. Now shut up! We have to hurry if you want to be with _your _Edward, forever."

She looked longingly at Edward and answered meekly, "Okay."

James snatched me up by the arm and pushed me onto the couch. It hurt, but I was too panicked to notice the pain. I looked over in the corner and saw Rio. He was lying limp across the kitchen tiles.

"Rio!" I jumped from the couch and screamed. Before I could reach him, James forcibly shoved me back into my seat. When I continued to struggle, he slapped me soundly across the face. The tears which I had been holding back finally started to run down my cheeks.

_Rio._

"Sit down. You're lucky I didn't kill the mutt!" James spat.

"Well if it were up to me, _I_ would have. Especially after what he did to my arm," Tanya added.

Tanya was rubbing her left arm which was holding the gun. Landie had been right. There were multiple scars up and down both forearms, likely from self mutilation. But across her left arm was a large wound, only partially healed. Apparently the blood I found on Rio that night had been from Tanya. He must have bitten her, especially if she was attempting to restrain him.

_Good boy, Rio._

"What did you do to him?" I asked.

"I drugged him, of course," James muttered sarcastically.

"I still think we should have killed him," Tanya spoke up.

"Well it came in handy that we didn't, huh? Especially since Edward was so much more cooperative, once we threatened the mutt." James responded, coolly. He was rifling through my bag in the process. Becoming frustrated, he finally dumped all the contents on the floor and grabbed my phone. "Here." He tossed me the cell.

"What do you want?" My mind raced on how I could sneak a call to Charlie.

"I want you to call your Dad." He sneered

_That seems too easy._

"Charlie?" I asked again.

"Yes, Charlie, Bella. You know he's going to check on you. I want you to call him, and to tell him you're ok. Tell him that Edward wants to leave the Retreat, to keep you safe, and that you're leaving – tonight." James didn't hesitate as he handed me the phone.

Edward started to groan and struggle in his chair. I glanced briefly at him but tried not to stare in his direction. The entire situation was labile, and I feared the outcome if Tanya caught us.

"Shh! Shh, baby! It's fine. Once we all get out, you and I can come back. James said he would keep that whore away from here, and you and I can be happy again." Tanya pulled back on Edward's hair and whispered against his neck. "But if you don't cooperate, Edward, I'll just have to kill her." Tanya's quiet threat made Edward quiet down.

"C'mon!" James pulled me up by the arm and walked me towards Edward's bedroom. "In case he decides to start grunting again."

Once we were out of earshot he continued, "I don't want your former boyfriend to ruin this, especially before we can have some fun. If you don't convince Charlie, and help us leave, then she's going to kill Edward. Or you, Bella."

"Why are you doing this, James?" I whispered, not wanting Tanya to hear.

"Why not? I've lost everything else," he replied.

"That's not true. It's just a job." I was struggling to understand.

"_Just _a job? You're kidding, right? You teased me from day one, Bel. But once you caught me with Ramona, you decided to have me fired! I couldn't just let you get away with that." His voice started to rise.

_Wow._

James' narcissistic injury had led to some form of erotomanic delusion. I started to realize that his manipulation of Tanya was the only reason she had been able to elude the police for so long. How was I going to reason with a man who was living a fantasy?

"What do you _want_?" I asked him, my panic was rising.

"I want time with you, Bella. I know that Edward has confused you, but once we're alone, that will change." He brushed the hair from my tear stained face. "I'm going to make you love me."

I shuddered uncontrollably.

"But, what about Tanya?" I changed the subject.

"Who the hell cares?" He laughed. "When I found her lurking on the grounds, I almost took her to the guards for admission. She was wielding a knife and frantic. It wasn't until she started rambling about you, and Edward, that I realized I could use her."

"So you _did_ help her," I commented.

"I helped _you_, Bella. She's obviously psychotic and delusional." He rolled his eyes.

_You don't say?_

James continued, "Without my direction, she would have killed you, outright. I gave her a place to stay, some clothes, and needed direction. She thinks we're in love, and that you only turned to Edward after we had a fight. That's the only reason you're still breathing."

He seemed proud of this accomplishment. I realized I was now dealing with the combined ambitions of a delusional Creepo and his sidekick, the Madwoman. Where were my golden lasso and bracelets when I needed them?

_If only a superhero could help us._

"I see you conniving, Bella. Don't. It's only going to make me angry. Who would you want to see die first? Your mutt, or your dog?" He threatened.

"I'm not," I reassured. "I'll do what you say." I needed time.

"Good. Now, call your Dad. And make him believe you." James' words held venom.

I dialed the number, my fingers trembling. If I didn't convince Charlie that I was alright, then I was placing Edward and myself in immediate danger. But if didn't warn him, I was just delaying an outcome that could be worse.

_Think, Bella._

James watched me like a predator as I held the phone. "Place it on speaker," he ordered.

I did as he asked.

_Ring. Ring._

Charlie picked up quickly. "Bella?"

"Hey, Daddy, it's me." I never called him Daddy, and I prayed that Charlie would pick up on that.

"Are you ok? I'm meeting with security at the Retreat. I can stop by after I'm finished." He sounded worried.

"I'm fine. That's why I'm calling. I'm over at Edward's, and he's pretty upset. He thinks we should leave for a few days, until everything is cleared up regarding Tanya." I attempted to stay calm, but I could feel my body shaking. "He's packing now."

"Tonight? Why don't you just wait until tomorrow morning? We have security everywhere, Bella. If she's here, we'll find her." Charlie was always so pragmatic. If only he knew she was here, indeed.

"You know how protective Edward is. He already booked a room in Seattle. It will only be for a few days. Please, Daddy, just try and understand." I was pushing the limits, but I held to my knowledge that Charlie was a smart cop. I prayed he would take the hint without giving it away. My only fear was that his preoccupation with finding Tanya would cause him to miss my hidden cry.

I heard him sigh on the other end. "Ok, Bella. But check in first thing tomorrow morning."

"I will," I promised, wondering if this was the last time I would hear my Dad's voice.

"Hey, do you want me to come by and pick up Rio?" he asked before I could hang up.

I almost lost it when he mentioned Rio. "No, I'm going to drop him off at Mike's. He's offered to take care of him. Let Alice know though, ok? She can pick him up from there tomorrow."

I never let Rio stay with anyone. If that didn't tip Dad off, then nothing would.

"Oh, ok, Bella. I'll talk to you soon." Charlie sounded hesitant.

"Sounds good. I love you," I added. Silent tears formed in my eyes once again.

"I love you too, baby. Goodnight." Charlie hung up the phone.

"How touching." James wiped a tear from my cheek. "Now let's get out of here."

"Wait," I begged.

"What?" he snarled.

"I'll go with you, James. But I want you to help me speak to Edward. If he doesn't cooperate, someone could get hurt. Tanya could kill him."

"Of course you're going with me. And why do I care what happens to him?" He swung around in anger.

"Because I'll choose you, James. If you help me, I'll be with you. I'll help you get back your career and the respect of your colleagues. We can be together. Edward was just a phase for me." I tried my best to look earnest. Flirtation while nauseated was quite a feat.

"Away from the Cullen's? Away from him?" James asked.

"I'll never think of him again." I realized that I had just told the biggest lie of my entire life. In order to save Edward's life, it was worth it.

James leaned over and smiled. I braced myself as he moved in to kiss me.

When we walked back into the living area, I saw Tanya sitting on Edward's lap in the fetal position. The gun was beside her on the coffee table. His eyes were closed and he was immobile. I wanted so badly to run over and pry him away from her.

Tolerating a kiss from James was sickening. I knew I'd rather die than have his advances progress further. I had to figure out a way to get out of here. My body continued to tremble.

"This is no time for romance, people." James barked. He walked over to Edward and ripped the duct tape from his mouth in one swipe.

Tanya jumped up and grabbed the gun, cradling it like a baby.

"Fucking bastard!" Edward mumbled as he took a gasp of air.

I had to react before Edward continued. "Don't call him that!" I yelled.

The entire room grew quiet. Blue Eyes watched me with confusion all over his face.

"Don't talk to James that way, Edward. He's my fiancé, and I _love_ him." My last few words were beyond bitter. "He didn't mean to hurt you; he just thought I'd be too angry to talk to him, unless he could get me alone."

Tanya cocked her head to one side. "You… love James?" Her childlike demeanor was almost pitiable, if it weren't for the cold steel she kept passing between her hands.

"Yes, he's mine," I declared. "Just like Edward is yours." I looked at Edward again, seeing the hurt change to recognition in his eyes.

Tanya turned to look at Edward, who shook his head in agreement. "I'm sorry, Tanya, I should have gotten you out of there sooner. Carlisle kept asking me to help Bella, and pushing me to stay at the Retreat. I should have quit a long time ago. I should have rescued you."

"You don't love her?" Tanya asked, pointing in my direction.

"I only love you," he answered firmly. "Thank you for not giving up on me."

_Blue Eyes was a damn good actor._

His words seemed sincere, and I was almost envious of the false affection he proclaimed. Tanya was dazzled from the moment he said 'I'm sorry'. She dropped the gun and wrapped her arms around him. Edward leaned into her embrace while she stroked up and down his back in return. His gaze remained fixed on me.

"Shit, Tanya!" James yelled as he picked up the gun from the floor. "This revolver is loaded, woman." He walked back to my side, wrapping one arm around me. His lips were against my ear when he whispered, "I know he's lying to her, but I'll kill him myself if you're lying to me." His arm wrapped tighter around my waist.

I looked at him directly. "I'm not. If you let Edward go with Tanya, I'll leave with you." The power of delusions was frightening. James and Tanya both fell so quickly into their fantasy world. If we could separate the two cases of insanity, I felt like Edward could handle Tanya alone, especially without the gun. I would have to pray that I could escape, or that someone would find me before I had to honor my promise to Creepo.

"Ok. Once we are off the grounds, we'll split up, and it will just be you and me. It's all I've ever wanted, Bella, from the moment I met you." The sound of my name on his lips plus his growing halitosis made me nauseated all over again.

"Here's the deal," James announced loudly. "We're going to be in the back seat, while Edward and Bella sit in front. The gun _will _be on your back, so don't even think of trying something. Once we pass the gate, you'll drive us to my car which is about five miles down the road. From there we can split up."

"Whose car will we take?" Tanya asked.

"Mine, of course," Edward answered. "They know we'd never travel in _her_ car."

_Even in crisis he's a snob._

"Shut-up!" James spat. "We'll take his car. But only because I say so."

I almost smirked at Blue Eyes, but caught myself. I knew in my heart that he was smirking too.

Everything was ready for us to leave, but I pulled away to kneel by Rio. James allowed it, given his new found hope in our imagined future together. My fingers ran through his fur. His body was warm and his breathing was slow but regular. I leaned over and kissed his muzzle, inhaling his scent. "I love you, boy. I know you would have fought 'til the end. Take care of Alice for me, ok?" I hugged his huge neck, kissing him on the nose. My tears stained his fur, but he never responded.

"We've got to go!" James' voice was irritated.

I stood up and saw Edward looking away. My heart was breaking. I realized that it might be the last time I would see Rio, or Edward. My life, which was only recently worth living, was now being shred to pieces.

"Let's go," I agreed.

Edward opened the door and stepped onto the front porch with Tanya. I followed them with James behind me, the gun now pushed into my side.

Blue Eyes clicked the keyless entry button on his keychain for the Volvo doors to open. When the car beeped twice, a deafening noise rang out. My ears started ringing as James snatched me against him and back into the cottage. He was screaming profanities.

_Gunshots._

I saw Tanya collapse limp into Edward's arms. He dragged her into the cottage behind us and slammed the door.

Charlie's voice rang out from outside, piercing the chaos. "You're surrounded on all sides. I'm Chief Swan. I'm here for my daughter."

_Dad!_

I knew Charlie wouldn't let me down. As much as I hated his overprotection, he only had my best interest in mind.

_Over-protection…_

_Oh. My. God._

_My Pepper Spray!_

I suddenly remembered that I had the faux pager filled with pepper spray clipped inside the inner sleeve of my handbag. When James dumped the contents, I didn't recall it falling out. My bag was hanging across my shoulder, and I knew the spray was still in side. I wondered if it was too risky to try and use it.

"This is just fucking great!" James screamed. He paced back and forth behind the door, but kept the gun pointed on me.

Edward placed Tanya across the sofa. There was a tremendous amount of blood seeping from her abdomen. It was a serious gut wound. She reached out and grabbed Edward's arm while she trembled. He was covered in her blood as her frail body started going into shock. "Edward," she whispered.

"Yeah," he answered her stoically.

"Why didn't you save me?" She asked in confusion.

Edward stared at her in the darkness, and I could tell his face was torn. "I can't save you, Tanya." He brushed his hand across her face, moving the hair from her eyes. "I never could."

She gasped a few times before her breathing stopped.

Tanya was dead.

James screamed out again as he punched his fist into the wall. The sheetrock crumbled to the floor in response. Edward remained immobile, kneeling beside Tanya. I stood against the counter of the kitchen, my hand inching its way into my bag. I could feel the pepper spray clipped inside the change compartment.

"I need to know what's going on in there," Charlie's voice rang out again. I could see the flashing blue lights through the drawn curtains. "Who am I talking to? What are your demands? I'm going to call Bella's phone. Please pick-up."

My phone started to buzz.

_Buzz._

James stood immobile, his face bright red.

_Buzz._

"Do you want me to answer it?" I dared to ask. I now had the mace in my right hand.

"No!" James yelled. "I want you to shut-up!"

"It's over, James," Edward spoke. He stood and walked over to my side. "There's no way out of this."

James raised the gun and clicked the hammer of the revolver. "Well there's no further need for you, that's for sure."

"No!" I stood in front of Edward.

Blue Eyes abruptly turned me sideways and cradled me in his arms. "No, Bella. You're not going to die today. I can't live without you."

"I don't _want _to live without you," I argued.

"I need your help to get out of here," James spat. "Now come here, bitch, or I'll shoot him in the head right now!"

I tried to pull away but Edward held me tight. Neither one of us was willing to allow the other to sacrifice themselves. Our stubbornness was a trait we shared in abundance.

The next few moments were a blur.

Charlie started yelling through the police megaphone.

James began cursing and stalking towards us with the gun raised.

Edward swore in return while I screamed for him to let me go.

Suddenly, a snarling image of muscle and fur jumped in front of me and growled. I watched as Rio clamped down on James' arm and caused the gun to fire. Rio continued to shake his arm and tear at his flesh, causing James to drop the gun. He started punching Rio in the side repeatedly with his other arm.

I aimed the pepper spray in James' face and fired while yelling out a command, "Kill, Rio, Kill!"

Edward pushed me away into the kitchen as he kicked the gun across the room. He punched James directly in the jaw, causing him to fall backwards onto one of the glass end tables. When James hit the ground, Rio went for the jugular. Blood was everywhere, which made it difficult to see who was hurt.

Charlie and six other officers burst through the door with guns blazing. What happened in mere seconds seemed to take hours to process. In the disarray, I was shuffled out of the kitchen towards the door. Before I was taken outside, I searched frantically and identified Edward across the room.

"Wait!" I screamed.

I ran over to where he was sitting, propped up against the wall. A paramedic was positioned beside him, hurriedly trying to assess the damage. Edward's face was pale, although he was smiling at me. "Bella," he said.

"Edward," I spoke softly. "You've been shot?"

**A/N: Well, this was a tough one to write. There's one chapter left! Will the ending be Happily Ever After? ;)**


	31. Endings and Everafters

**A/N: Well, I can't believe my first work of fan fiction is complete! I hope you guys enjoyed the ride, and I would love to write another story one day soon. **

**Please, if you've read this entire thing, and NEVER left me a note (ie a review), then please leave one after this chapter! I'd love to know how you liked Blue Eyes and Bella. Hugs and kisses to all!**

**SM owns twilight.**

**Chapter 31 – Endings and Ever Afters**

I reached out and grabbed Edward's hand. "Oh my God, you _are_ shot?"

The paramedic was holding pressure against the upper left side of his chest. I couldn't tell how bad he was injured, but I feared the worst.

"It's just a shoulder wound, Doc, no worries," Edward teased me between grimaces.

I looked to the medic for confirmation. He nodded in agreement. "He should be fine, Dr. Swan."

A huge sigh of relief escaped me. "Don't scare me like that – _ever_ again!" I wanted to punch him but I controlled the urge.

Once the bandage was wrapped, we helped Edward stand. He refused to accept the stretcher, insisting on walking outside on his own two feet.

"Bella!" Charlie called across the room. He grabbed me in a bear hug which took my breath away. Rio was wagging his tail as he circled around us, but still seemed on edge. He was now on a leash in Charlie's hand.

"Dad! I can't breathe." I managed to whisper.

Charlie sat me down and placed both hands around my face. "A place of respite and peace, huh?"

I laughed at my own words which he was quoting from months before. "Well, I think I've used up the excitement quotient for the next decade, so we should be good."

"Yeah, yeah. You always have an answer. Are you alright, Edward?" Charlie kissed my forehead as he turned his attention to Blue Eyes.

"Yeah, I'm ok." Edward insisted on minimizing his injury.

"Well let's get you guys out of here." Charlie handed me the leash and reached over to help Edward maneuver the furniture and the increasing number of cops.

I bent down and hugged Rio, who began licking me uncontrollably. "You got 'em, boy, you got him." He stood triumphantly as he looked back at my dad and Edward. I imagined him saying 'yeah, I did'.

When we exited through the doorway of the cottage, I saw James lying on a stretcher at the bottom of the steps. I wasn't sure if he was alive, until Rio bristled up again, snarling.

_I know the feeling, Rio._

I grabbed tightly onto the leash and held Edward's good hand as we made our way past Creepo.

"Bella," James whispered as I passed.

If I never heard my name from those lips again, it would be too soon. My mind told me to ignore him, but I couldn't. I wanted him to see me as I walked away with the love of my life. Edward and Charlie flanked me on each side as I turned and made my way over to the stretcher.

"What is it, James?" The hatred was dripping from my lips.

"I'm sorry," he managed to whisper again.

"Whatever." I had no patience left for his raging psychopathic tendency.

"And _you_," he continued, but he was now looking at Edward. "You will never be good enough for her, music man." Even amidst the gurgling and pain, James was still taunting us.

I watched Edward's jaw flex while he leaned in over James' twisted face. He was mere inches from him, eye to eye. "I will be all she ever needs, you ass. And I'll kill you if you come near us again." Blue Eyes turned to walk away, but stopped. He turned and moved in closer for one last word. "Oh, and, James – it's Dr. Cullen, to you. When the judge orders a psychiatric evaluation, _don't _call _me._"

We turned and strode into the crowd of onlookers. Alice, Jasper, Carlisle and Esme were waiting for us. They surrounded us immediately with attention and love.

Alice grabbed me by the neck as she nervously giggled. "I'm so glad you're ok, Bella."

"Me too." I nodded. "I'm just glad Dad picked up on the phone call. I was worried he had believed me."

"Well I let the terms of endearment go, but I knew you'd never leave Rio behind." Charlie smiled.

"Especially not with _Mike_," Alice chimed in. "You know I'm his Godmother!"

Everyone laughed in relief. "Let's get you guys out of here," Carlisle spoke. "You can stay at our place this evening."

Before we left, I took one last glance back towards James. I relaxed in the realization that I would never have to see him, or Tanya, again.

#####

I held the picture of Tanya from the news clipping in my hand as I walked into my session with Landie. She had slept all night due to the sedatives and was sitting quietly in the chair. Carlisle had begged me to take the day off and I had agreed, except for Landie. I couldn't leave her alone another day, especially with her believing that she had experienced another psychotic break.

"Landie, how are you feeling?" I was nervous on how much to expect after yesterday.

"Ok," she answered. Her eyes were once again downcast. She seemed defeated.

"Well, I have something I want to show you. It's a picture of a woman, a criminal. She was found on the grounds of the Retreat last night. May I show you?"

Landie's demeanor changed as she became hesitantly more engaged. Nodding, she spoke up, "Yes, I'd like to see it."

I handed the newspaper photo over. The look of recognition in her eyes changed from shock, to fear, and finally to relief.

"This, this is real? It's a real person?" Her words were shaky.

"Yes, Landie. It's real. You weren't hallucinating," I encouraged her.

She jumped up and hugged me with tears streaming down my face. I was taken aback by the contact, but was thrilled to share the truth with her.

"I'm not going crazy," she repeated to herself over and over.

"No, you're not. And you're going to be just fine, Landie." We sat down and discussed her entire encounter with Tanya, now that Landie realized it wasn't in her head. Hearing her recollection of the frightening conversation made me ill all over again. It was amazing that Edward and I had survived.

I didn't tell Landie about Tanya's death, or that she had come to kill me. Thankfully she didn't ask. Her resilience and ability to rebound from the recent stressor was amazing. Near the end of our time together, she asked about the possibility of a family session. Reuniting her with her parents, especially her Dad, would be crucial in her road to recovery.

As I left the Retreat that afternoon, I knew Landie was going to make it.

#####

"Good morning, beautiful," he whispered in my ear.

_Five more minutes._

"Bella, I saw your eyes open. You can't sleep the day away!" Edward's velvet voice was refusing to allow me another second of sleep.

"Rio! Rio! Come here boy!" Blue Eyes called out from the bed.

_No!_

_That is not fair!_

A large pounce on the bed left me trapped on both sides before Rio began licking all over my face.

"Payback is going to be hell, " I mumbled from underneath the covers as I tried to block the assault of Rio's kisses.

"We're just excited, baby." Edward commanded Rio to jump out of the bed and peeked under the covers. "Merry Christmas, Bella."

He kissed me softly on the lips and my irritation was gone. "You're like a sex goddess in the morning, you know that?" His words were full of seduction.

I laughed out loud, rolling myself over to straddle him. "Do you use these lines on all the girls? Or just the ones you harass at six in the morning on Christmas day?" I teased.

He placed his hands on my hips and grinned. "No...Just you, Doc. But should I?"

"Should you?" I repeated, leaning over to kiss his chin.

"Yeah. Does it work?" He started nibbling my ear as his hands traced their way along my back.

"I'm afraid it does. Merry Christmas, Blue Eyes." I chuckled as I wiggled against him. My gyrations caused him to toss me over in return.

Edward pulled my camisole off and pinned my hands above my head with one hand. My silk shorts were discarded next. I devoured his neck in the process, but it was no distraction for his assault. His mouth met mine with an insatiable hunger. Every time we made love seemed like the first time.

His chest was flush against mine as I looked into his eyes. I saw my reflection in the depths of his blue gaze. The woman I saw was complete. I had found everything I needed in the connection with this man. With every one of my breaths, he took it away again. Edward entered me, slowly, in a sweet torture. He bit my bottom lip, causing me to gasp in return. We explored each other's body, competing for the opportunity to increase the pleasure.

The rest of my life would never be enough time for enjoying Edward. I needed eternity.

We held each other, spent, as the morning light filtered across the room.

"Was that my Christmas present?" I sighed.

"That was your Christmas Hors D'oeuvres." He smirked as he slapped my backside.

"Ouch!" I squealed. "Well I'm excited to see the main course."

"Well hurry up then, sleepy head. Esme will have Christmas brunch ready soon. She'll be furious if we're late." Edward hopped out of bed like a school kid.

"I'm up! Can't I bask in the afterglow, time czar?" I whined.

Edward ignored me as he pulled the duvet off of my naked body and onto the floor. "C'mon, Rio! Let's go for a walk while Sleeping Beauty gets ready."

#####

We arrived at Carlisle's with fifteen minutes to spare. Rio was wearing another new collar which had been left by Santa Edward under our tree. I chose an evergreen sweater dress which clung to my curves. Edward seemed to approve, since he begged me to go back inside when I had met him in the car. He wore a black blazer and slacks, insisting that he be dressed for the occasion.

"Merry Christmas!" Esme and Carlisle welcomed us at the door.

"You too!" We shared hugs and kisses on the threshold.

As we made our way inside, I noticed a roaring fire and a buffet that was fit for royalty. Hot cider was steaming on a silver serving tray. Charlie was standing by the hearth with what I assumed was his standard black coffee. "Morning, sweetheart."

"Morning, Dad." I kissed his cheek. "Merry Christmas."

Rio ran over and took his seat in a brand new dog bed that Esme had purchased. He seemed just as excited to find a few new toys waiting.

Within minutes, the rest of the family arrived. Rose and Emmett came in glowing. One wink from Rose and I knew that it wasn't from a morning walk.

Alice and Jasper arrived last, but with flare. She had so many gifts in tow that I couldn't see Jasper from behind the pile. "Let's get this party started!" she shrieked in excitement.

The food and fellowship was worthy of a Norman Rockwell portrait. Every one shared their favorite stories of past holidays as we ate our fill. But when it was time to open the gifts, my anxiety mounted. I hoped that Edward would like his gift. It wasn't exactly something that could easily be returned.

Alice had of course arranged an order for the present exchanges. We all gave our gifts to the parents first. Emmett and Rose gave Carlisle and Esme a framed print of the Retreat. Alice and Jasper opted for a more intimate gift, giving them a weekend getaway in Lake Tahoe.

Edward and I presented our gifts to them last. For Charlie we chose a year's subscription to NFL Sunday Ticket. He was ecstatic. We picked an antique chest for Esme, which matched a set of end tables she had acquired before moving to the Retreat. Edward had found it months ago in Seattle, but he gave it from both of us due to the expense. Esme never wanted others to indulge on her behalf, and he didn't want her complaining because of the cost. For Carlisle we gave him an apothecary mortar and pestle to add to his collection. It was a growing hobby for him to find medical antiques. They were more than pleased with the gifts.

Esme began to cry from all the love in the room. "Is it our turn, to pass out presents?" she asked Alice as she wiped away a tear.

"Not yet," Edward interrupted. "I have another gift for you, Dad." He handed Carlisle a long rectangular box.

Carlisle opened it slowly. He was watching Edward with genuine curiosity. Inside was a folded packet of papers, which he removed. As he began reading, his eyes also became misty. "Edward, are you sure?"

"I'm positive," Edward confirmed.

"What is it?" Emmett asked with an envious tone. "Don't leave us all in suspense!"

"Its," Carlisle paused, "It's a signed contract to work at the Retreat, as our second psychiatrist." He beamed.

"Well it's about time!" Emmett praised. "But you always _do_ like to one-up on the gifts, don't ya bro?"

Everyone was thrilled at the news. I grinned at Edward as he tried to shrug off the attention. He had told me of his decision shortly after the night of Tanya's death. In the end, Edward had realized that Tanya's illness was not his responsibility. With her death, he buried his own culpability.

"Are you ok with this, Bella?" Jasper asked in a teasing manner.

"I'm more than ok with it. As long as he remembers who the _Chief_ is." I shrugged.

"I don't have a problem being submissive," Edward chided.

My blush appeared instantly, along with a room full of cat calls from Emmett and Jasper.

"More cider, anyone?" Carlisle laughed and changed the subject.

The morning passed, and so did most of the gifts. Almost everyone had opened their presents, almost.

Esme and Carlisle beamed as they handed me a wrapped, tube shaped, package. "This is for you and Edward, together," she explained.

I smiled shyly as I began to open the gift. Edward sat still beside me. When I glanced at him, I realized he was grinning boyishly. The gold wrapping fell to the floor, leaving an architectural map tube. I opened the cap and pulled out a set of blueprints. When we unrolled the papers, I realized it was the cottage, but redesigned. The center wall was removed and the entire floor plan was revamped to create one large living space.

"Edward had mentioned that you loved the cottage, and didn't want to move," Carlisle explained.

"I hate wasted spaces," Esme added. "This will allow you guys more room. And of course, I'd love to help design it, if you like."

I was thrilled at the gesture, but was suddenly nervous about Charlie. Even though I was an adult, he was still my Dad, and a cop. And I hadn't told him I was living with Edward on a daily basis.

"Thank you, Esme, and Carlisle," I managed, "That's so thoughtful."

Blue Eyes sensed my unease instantly. He placed his hand on my knee. "Bella, I guess this is the perfect time for my gift to you, before your Dad pulls out his shotgun."

I looked over to Charlie who was grinning and nodding at Edward's words.

_Oh my God._

I was frozen with the anticipation of what was coming. The gleam in Edward's eyes informed me that he had planned this precisely, and that our parents had been co-conspirators.

"I promised your Dad that I would take care of you. And I'd like to do that, forever, if you'd let me." Edward knelt down on one knee beside me.

"I'd love to work with you every day, and be with you every night. I want to share the rest of my memories with you – only you. I can't imagine enjoying another moment unless I have you beside me. You challenge me, excite me, and at times infuriate me, Dr. Swan. I love you." His words caused my heart to swell.

Edward pulled out a black box from his blazer. "Bella, will you marry me?" He held out a ring in his hand as he reached for one of mine. The ring was familiar in the band, but the diamond was a large solitaire, cut in a pear shaped design.

I looked up with tears in my eyes. "This ring…"

"The band was your grandmother's," Edward explained. "Charlie gave it to me, with his blessing."

I was speechless as he held the ring to my finger.

Edward finally spoke softly, "Bella, I know that shrinks love silence, but an answer would be really great right now."

I realized he had been holding his breath, and that I hadn't given him an answer. "Oh, Edward. I'm just stunned. Of course I'll marry you! I love you, too, forever."

He slid the ring on my finger as I slid into his arms. Everyone in the room started cheering and congratulating us on the engagement. I didn't really notice. I was too enamored by the kiss of Blue Eyes, my fiancé.

In all the excitement, I almost forgot that we still had two gifts to open. "Wait!" I spoke up. "We still have a few more gifts!"

Alice squealed as she jumped up. "Yes!" She kissed Jasper on the cheek as she pulled me from the room. We had been discussing the presents for our two men for weeks.

She took her large box into the room first. I could see the intrigue, and fear, in Jasper's eyes. When he opened the box, he yelled a profanity and jumped from the couch.

Emmett and Edward started laughing hysterically.

"What is it?" Rose asked.

"It's a python!" Jasper exclaimed. He slowly walked back over to Alice, who was pouting.

"Aw, I'm sorry. It just startled me, baby. I love it," he finally spoke. He slowly lifted the snake from the box which made all the women squirm.

"Well, you seemed excited about me wanting a pet snake, so I thought it would be great to have one together," she crooned. "Plus, I will come over and help you feed it every night." Alice winked.

That was all it took for Jasper to be thrilled with his gift.

Edward continued to chuckle.

"Wait a minute," I teased. "I have your present, too."

Alice helped me bring in my large square box. It was wrapped with a separate lid and had holes in it.

"Please tell me this is _not_ a snake," Edward joked.

"Just open it," I challenged.

Edward removed the lid to find a twelve week old boxer puppy with a ribbon tied to her collar. Her ID tag was engraved with 'Blue Eyes' Baby.' The puppy instantly whimpered and stood on both hind legs. She placed her front two paws on the edge of the box.

Edward picked her up gingerly. Once the puppy settled in his lap, she started licking his hand. Edward was smitten. "She's gorgeous," he said. "Her coat is warm and brown, like the desert."

Rio trotted over to check out the new arrival. He seemed skeptical, but was thrilled once he realized she was a girl. As long as his alpha male status was intact, he was happy. She pawed at Rio's face with her right paw. I knew that they would be the best of friends.

"Do you like her?" I asked Edward. I was nervous.

"I love her," he said. "I'm going to call her Sierra.

"I like it." I beamed.

Watching Edward with Sierra, and Rio by our side, I knew we had started our family.

######

We sat on the patio Christmas evening, looking across the lake. An outside heater and a blanket wrapped around us kept us warm. Edward held my hand as he kissed my ring finger. He was very quiet.

"What are you thinking?" I asked.

"Hmm. Just about what we have, in each other. We've got something between us that nothing can change. Do you feel it?" Edward waited for my answer.

"I do," I agreed. "I'm scared by it sometimes, to be honest. I found my place in this world, when I found you."

"I know." Edward kissed me softly as he looked in my eyes. "And I found mine."

"How did God make you so perfect?" I teased, but I meant it.

"He made me for you, Bella."

**A/N: Well, that's the story. I have read fanfiction for over a year, and was excited to try my hand at my own story. But let me tell you, this was the most challenging thing I've done in a while! Especially the lemons! They are always much hotter in my head. I appreciate you reading this with me, and all the support. Even the negative reviews have made me a better writer, and I can't thank you enough.**

**I'm going to take a break for a bit, but have another couple of ideas for the future. One is an Edward/Bella vampfic. Stay tuned~!**

**xoxo **

**Jeans**


	32. Epilogue

A/N: I had considered an epilogue a while back, but life tends to be unpredictable. The birth of my little girl has kept me busy! I am working on an outline for my next fic, but I couldn't just start a new story without giving these two another look. This is short and sweet, but I hope you enjoy it.

Epilogue

The limousine cruised slowly down the road as we made our way toward the Retreat.

"Do you remember this curve, Bella?" Edward teased.

"Of course I do. It's where you nearly ran me off the road. I can't believe it's been two years since we first met." My mind raced back to the day of my interview. Edward had been such a mystery back then. I didn't realize how much my life would change once I met him. And now, I couldn't imagine my life without him. Finding Edward was even worth the stressor of dealing with a psychopath like James. Having him behind bars for life was the closure I needed to finally be able to enjoy my future with Blue Eyes.

"Well, since you were swerving like a drunkard heading home from a long hard night, I figured I would take my chances passing you, before you took us both out." His grin was intoxicating, even in the dim lit surroundings. "I can't believe you're finally _Mrs._ Bella _Cullen_. You're so beautiful."

"That's just like you, to insult me first and then follow it up with a compliment to distract me." I smirked. "The wedding was perfect, Edward. Thanks for agreeing to keep it small. And it's _Dr._ Bella Cullen, remember?"

"Of course I remember, Chief. It _was_ perfect, right?" He began kissing the nape of my neck and tracing his finger along the bodice of my gown. "And you _are beautiful._ You're gown is beautiful, too. It's a shame that it won't be on much longer."

"You like it? I was afraid that you would expect something more old-fashioned. You're such an old soul," I teased. I pictured Anne of Green Gables in my head and almost laughed out loud.

"Seriously? Bella, you could have walked down the aisle nude, for all I care. In fact, it would have made this ride back home much more exciting." Edward lifted just a bit of the satin train that was bustled up around us. "This is a lot less convenient, although _beautiful_."

We both laughed. I kissed him softly while stroking my hand along his jaw line. "You're using that word a lot tonight. You look beautiful, too, you know." Blue Eyes in a tuxedo was enough to make me combust. It was a vision I had dreamed about over the past year as we had planned for our wedding day. Edward deepened the kiss before trailing additional soft kisses along my shoulder and down my arm. He was right, though, the gown was definitely hindering the progress of our foreplay.

He groaned. "How much longer?"

I giggled in response. "We're almost there. You act as if you've been fasting or something."

"A week without you _is _a fast, Bella! I still can't believe I agreed to that."

I didn't realize how hard it would be either. We hadn't been apart since the night James was captured. Taking the week before my wedding to spend at home with Charlie was my idea. I had almost caved two nights ago, but Alice and Rosalie intervened with a bachelorette party. "I thought it would make tonight more special. Plus, my dad really enjoyed having me home for a bit."

"Every time I'm with you is special," Edward commented. "I didn't need a week apart to be reminded of that. But Charlie did a wonderful job with his speech, by the way. I know he was nervous."

"Yeah, he was. I get that from him I suppose. But he took one for the team tonight." I recognized the entrance to the Retreat through the tinted windows. "There's the entrance!" I was so excited to be returning to the cottage. "Have you seen it yet? Don't lie!"

Edward raised his hands in surrender. "No, no. I promised we would look at the end results together." Esme had been renovating for the past twelve months, and it was finally completed just two weeks ago. Edward and I had been staying at their place while the last of the work was done. Not stealing a glance at the new cottage before the wedding was torture.

"Okay." I sighed, reassured.

Edward nearly leapt from the limousine and asked the driver to step aside so that he could open the door for me. I blushed and grasped his hand as we made our way to the steps of the cottage. The porch was lit with candles in rustic luminaries, scattered along the steps. A large wreath of evergreen and holly was on the door, and a small card was nestled within the branches. It read: 'Welcome home, Dr. and Dr. Edward Cullen.'

I started towards the door when Edward froze. "No way, Dr. Cullen."

"What?" I asked, confused.

"I'm carrying you across that threshold, beautiful."

My thoughts immediately went to what I had eaten over the past week.

"Bella, I know that look. Stop obsessing and get into my arms."

"Fine, Dr. Cullen, but you asked for it." Shaking my head in disbelief, I wrapped my arms around his neck as he hoisted me into his own. Edward grunted, but then winked at me with a Cheshire grin. I laid my head against his chest as he opened the door. His scent was making me wish I had worn nothing at all, too.

The cottage was unbelievable. It had a large hearth in the center, with a roaring fire that was waiting on us to arrive. The colors of earth tones and green were scattered throughout, with dark mahogany furniture grounding the look. Edward placed me on my feet slowly, but kept his arms wrapped around me from behind as we took in the renovation.

Several slight whimpers sounded from across the room. I saw Rio and Sierra sitting on their respective beds. Their heads were tilted in a questioning manner. I assumed they were wondering where we had been all day, why they had been left in the cottage that was now new to them as well, and why Edward had been carrying me in his arms just now.

"Hey guys!" I welcomed. They immediately jumped up and ran across the way to greet us. "Alright, alright, calm down." I giggled.

"Why didn't we leave them with Alice?" Edward whined. "Now we have to get them to calm down again."

"You _know_ why. I wanted us to start our first night together in _our_ cottage, with _our_ dogs, as a family. It's the same reason I didn't want to leave for the honeymoon tonight."

I was about to continue my rant when Edward stopped me by bringing my hand up to his lips. "Ah, yes. I remember it well, now."

I smirked. "Well, you're the one who's been paying for all of those training lessons for Sierra. Let's see it in action." I yanked at his bowtie and watched it come undone. "And quickly is preferable, if you don't mind." It was my turn to groan.

Edward began commanding Rio and Sierra to heel and lay down on their beds with false bravado. Rio complied immediately, but Sierra continued to wiggle excitedly around his feet. I held back my giggles as I watched the frustration mount in Edward's face. Boxers were definitely a more difficult breed to train, but Sierra had been doing quite well until tonight. It was as if she could sense the importance of the evening.

I finally found enough sympathy to join Edward and give a command. "Sierra, down." We watched as she immediately circled three times in her bed before curling up beside Rio.

"Show off," Edward muttered.

"What can I say? I'm just good like that." I laughed. "She knew you were excited and in a hurry, baby. She could sense it. I'm sure she would have listened, eventually."

He groaned again as he pulled me into his arms. "She's stubborn like you. Of course I'm excited. I'm about to know my _wife_ for the first time. And I want all the time in the world to enjoy doing it." He bent down and kissed me slowly. His tongue teased my own in a languid offer of more to come. "Let's find the bedroom."

I answered 'yes' with my mouth, our hands combing every inch of each others' body. Edward's jacket was left beside the dogs as we passed the kitchen on our way to the master bedroom. His hands continued to work in haste on the buttons which travelled down the back of my gown. My body was tingling from each touch of his fingers. The electricity was palpable.

We found the door as Edward pushed it open with his foot, but he held me firm against the door frame. I pulled my hands through his hair, moaning into his mouth as I tried to claim every inch of him. The room was dark except for one large ivory candle on the table beside a leather wingchair. Rose petals were strewn across the floor, leading to a large king sized bed with a turned down duvet. Edward pulled away long enough to release my dress over my shoulders. It cascaded to the floor in a large heap of silk and satin. My lingerie followed, as did his shirt, his pants, and his boxers. We stood facing each other while I traced along his arms and down his chest. I placed light, feathery kisses along his neck as he wrapped his hands around my waist.

He carefully placed me onto the bed with his body covering mine. I clung to him desperately as we discovered each other once again. Edward entered me slowly, our fingers entwined together above my head. I stared into his eyes as he began to move. The moonlight filtering through the window reflected off of his face, and I saw the love in his eyes. Each of his breaths claimed my own. My legs were wrapped around him, and his hand began to guide my hips as he lifted me up to meet his thrusts. It was slow, and torturous, and magnificent. The intensity of our climax was evident as I cried out his name, basking in the realization that I would have this man for the rest of my life.

We were lying spent in each others' arms, but my body only continued to desire more.

"Is it wrong that my obsession won't allow me to get enough of you, Dr. Cullen?" I asked.

"If it's wrong, then I'm guilty, too. But for me you're not an obsession, Dr. Cullen. You're a necessity." Edward kissed my forehead. "One that I will need again quite soon, to be honest. So get some rest."

I laughed and snuggled up closer to his chest. "I'll make sure I'm up for it, if you are." I winked. My happiness was exhilarating, but the entire day's events finally started to weigh on my body. I could feel myself drifting off as I mumbled to Blue Eyes. "I love you, Edward."

My eyes fluttered as I heard him respond softly, "I love you too, Bella." I smiled as he kissed my earlobe and began to moan again. Knowing Edward, we would be up most of the night. But for the moment I closed my eyes, curled up into his embrace, and allowed my perfect world to fade to black.

**A/N: Haha. Couldn't resist the fade to black. Hope you liked a glimpse of their honeymoon. Kisses to all!**

**The End**


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